Disclaimer: Still not mine
Maybe some of you already follow me on tumblr but I'm going to say it here neverless, I am going to put myself in a little bit of hiatus at least for a few days, it takes a toll to update and write every day so I'm going to stop for some days until I feel better and motivated to write again. Everyone that is waiting for her word in words of desire is going to have them so don't worry. Hope you enjoy this.
The one that got away
Emma looked at Regina as her parents kissed again and smiled guiltily, the memories of the last night flooding her mind. Sighing she bit her lip as she saw how Regina kept kissing and hugging Henry carefully avoiding looking at her.
Finally Henry untangled himself from his brunette mother and looked at her, his eyes also full with guiltiness and Emma frowned, forgetting about Regina for a second as her son approached her reluctantly.
"I said some things to Hook" Started the boy and albeit Emma wanted to listen to her son she saw the flash of anger and hurt that shone in the eyes of the older woman just for a second. "Ma?" Asked Henry feeling that her mother wasn't there with him and Emma smiled vacantly at her son before peeling away her gaze from Regina who had turned and walked away without a word.
"Yes? Sorry, I was thinking about something"
Henry sighed but kept looking at his mother; his cheeks red with shame.
"I told Hook that I didn't like him and now even more because he is dating you" Said quietly, so quietly that Emma needed a couple of seconds to fully understand what Henry had wanted to tell her.
"Henry… "Started but the boy shook his head, his eyes still fixed in the snow that was covering the streets little by little.
"I know that I should be happy for you, but I don't like Hook, I don't want him to be… like Robin, trying to be my father, they aren't my fathers and I don't like how Hook is or how he is with you"
Emma looked at her son totally dumbfounded, so much that she didn't realize how the last statement of Henry had made her parents and Elsa and Anna look at them startled because of what the boy had said.
"Sweetie" Started Snow softly as she caressed Henry's arm. "Emma has finally found someone who loves her just the way it is, I know it can be difficult to understand that she is with Hook because everything is complicated but…"
"Snow, stop" Asked Emma and Snow looked at her daughter but moved her hand away as the snow started to pile up near the little group that was still looking at mother and son carefully.
"I'm sorry" Whispered the boy, his face contorted in shame.
"You don't need to be" Whispered back Emma hugging him. "I'm sorry because I kept everything from you and sometimes I forget how to be a good mom. I should have tell you and I should have listened to you"
Henry sighed in the embrace and pulled back, tears glazing his eyes as he tried to hide them.
"It's not only that, I liked how we were a family, mom, you and I. And I liked Neal also, but now everything is complicated and you two are… I don't know, but you are distancing from each other and I don't know anymore."
Emma closed her eyes as the words sank in and she nodded to herself once before looking at Henry who was now looking at her biting his lip just as she had been doing minutes before. Around them no one was talking and Emma could almost feel how they were waiting for an answer.
"I did some bad things to your mother kid" Stated the blonde. "And I don't mean that only with the Marian thing but I also did some bad things a long time ago, before we went to Neverland and after Neverland. I kept screwing up and I thought that it didn't matter because she said things to me that also hurt and I think I felt that I was right because she did bad things too"
Henry nodded and Emma closed her eyes again, trying to explain everything to Henry as softly as possible.
"And I think your mother thought the same. That she could do what she did because I had hurt her before so we kept treating each other the same way albeit we wanted to be different. So when we came back after the year without memories everything at first was strange because we wanted to be there for the other and tried to act like those things hadn't happened. But they did and when Zelena attacked we kind of lost what we had accomplished. We grew apart as you said and we never talked about what we wanted to talk."
Emma looked at Snow who was watching her intently and she smiled at her, trying to regain the little composure that she had left.
"I think Regina and I are very similar kid" Started again, looking at Henry "We are arrogant some times when we felt that there is nothing left and we had been like that since the first time we saw each other so when everything started to… crack I went to Hook because at least I knew what to expect with him"
"And mum?" Asked the boy, softly and Emma wanted to laugh a little because in that moment with her brows furrowed the boy looked just like Regina.
"I kind of hope that she did the same" Was her reply as she raised her head and looked at the sky. "I went to talk to her but even if we talked there is still a lot to do and this night I hurt her again"
"But you weren't under the influence of the curse" Stated the boy and Emma sighed, listening to the sharp edge that her son's voice had now.
"No, I wasn't, and when I first thought about it it seemed like the logical way but now I know that I did again what I have been doing for far too long. And I need to talk with your mother and explain myself"
"I suppose that if you want to find her she is going to be in her vault" Muttered the boy and Emma smiled at him softly.
"I'm going to talk with her then, ok?" Said and she turned around, ready to talk with Regina without curses or magic between them
"Take care" Said Henry at her back.
"Well, that was interesting" Said Elsa with a small smile and both Anna and Henry looked at her questioningly but the blonde kept her mouth shut.
SQ
The vault looked the same as earlier and Emma soon enough descended the stairs ready to face Regina, the cold of the stone making her breath visible as she finally put her foot in the lower level of the place.
"Regina?" She called as she eyed the room, the big table full of books half obstructing her view as she called the brunette's name again "Regina?"
But the older woman didn't answer her and the blonde decided to try in the mansion. As she turned and put her right foot in the first step a raspy voice filled the air.
"What now?" Asked the voice and Emma turned, hoping that the voice was truly Regina's but the place was still empty.
"Regina, is that you?" Asked carefully as she approached the table, from where the voice had sound.
"Who else is going to be?" Asked the voice with irritation and it was then when Emma finally came across with the brunette who was sitting in the cold floor of the vault, her back facing the table as her eyes looked at the mirror that was hanging in front of her with an unreadable expression.
Emma seated next to her and sighed, her hands in her lap as she glanced at the other woman carefully.
"I'm sorry" Said and Regina scoffed, her eyes still fixed in front of her.
"I have heard that a lot coming from your mouth Emma, this time for what you are sorry?"
"For telling you those things" Answered the blonde. "It wasn't very nice of me"
"You needed someone to help you and you were right with your supposition so no harm done" Was the succinct reply.
"I should have come up with another idea" Insisted Emma.
"Maybe" Conceded Regina and both of them looked in front of them as the exterior of the vault slowly but surely started to cover with the thick snow that kept falling.
"Henry said some things to me earlier" Started Emma again. "About Hook"
Regina hummed and she started to toy with the ring in her hand.
"He said that he liked what we were, together, he also said that he didn't like Hook and what he and I are" Said Emma as she eyed the woman who stilled her movements for a second before starting toying with the ring again. "He also mentioned Hood"
"What Hood and I have is none of your business" Answered Regina, her eyes finally locking with Emma's.
"No, and I don't mean to pry between your relationship Regina, but Henry said that and that made me thing about what we have been doing for the past four years."
The brunette quirked his right brow but said nothing, too tired to talk or to keep pretending.
"And what we have been doing?" Asked to the blonde as the cold in her vault numbed her fingers
"Pretending" Answered Emma. "We have done a lot of stupid things and I should have said that I was sorry the first time that I screw up and not think that I was entitled to do it. But, more importantly, I should have tell you that I respected you even before I knew who you really were, even if we were at each other's throats"
"And what have we pretended, Emma?" Asked Regina and the younger woman looked at her and saw the challenge in the brunette's eyes, the challenge of being sincere with each other, of saying the things that she had never said to her because of a million stupid things that in those moments seemed so powerful and important.
"That we cared for each other" Said the blonde and Regina scoffed but kept looking at the younger woman.
"Well, now we are here and we are being sincere, so thank you for your kind words" Answered mockingly the older woman and Emma was the one that hummed this time.
"I think I'm going to leave Hook" Said Emma after a few moments of silence. "Henry was right, he is not… is never going to be his father and I should have seen that I didn't want to be a family with him because I didn't tell Henry the truth right away"
Regina didn't answer to that and Emma doubted that she had heard her.
"I said…" Started but Regina raised her right index finger and made her stop.
" Why?"
"Why what?" Asked Emma confused and Regina fully turned to her, her legs tucked under her body as the cold surrounded them like a blanket.
"Why you are so willing to leave the pirate? Why were you so sure about starting something with him?" Asked bluntly the brunette and Emma looked at the other woman as the cold caressed her cheeks.
"I suppose I started dating him because it was the easiest thing to do at the moment" She said and Regina kept staring at her. "I suppose that was the reason behind whatever we have is something fragile."
"Because you really don't love him" Completed Regina softly, almost only for her own ears and Emma nodded.
"Not as he loves me at least"
"And why you told… what you did last night?" Asked Regina and her voice was a soft whisper, so soft in fact that the howling of the wind that blew outside nearly stole the syllables.
"Because I wanted… because I knew that those words were going to hurt you" Answered Emma. "And I needed to be hated, I needed that you wanted to kill me because…"
"Because you needed to free yourself" Said Regina with the same tired voice that she had greeted her minutes ago.
Emma didn't know how to answer so she started to toy with the shoelace attached to her wrist, the flower peeking between the threads of the cord and she smiled sadly like every time she thought about Lily and what she had done.
"We aren't so good at pretending if we both knew what we needed to do in order to hurt the other" Said Regina, her voice stronger than before, and it was Emma who turned this time and lost herself in the brown eyes of the former Queen.
"True"
Both of them exhaled, tired already of the messes and the innumerable errors that they had made and said to each other.
"You can kill me if you want" Muttered Emma as she kept her gaze in Regina and slowly, but surely she approached the older woman and embraced her in a tight hug.
Regina knew what was going to happen seconds before it happened and she knew that she could have prevented but she didn't want to, she was tired of the decisions that she had made and the results of it, tired of lies and more misunderstandings so she let Emma hug her and when the face of the younger woman was gently pressed against her neck and Emma couldn't see her Regina smiled and embraced her, relying in the feeling of someone who wasn't her son hugging her with no care in the world.
They were like that for so long that the howling stopped outside as well as the snow but they kept sitting in the vault's floor, breathing at the same time with her arms supporting each other as their eyes closed, finally at peace.
"I slept with Robin" Said Regina and Emma almost laughed because of how anticlimactic that had been until the meaning of that words truly sank in. "And I wanted to convince myself that it was a good thing because I was doing what I wanted but it didn't feel that way"
Emma's hands tightened around Regina's figure and took a deep intake of breath, admiring the faint perfume that she still could discern on the brunette hair.
"I let Hook told me what it was best when you were angry the first night that Marian came back" Murmured against Regina's skin. "So I suppose we both have done a lot of stupid things these days"
"I suppose I'm going to need to talk to Hood" Said Regina and the blonde smiled as she felt how Regina hugged her a little more tightly.
"Henry was right" Muttered Emma as she caressed Regina's back. "We are better when we are together; I'm going to talk with Hook as soon as I see him."
"He is a very smart boy"
"Too smart if you want my opinion"
"He is your son" Reminded Regina.
"He is yours too" Answered Emma as she moved away from Regina and both of them smiled.