DISCLAIMER: We dun own Harry Potter, Honk!, Cinderella, Gravitation, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Willow, Anastasia, Sailor Moon, Yu Yu Hakusho (fandom, really, not so much anime), West Side Story, Wizard of Oz, The CRAPTASTIC MIC production of the Wizard of Oz (sorry, Rachel, for stealing your character), Wicked, or anything else we may have stolen.

DEDICATION: To Emi and TK giggles like a maniac

Tom Riddle scoffed in disbelief. "Like hell I'm schizophrenic!"

Does it really surprise you, the voice that he called Voldemort replied. I mean, we've gotta be insane to try and take over the world.

Can we not? asked the voice he had called Henry. Like seriously, what are we gonna do with the whole world?

Tom shrugged. "Beats the hell outta me." And with that, he marched down the street from the Johnson, Pecker, & Winkie psychiatrist office, his voices walking behind them, one of them, Archibald, distributing leaflets to passer-bys, warning them of the danger of using possessed toothpaste.

"Lucius!" Tom gasped, "Did you just throw your cat?"

"Um," Lucius started. "No, Milord?"

Tom glared. "Don't lie to me you aristocratic, pompous, arrogant, blond son of a bitch."

Lucius blinked. "My lord, my only wish is to serve you."

Henry smirked. "All right then!" he screamed, throwing himself into a chair. "It's like Christmas, only it's July!"
Lucius blinked again. "How may I serve you?"

Henry winked. "I'm sure we can work something out."

"Hmmm," Lucius thought, scratching his beard that he had grown merely for this occasion, and from henceforth he doesn't have one, "Would you like some toast?"

"Yes," Henry commanded, "I would like some toast, but, I want you to get this toast…without clothes on!"

Lucius stripped off his clothes, exposing his pale toned body, causing Henry to growl.

"And!" Henry added, "You must have your cat on your head!"

Lucius blinked again. "I'm sorry my lord, I don't know where my cat is."

Tom grinned. "I knew you threw the cat!"

If Lucius was confused by the sudden change of demeanour in his master he did not show it. "Would you still like some toast?" he asked calmly.

Voldemort hissed. "No. I think we should call a Death Eater meeting. Right now. And Lucius?" he sneered and Lucius suddenly feared for his life. "Keep your clothes off."

"What the hell kinda mouse are you?" Fabala laughed at its animagus husband, Yero answered his darling husbride with a squeak, sending it into fits of laughter. With a cute little mousy hop, he transfigured himself back into his human form, his clothes long since discarded because he was a mouse, and mice don't fit in people clothes, they could theoretically fit into little mouse clothes, if one were to take enough time to make small little mouse clothes.

"Oh," Fabala grinned, "That kind of mouse" It leapt at her husband, pinning his naked form to the ground. Yero groaned, getting aroused, when his cellphone rang.

"God dammit," he swore, checking the caller ID. "I'm sorry, I need to take this."

Fabala glared, before turning and marching out the door, deciding it needed a stiff drink.

Lucius grinned lecherously at the assembled Death Eaters.

Henry stood before them. "We, once again, do not have enough money to make the apocalypse happen, and Voldemort—I mean I am very upset about that. So let's have a bake sale!"

The Death Eaters blinked.

"Well," Bellatrix murmured, stepping forward. "I have been known to make one hell of a bundt cake."

"Good," Henry cheered. Voldemort stepped forward. "I have also decided to start selling Lucius off as a whore. Any takers?"

Several hands were raised.

"Yes!" cried Henry, grinning widely.

"You'll all have to wait your turn, take Lucius into that room over there and leave a couple knuts outside." Voldemort ordered, the first costumer complying.

Archibald stepped forward, "And, as well as brining about the next apocalypse, we should also educate the world on the dangers of possessed toothpaste."

The Death Eaters blinked.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, or rather, out of a fourth story window, came a small tabby that landed with a thud on its feet, licked its privates, and walked off.

"Lucius!"

"Honestly, Draco, I really don't think he's gone. Things as evil and demented as Voldemort just don't disappear." Harry sighed, leaning against his husband.

"That's great, Harry," Draco replied offhandedly. "Did you read this, though? I swear, I may never use toothpaste again."

Tom threw himself on his bed.

Voldemort sighed. "I know this business is hard, but—"

"Oh no!" Tom screamed. "You better not even be thinking about a song!"

"Heart don't fail me now, courage don't desert me,

Don't turn back now that I'm here.

People always say life is full of choices, no one ever mentions fear

Or how the world can look so vast, on a journey to the past." Voldemort started.

"Home, love, family

There was once a time I must have had them too,

Home, love, family,

I will never be complete until I find you." Henry chimed in.

"One step at a time one foot then another, who knows where this road may go?

Back to who I was, on to find my future, things my heart just needs to knows

Yes, let this be a sign, let this road me mine," Archibald added, slightly out of tune.

"Let it lead me to my past.

And bring me home,

At last!" The three sang together, Tom rolling on the floor in the fetal position.

"Hey!" cried Fido, running to join the group. "Anastasia sing-a-long and no one invited me?"

Voldemort sighed heavily. "Who let the flamer out of the closet?"

Henry glared. "Well, I thought he might be lonely! Besides, he's the only one that can get us laid, anyhow."

The remaining four sighed at how sad this was.

Fido grinned. "Anyone up for strip poker?"

"Hey, look, it hit the table that time and made a noise!" Lucius cried, gleefully, laughing as his cat struggled to right itself.

"Lucius," Fido called seductively, inching towards the blond.

"Yes, my lord?" Lucius asked, bowing slightly.

"We need more money," Henry cut in. "I've gotten you another job."

"All right," Lucius replied. "Where?"

"You are the new receptionist for the Happy Farms butter company!"

"Oh, joy."

"Happy Farms Butter co, how may I help you?" Lucius listened for a minute. "Tough, lady. I'm sorry you're not happy with your butter but I'm not happy with my job!"

"Yero," Fabala smiled sweetly as he straddled her naked husband, "I want a baby."

"Ummm," He stammered, "How does that work?"

"I'm not sure," And with that, Fabala whipped out his cell phone to call her fathers. "Daddy, where do my babies come from?"

Draco glanced at Harry. "I think you should take this call. I'm gonna go get very, very drunk."

Fabala nodded. "All right, so all Yero has to do is….wait, really? Yes!" it cried and promptly grinned and fell asleep.

Yero grimaced. "Why do I suddenly get the feeling I'm going to be carrying the baby?"

Fred groaned as his twin moved on top of him, his fingers twisting the bright red hair of his brother George, whose head was currently bobbing up and down between the thin pale legs of his very slightly younger brother. Fred moaned loudly, and George groaned, his body twisting on the bed.

"My god!" Fred cried, "Next time, try not to glue your head to my sheets."

Severus Snape ran when he heard the commotion upstairs. He bolted into Lucius's room, expecting an intruder and instead found Tom Riddle. And Lucius. And the floor. In a very awkward position. They both looked up as he ran through the door.

"Don't mind me," he stuttered mildly. "I'll just be going to Obliviate myself, thanks." And promptly walked out of the room and into a wall.

"No." Yero stammered, "No, no, no, no, no"

"Please?" Fabala pleaded, pulling down its shirt in an attempt to placate her husband.

"There is no way in hell I'm giving birth."

"I'll give you a cookie."

"Do you honestly think that a mere cookie will change my mind?"

"A cookie and a blowjob?"

"Deal."

Fido grinned. "Strip Parcheesi?"