Summery : Sam and Bumblebee have been in a relationship for several years. The world is at peace, the decepticons have not been heard or seen of, and the Autobots live with the humans happily. Doesn't mean that Sam doesn't have other horrors to face-like his parents meeting his boyfriends 'family' and him having to reveal that he is actually dating a large alien robot.
Oh and it is rated M for sexual situations-you have been warned 0-0
"It is simple, Sam. I do not understand your frustrations,"Bee had always been the voice of reason in their strange relationship. Even after they had been dating for 8 years, and 5 of those they had been open about the relationship to the autobots, but only 2 he had been open with his parents he was dating a man. There was so much Bee just did not know of being human,"Unless it is the fear of admitting to your parents it is truly me who you are courting. In which case I have already told you it is fine if they do not know."
It had taken years of dating for the two to become comfortable in their human autobot relationship. In the beginning Sam had been quite against Bumblebee using a holoform, insisting that he loved the Autobot as he were and it was fine if they couldn't have intercourse like humans normally did-besides the autobots version of 'interfacing' was unlike anything. But then Bee had insisted, stating there were things such as dates to the movies and bowling that he would love to experience like other couples did, and that had started it. Then a night at a dance club, a few shots of tequila and he was all Bee's.
Of course after that Bee frequently enjoyed being in his holoform, enjoying that they could have intercourse and interfacing at the same time. If Sam thought interfacing was great alone, words could not describe interfacing while going about like rabbits.
"Your thinking about sex,"Bee stated sounding amused and Sam snapped out of his thoughts face red,"I assume it is because of your level of stress you are attempting to find an escape for tonight."
Sam blew out a breath of air,"No I rather thought that it is because I am half naked in the back of my hot yellow camaro with a hot autobot hologram that I so happen to be lucky enough to call my boyfriend."
It was true. The other had discarded his work jacket somewhere in the front seats, and had skillfully navigated the human to the back seats using the seat belts to keep the other under his control-much to Sams annoyance.
"You said we could not have sex because you had work,"already the man was on top of him grinning. He looked like a military man, blond and black hair, bright blue oval eyes, and dark tanned skin that had quite a few battle scars and but all together he was very pleasing to look at, Sam had concurred when first accepting it, and Bee had proudly trilled it was his interpretation of what he would look like if his autobot form were human.
Giving off a pathetic moan he thought about the meeting he had to go to as an interpreter/liaison for the autobots. Sector seven had been redone, so that it 'did' in fact exist, and it was there for the public as a sort of bridge between alien lifeforms and humans. Of course Sam had became the voice of sector seven, and the Autobots had proudly worked beside him.
At the moment though, Sam didn't want to think particularly about work, or what he had to do after, and instead tried to thrust his hips to the man who was working wonders on his neck,"Itskay," he slurred as Bee begun to nibble on the others ear,"can wait."
"Can it now?" the hologram quirked an amused eyebrow and Sam wondered again why he had got himself into the relationship with the one autobot who enjoyed tormenting their significant other," I could of sworn I heard 'high priority' when your boss called. Though of course you were so upset about your parents that maybe you missed it."
The seat under him sent a current through him and he bit his lip to keep from moaning glaring up at the man who continued to smirk devilishly. When at first meeting the yellow bot, he would have imagined Bee as more of a innocent puppy-Sam had been more than ready to treat Bee like a virgin and be patient-but of course he soon discovered he had chosen the most perverted, dirty, and horny autobot to be his boyfriend, he thought trying to grind his hips on the other.
"What you don't understand,"he panted finally slipping his legs free of the hold the seat-belt had had on them-probably due to Bumblebee letting him more than anything-and wrapped them around the other to finally release some of the sexual need he had to touch the other," is that this 'meet the parents' sort of thing is very important. It was already bad enough that I hid you from them for so long, so I can't keep them from meeting your...family. And it is only right if they know who you truly are."
He trailed off as the other skirted a hand under his dress shirt. Fuck the meeting, he thought as his mind switched from worrying about life to sex sex sex.
"I will be there for you Sam, and I know your parents will accept you for who you are . You had been so afraid for so long that they wouldn't accept knowing you were with a man, and look at us now. Your mother loves me,"Bee pulled him up and pushed him roughly up against the seat grinding him-yeah fuck the meeting he thought distantly.
"Ugh don't talk about my mom right now,"of course tonight was going to be stressful-Bumblebee had 'met' his parents on several occasions now in his holofrom, and last time when his mother had practically begged to meet Bee's family the bot said he would love to bring them all over before Sam could protest for the hundredth time. But that was the last thing he wanted to think about right now.
Bee smirked and nodded,"I'm sure that you don't want to be talking at all."
And of course he was late for the meeting.
That was why he was being punished with having to stay later at work. Sam had texted Bee saying he had to work late, and was horrified when the bot had said that he would meet him at his parents house.
Sam cradled his head groaning,"Dear gods or primus or what ever. I am so screwed."
And that was how he found himself, an hour later, hurriedly paying the taxi cab driver who was staring wide eyed at the large array of cars around his parents place. A semi, a Camaro, a blue motorcycle, green hummer, a yellow ambulance, silver Porsche and a hearse(leave it to the twins to try for shock value he thought with an eyeroll). They were all slightly upgraded from when Sam had originally met them one way or another, but none seemed to change form too often-except the twins but they were highly unpredictable and Sam was convinced even autobot aliens could have 80hd.
"Dear lord almost all of them showed,"he said horrified as he dashed to the door. Many of the autobots had expressed interest when Bee had came to Optimus for the request he play as his 'parent' and to Sams eyes Optimus did play as a sort of adoptive father with the yellow bot.
What was worse was the sound of laughter coming from the house.
Silently he opened the door though he mentally didn't see the point in trying to sneak. Every bot there knew he had arrived before he had even made it out of the cab, all equipped with advanced hearing, sight and sensors. Years of living with the group and Sam had eventually given up on any type of surprise with the aliens, there was no sneaking out or sneaking in. Though he had distantly got the impression they found it entertaining when he did try sneaking around them.
Poking his head around the corner he saw the group. Arcee was standing behind where Optimus was seated across from his father. The twins were both sitting on the floor-rolling was more like it- holding their sides with laughter. Bumblebee was shaking something awful and Sam realized in horror it was in laughter. Ratchet and Ironhide along with Sideweep were all grinning and were the first to look up at him eyes full of mirth.
"And here is little Sammy in the bathtub-aw look at that little wrinkled bum,"his mother was cooing and his father was beside her head in his hands when he spied his son.
"Ah Sam, glad to see you made it,"He was hoping that his dad would have sided with him this one time due to embarrassment, but the relief and grin of amusement that played on the older mans face told him there was no hope of having anyone on his side this painful night.
Sam stepped forward, a horrified expression on his face as he saw his mother with the photo album across her lap-the video tapes were out too and he could tell she had taken care which ones to show-one in particular catching his gaze,"Honestly mom," he sounded half strangled,"do you have to bring out the photo albums. And please, not the home videos-anything but those!"
She was already pulling him over, forcing him to sit between the holoform of Optimus-who looked like a dark haired blue eyed businessman in his mid 40's with a strong jaw and clean shaven face with a slight Asian look to his features, and Bee who had decided to dress in a nice blue shirt and black dress pants-Sam felt odd since he rarely saw the other dress nicely and it was slightly distracting.
"Oh Samuel honestly behave! Beejay has his whole family here-I am so glad to finally meet you all- and you are being and 'ol stick in the mud-Oh look its Sams umbilical cord,"she was digging in a box pulling random embarrassing things out much to Sams dismay.
Hitting his head on 'Beejay's' shoulder he murmured,"Can you perhaps just pretend you have seen'none' of this after tonight. Please?"
A strong arm was around him pulling him closer and the blond leaned down,"You would never have the power to delete this from my processor. Its staying for good."
There was snort from Arcee at that, her long pink hair tickling his shoulder,"Honestly, human parents are very interesting how they dote on their offspring. This is a great learning experience,"she kept her voice low so as not to let the over eccentric mother hear her.
Looking over to Optimus he murmured,"Even you?"
The handsome man turned to him with a smile that just made his eyes crinkle,"Oh especially me. This is information I would not want to forget for a the rest of my life Samuel."
He tried to melt in his place, tried to pretend the two redheaded twins were not howling with laughter on the floor as their pug nosed faces grinned over at him with equally crooked teeth-they looked to be only bratty 14/15 year olds and were taking great joy in Sams pain.
A moment later his mother was grabbing a vhs tape, turning on the television and it was already too late when Sam realized what she was putting on ,"I wanted to show this to Sams ca-uh friend but he made me promise not to. I have been wanting to share this for so long, tonight is perfect."
"Oh, god, mom no not that one!"he tried to stand and stop her but succeeded in tripping over one of the twins, sprawling out on the floor with a groan,"Anything but that!"he said in dismay as he attempted to untangle himself from the clumsy boys.
"Samuel Witwicky I have been treasuring this for years, and finally get to share it-If you try to stop me I will just find a way to upload it to the youtubes station,"said his technologically inept mother. Sam would have thought her bluffing, if he didn't already know she had Bumblebee on speed dial and could request anything of the other.
At his face that was a mix of horror and defeat she turned, snapping at him when he shoved the twins-"Samuel you be nice to those boys they are just children!"
"Yeah,"they mocked quietly as he sat down on the couch,"were children!" and Optimus patted him a bit-maybe there was one person who could at least sympathize with him that night.
"Deranged children,"he muttered. Irionhide who was leaning in the corner snickered his holoform a gruff brunet that looked to be early to mid 30s with blue eyes, face scruffy and it looked as if his shoulders could rip the tshirt he were wearing if he flexed only a little he was so muscular. Ratchets neat red hair was pulled into a low ponytail with a few silver hairs strung threw and he was wearing the same medical jacket he always did in holoform. He pushed his glasses up on his long nose smirking quite amused at Sam mouthing,"now you feel my pain."
"Sam come out honey,"He froze as the video started with his mom calling out to him. This was the one video he dreaded anyone seeing. Especially his extraterrestrial lover.
"One minute mama!"came a small voice from down the hall of their old house,"I gotta fix my butt!"
There were a choirs of snickers from around the room and Sam forced himself to keep from bursting out-there was no turning back. They were going to see any moment now.
"I dressed Mookie up like a flower for you!"sang his mom on the video, swerving the camera to a small poodle that had a neon pink flower petal costume circling around its head. Mookie scratched at its collar annoyed,"I bet none of the other boys have a flower poodle!" She made annoying baby noises at the poor dog until there was a thunder of footsteps from down the hall.
"I'm ready mama-moooom no not the camera!"the camera immediately swerved to a large brown eyed boy. He had curly hair that framed his cute chubby face, that was currently going red with embarrassment, and looked to be about 5 years old.
Present day Sam groaned and pulled his jacket over his head when the room went dead silent and then erupted into laughter-even Optimus was shaking beside him, one hand covering his mouth as his eyes danced with mirth.
"Yeah yeah harhar,"Sam grumbled as he felt Bee hug him close with a squeal of "Sam you are so cute!" Go figure it took his moms home videos to bring out the little girl in a building sized robot.
There on the screen was 5 year old Sam, a black and yellow striped shirt on, with a bumblebee patch on its shoulder and chest pocket, a pair of yellow shorts with a black 'stinger' and fuzzy back end attached, and atop his head were some bobbing antenna. Five year old Sam whined.
"Mom this is embarrassing! I don't like the camera!"he grabbed the antenna and pulled them down to his cheeks pouting up at the camera.
"Nonesenese"the camera was a bit shaky and they could hear laughter in the younger voice,"I am going to show this to your future girlfriend and she is going to absolutely love how cute you are! My wittle bumblebee!"
The 5 year old Sams face was a mixture of shock and disgust before he decided to settle with disgust,"MOM! EW girlfriend!? No way girls are yucky!" As if to prove a point he wrinkled his little nose and stuck his tongue out, letting go of the antenna to allow them to bounce on top of his head crossing his arms across his chest,"I am 'never' getting a girlfriend!"he stated.
The camera shook a bit more as his mother laughed, Bee was about to strangle him while squealing and no one missed poking at Sam.
"I'm a girl,am I yucky?"asked his mother.
5 year old Sam gave his mom an exasperated look,"You aren't a girl! Your a mom!"
"Haha I'm a girl,"giggled the young woman and the 5 year old shook his head.
"NOooooo,"he said slowly,"your a mom. That means your a lady!"
The film went on with them heading out to the family car and his mom turned it off to load young Sam into his seat. A second later and it bleeped on. They were now in a crowded area, with a lot of parents with cameras out and young boys in similar outfits. Some were pretending to sting one another, some playing tag, and others speaking excitedly. The camera finally zoomed in on a nervous looking Sam who looked like he was about to burst into tears. The camera swiveled to a younger who was chuckling with one of the other fathers.
"Oh for goodness sake Ron! Go help your son!"
The poor father looked like a deer caught in headlights,"Help him? How am I going to help him? He's fine!"
"No he's not he's about to cry his poor little eyes out! Now go help him, he's shy!"
"Hun,"Ron tried to reason glancing at the 5 year old whos lip had begun to quiver,"he's never going to be a man if we coddle-"
"Ronald!"hissed the mom,"he is 5 years old! Go help your son!"
The husband sensed the venom behind his wife's words and wisely did as he was told. Moments later they were seeing 5 year old Sam going to his mom,"I kinda wanna go home mama."
"Maybe we should have made you a lady bug scout instead of a bumblebee if this was going to be how you acted,"suggested Ron before Judy could coddle the boy.
Of course the 5 year old Sams eyes cleared of any tears, widened with horror and he shook his head,"NO WAY!"
With that he ran off to the other kids while Ron called out,"I see one more tear and your going to be a butterfly!"
"That was mean Ron,"his wife commented, zooming in as their son grabbed his antenna-a nervous habit it seemed- and looked out of place among all the other boys.
Ron grumbled about wanting his boy to grow up into a real man and the argument was over.
Soon after the kids were called to line up and the parents all began gathering around as they stood in line and sang a song about the bumblebee troupe ending with wiggling their stingers at the parents, to which Judy squealed and zoomed in on little Sam as he spun around-giggling having forgotten his fear from moments before and shook his stinger at them.
The video cut off and Judy turned on the lights.
"I have been wanting to share that for so long!"she smiled as she caught Bee hugging Sam-who was red as a tomato-and she grinned triumphantly,"I was right! I knew your, uh, boyfriend would love this!"
Bee finally let him go and he flopped back on the couch as the others let out some more chuckles-the twins practically howling in laughter still until Ratchet shut them up.
"Do you have anything of,uh,Beejays that you wish to share?"Sam straightened up at his mothers question and quickly looked from 'Beejay' to Optimus who was shaking his head slowly,knowing that Sam had wished to reveal that Beejay was truly Bumblebee, and introduce all the holoforms as the autobots they were.
"Ah-uh ah mom,"Sam was suddenly very fidgety and he felt his boyfriend squeeze his hand,"I actually have something to tell you pertaining to that."
"Oh?"His mother said causally as Ron began putting away all the embarrassment-there was more to share at another time he heard his mother promise-,"Like what?"she asked everyone if they were good with their drinks and wanted any refills off handily to which they all shook their heads no. Everyone one in the room was pretty tense now at what was to be Sams announcement, aside from the twins who really didn't care either way it was going to be a show and his parents who were blissfully unaware.
"Well,"he cleared his throat,"Maybe you want to sit down mom. Dad." He gestured to the couch and they both sat down, looking to each other in confusion then to Sam. This was like Dejavu, he thought remembering the same thing happened when he had told them about having a boyfriend, but then it had only been Bumblebee there. Of course they had said they had already suspected and were just waiting for him to come out onhis own.
"Okay Samual,"said his father sternly,"Were sitting, were waiting. Whats the big announcement?"
"Yeah,"Judy added,"its not like your having a baby-Oh my god sam are you pregnant? Did you get one of those operatio-"
"MOM"Sam put his hands out to stop his mothers sudden excited ranting-why the hell would she be excited if he had a uterus transplanted to him with a baby like many men were having the past couple years-he couldn't imagine it!
"For one-NO! No-like- times a thousand!"Judy visibly deflated, and Ron looked a bit relieved, making Sam pause,"Wait-what?!Why not Bee-beejay?"he pointed at the blond accusingly whom blinked and cocked his head to the side.
Sam probably should have sensed what was coming. Perhaps the confusion of the night blocked it out but Sam was completely caught off guard as his mother simply looked to his boyfriend, smiled sweetly-a little too sweetly he would realize later- and then look to him-was that a flash of a devious evil in her eye? He would later question that.
Sipping at her tea she put it down on the table and folded her hand looking up at Sam stating as if she were merely talking about the weather,"why I wasn't aware that your alien robot boyfriends hologram could even have an operation. Though of course it is a very realistic hologram so it wouldn't surprise me, but hunny seriously your not going to tell me 'he' isn't the man in the relationship right?"
The room was deathly silent and Sam just sputtered, though dimly he thought of how awesome everyone's faces had 'never' NEVER seen Optimus open mouth surprised before,and it was rare to see Irionhide, Sidesweep and Ratchet to wear a similar look.
"Wa-wa mom?"He looked to his parents, his father was smirking watching their reactions and his mother looked positively pleased as she sipped at her tea again.
"Yes Sam? I do expect you to give me a gran-child you know, one way or another-don't look at me like that, you two could just adopt,"Sam heard Optimus's jaw snap with an audible click and knew that the autobots had came to terms much faster than he had.
"We apologize for not having been straight with you ,"the prime started,"We did not mean to try and deceive you. We are all pleased to see you taking this rather well."
Again to their surprise his mother shook her head, waved her hand, and stated,"Oh honestly it is came to terms with this years ago-before Sam and Mikaela broke up."
Again slack jawed silence.
"Why else did you think I kept telling you that you two would break up,"Stated his father still grinning like an idiot,"Your mother and I know you better than you even do. Well, that and Mikaela also was helpful. She is the first one to point it we had a few years to adjust."
The room was silent and then Sam blew up,"Wait! WHAT!? Wait-did you 'KNOW' I was going to tell you this?"
"Yes Sam, it was beyond obvious. Get all these perfect beautiful people in here, with a pile of strange cars-a hearse really?- and I knew you were spilling the beans Why do you think that I showed the video before you could say anything?"She perked up spotting something in the box and pulled out the old outfit,"if you boys have a son you can dress him in this!"
"Wait-what MOM!,"Sam was having trouble keeping up, though he saw that the Autobots had all recovered and were all looking somewhat amused," Wait you 'knew' and you still showed the video! You promised you wouldn't ever show it to Bumblebee!"
"And you said I could show it to your future girlfriend, now boyfriend. I did it before you spilled the beans so Bumblebee could see how adorable you were-really its your own fault for hiding it you should know better Samuel,"turning to the blond she smiled brightly,"Don't you think that it just absolutely just screamed that you two were meant to be?!"
Bee was nodding a bright smile on his face while Sam groaned.
The rest of the night was spent embarrassing poor Sam,though Optimus and Ratchet saw it necessary to give Bee equal embarrassment by showing a video from cybertron when Bumblebee was still a very young member of the team-at the time he had actually been under Megatrons orders- and how his first transformation was just a ball(Much to Bumblebees embarrassment.)
They left after a late dinner, the Autobots having found through the years it was truly a pleasure to experience taste as a human would, Sam blushing as his mother shouted out the door she would keep hold of his old baby things just in case he changed his mind.
The ride home was silent for the most part, Bee having exhausted his holoform let Sam drive as he shuffled through radio stations.
They pulled up in their drive on the military base-they were lucky to have a large home by itself with a garage that was more than large enough for Bumblebee and a yard felt Bee, whom he had known was thinking so he didn't bother him, squeeze him with the seat belt.
"Whats up Bee?"he asked feeling tired after his mothers antics.
He got out when the other opened the door and turned to the yellow bot who was suddenly kneeling down in front of him with a puppy dog look.
"What, Bee what do you wa..."suddenly Sam started shaking his head,"oh no. Oh nonononono no! And no! I knew talking to my mom would cause problems,no we are not having a baby"at Bees trademark whine he crossed his arms," ."
Clicking in what Sam understood as Cybertronian he shook his head,"No way Bee. We can get a dog."
Bee whirred in a happy way and let the other get ready for bed. Quickly he sent text to Sams mother.
"Got him to say yes to the dog."
A minute later," one complete. Next:Grandchildren."
Bee couldn't contain the happy trill he made and responded within a second,"=D"
THE END
HEARTSPIN:So yeah,totally pointless but I just am in a big BXS mood so I had to write it. I have a ton of cute oneshots I wish to write with them, so you will probably see more along with more updates on my longer know what you think-what would you like to see in a oneshot sequel?=P lemme know! I already have an idea for one as a prequel for Bee getting Sam comfortable with his holoform by taking him to a club.