Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon and all related characters and elements belong to Takeuchi Naoko and Kodansha.

I'm not making any money out of this.

If you don't know the story I'm going to parody here... well, that's great. Keep it that way, then. Please.

What if OverMaster Had Written Chibi-Usa's Seventh Birthday?

And then Chibi-Usa woke up, with a start and a loud, shrill, ear piercing scream.

When the similarly pajama-clad Usagi turned around on their shared bed, mumbling a question of what had happened, she only got a bare foot to the face.

Once Chibi-Usa stopped panicking and accusing her, she more or less grew enough presence of mind back to narrate what she had experienced. "I, I, it was horrible!" she shuddered. "You were there, and Mamo-chan, and the girls... Ikuko-mama, Kenji-papa and Shingo-kun weren't, though, I wonder why... and, and everyone came on me, and then you all, well, did all those things, and it was scary, and it, it maybe it felt a bit good towards the end, but even so, it hurt a lot!" She then looked up at Usagi's face with huge, watering eyes and a distressed expression.

Well, okay, so she didn't actually 'narrate' as much as 'did a confusing attempt at narration'.

Usagi sighed and lightly bopped Chibi-Usa's head with a hand. "You dummy. What are you watching in TV now? I barely can understand anything of what you were saying, but if it's what I think it was, do you really think any of us would have done all that weird, creepy stuff to you?"

"W-Well, no, but still...!"

"But nothing," Usagi firmly said, folding her arms and huffing. "I'm very angry you thought us capable of such things!" She began wagging her finger in a way copied from her mother's many sermons. "Really, Chibi-Usa!"

"I'm sorry..." the pink haired girl sobbed, embarassed, lowering her face in utter shame.

Usagi sighed again. "Well... never mind. Maybe you're just nervous about tonight's party, right? Happy birthday, Chibi-Usa."

The smaller girl sobbed one last time, then smiled and hugged the blonde's midsection. "Thank you, Usagi."

Usagi said nothing then, just resting a hand on Chibi-Usa's scalp. After a short while, the little girl asked, "By the way, what IS your gift for me...?"

"You'll know tonight."

Chibi-Usa glanced at the clock in the bedroom's darkness. "But technically, it's already my-"

"Tonight."

"But that's just a-"

"TONIGHT!"

Chibi-Usa pouted, until her cheeks resembled pretty tiny balloons, but Usagi's expression remained the same. Until her future daughter relented. "Fine...!" she said, dropping back on the bed, turning away from her and pulling the blankets up to her neck.

Usagi, in a strangely contemplative silence, watched her until she was certain she had fallen well asleep. Then the teenager got up from the bed, picked her cellphone in her way out, and went to lock herself in the bathroom with it.

She made a call.

"Mamo-chan? Mmm, sorry to disturb you this early, but... we're going to have to buy her something today. I don't know, maybe a bike? I don't think she's ready yet. We'd better try next year..."

The End...?