Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: Encountered a tumblr post while I was doing uni work just after S04E06 that said "so, you know, Mako and Bolin had that fight and Mako will probably hear that Bolin's dead" AND I JUST. CAN'T. NOT.
CIRCLES
Mako has lost many things.
He lost his parents at a young age, and then he lost his childhood soon followed as he did what he had to do survive and protect his little brother. Sometimes he thinks he lost his integrity along the way. He took on jobs that he was ashamed of, but grew to accept. He made sure to get a little extra food to give to the fire ferret that stole his little brother's heart, even though it meant hurting others.
He lied, manipulated and survived. For Bolin.
He looks at Lin, still not comprehending the words. "Run that by me again."
She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose; and she still doesn't have the gall to use his name when she says, "Detective, we've heard from Kuvira's second-in-command that the train that was holding Varrick, his experiments, and your brother was destroyed. There were no survivors."
It's an unfathomable concept, because Mako fought so hard to keep Bolin alive. And Lin won't use his name.
"I'm sorry, kid."
Lin won't use his name.
Bolin's his world. And now his world is dark.
He looks around and sees faces looking at him expectantly. As though they're waiting for him to shatter, or to cry and break and crumble until he is nothing like the strength he emulates. Like the way that the earth would crumble beneath Bolin's feet or fists. But he doesn't. Mako has come too far to do so. Mako has fought too hard to do so.
"Where did this happen?" he asks eventually.
Lin seems too preoccupied with new news – something about Suyin being captured, something about Kuvira winning – so it is Tenzin who takes a tentative step forward to answer him. "The reports came from just outside Zaofu, the last to fall into Kuvira's clutches."
Mako remembers Zaofu. So much for the safest city in the Earth Kingdom – or Earth Empire, as it has become. He knows Zaofu is important, and that that is the primary concern. He knows that Zaofu, a city of beautiful metal, will be everyone's true concern; and that they will do whatever it takes to free it and the rest of the continent.
Because who will remember his little brother when a tyrant has brought down such a stronghold?
Who will remember the bright eyes, kind smile and desire to do good, if not him?
Prince Wu reaches out to him, the bodyguard he's become; but Mako takes a single step back and out of reach, hands still folded neatly behind him. Prince Wu tries again, but Mako simply circles out of his grip. The firebender reminds him that he is to be taken to the underground stronghold for protection against Kuvira's forces and supporters. No one is more stunned at his lack of emotion than the person he's supposed to protect.
"Don't you care what's happened?" he asks gently.
Mako still says nothing, thanks Beifong for delivering the information, and guides Prince Wu out and away from the suffocating crowd of people.
Of course Mako cares about what happened.
Shady Shin once told him that he cared too much, and that that would be his downfall. He's beginning to believe those words the older he gets, the farther away from the street he walks, and the deeper into life he treads.
He believes it now even though he fought so hard to bury it all.
Prince Wu is asleep in the bed behind him. There isn't one for him, but he doesn't mind, he guesses; he's supposed to guard, not sleep. His nails dig into his palms as he watches for any sign of movement that shouldn't be here, because Kuvira's trained her people well, and they are as agile as she is. Things in the room shake every so often, but he's told that happens everywhere here in the underground bunker.
Mako remembers when Bolin was born. He was all pink, puffy and loud as hell. He remembers his parents, long dead, fussing over him and losing a lot of sleep. He remembers sneaking into Bolin's room one night and asking him to be quiet so that they can rest and care for them both better. He remembers the surprise he felt when he quietened down immediately.
Mako remembers when he last saw Bolin. Angry, with fists clenched by his sides, something so unlike him. The desire to help people, and the trust in Kuvira to do the right thing. And the way his heart stung when he yelled back, when Bolin turned away and left. To think that that's his last memory of him, of being angry at him and having his little brother be mad in return because of Kuvira.
Kuvira, whose people and ideas led him to his death.
Mako's grief begins to burn, but he doesn't let it swallow him whole. There are times where it threatens to spill over, but then he fights it down. Then it burns again. Then it tries to win. Then he fights it down again, and again, and again. A constant, revolving thing.
There will be a time to grieve for Bolin, the logical part of him says. But his heart asks that if he doesn't grieve for him now, then nobody will; and Bolin will be lost on the wind. But his head always wins out over his heart, because of the drive to keep his little brother alive. Except now he's not here.
He's lost his family, his friends. Asami is too busy now, and Korra is supposed to be healing, but it's not like anyone knows where she's gone and that hurts him almost as much as the fact that his little brother is dead.
God.
He notices that he's biting his lip first, because it begins to bleed. But then he feels his eyes sting, and then it feels like they bleed too. In the near-darkness, Mako remains vigilant, bound to his duty, bound to his need to survive. But his drive, his reason for doing so is gone – so why is he still so focused on doing so?
They gave him Pabu within a week.
He never liked Pabu, but he'd become a part of the family, with his inquisitive gaze and his willingness to try. He feeds him some bread from the loaf that he shares with the darkness.
He listens for Bolin's voice, but it's not there anymore.
Pabu looks up at him strangely. He reaches for Mako, but he shrinks away when Mako's fists clench on his knees. "We weren't there. We couldn't do anything. But we should've been able to... I should've been able to."
If animals could speak, he'd assume that Pabu would agree. Or perhaps Pabu retained enough of Bolin inside to disagree.
"This will never be the same."
Prince Wu is being briefed by the few loyalists he has about the situation in the Earth Kingdom. They make it a point to refuse to call it the Earth Empire, because, "That is your land, sir! She has stolen it from you!"
As usual, he doesn't seem too bothered. Too often he looks to Mako for support, for advice, but Mako cannot give him anything. Mako feels like he gave everything he had to Bolin, and where did that lead them, the fabulous bending brothers? Where does that now leave him in his heart?
Pabu looks over his new owner's shoulder, and then resumes biting his itchy leg.
The meeting is over sooner than the firebender expects. Prince Wu suggests shopping, as he usually does. Mako goes along, complacent and easy to bend. But he does nothing, he just walks in the Prince's shadow and watches for any sign of suspicious activity. To his relief, there is none; but he almost wishes there was, if only so he could feel something, or have a reason to fight.
They're having tea. Mako doesn't even touch the cup, but he lets Pabu have a grateful, quick sip when no one is looking, like Bolin would've. He warms Prince Wu's on request with a little softer firebending, but then the royal man asks, "What was he like? Your brother, I mean. He seemed... nice. I mean, aside from supporting that wicked woman, he seemed like a good man."
"He fought for what he believed in."
And his beliefs, Kuvira's beliefs, even though they never walked the same path but only parallel to one another, got him killed.
Prince Wu puckers his lips in thought for a moment and then says, "I don't believe you're like this inside."
"I have to be," Mako says blankly. "I have to survive."
And that's all.
Tenzin later finds him with news of Korra. That his children found her with Toph Beifong. That they are in Zaofu, where everything is happening, where Kuvira is ripping down the metal and transforming it into something big, something horrible.
Mako finds that he wants to go there to help, like Bolin did; but more importantly to protect one of the few things left that he cares about, because right now, he's terrified of losing anything more.
He has lost enough. The thought of losing more makes him want to rip out his eyeballs and tear off his own skin.
Even the thought of losing Pabu makes him feel sick, because it feels like that's all he has of Bolin left in the world. His brother's pet fire ferret, who mourns as much as him, maybe a little more – but he can't tell.
He remembers when Bolin was captured by the Equalists. He remembers the taste of bile and how desperate he had been to get him back. And he did. He did, with Korra, they brought him back and his earthbending was safe. And yet now when Bolin had needed it the most, Mako's failed him.
What a shitty big brother he is.
He's told to stay here with Prince Wu. Asami joins him, saying she can help share the load – on the condition that she's not flirted with again, because she's got work to do. She tries to talk to him about Bolin, like Prince Wu did, but he will not speak. He can't.
He'll survive for Bolin, at least through all this; but then he doesn't know what he's going to do with himself. So literally every day now is a small step, and those small steps turn into a circle, and he continues to go around this single circle as the days continue.
Any time he thinks about Bolin, he feels like he might crumble to dust despite his attempts at blocking it off. That there are feet walking back and forth on his heart, and voices of bad spirits in his head telling him what a terrible brother he's been, and that everything he has become is for nothing. But he can't let that happen until everything is over. He can't. He can't.
But will it ever be over?
It's something he found himself wondering a lot when he was with Korra. Will the big threats ever be over? Can they ever stop and just be? But he thought that, once they had broken up, that perhaps these big threats would be over. Zaheer proved him wrong. And now Kuvira, and his baby brother's body is in bits somewhere.
He nearly throws up then.
Asami is teaching Prince Wu how to use the Equalist glove. She parries one of his strikes, and then he complains about broking a newly shaped nail, or something equally small and ridiculous. Mako watches as the man mourns over it, looking at how it's cracked and jagged down the side; watches as the man cries over something so insignificant, and yet here he is holding in his grief.
Mako allows himself to snap, hands beginning to burn, as he exits the room. Pabu doesn't follow.
He passes many of Prince Wu's faithfuls – he's surprised there's any, honestly – until he comes out of the underground bunker and is standing in a fenced off section of grass. He wants to burn it. He doesn't, though, and instead he sits in the middle of it and watches as his hands shake.
Bolin loved the grass.
"God," he chokes, tears streaking his face.
Tenzin gives him updates. Something about Korra nearly being killed by Kuvira, and Mako's so close to breaking or running away because he cannot help her, like he couldn't help his little brother.
"She is alright though, and I believe she is on her way back to Republic City with my children," he says slowly. Prince Wu's playing Pai Sho with Asami, and he's surprisingly good at the game in a strange way. Pabu's watching and gnawing softly on the pieces that aren't on the board. "They should arrive relatively soon. Lin would like for Prince Wu to meet Korra when she does, so you will be there too."
Mako thinks Tenzin understands his desire to protect, but also the crippling failure he feels. The exchange is acknowledged, the airbending master leaves, and Mako continues watch over Prince Wu and Asami over their game, protective of someone he cares for and reminding himself that he has a job to do.
"...You could move this piece," he says, nudging one close to his foot on Prince Wu's side.
"Don't help him!" Asami shouts, beautiful eyes wide and showing hints of joy and maybe relief. "You're just like Bolin: sneaky!"
There's silence then. She covers her mouth and smudges her lipstick against her thumb by accident, because that's a nerve still too exposed, too raw. Her eyes water a little, and Mako watches, intrigued; because he forgets that Bolin was someone to other people too. But nobody was Bolin's brother, except for him.
"What did you expect?" Mako asks, his voice almost completely devoid of life. "I'm his brother."
They all laugh a little after that, small giggles that are punctuated with awkward silences and concerned looks from one to the other to the other and then back to the start. But he can see that they wonder why he has not splintered, why he has not broken. They don't know it's because he's just that good at hiding it.
When Korra arrives, he feels a bit more alive. He holds her close. He wonders what he still feels aside from grief.
"I'm so sorry," she murmurs, and when he pulls back, he can see tears. Because nobody else in the world loved Bolin as much as him and the animal his brother saved from the street, but she was close. "We should do something for him, when this is over. A memorial, maybe a-a statue or –"
"Bo would never want that," Mako says softly. "He'd only want us to help people."
He's right. But Bolin would think it was pretty cool if there was a big statue of himself.
They've been playing reruns of Bolin's Nuktuk movers, seeing as the news escaped their small circle of friends. Asami takes Korra's arm and leads her away from Oogi, and towards Prince Wu who is, to his credit, trying his best to be professional. Maybe because he wants to impress or appreciate Mako, or maybe because the Avatar stands before him.
The airbending children greet their Father. He watches quietly and remembers the feel of his parents arms around him and Bolin. He remembers particularly how Bolin always held his hand, just as Jinora is holding Tenzin's.
"We have a war to win," Korra states, breaking him from his reverie. He looks to Asami and notes how her shoulders fall. But they both follow her and Prince Wu away, with the airbending family close behind.
He looks to his side and expects his brother. He only sees Pabu.
Something forces him to wake in the middle of the night. A feeling. A hope. He doesn't know.
Mako stretches his aching legs and sees that Asami is still awake. She asks if he's alright. He says he needs air. She promises to watch over Prince Wu and Pabu. As he goes to leave, though, Pabu wakes and follows him anyway. Maybe sleep is hard for him too.
They leave the underground stronghold and make their way to the water. Somehow he always ends up back here out of everywhere in Republic City. He thinks about taking a step off the boardwalk to see his brother again, but then he remembers the promise he made: that he would survive.
He sees a boat on the horizon, old, rickety and crumbling. He watches as it comes into the light. He sees two people. Pabu's ears prick up and his nose wrinkles. Then the fire ferret begins to knead Mako's shoulder almost excitedly.
He understands once he sees Bolin and Varrick – without Zhu Li – come into view.
"Heyyy!" And it's as clear as day, the sound of his little brother's voice; still alive, still so alive.
Kuvira's people and ideas did not lead him to his death. They lied, they lied; they got away.
He assumes the boat was either stolen or Varrick made it himself, because it starts to break down just before it can line up beside the boardwalk. Mako reaches his hands out for them both, making sure to have his stronger grip on Bolin, and pulls them both off the makeshift thing before it crumbles beneath their feet. Pabu runs up Bolin's arm.
Varrick says something. Mako doesn't listen.
"I-I thought..." Mako starts, hands shaking on Bolin's shoulders.
Bolin launches into a longwinded speech then, about how yes, the train did blow up, but they escaped by using his earthbending. Then there's something about a huuuge detour and having to go out to the ocean to hide for a while. Something about a boat and water and hunting shrimps for food, but he doesn't listen or care.
He just crushes his brother to his chest, where he is safest, and crumbles and can no longer see clearly because of the water in his eyes.
He lied, manipulated and survived. For Bolin.
Mako refuses to lose anything more.