1,000

by titangirl161

One Shot If you kill 1,000 demons, you become one yourself. When Sanzo wakes up one day to find himself looking through Goku's eyes, he can only wonder what happened to him, and he must find out before it's too late. rated for Goyjo's mouth. EDITED

EDIT: Wow, this was so full of mistakes! Stupid microsoft word! Hope this makes it easier to understand!

Hey everyone! I know I've been gone for quite some time, and it actually feels really good to be writing again! I'm finally back…partially due to the fact that my muse is throwing pillows at my head to make me write.

Scribble: throws more pillows

Me: ...Anyway, this is my first Saiyuki fanfic! Wooo! While this is based off an episode of reload mixed with Ergo Proxy, it's understandable without needing to see either, so Yay again! So let's start this thing! Scribble, do the disclaimer.

Scribble: We don't own Saiyuki, or even the Saiyuki mangas in our room, which belong to her friend and fellow authoress What2callmyself. We do own Dr. Nozomu.

1,000

It had been a rough battle.

Sanzo knew when he opened his eyes that he must have been wounded pretty bad…but…he didn't remember getting that badly wounded. Goku and Goyjo had been less lucky, although he and Hakkai had been fine…at least, he thought they had…so why was he in a bed feeling weak?

Sanzo tried getting up but to no avail, the body wouldn't move. His eyes looked around, and he saw someone enter the room. It was Hakkai, and while he smiled, it looked a little sad. "I see you're finally awake."

Without Sanzo's permission, his body suddenly sat up, and Hakkai rushed over. "Please don't try to get up, you're still wounded Goku."

'Goku?' Sanzo thought. That wasn't his name. So why would Hakkai…

He turned suddenly to look at the mirror. The reflection he saw wasn't his, it was Goku's, with Sanzo's sutra over his shoulders.

'WHAT THE HELL?' Sanzo thought. Why did he see Goku in his reflection? Where was he?

Later

Time seemed to go so slowly.

Goku went about business, and no matter where he went, Sanzo never saw himself, which was odd. The monkey was always following him around, so why was this different?

Time would also seem to jump for him. One second it would be noon, the next six o'clock at night. Sanzo didn't know why this was happening. He kept trying to call, or even move on his own, but no matter what, Goku didn't respond, and he couldn't make him do anything. He was just trapped there, only able to watch.

One time, Goku went out to dinner with Hakkai and another man. Hakkai introduced him as Dr. Nozomu, a friend of his and a psychologist. He was a shorter than Hakkai (which was reasonable) with black hair and…were his eyes red? But Goku shook his hand, paying him almost no notice, and they went inside.

During dinner, Sanzo noticed Goku wasn't eating with his usual zeal, but instead going very slowly, and wasn't trying to steal anything from anyone else's plate either. This worried Sanzo. He could tell Goku wasn't quite himself before, but this was just starling, and Sanzo started to feel unease. What was going on?

Suddenly Hakkai spoke up. "You've been different lately Goku."

"Yeah?" Goku said without looking up.

"We're worried."

"You don't have to worry; I'm fine, really."

"Well, I don't think you are. I've told my friend Dr. Nozomu about you, and he has agreed to see you. Will you please meet with him, even just a few times?"

Goku looked up at the doctor. He was looking at him with a friendly smile, and Goku sighed. "Fine I'll go a few times."

Later

Sanzo was someone who never wanted to see any kind of doctor, but somehow Goku was paying attention through the session and Sanzo was unable to zone himself out. Sanzo still managed to ignore the doctor, until he said something. "Goku…have you ever gone to see Sanzo?"

Sanzo nearly jumped at the mention of his name, until he realized it was Goku who was jumpy. "N-No."

"Do you want to go see him?"

Goku violently shook his head. "No! I don't want to see him at all!"

This confused Sanzo. Why didn't Goku want to see him? And where was he? Did they have a fight or something? The last question made Sanzo feel cold. Sure, he fought with Goku, yelled at him, but never thought he could say something that would drive him away entirely. So why did Goku not want to see him, when usually he would always he hanging onto him? What was going on?

Later

At another session, Goku went to visit Hakkai and Goyjo, with the doctor present. Hakkai opened the door and smiled. "It's so nice to see you Goku, and you seem to be looking better, so I'm glad for that too." He turned to call inside, "Goyjo, come see who's here."

The kappa came up to the door, and gently smiled at the younger boy. "Well well, if it isn't the monkey."

"I'm not a monkey, you erokappa!"

"What did you call me?"

The two were soon fighting like they always did, and Hakkai was laughing. Even Sanzo watching through Goku felt relieved things were like they always had been.

Goku was let inside, and Hakkai made tea as the three of them began catching up, talking about what was new, and Hakkai said once again. "Goku, you really do look a lot better. I think you're getting back to your old self again."

"Yeah," Goyjo jumped in, "like before Sanzo…." He trailed off.

Suddenly the room was silent, and Goku looked down at his feet. Sanzo was getting a little irked. Why did it always get this way every time he was mentioned? Just what happened?

Goku left a little while later, and he smiled sadly as he left. "I'll see you both later."

"Ok, you're welcome here anytime," Hakkai said.

"Just try not to die, after all, if demons attack, I won't be around to save your sorry ass."

"Like need you to, I can take care of myself!" Goku snapped.

Sanzo noticed Hakkai's worried face after he said that, and could tell Hakkai was hoping that last statement was true.

Later

Time passed, and Sanzo still had no control over Goku. It still skipped, and he had no idea as to how long he had been there. It could've been days. It could've been months. Months seemed more likely, as Goku had gone to quite a few sessions with Dr. Nozomu, with whom he met every week.

One week the doctor said," How long has it been since you've last seen Sanzo?"

Goku looked surprised. "Uhhh…a few months…since we got back here I guess."

Dr. Nozomu nodded. "I think it's important that you go to see him." Seeing Goku start to panic, he added quickly, "Don't worry, I'll be there the whole time."

They walked to a temple and Sanzo wasn't surprised. He was surprised, however, when Goku told the monk, who made a grim face, and led them to an underground chamber. In there as he looked through the glass of a cell, Sanzo was shocked. Inside was a strange youkai, with the typical pointed ears and marks down it's arm, but it had long blonde hair and priest's robes…the kind Sanzo always wore.

Sanzo then realized. He had done it. He had finally killed 1,000 demons, and in turn he turned into a demon himself. He wasn't sure if he felt disappointed (he was always sure he'd killed more than that) or horrified.

"Don't worry, we've got him completely under control," a monk said. "See those needles sticking in his neck? If he makes any sudden movements, they inject a poison only fatal to youkai in his veins, and he'll die within seconds. He knows the deal too, so you can go in and talk to him without feeling uneasy."

Goku swallowed and walked inside, and Sanzo watched as he slowly walked up to the demon that made no movement, except to turn his white eyes to see him, in which Goku stopped short. "Hi, Sanzo."

"Why are you here?" the Sanzo-demon growled.

"I came to see you," Goku said, his voice sad and strained.

The demon paused. "I know that they told you about the poison. If I move, I'll die. But somehow, I know if I were to move, I'll have enough time to slit your miserable throat before I do, and that alone would make it worthwhile."

Sanzo could feel tears come to Goku's eyes. Sure Sanzo had often threatened his life, but never like this, and he could understand how hurt Goku felt and was angry at himself for some reason.

The demon turned his eyes away again. "I hate you so much."

"Sanzo-"

"Why did you betray me Goku? Why?"

The tears slipped out of Goku's eyes, and he screamed, "I'm so sorry!" before he ran out of the room, past the monks and the doctor, and halfway back up the stairs before finally collapsing on a step to sob quietly. Sanzo wished Goku could hear him, that he could say something to ease his pain, but he had no words for it, and Goku couldn't hear him anyway.

The doctor came up the stairs, and led a miserable Goku back to the room they had the sessions in. "I had to do that so I could finally talk to you, Sanzo."

Goku stopped and almost fell forward, and Sanzo without thinking moved to catch himself. He regained his balance, and soon realized it was HIM moving GOKU. He moved his arm to try it out, and sure enough his arm moved. "What's happening? What is this?" he asked, his voice finally forming words.

"You're the one inside Goku's head."

"I'm...but how?"

"Goku felt so guilty about betraying you, he had began to develop a disassociate personality. You're not really Sanzo, only the fraction of Sanzo Goku chooses to remember. You've felt it hasn't you? Time skips because you're only out if Goku wants you to be out. But you're not real. The real Sanzo is a youkai now."

It was all too confusing and Sanzo couldn't even speak as he tried to digest all that had just happened. Meanwhile Dr. Nozomu spoke again. "In ten seconds, Goku will return." He slowly counted back from ten to one, and Sanzo realized he no longer had control. Goku looked confused. "What just happened?"

"Nothing really. I'll see you next week."

Later

Over the next week Sanzo felt much stronger. He realized he could influence Goku's actions. He could move him with ease, almost. Time would still skip, but when he could see, he could move as well. He returned to the doctor.

"Just what do you think you're doing Sanzo?" At Sanzo's confused look, the doctor continued. "You're been taking control too much of Goku's body. Did you even know he cancelled his session today?"

Sanzo was shocked, and Goku returned suddenly. "Huh? I…when did I get here? How did I get here? What's going on?"

Sanzo felt guilty, but couldn't seem to stop it. Every time he came out, even for a second, Goku would freeze, and Sanzo would have no choice but to move him. Goku was sleeping less; he was forgetting things and looked terrible. Sanzo kept trying to get his attention and tell him, but it was all to no avail. Goku and he were separating in their minds, and they couldn't meet.

Goku returned to the doctor, and Sanzo was listening, but refused to come out, lest Goku would collapse. "I don't get it. Lately, I've been even worse. I keep blacking out, time feels like its skipping and I feel terrible all the time. I don't understand. What's happening to me???" Goku was on the verge of tears again.

Dr. Nozomu glared. "You know this is all your fault Sanzo."

Goku fell forward in the chair, but Sanzo snapped him back upright. The doctor continued. "If you hadn't been trying to control Goku's actions, he wouldn't be in this state right now. Now he figures he won't fight you and eventually you'll just take over and Goku will cease to be."

Sanzo swallowed. He couldn't stay inside Goku forever, and most definitely not if it would destroy his young charge. "What do I have to do?"

"Think back to the past. Pull up a past memory, and show Goku where Sanzo really is. Remember something."

Sanzo thought hard. A picture of the four of them in a jeep came up. "SANZO I'M HUNGRYYYYYYYYY," Goku whined loudly.

"Is that you can ever say, you stupid one trick monkey?" Goyjo taunted.

"Don't call me a monkey you cockroach!"

"What did you call me? That's it; I'm kicking your ass!"

"You probably want to use that as an excuse to touch it, you queer!"

"WHAT?! That's disgusting! And you think I'm a pervert! Leave me out of your homo-erotic fantasies monkey!"

Sanzo fired in the air. "WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP, OR I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!"

"Wow, what a nice day!" Hakkai stated brightly.

As Sanzo settled back into his seat, he smiled. This was what he always wanted. Somehow, he always felt the most at peace just traveling in the Jeep, heading west with these three.

Sanzo suddenly stumbled backwards. "You're confusing the past with what you want Sanzo," the doctor said.

Sanzo almost gasped. How could they be that similar? Wasn't that the past anyway? All the banter usually sounded the same to him anyways. Now he was confused.

"If you can't do it that way, there's only one more way to do it. You have to kill Goku," Dr. Nozomu said.

"What?"

"If you kill him in here, it will shake him bad enough to understand that you're not really here, and it will force his spilt personality back together."

Sanzo didn't think even in his mind he could do it. He had fired at Goku many, many times but he never wanted to kill him. "I…I don't know if I can."

Suddenly he was in the chamber where his demon body sat, and both Hakkai and Goyjo were there, gently pulling the needles out of the demon. "What are you two doing?" Sanzo yelled.

Goyjo grinned his usually grin, although it somehow seemed more sinister than usual. "We're letting Sanzo free. This way he can kill Goku and it will be over."

Goku was in control again, but Sanzo was still watching. Sanzo could feel him sweating and he backed up. "No…I don't understand…please don't…."

Sanzo tried to yell at them to stop, and the youkai Sanzo turned his eyes to murderously glare at Goku. Goku's body slumped. "I'm sorry I did this to you Sanzo. If killing me will make you stop hating me, then just get it over with."

Suddenly Sanzo was outside again, as his normal self, but only as a ghost, no one could see or hear him. He felt the urge to whack Goku with his fan. "Are you out of your mind?" he yelled at the younger boy, but Goku couldn't hear him.

He turned instead to the other two freeing him. "Stop it!" he yelled, but to no avail, as they were almost done freeing him. He raised his gun and pointed it at the youkai.

"It can't hurt him, but even if it could, you realized it would kill you to, not to mention shatter Goku's mind. This is just the way it has to be done," Dr. Nozomu said calmly.

Sanzo's mind scrambled to come up with something, trying to figure out how to stop this somehow. Nothing came to him. He couldn't do anything. He was as useless as the day Goku woke up with….

Sanzo finally realized something he hadn't thought of, and he understood perfectly. He turned around to Dr. Nozomu and fired.

The Dr. stared in shock and the scene around them disappeared. "How…how did you know it was fake?"

"Because Goku woke up with the Maten Scripture on him, and demon or not, I will not hand it over to anybody, not until the day I die. I should've realized in the beginning right there that something was wrong."

Dr. Nozomu glared, his ears becoming pointed and the red in his eyes more pronounced. "I was hoping by this I could kill both you and Son Goku is one fell swoop, as the youkai would kill him and you shooting it would kill you, but I guess only you will have to do for now!" he lunged at Sanzo, who simply fired into his head and the demon slumped over.

Sanzo suddenly snapped awake, breathing heavily. Was it all a dream? Yes and no. He had been asleep, but his gun had fired and there was now a dead youkai in the room. A demon that invades dreams…it wasn't unheard of to him, but then again, many things weren't.

He heard a groan near him, and realized he wasn't alone. Pulling back the covers, he saw Goku was waking up near him. Sanzo would've screamed at him and smacked him had the dream not had him rattled right now. "What are you doing here Goku?" he asked softly because he was so tired.

Goku opened one eye and looked at him sadly. "I had a nightmare, where you became a demon, so I came to here to make sure you weren't, and I just kind of fell alseep. I'm sorry, I was just scared."

For a moment Sanzo said nothing. He figured the youkai probably gave Goku the dream so that they would be close enough to kill each other, so he didn't blame Goku. But it did bring up a point. Sanzo had killed many demons. If he hadn't killed 1,000 yet, he would someday. And then…

"Goku?' he asked.

"What is it Sanzo?" Goku asked flinching; sure Sanzo was going to hit him with something.

"If I ever do kill a thousand demons and become a demon myself, I want you to kill me."

Goku looked scared and startled. "No, I could never do that, I can't kill you."

"Please," Sanzo asked, "you're the only one who I would want to kill me. I could only accept it if it were you."

Goku looked down a minute, and answered, "Ok, I'll do it."

Sanzo sighed softly. "Thanks." And to calm his charge's mind, he added, "But get too eager to do it, I don't think it will ever happen to me."

Goku relaxed and smiled. And the two fell asleep.

Scribble: This one actually wasn't half bad.

Me: Yeah, it actually came out ok, but I think the characters are a little OOC. I'm sorry if they are! This is my first one! NOTE: THIS IS NOT YAOI! I DO NOT WRITE YAOI! DON'T TELL ME IT LOOKS THAT WAY; I PLANNED IT TO BE INNOCENT! Ok, just had to add that disclaimer, since I get that all too much. For the rest of you, thanks for not taking it in a dirty way.

(SIDE NOTE: The demon/doctor's name was also a reference to Sayonara Zetsubo Sensei, the main character is a teacher named Nozomu, and his older brother, who looks just like him, is a doctor, but is called Dr. Itoshiki, their family name.)

Wow, this is the longest one-shot I ever wrote! I'm going to watch some more reload now. Please don't flame me saying it was terrible, that doesn't help me in the least. Constructive Criticism is appreciated, and of course, good reviews are always welcome. Long Live the Sanzo Party!

-titangirl161