Trough his eyes
A/N: This is an AU story.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, unfortunatly.
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Until two years ago I had thought sometimes about this. Actually if I had to be true with myself, every night I felt asleep I dreamt about this moment. But since that "incident" happened I had force myself to forget about my life, about my friends, about the love of my life. Yes, the love of my life. Until I met her, I had only met two women that were the most important thing in my life. One was my mother, obviously.
To every boy, mom, is the most important thing that ever existed till you fell in love for the first time. And I am not talking about just a crush, I am talking about real love, the one that only happends one and if you are really, really lucky two or three times.
My mother was the most extraordinary woman I had met. That was what I had thought till I met the love of my life. The owner of my heart is……… I had no words to describe this woman, she is perfect, she is everything, she is …….. . Stop. I was thinking about mom, not about her. Mom was fantastic, smart and beautiful. She had blond hair and her eyes were something you can't forget in a life time. I really had to thank her about my eyes. We have the same brown eyes. A lot of women had fallen for me because of my eyes, my mother's eyes. She knew how to cook a good meal and the desserts she made were unbelievable. That's why I like desserts sooo much, because of my mother. She died some years ago, I was out of town when it happened. I was working, one of those special ops missions. Can't talk about them, it's classified. When I returned home they told me. It was horrible, my mom had died and I wasn't even able to say goodbye to her. That's when I decided to retire the first time, but they didn't let me. It seems that I was very important back then, that I was the best of the best, unique.
The first woman I loved, really loved, was Sara. I must confess that I had a lot of girls and women but Sara was the first one I fell for. I remember the first time I saw her. I was playing hockey with the other cadets when a group of girls came to say Hi to Mike, he was one of my best friends at the time. It happened to be that one of the girls was Mike's little sister and she had brought her friends with her. Sara didn't look like the others, she was shy and looked nervous. She didn't call my attention at first but we went out a few times as a group and Sara showed herself and I fell in love with her. Our time dating was complicated cause I was becoming more and more known in the USAF and they sent me to Peterson. That time was difficult cause I wasn't able to see her. But our love survived so I propose. And she accepted! I was the happiest man on Earth. And then I became prisoner of war.
It was a dark time, I don't like talking about that time, or think in this case. When I returned home they gave me a promotion and some free time that if I had been in good shape I would have use to spend with Sara. But I was lost in my torture, the person that came back wasn't me. I have to thank Sara for staying, putting up with me.
Then Charlie came and life returned to me. I was alive again, I had a reason to live. And I was called back. This time, Irak. I became a POW, again.
I have to admit that I am a lucky bastard. I was twice POW, on Earth, and I returned home as safe as anyone in that situation can come back.
My time with Sara and Charlie was like a dream, I should had realized that it was to good to be true, at least for me. So, what we all know happened. Charlie shooted himself with my gun and……. You know, I know, everybody knows I can't talk about this either. I know it happeded ten years ago but it is a difficult subject to me. To every father that had lost a son.
That's how I met Daniel. Danny-boy is a great kid. He is full of life and his love to life was what saved me. This time Sara couldn't do anything for me. Our marriage got ruin. I couldn't touch her without thinking of Charlie, I couldn't stay at home cause every place remembered me of my little son. I know I should have talked to Sara but she would never understand. My gun had killed my son. The gun that had saved me in some ocassions was the one that my baby son had used to accidently kill himself. So my relationship with Sara was over, finished, caput, terminada.
I returned from my first trip to Abidos like a new guy. I wasn't happy but at least I wasn't suicide either. I was living, not the life I had dreamt when I was a kid but very few achieve their dreams.
A year after the mission, I was called back and that's when I met her. She came into the room and I felt everything vanished. The blond short hair was perfect on her and combinated with those babyblue eyes. I was speechless. Of course I never showed that. I was pretty sure of myself and I acted like the hard-ass Colonel everyone think, thought, I am, was. I acted like the better copy of myself although I was trying not to drool over the table.
Our relationship wasn't easy cause she is, was, much younger than me and she is a genius. She is brilliant, smart, a scientist for crying out loud. A woman like her would never fall for a man like me! I am a pig, an ass, I hate scientist cause I don't understand what they are talking about most of the times, and I was old for her.
But for a reason that I still don't understand, aparently she had feelings for me. That was untill that danm Asgard decided to do one of those danm experiments on me. And now I don't have a rank, or a life, or friends, or a Carter.
Of course, the other me hasn't got Carter either cause at this precise moment she is walking to the altar to be married to a man called Shannahan, that if I may say looks like a power hungry man. I don't like him. Of course I don't like any man that goes out with Carter, not even myself.
She looks beautiful in her wedding dress. I always thought that in her wedding there would be a sea of blue uniforms in the chapel. But the image I have from my strategic position is other. There are blue uniforms, Jacob's, Hammond's, Jack's and others but there isn't a lot of Airforce Officers in the chapel. I have the impression that noone in the SGC is happy about this wedding.
Cassie certainly isn't happy; she is only smiling cause she loves Carter. Daniel looks really depress. Jonas should be excited, I suppose this is his first Earth's wedding but he isn't. Hammond and Jacob are extremely serious, as if this was a wake, not a wedding. Teal'c looks like he always does, impasive, but I know the man and he is very unconfortable. Then you have Colonel, now General O'Neill, that should be me, but well, I'm a "kid" now. Jack is like a dead walking. I saw him go into the chapel and he looked like a man that has no purpose in life, like a man that has nothing to live for. He looks exactly like I felt when they realized I was a clone, when I realized that they didn't care about me, that they only wanted the "real" O'Neill.
You may ask how is it that I am here, that I got an invitation to the service; well, I don't know how but a month ago I received it by mail. I don't know who send it but I am happy that someone remember me, cause, perhaps Carter isn't for me but I know she belongs to the other me, to Jack, to the older version of me. I am to young for her and I am not the man she knows.
I have change, you have to when you become part of the MTV generation. I was force to reconsider my priorities, my dreams, what I wanted for life. And I am a different man. I appreciate the gifts life give us. I will become an Air Force officer once again, the Joint Chief called me last week and told me that they had enrolled me in the Academy, that I am estarting this Autumn. I said that I would be very happy to serve my country and world once again, but that I wasn't going to be a black ops officer, that I wanted to do other things. They asked me what did I want and I was sincere with them: fisrt, I want to rejoin the SGC as soon as possible, and that they were going to have to be patient with me, that I wouldn't accept to be treated like a simple cadet, I am a Colonel after all, I have earned myself a lot of respect, I am Jack O'Neill, not a simple kid that wants to visit others worlds. I have saved this world and others a lot of times, I deserve some respect.
Second, that I want to study chemistry and ancient history. They asked me why, and I told them that there were a lot of physicist in that base, and I know a little about that cause I am a pilot and that I know astronomy cause is my hobby. I want to study chemistry cause I found out that I like it and ancient history cause, in the end I share the same genes that Jack has, I am sort of part Ancient. I know that's not a good explanation but they said that if that was what I wanted I could study whatever I wanted. But they told me they couldn't promise anything in regards my first point, that they would think about that. So I am still waiting an answer.
The ceremony has started sometime ago, I must pay attention now cause the part where I'll make my move is aproaching.
"If anyone has just a cause why these two should not be joined in lawful matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
Noone says anything. I see Daniel hesitate but he remains still. The chaplain is going to say something. I have to do what I came here to do.
"Carter! On your feet!" i yelled from my place. Carter inmediately obeied. Everyone on the chapel turns to look at me. I look directly to Jack and see that he is red, he is angry with me. But I don't care. I came here to do somethig and I am going to do it.
I start walking to were the bride is standing as strait as ever. She has always been a good little soldier.
"At ease Carter" Jack tells her. I have to smile, the situation is really funny. It's a tipical SGC situation, strange, weird, perfect.
"Who are you?" asks the looser of Shannahan.
"Jack" Carter whispers.
I smile, she looks beautiful, perfect. "You look beautiful Carter, this dress really suits you"
Her face turns a little red and she looks even better.
"What are you doing here?" Jack asks me.
"I didn't came to see you O'Neill" I say to him, not moving my eyes from Sam. "Really Carter, the dress is beautiful. But if I may give you my opinion you look beautiful in everything you put on"
She gets even redder and I smile pretty proud of myself. She still feels something for me, other wise she wouldn't be reacting like this.
"I asked who you are?" the cup asks again.
"She knows" is my simple answer.
"Sam?"
Carter looks at me and she smiled that beautiful smile of her, "you had grown"
"Last time you saw me was two years ago Carter"
"I know" she says with a sad look, "I'm sorry about that"
"Don't worry" I say and look to Jack. He isn't there anymore. Daniel has gone two. I supose my friend take him out cause most probably he was going to kill me.
"Young man" the chaplain talks to me, "are you here to stop the wedding?" he asks very concern.
"Yes, sir" I answer and I see Pete turn pale.
"Jack" Carter says, "what are you doing here?"
"You know I really love hearing you say my name" I say smiling, "it sounds perfect on your lips"
Sam went even redder if that's possible.
"I know I have no right to do this to you Sam, but I think we should talk, before it's too late"
"Why?"
"Cause I know he will never do it and I've got nothing to lose "
"Excuse me, Sam" a man that looks like a younger version of Jacob says "who is the kid?"
"Jack" Jake says, "it's good to see you again"
"Dad, it's good to see you too" I say not looking at other than those beautiful blue eyes that are glued to my brown eyes.
"Dad?" the man I suppose is Mark Carter asks a little shock.
"What do you say Sam?"
"What do you want us to talk Jack, as you said you have no right to do this to me" she says looking away from me.
My heart hurts. She had never treated me like that. "I know but as I said, he would never do this and I can do it. I can say to you what he really thinks and feels at this moment, I can tell you that he is dying here, I am dying here"
She looks at me with sad, worried eyes. I know I must continue speaking.
"I know perfectly well that I lost you two years ago, Sam. I know that we will never be together, our ways had separated and perhaps someday they will rejoin but not in the way they were. But you and him, you belong to each other"
"No we don't"
"Sam, don't be stubborn" I say to her, "you can't lie to me, I know you better than anyone except for O'Neill. You were there when we first met. You knew that there was something different there. And then all the missions, you in that beautiful dress, and what happened in that locker room" I say and see that Pete looks at Sam asthonished, "then the Zat'arc, you can't tell me that you don't belong together cause you know you would be lieying and I really think this is the moment where you must be honest to yourself. You are getting married. Marriage is a life term commitment, like our service to our country. Are you sure you want to marry a man that will never understand you, a man that is a poor copy of the man you deserve. I know there are regs to follow, I had live with them all my life and I will continue following them for the rest of it, but I also know that if you or him make a simple call things might change. Or you can always use that beautiful "water wall" and ran away, noone would ever find you. And I am certain that noone from the SGC would ever want to find you" I say smiling at her.
She doesn't say anything, but I know she is thinking. She has that beautiful face that she shows when she is trying to think how to save Earth. She is bitting her lower lip and I have the simple urge to kiss her, but I know I can't, she is forbidden for me, she will always be.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Pete yells at me.
I look at him and smile frankly, the poor man doesn't know what is happening here.
"I am Jack"
"REALLY?"
"Yeah" I said with a smile still on my face.
Pete is going to say something when Carter speaks again, "how can you be so sure?"
I looked at those beautiful eyes and the smile leaves my face, "he loves you, Sam. He has from the first moment he saw you. He knows he doesn't deserve you but still his heart skips a beat everytime you give him that smile that makes the sun become very, very little"
She gives me a very shy, small smile that makes my heart skip a beat.
"And I know that if he calls the Prez, you will receive a special permission, after all you deserve it"
She smiles again, this time the smile is bigger and makes Pete mouthopen.
"Sam?" he asks.
"And if they don't give you permission you can always call my buddy and ask for political asylum"
Her smile grows even more and I know I have to leave now before I make a mistake and kiss her. That thought has appeared a lot of times in my mind this day, and that's scary, cause, once again, she isn't mine. Repeat: she isn't yours, O'Neill.
She turns to Pete, "I am sorry Pete, but Jack here is right. Marriage is a life term commitment and I will never be ready to do this with you. I really care about you, but my life is among the stars and yours is here, on Earth. And" she stops and looks at me, then she looks where Jack had been and doesn't see him, I know she is very concern now, "Where is the General?" she asks Jacob.
"Jack has gone to take some air, I think he is having his first heart attack" he answers smiling.
"I will get him Colonel Carter" Teal's says.
"So you are a Colonel now?" I ask.
"A Lt. Colonel" she corrects me smiling. I smile back. God, I am really proud of her, my 2IC has grown a lot in this two years.
"Sam" Pete starts saying.
"No Pete" she cuts him, "I am really sorry, but there's nothing you can do. This" she points between the two of them, "is a big mistake"
Instantly, he jumps and tryes to hit me. But he can't, I am a special ops officer. I intercept his hit and bring him to the ground. Jacob moves fast enough to take care of the man. I know he is hurt, he has a lot of right to be, but that was a stupid thing.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" I hear Jack yelled.
"Shannahan tried to hit Jack, Jack" Hammond says smiling.
"If he wants to hit him he must wait till I hit him"
I smile at the older version of myself, "you're welcome" I say and he looks at me. He doesn't even try to look as if he doesn't understand, he knows I know him and that that act won't work with me.
"Carter, Teal'c here says you were looking for me? The ceremony is ready to continue?" he asks not looking at her.
"No, sir, I wanted" she stops again. She is trying to gain courage, "I wanted to tell you that the ceremony is over. I am not getting married" she says trying to meet his eyes.
"oh" Jack says, "and why is that?"
"I will killed you" Pete says, he is trying to get free form Jake. I see that there are some men, I am sure they are Pete's friends, that are approaching silently to Jacob.
"I don't think that's a good idea. Dad is really strong and T and the guys here won't let you harm him"
The men instantly stop. They don't know what to do, cause all the officers are standing and look prepare to battle.
"Dad" Jacks says, "free him, this is his wedding day"
"What is it that you don't understand?" I ask the man, "Carter isn't marrying this simple human"
"Simple human?" Petes yelled, he is now free. "Who the hell are you?"
"I am Jack" I repeat, I know this is getting him nuts, "she isn't marrying this man O'Neill, she prefers us" I tell him.
He looks at me, then at Carter. Their eyes meet and I feel like an intruder. The silent comunication that two years ago she used to have with me, is happening between them and I don't know what they are saying to each other. I look at Pete and I see that he sees the same thing I do. And suddenly I see in his face understanding. He understands what I was saying to Sam, when I told her that Pete is a cheap copy of O'Neill.
"You have no chance here Pete" I tell him, "and neither do I. They belong together, that's the way it is. Not even I have a chance"
Pete looks at them, at me, "Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Jack" I repeat again, "I'm nobody, just a simple man that wish to have his life back but that knows that that isn't his life anymore"
My friends look at me with a sad face, they know what I mean.
"Jack" Jacob says, "how are your things?"
"I'm fine" I look at the couple that continues talking without saying a word. I haven't forget how I always forgot where I was everythime we talked that way.
"I really don't know how they can talk this way" Daniel says looking at them.
"You remember the incident in the locker room?"
"Yeah" he says looking at me.
"Then the Edora incident?"
"Yeah"
"Then our trip to Antartica?"
"Yeah"
All the people is looking at me now
"Well all those incidents, plus Urgo, plus the other one in that icy place, plus the Jolinar and the Entity and all the others where our, their relationship was prove, make possible this kind of comuniction. Everytime they return, they were unconfortable. The situations were very difficult, they couldn't talked to each other cause the things that happened were wrong, the feelings were wrong and well that's how the silent comunication develop. They needed it to survive without breaking the chain of comand, without breaking the regs. They needed it to continue living"
Daniel looks at me and smiles, "so, what are you doing Jack? How is school?"
I smile, I know what they are trying to do. They want me to forget that next to me, O'Neill and Sam are talking. "I'm finishig school this year"
Jacob smiles, "And what are you doing then Jack?"
"I am joining the Air Force, Dad, but I will not go to the Academy, I'm going to college, to study"
"You are?" Daniel asks shock.
"Yeah" I give then a shy smile, "I know everything they teach the cadets, I don't need it"
I hear Sam sigh, look at her and see that she is smiling. They had reach a decision. She looks at me and then at Pete.
"I am really, really sorry Pete, but you must understand, my life is completely different to yours. And I don't really think you would ever get use to me not coming home for days, weeks, months"
"I see" Pete says resign, "I wish I could tell you that you are wrong Sam, but deep in my heart I know you're right. I wish you luck in your life" Pete says and goes and kiss her cheek. "Bye" he says, then he leaves. Everyone of his guests leave too.
"So" Daniel says, "what happens now?"
"Now we go and get drunk" I say.
"No we don't" Jack corrects me, "we have other things to do" he says, "Sir, if you excuse me, I will take some days of" he says to Hammond.
"Yes Jack , of course"
"Well, so see you in a few days" he says and leaves.
"What?" I ask, "Hey, you can't live her here!" I yelled and ran towards him.
He stops and looks at me, "Yes I can. What were you thinking that I would have ask her to marry me?" he hisses. "I have some pride. I wont be the second option" he says.
"Don't you see it? She loves you!" I say and I know everyone is hearing our conversation.
Jack looks at me, then he looks behind me, I know he is looking at her. "That doesn't matter know, kid" he says and turns away and leaves.
I can't believe that he is leaving. I know he is hurt, I am hurt but I would do anything to be the owner of Carter's heart. I turn and look at her. And I don't see hurt in her eyes. I know she is sad, but I see understanding. She knows he is going to be back soon, that he will return to her.
I don't go and say goodbye to them one by one, I don't know how to say goodbye. I wave my hand and leave. I know that I will be seeing all of them soon.
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A/N: I think I will write a continuation, but I want to know what you think. Thanks for reviewing