April was cursing her bad luck and trying to figure out what to do next. She, Mark, Napoleon and Illya had been on a joint mission to retrieve politically sensitive documents and blueprints that had been stolen from the United Kingdom by a traitor in the Prime Minister's Cabinet and sold to THRUSH. She and Mark had managed to intercept the bird courier before he could board his flight at Heathrow. She had created a slight diversion so that Mark could snatch the man into a maintenance closet, karate chop him into unconsciousness and relieve him of his briefcase.
They had exited the terminal and were immediately picked up by Solo and Kuryakin who was driving the large, black London cab. Mark handed the briefcase to Napoleon who opened it and began to take inventory of the contents.
The American smiled with satisfaction. "Everything seems to be here. Now, all we have to do is take this to London HQ to hand over and they will make arrangements for it to be returned to the Prime Minister. And then we can do something really important like figure out where to have dinner."
Illya rolled his eyes as he headed onto the motorway towards London. A moment later he uttered, "This was too easy."
"What do you mean, Darling?" April asked from the backseat.
"I mean," the Russian replied, "that considering how valuable these documents are to THRUSH, it makes no sense that the courier was traveling unescorted."
Mark twisted around and looked out the rear window. Illya, as always, was driving evasively, frequently changing lanes, speeding up and then slowing down, signaling that he was exiting and then yanking the car back onto the motorway at the last second; all to see if any vehicles were following. "No one is on our tail, Mate," he reported, "Satisfied?"
"No, I am not. Napoleon, hand the papers to April, please. Now, rip the lining away from the case."
Trusting his partner's instincts, Napoleon began to deconstruct the briefcase and search it carefully. Five minutes later, he whistled softly. Pointing to a flat eraser – sized homing device placed underneath a hinge he said, "You've earned your paycheck this week, Tovarisch. They don't have to keep us in sight."
Mark shook his head. "Bloody 'ell, we could 'ave led them right back to 'eadquarters! Illya Mate, you're a genius! Toss that thing out the window, Napoleon!"
"Not so fast, Slate. Who's to say the moment they note it's stopped moving, they won't try to waylay us on the motorway? There's too many Innocents around to risk a confrontation here. They already know we're heading to London. I'm thinking we're being tracked from behind and in front. April, divide those papers into four piles. We'll each take one, get out of the car one at a time once we hit town and make our way to HQ on foot. Understood?"
"Yes, Sir," April and Mark answered while Illya nodded his head.
Fifteen minutes later, Illya exited the motorway and began to drive the local streets on the outskirts of town. Mark jumped out when Illya obeyed a stop sign. Six minutes later, Napoleon tipped an imaginary hat to April and exited the vehicle at a bus stop.
"Be careful, April. I will see you in HQ."
"Of course, Darling. Don't wait too long to ditch the car," she said before she alighted from it and began to walk in the opposite direction. She turned left at the first corner and began to take evasive actions. The third time she crossed the street, she could no longer deny that she was indeed being followed by two rather large men. She kept to the more crowded streets, but she noticed them getting closer. Not wanting to start a firefight on a crowded street, she looked around for a way to lose them.
That just might work, she thought when she saw a theater when she rounded a corner. The marquee read "Tonight Only: The Beatles Live in Concert!" Isn't that the group Illya has been going on about lately? She dashed up to the ticket window and said, "One ticket, please."
"I'm sorry, Miss, the show's sold out," the old man behind the window replied.
"Oh no," she moaned as she put on her pouty face. "I really, really wanted to see them. My boyfriend was going to take me, but we got into a fight and I just…wanted to see them so badly!" Her eyes welled up and she allowed a tear to roll down her face. "Please?"
She got the reaction she had hoped for; the man leaned closer to the glass. "There, there, little lady, don't cry. Tell you what: The ushers told me no one's sitting anyway so give me a pound fifty and we'll call it a Standing Room Only price."
"Thank you!" she cried as she shoved the money under the glass and headed inside. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the THRUSH goons come around the corner and knew they had seen her. As she hurried down the hall toward the theater she thought, What on earth is going on in there? It sounds like women are being killed! It was too late to turn around so she kept going. I'll go out the fire exit; there must be one down by the stage.
When she opened the door, she was totally unprepared for what she saw. Hundreds of teenage girls and women screaming and crying at the top of their lungs at four long – haired young men onstage playing instruments and singing. At least, she thought that's what they were doing. She could barely hear a note above the cacophony of sounds coming from the audience. Every once in awhile, she could hear a "yeah, yeah, yeah" or an "ooo" sound from the stage as she tried to make her way past the crush of British womanhood blocking the aisles. She was finally able to get halfway down to the stage and felt comfortable enough to look behind her.
The men had stopped at the low wall behind the last row and were looking around in shock. She saw one say something to the other who shook his head no violently. Apparently, both were reluctant to try to work their way through the crowd. April double – checked that her bundle of documents were securely in her purse before using her shoulder strap to put the bag around her neck. She began screaming and jumping to fit in, all the while moving forward to the stage.
All of a sudden, the band finished the song, or as far as she could tell, they had stopped playing and if she had thought there was no way for the crowd to get louder, she was proven wrong because it became deafening when the four musicians proceeded to try to exit the stage. The crowd as one surged forward carrying April with them as it knocked down or ran off the ushers who were trying to maintain some control. Screams of "Paul, I love you!" and "Ringo, kiss me!" were all around her.
The stairs leading to the stage were only wide enough to allow, at most, two girls at a time. April was astonished as the mob, for that is what the audience had become, began to claw and climb its way over the lip of the stage when the stairs became too crowded. April managed to access the stairs and ascend to the stage with her feet barely touching the ground. She turned around just as one bird looked at the stage and saw her. He grabbed his partner and plunged into the crowd intent on reaching her.
Unfortunately for the men, the females they tried to move out of their way began screaming "Masher!" and "Groper!" and "Pervert!" which caused all the women in their general area to attack them with nails, pocketbooks, slaps and fists. The last April saw of them before managing to duck through the backstage exit was them being taken down by a sea of screaming, enraged Beatles fans. She almost felt sorry for them. Almost.
Forty – minutes later, April arrived at UNCLE's London HQ. After receiving her badge, she proceeded to the conference room she had been told her fellow agents were occupying. "About time. Luv," Mark said as soon as he saw her, "We tried raising you on your communicator, but you never answered. Illya and I wanted to go search for you, but Napoleon said you hadn't missed check – in, so he ordered us to wait."
April observed the look Napoleon and Mark exchanged and stated, "Napoleon was right to hold you two here." She reached in her bag and handed the CEA her share of the documents. "I'm an UNCLE agent, just like you are. I appreciate your concern, you know I do, but I don't want to be treated differently, Darling. Okay?" She softened her rebuke by patting Mark's cheek. Turning to the Russian she said, "There was no way I could hear my communicator chirp in the madness I was surrounded by. That new band you like, the Beatles, and their fans, helped me escape from THRUSH."
Illya's eyebrows disappeared under his bangs. "How?"
"They're playing across town and I managed to get into the theater. Guys, I have never seen anything like it! I could barely hear the music and the way all these young girls were screaming and crying and chasing those boys! The only men in the whole place were the Beatles, the ushers and the two THRUSH. When they started to come after me, well, let's just say they fell victim to a pack of crazed, hysterical women. I don't think they knew what hit them."
Napoleon threw back his head and laughed. "That sounds like too many women for me! I have seen a picture of them, Partner Mine; you have a similar haircut. Maybe they'll let you play bass for them. You'll fit right in."
"Very funny," the blond deadpanned. "April, I am glad you were equally successful in getting these documents back here and I also want to thank you for answering a question I had been considering."
April looked puzzled. "What question would that be, Darling?"
"I was thinking that perhaps I would go see them perform when they return to New York. After what you have described, I will continue to content myself listening to them on the radio and buying their records."
Napoleon retorted, "You should be glad."
April smiled, "Always glad to help, Darling."
"She Loves You"
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You think you lost your love
When I saw her yesterday
It's you she's thinking of
And she told me what to say
She says she loves you
And you know that can't be bad
Yes, she loves you
And you know you should be glad
She said you hurt her so
She almost lost her mind
And now she says she knows
You're not the hurting kind
She says she loves you
And you know that can't be bad
Yes, she loves you
And you know you should be glad, ooh
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
And with a love like that
You know you should be glad
You know it's up to you
I think it's only fair
Pride can hurt you too
Apologize to her
Because she loves you
And you know that can't be bad
Yes, she loves you
And you know you should be glad, ooh
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
With a love like that
You know you should be glad
With a love like that
You know you should be glad
With a love like that
You know you should be glad
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah