hello, long time no see. For anyone familiar with me you know I usually write Avatar ficsbut I've taken a liking of Death Note, more spacificaly LightXL... Thus this ficwas born, with the help of a poem my friend wrote, it'll be at the bottom.

Now, on to the disclaimer, L would you do the honors?

L: Aangxxxkatara doesn't own Death Note, Light or myself. Or the poem that inspired this, all credit for that goes to her friend Kibby. I'm 90 percent sure I'd still die either way anyways... can I have my cake now?

me: *hands cake* Fine. And for your information I would've kept you alive. Now, on to the story!

The Darkest Plan, the Darkest Pain

L didn't understand why he tried so hard. Tried to proveLight Yagamiwas Kira to himself. Yet, keep it hidden from the others. Tried to smother his feelings for the younger man. Tried to tell himself his feelings were merely one-sided, to tell himself Light was merely pretending, it was the truth after all.

He couldn't though. As much as the panda eyed man tried. He loved him. It was as easy to see as the moon above his head. As easy to see as the rain dripping down his face. 'I loveyou too, Ryuuzaki.' Oh, how L wished it were true. The awful ring of a lie was ever present in Light's voice though. Mocking him. Hurting him. Filling L with a hopeless happiness that would so very soon turn to pain.

L closed his dark rimmed eyes for merely a second. Blocking out everything. The city lights, so far below, the sound of the rain, the brightness of the moon. He isolated himself. He didn't want this pain. The pain of losing. Not only of losing the game of cat and mouse he and Light had started, or losing fight between good and evil, L and Kira. No, the pain of losing a love that was never his.

Can you lose what you never had? The question its self bothered L. he wanted dearly to say no. To turn his back on what he knew to be fact. To lose himself in the darkness of his mind, but he couldn't. He couldn't sugar coat what he knew to be the end. He'll end up losing the game. Losing the man he never had.

It was all scheme. Planned with perfect precision the whole time. Light played with him. Toyed with his confused mind, his lost feelings. But now the game has ended, Kira has grown bored with him. It's not like he meant what he'd said. It's not like he cared, really cared, about his useless pawn.

The ring of bells filled L mind, breaking through his carefully constructed walls. Death making itself known to the broken man. But no, L wouldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe his end was so near. Couldn't believe it. Yet he still knew there was no point in fighting it. The end would come, his end would come.

A new sound rang through his ears. Tearing his thoughts in two, rending his heart broken. He pretended not to hear, but couldn't help the playful smile grace his lips. The smile playful, yet sorrowful. Happy in some masochistic way, yet yielding a sadness to great for his hear to manage. Why must his only happiness be his pain and misery?

But no, there were happy times. Times where his mind stopped working and he felt. Times where he let himself believe Light cared. Times where it was just the two of them. No case. No Kira. No one but themselves. Not a care in the world. And then… he woke up.

'You'll catch a cold.' Oh, he pretended so wonderfully. Pretended he cared what happened to the detective. L was broken by the lie, shattered even more than to begin with. Of course the truth would be below the auburn haired teen. After all, God was above everyone else. Black haze filled L's gaze as he humored the 'God.' As he surrendered to the younger man. The darkness consumed him; he knew it was fruitless to try to fight. His end was near, oh so near.

Rising to his feet he looked down at the young man. His voice emotionless and soft as the one sentence that sealed his fate left his lips. "It will be lonely, won't it? You and I will be parting ways soon…" Light understood.

He didn't know why it hurt so much. He didn't understand. Pain tore through his chest as Watari's screen died. As all of the data was deleted. It wasn't the pain of the heart attack he knew would surly come soon that tore through him though. It was the pain of looking in Light's eyes and seeing that triumphant gleam. He'd won, and he knew it. 'I love you, too.'

The pain from the heart attack hit him in waves. Even though he knew it was coming. Even though the pain emotional pain was worse, much worse, than the physical pain. The spoon slipped from his fingers as he slowly slid from his chair. The world flying past him in a whirl of colors.

Warm arms caught him but all feeling was gone. His vision was blurring, but as he looked up onyx eyes met blood red eyes, a trick of the light. Yes, that was it, Light's eyes were the same honey brown as always. Light wasn't Kira, and L would always stand by that. Even though he knew it wasn't the truth.

A triumphant smirk, one only L ever saw. Bloody eyes conveying one message; I've won. He never saw this though. He was distracted by the scared, confused teen hidden with in the golden red irises. The teen that L knew had the ability to love still, the teen that was slowly being eaten alive by the parasite in him.

L's heart shattered at the realization, Light had no control over his emotions anymore. Maybe, at one point he had loved him. Maybe in some other broken world they could've even been lovers. But no, this was the reality they'd chosen. Light chose to be God. Chose to manipulate people and warp their emotions for his own personal amusement.

He knew Light had been lying all along, but he had no idea why. Was he just a pawn after all? Just a piece in Light's game? Yes. He was. Realization dawned on him as his mind started growing fuzzy. Light's smirk grew and his eyes flashed as L's eyes slowly closed. Death pulling the unbeatable man to his final resting place.

Yes. He was just a pawn after all. As L's eyes slid shut for the last time he realized two things. One, he was being used. The other, was he forgave him. He knew that from the very beginning he'd never hold a place in the confused teen's heart. He knew that from the very beginning he was doomed to fade in his heart. He knew Light never loved him. Yes, he knew this. But he didn't care. L loved the younger man, even if he never loved him back.

All feeling left his body, all thoughts, and all feelings. His soul left the world he'd once called home. Left the place he'd never belonged, but right before he could've sworn he'd seen a flicker of doubt in Light's eye, but it was soon smothered and killed by the killer in him.

L was dead, L was no more. But in the process of killing L, Light was no more. Kira had taken over completely; and no one could stop him.

I know you didn't mean it.
I know you were only pretending.
To think you loved me...
... Was only an act...
To love you back, it was as true as the sun and moon.

I know you didn't mean it.
It hurt so bad.
But yet... There you were beside me.
It's not real.
Happiness was a pain. I didn't want it.
To trap my self in isolation.
I thought deeply about the growing darkness within.

Then again, happiness was like the darkness which surrounds me.
I enjoyed it while it lasted.
you planned it from the beginning.
You didn't mean what you said you meant.

I can fight aginstmy self all I want.
Tears still fill my once empty lake of shattered dreams.
Still you stood beside me. It hurt.
Why must my happiness be my pain and misery?
I know you meant it.
Was it all just a beautiful dream?
... you did mean it...
And I woke up from the graying world.

Where am I now?
All I see is darkness.

The darkness within you.
I know you didn't mean it,
What you said.
I know what you meant to do...

I couldn't let go.
Even though my heart scattered away,
I still love you.

I know you meant it-
But why?

Don't worry, I forgive you.
After all, I was doomed to fade away within your heart.
Even if you don't love me back.

L: ... see I told you I'd end up dieing! T.T

me: sorry L... I tried to keep it in line with the story line

Light: Wait, so do I die to?

me: eventually, yes... wait how did you get here?

L: o.O

Light: I wanted to know where L went... *shifty eyes*

L: o.o'

A/N all of the actual spoken dialog came straight from the episodes... minus the 'I love you.'... sadly

anyways, loveit? hate it? wish I'd actually write something fluffierfor once?

Please review. Constructive crit will be apriciated and taken seriously, flames will be laughed at and ignored.