"I guess it's an okay time to tell you about your mother." Tony spoke quietly as he bounced his baby girl on his lap. "It's not like you're old enough to understand anyway."
Tony looked down at his daughter who was looking away and was drooling. He took his thumb, cleaned off her mouth again and tucked her hair behind her ears. He watched her chocolate eyes glisten while she cooed at the puppy lying on the floor beside the couch they were sitting on. Then it hit him; the pangs of heartbreak and the loss of a loved one. Tony dealt with death all of the time at work, but this was different. He had lost his wife this time, and he was sure he lost his soul mate too.
"You know, Tali, you are the spitting image of your mother." Tony felt something inside him shatter once again as he said that. Thinking of Ziva was never easy, even though it had been almost two months since her death.
"I bet you Mommy is looking down at us now, seeing what a beautiful baby girl you turned out to be." Tony's voice cracked and tears began to pour from his eyes. Tali turned around to look at him and cracked a toothless smile for Tony.
"You would have liked your mother, Tali." Tony went on. "I met your mother almost ten years ago. She was Israeli Mossad, you know." Tony watched as his daughter began to snuggle against his arm that was propping her upright. Tony pulled Tali close and changed his position so he was lying flat on the couch. Tali was laying on his chest, moving up and down as her daddy would breathe.
"There are a lot of memories in this couch." Tony spoke to himself and imagined him and Ziva sitting on this couch exactly two years ago. It had been the couch they sat on at his apartment for movie nights, the one he'd sleep on when she stayed over just so she could sleep in his bed the first couple of times. It was even the couch they had made passionate love on a few times while watching "Body Heat" after work. Tony tried to smile at the memory before almost breaking down into a sob. Tony looked at his baby girl whose eyes were fluttering shut.
"When I first met your mom, I knew she was something special. Full of fire, I might add, but she was beautiful. She had chocolate colored eyes that sparkled in the light, and curly, wild, brown hair like yours." Tony stroked Tali's hair. "It took me forever to realize that she was 'the one'. I dated a few girls and had my fun, but those are stories for when you get older." Tony laughed. "But no one could replace the feeling I had when I was with your mother." Tony noticed Tali was asleep now. He proceeded to speak in a hushed tone.
"You know your mom almost got married one time, and not to me. And she's been on her fair share of dangerous missions, and beat up a few bad guys too, saving the day and everything." Tony recalled working with Ziva and all the memories they shared as coworkers. "Your mom was my partner, my best friend, and when we started dating, we realized that we were each others soul mates." Tony sniffed.
"And that's where everyone is wrong, Tali." Tony gently rubbed her tiny, curled up hand. "There are soul mates. There are people who can complete you, you are your better half, who can make you feel like life is worth living. Soul mates are real and your mother Ziva is without a doubt mine. I was lucky enough to meet my soul mate, thankfully." Tony stopped talking after that and his lip started to quiver. He tried not to cry, but it was no use. After Ziva died, Tony did not care who saw him cry. He would cry at his desk, in the elevator, and once in the bathroom where Gibbs had caught him. Talk about embarrassing.
"I miss you, Ziva." Tony sobbed quietly, trying not to wake Tali. No matter how hard he cried, no matter how much he prayed to wake up in the morning having this all be just a bad dream, he could not make himself believe that this was real, Ziva was really gone. The worst part of it all was his dreams and hallucinations late at night. He would lie in bed and roll over to try and see Ziva. He could smell her presence, coconut and a touch of vanilla, and he could hear her faint laughter. When he opened his eyes to reach out and touch her, she could be gone, and instead Tali would be crying.
Tony silently admitted he was going insane without her. He needed her in his life, he needed his other half. Ten years having someone by your side is a long time, and letting her go when he was not ready was hard on Tony. Actually, losing anyone on the job was taxing, especially to the team members.
"I know you do, Tony." Something whispered in his ear, and his skin prickled. Tony received those whispered messages daily and they almost sounded like Ziva. Whether he was visited by her, or it was the Ziva in his memories and dreams, he was note sure. The only thing he was sure of was that he made a promise to Ziva in the hospital that one night he would take care of their daughter, Tali, no matter what the cost.
Tony recalled that evening, Ziva in the hospital bed, her life slowly draining from her, eyes slowly fluttering shut. He remembered holding her cold hand and telling her that she could not leave him, until she finally did let go. He remembered how everyone from Team Gibbs filled the room for her final moments of her life, and how she made Tony bend down to talk to her so she could give him her final request, and one last kiss. It was the last kiss they had as husband and wife. After removing his lips from her blue, cold ones, he recalled swearing to himself that he would not take off his ring or remarry. And the last memory he had from that night was hearing the heart monitor flat line, and how he continued to cry and shout loudly over his loss until Gibbs had to drag him out of the room because he was disturbing others.
"Time for bed, honey." Tony scooped his daughter off his stomach and took her into his bedroom, their bedroom, so she could fall asleep in her crib.
"I want to see your Mommy tonight." Tony whispered, setting Tali down in her crib and crawling into bed. He began to cry softly and slowly drifted into slumber, hoping her could meet Ziva in his dreams tonight.
FIN.