Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!
Title: Motivation
Summary: Every Quartz needs a purpose- a reason to exist. Amethyst is no different.
Warning: suicidal thoughts-ish. Mostly just grieving Amethyst finding new hope, or whatever.
...
Amethyst knows the exact moment Rose dies. It's a hollowing in her chest, a sudden draining on her will to live.
She can't quite explain it. Amethyst had hinged a lot of her self-esteem on Rose, and she knew that wasn't exactly healthy, but never had her entire existence been tied into it. She's a Crystal Gem. She's her own person.
But, suddenly, she's nothing at all.
If she were standing, she's certain she'd be staggering under the weight of her own un-necessity. As it is, she'd been fitfully sleeping in her room, barred from the scene of the crime. Trash rises in heavy piles above her, and she wonders if one will fall and crush her by its own will. But junk doesn't normally feel things like willpower, so it's doubtful. There is no energy, no will to fight. Armageddon could be happening and she'd accept it without struggle.
She has no leader. She has nothing to fight for. She has no purpose.
That's not true. She has a cause; to protect the Earth. But without Rose it felt twisted and perverse- did it even matter? The rock will fall in on itself before she reaches ten thousand. That's, like, the Gem equivalent of dying at thirty.
She feels herself go numb inside and stays that way. She doesn't know how long it's been since this whole shebang started. Pearl eventually comes to drag her outside, voice shrill. Amethyst can't find it in her to care.
But then she sees him, holds him close, blows a raspberry to his small belly, and she starts to live again.
Author's Note: Pink Diamond's death really messed with Jasper- why wouldn't Rose's death mess with Amethyst?
-Mandaree1