Attention! Attention!

Dan's POV

Phil took me out to dinner to celebrate the event of me gaining 800,000 subscribers. It was very sweet of him to be willing to buy me dinner at a nice restaurant.

We arrived and were seated at a table against the back wall. Now of course, we were going to have a nice dinner again because Chris and PJ would be angry we went without them, but tonight was different. It felt different.

The table we were sat at had a candle in the middle and a bold, red table cloth. It was a weird environment for a dinner between two good friends. But I guess I didn't mind.

But instead of it being like a casual dinner between me and Phil, it felt more like a date. I would love to go on a date with Phil. But I wouldn't say that. Then it would just be weird.

"Dan," Phil whispered, trying to get my attention.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Are you okay? I mean, you've been acting weird all night," he asked in return, an obvious look of worry swimming through his bright blue eyes.

"I'm not acting any weirder than usual," I pointed out, trying to lighten the mood.

He looked at me with uncertainty. "You seem so on edge. I thought this was just going to be a normal dinner between us," he told me.

"Phil, I promise, nothing is wrong," I lied. I knew I was acting weird. I was nervous and I felt awkward.

He was unconvinced, but left it go until we got home. We walked in the door and I closed the door. I heard Phil put his keys down, but neglected to turn on the lights. It was pitch black in the flat and I couldn't see a thing. I reached around in the dark, searching for the switch, when I felt my hands hit something warm, Phil.

"Can you turn on the li-" I started, but was cut of by something blocking words from coming out of my mouth. Oh my god. Phil was kissing me. I was in shock and couldn't react. I felt his hands go to my waist and he pushed me back against the door.

I had to do something. Phil was obviously in love with me and I wasn't ready to return the feelings. His hand wandered up my shirt and he started stroking the features on my chest. Then, his voice was in my ear as he whispered, "I'm all yours tonight."

This made me snap of it and I harshly pushed him away and heard him fall to the ground. "What's wrong, Dan?" I heard his worried voice ask me again.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled back at him, shocked.

"Wh- I- bu- I'm sorry," I heard him mumble through the dark. I heard him scuttle to his feet and take off back the hall, sniffling and I knew I had hurt him.

While I felt bad, I wasn't at all ready to cause a scene and tell everyone I loved Phil. I crumbled to the floor and cried myself to sleep

Phil's POV

I was so stupid. I should've known Dan didn't feel that way toward me. But why did he let it go so far before telling me?

I needed to do something to take away the pain. I creeped out of my room and into the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet. There were my two favorite choices right beside each other. Painkillers and razors. I quickly opened the painkillers and popped a few, not even counting, into my mouth, dry swallowing them right then.

I pushed up my sleeves, seeing all the slashes and scars from way back. I had been depressed for years. But nobody knew it. I wasn't going to tell them, plus this was my escape from the black pit I live in.

I opened the plastic wrapper and snapped the blade away from the plastic handle. I looked into the blade, seeing my sad reflection looking back at me.

I needed this now. I slashed the blade against my left wrist, then my right. I watched as the blood poured out. Sometimes, I would make multiple cuts, but I wasn't really feeling up to that now. I just wanted to have my high feeling and pass out.

When I woke up in the morning, it was to the sound of knocking and a heavenly voice mumbling, "Phil, please wake up and come talk to me. I didn't mean to react that harshly."

I didn't want to talk to Dan. I was probably just dreaming this. He didn't want to talk to me. He never would again. And I didn't blame him.

Then I heard it again. "Phil, please talk to me. Chris and PJ are here. We are soon going out to dinner"

Maybe it wasn't a dream. I washed my wrists, feeling the sting of the water hitting my open wounds. I pushed my sleeves down and opened the door a crack. Dan stood there, looking me in the eyes. "Move. I have to get dressed," I said, annoyed, pushing past Dan and storming into my room.

I got ready and sat until I heard a knock on my door. "Hey Phil, can I come in?" It was PJ.

I opened my door and he came in and sat with me on my bed. He looked at me and said simply, "It'll be okay."

To that, I broke down and embraced him as hard as I could. PJ listened to me. I told him everything. He was my best friend in the whole world and he supported me through everything. Even the fact that I have been depressed and cutting myself.

He never made me stop and he told me that, "It's your life and your decisions." I could tell he wanted me to stop though. It hurt him to see the lines across my arms. I try to stop. For him. It just doesn't work.

"We have to go to dinner Phil," he told me after a ten minute sob session. I pulled myself together and we went to dinner awkwardly with the other guys.

Dan's POV

I feel really bad for lying to Phil. We sat in the restaurant and while he would occasionally look up at me, PJ was glaring at me nonstop. He really did care for Phil. More than I did, it seems.

The waitress came up and took our orders. She was good looking and I knew she was checking me out by the way she smiled at me and winked.

She brought our food and she handed me her number. "Nice score!" Chris yelled to me after she left. At this, Phil started crying into PJ's shoulder. I looked down at the number and ripped it up.

"Dan, why did you have to do this?" PJ yelled at me.

"It's not my fault! He started touching me and I do not love him!" I lied before taking in the harsh words that I just said.

Everyone gasped at me and Phil looked up with eyes full of the most sadness I had ever witnessed. "Well you know what Dan? If you feel that way," he started before standing on the booth seat and stepping up so he was standing on the table top. "Excuse me everyone! May I have your attention?" he yelled to everyone in the restaurant. "This man, Dan Howell, has broken my heart. He's gone on for years, leading me on and making it seem like he loved me, but in reality, he's disgusted by me. While I'm his roommate, I don't think he wants me to live with him anymore. What do you have to say to him?"

One person raised their hand. Phil pointed at them. "He's a douche bag for leading you on into thinking he loved you," he said.

Another person raised their hand and said, "You shouldn't live with him anymore if he's going to treat you like that."

"Thank you," Phil said before getting down off the table and sitting back down. Everyone applauded Phil on what he had just done. He then glared at me. I knew I had pushed my lie too far and Phil hated me now.

I left right then and went home, mentally killing myself for what I had done. I really do love him and now I've messed up everything. I cried my eyes out, eventually becoming sick.

As I sat on the bathroom floor, I heard the front door open and slam closed. Phil came to the bathroom doorway to face me, surprised by me sobbing there on the floor.

"Dan, I know you don't want me living with you anymore, so I'm going to move out and go live with PJ for a while. I'm sorry about what I've done to you," he said before wandering off to his room.

At that, I shattered. If Phil left my life, I wouldn't be able to go on. I had to tell him. It was either I tell him or he leaves me forever. I got up and stepped into the hall as he came out of his room, a suitcase in his hand.

"Goodbye, Dan," he half smiled at me.

"Phil," I mumbled, grabbing his wrist. He cringed and pulled away.

"WHAT?!" he screamed, holding his wrist as a red spot started forming on his sleeve.

"I- I-," I stuttered as he pushed past me and back to the bathroom. I steppe into the doorway to find him rinsing the open cut on his wrist. "Phil... What have you been doing to yourself?" I asked him, horrified.

"I have been cutting myself because I have been so depressed because I couldn't tell you how I really felt for you! And now look! This is all your fault!" he yelled in my face.

I started trembling because I realized just what I have been doing to him. I'm not his best friend. I'm a monster that causes him endless pain. "Phil, I'm so sorry," I muttered.

"Sorry? For what? You probably have wanted me to move out for ages now!" he yelled.

"No. Please, never move out. Please stay here with me. I can't stand to NOT have you here," I confessed.

"Lies. All lies," he sighed, looking at me with hate.

"What I said before was. I'm not lying now. I lied yesterday. Phil, I was nervous you wouldn't love me back. When you came onto me, I went into shock and reacted too quickly. I'm sorry Phil. You have to believe me when I say that. I want you here. No, I need you here. Phil Lester, I am in love with you. I do not hate you. At all. I may say I do sometimes, but I'm not complete without you," I confessed to him, watching his eyes change from hate to love as I went on.

"You mean that?" he asked me, unsure.

"Of course I do!" I yelled, throwing my arms up.

At that he pushed me up against the wall and began kissing me again. When he pulled away, I whispered in his ear, "I'm yours forever."