She wouldn't pretend that it didn't bother her. At least, not in the recesses of her own mind.
They never made a difference between her and their own children. They never tired to make her feel like a plus one, or the sore thumb. Most people never even questioned it. Her father's red hair and her mother's brown skin and cat like eyes. She fit right in with the Crock-West brood. Even so, comments like "You look more like your mother everyday" made her breath catch and her chest hurt. Funny how the tough resilient daughter could be completely destroyed by one unfaithful truth.
Yes, she looked just like her mother. Not the heroic original sixth member , not the hard working devoted mother of four, but the cold blooded assassin. Someone who killed for if not money, then simple thrill. Someone who caused chaos because she could and no government was fast or accurate enough to stop her. Someone who wouldn't give up a life of crime to spend 18 years cleaning up the mess she made.
" You've got to understand Lian, mommy needs to be free. I'm walking away because I love you, and I know my sister will see to you getting everything you need. You wouldn't want to see mommy sad, now would you ?" She bent down to Lian's small six year old form and held her face in her slender hands. " Artemis has always been obsessed with family. Women like me are not meant for motherhood. Coming home to 3 brats and one man everyday is terribly mundane and far too drab. Maybe one day you'll understand, or maybe you wont". Three minuets and two cheek kisses later, Lian watched her mother's slender green clad form slip out of the window. It was always the window. Lian thought it was because she didn't want to hear Artemis lecture her about her absent parenting skills, or demand that she get back on track so she could raise her daughter. Not that she didn't love Lian. She loved her, but she loved freedom more. She loved her money fast, and her obligations short.
Roy was around enough. He visited weekly, and she would spend a few weekends a month at his home in Star City. She felt like Roy wanted to have her around, but wasn't quite sure as to how 'take her back'. Lian spent six years convincing herself that Wallace West was her father. Holding her face next to his and watching their hair fade and blend into one massive sea of inky red locks. Sometimes she would dig through Artemis' make up bag and draw dark brown freckles on her face. For in those personal moments it didn't matter. It was always so much more… easy to pretend. She was their daughter. She had dark red hair, freckles and her mother's eyes. Artemis' eyes.
The first time she met Iris West, and saw her big luminous green eyes and sparse red hair, she wanted to cry. She wanted to bang her feet against the wall and refuse to be placated by Artemis' stern demand for compliance or Wally's silly clown faces . Baby Iris had in one short second made her feel inadequate. Like she was some sort of intruder. She can easily recall the burn of hate in the pit of her stomach. Her ears got hot and she spent the better part of an hour wishing the infant away. Praying that Artemis and Wally would forget about their baby. Forget their baby, and remember Lian. Lian who drew freckles on her face, but would never have green eyes. Years later she was mature enough to feel shame. Iris was her sister, not her sentence. It was wrong to feel that way. Silly too, but unavoidable. No matter how good she was treated or how much she was loved, there would always be Iris' green eyes, Jade's ever fleeting presence , and Roy's awkward shifting to remind her of the truth.
Eh, this is my first attempt at posting on this site. I can't spell worth a shit and my grammar sucks. If someone wants to take it upon themselves to beta this, I would most certainly be willing to shoot this to them.
This was a gloomy head cannon that I had floating around in my brain. Sorry if I offended any fans. Back to the Chem homework!