I hold no rights to Rookie Blue
This day happens after Girlfriend of the Year, maybe even after Big Nickel. Who knows?
"I don't want to work with anyone else. I really do feel safe with you. I get into situations out here on the street, you aren't with me, and I'm scared." She paused. The worried look on her face was not wasted on him. His guts are being tied in knots but he could tell she wasn't through so he listened.
"When you're with me I'm fearless; the female version of Dirty Harry." Andy becomes more animated as she reflects on her feelings of invincibility when she's with Sam. "It doesn't seem to make any difference who we're after, how many of them we're after or how dire the situation is, if you say 'go', I'm ready. I know that doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense to me. But that's how it is! I really don't want to stop working with you! But, you seem to be miserable whenever I'm around."
Sam was well supplied with his hangover meds but he could see he was going to have to stock up on something to sooth this belly ache she kept giving him.
"It hurts me to see you so unhappy. You won't open up and tell me how to fix it and I know it was my fault." She continued.
"McNally."
"You won't tell me if you're mad about my coming over or if you're mad about my leaving. Not that there's a whole lot I can do about either one now." She paused, momentarily out of steam.
"Is it my time to talk now?" Sam finally got a word in.
"Sure, I just got…"
"Andy!'
"Sorry!"
"Cops who are partners spend a lot of time together. They share everyday information: family facts, personal interests, even hopes and dreams. They see each other in the normal ways that we share with friends and family: clean and dirty, hungry and full, happy and sad, even reasonable and unreasonable but, they also get to know their partners in ways that friends and lovers never do. We face situations together that could tear a regular relationship apart." He paused as though to gather his thoughts and she remained silent, digesting what he was saying.
"When two guys have a really good partnership, they stay friends for life. I suppose it's the same for female partners. When the partners are a man and a woman the dynamics can be complicated. " He sighed and continued.
"Andy, think about the different male, female combinations we see: father –daughter, brother-sister, husband-wife, friends, lovers, tormentor-tormented." His eyebrows lifted as he watched her, almost a question. He was watching her carefully to see if she was really processing what he was saying.
He continued, "A couple of those are impossible for us. Husband and wife would be a bit premature. You made damn sure we passed the 'friends' option a while back. Being your Training Officer, I didn't instigate the lover part but since you showed such an active interest, who am I to resist?" The red started below her collar, crept up her neck and continued until it covered her whole face, ears included. Maybe not a world record blush but certainly a notable one. Andy hung her head. She had no option. She had to listen but she did not have to look at him.
"You've been a good partner, agreeable, pull you fair share of the work load, fearless, really easy to be around. You have all those qualities that make for a really good relationship and you're easy on the eyes, great body, killer smile. I'm not nuts! That package backs me up to a wall and throws a lip lock on me that could stop a train. Bring it on!"
"I know. I shouldn't have left," almost a whisper emanating from the bowed head.
"In light of what has happened since, I couldn't agree more but at the time it made perfect sense to me. I'm thinking, she really cares, she doesn't want to rush things and she has probably embarrassed herself being this forward. I'm thinking you have shown your interest in escalating our partnership and now it's my turn to reciprocate, drinks, dinner, some time together, off duty." The tension in the car was growing. What had started out as a discussion, disagreement, mild rebuke, was rapidly developing into an angry tirade.
"I have to confess, I pride myself in usually reading people a whole lot better than I did with you. You are a very deceptive game player, Andy McNally. Very deceptive!" The glint in his eye was malevolent.
When Andy looked at him she felt a chill all the way down to her toes. For the very first time since she had met Sam Swarek she was with him and she felt fear. If looks could kill….
"Sweetheart! If you think you're going to dangle Sammy on the end of one of your strings… I won't be anyone's puppet. Not even for you, Andy! The role of tormented does not suit me well." His fury was almost spent but as maddened as he was by the situation she had placed him in he simply could not throw in the towel. She was a splendid creature and he had a Grand Canyon sized yearning for her. He told himself, "one more try, Sam, at least one more."
"The next move is up to you, McNally. I have said my peace. This partnership is not going to be able to hang together the way things are. Move forward or move away, the status quo is not acceptable."
It was a long day. The tension in the cruiser did nothing to make time fly. The calls were routine and the partners handled them routinely. No excitement, no fear and certainly no camaraderie, apathy would best describe the day. Two strangers, trapped in a car, in a job, in time but nothing else.
Sam checked in the car. Andy filed the paperwork. Shift was over. The two officers went about their duties without any overlap. Not friends, not enemies, nothing in common if you discount the sadness. The sadness was real. It flowed on, in and around both of them. Not together, that might have been comforting, but alone, it was devastating. Greetings from friends and co-workers did nothing to dissipate the sadness. It clung like cold on a bitter winter day. Chilled them to the bone and would not be dismissed.
Sam sat in his truck for a long time after shift, lost in thought. Maybe it wasn't thought. Maybe it was just misery. Whatever it was it took up time and it felt like hell. Going home and drinking alone held a certain allure, but he could still feel her presence in his home. That had been comforting before today. But today he had laid down an ultimatum. Fool!
She accepted what he had said without further argument and since she hadn't spoken to him since unless it related directly to the calls they handled it seemed she had made up her mind. He had said forward or backward and no status quo. Well, today wasn't an example of the status quo and she hadn't thrown herself into his arms and professed her undying love. Backward it was. Contrary to teenage thought, you could not die of a broken heart. Of course, he did not have a broken heart, just bruised along with his ego. He would heal.
The Penny and friends seemed a good first step even if that thought held very little promise.
When Traci saw Andy in the locker room she knew there was a problem. From a distance, it looked like a really big problem, a man problem; the kind of problem that had Sam Swarek's name written all over it. Homicide Luke was still part of the landscape but he never generated that much concern from her friend.
Andy gave Traci the slightest of smiles as she turned for the showers. Traci followed but remained silent. If Andy wanted to talk she would. Pushing never did any good with her. When the showers were finished and the friends were dressed they exited the women's locker room arm in arm but still silent.
Once buckled up in the car, Traci engaged the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot. "Black Penny, here we come," she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.
Andy had been lost in her misery and took a moment to respond to Traci's announcement. "Trac, I really just want to go home."
"I already had that figured out. You had a bad day. It shows. You need a drink. You don't have to talk. You don't even have to smile but you do not need to be alone. Not right now. "
"I want to be alone!"
"Sorry," that tone that says I heard you but I'm not changing my mind.
"I haven't questioned you. I haven't tried to get you to tell me all about it. But sometimes friends just have to do that they know needs to be done. One drink, Andy, and I'll take you home if you want; but right now some time spent with normal, not Sam Swarek, people is what you need.
As they headed to the rookie's table Andy did not notice Sam sitting at the bar but Traci did and nearly turned the two of them on their heels and headed back for the door but Jerry had already seen her and as long as Andy didn't know he was there it was as good as his not being there.
The frivolity at the table was lost on Andy. She was there but she wasn't really there. She played the Sam speech/ultimatum over in her head again for the umpteenth time. She really did not want to be a cop without Sam. She probably didn't even want to be a person without Sam, but she would have to explore that thought later. She didn't know where she wanted the partnership to go exactly, but she really did not want it to go away. Not away! For sure, not away.
There are those who believe you can conjure up the devil with a thought, if you try. Andy had certainly thought about Sam non-stop for hours now and she had finally made up her mind. She needed to do something about him and she really needed to start now.
Andy stood and turned as she tapped Traci on the shoulder, "I really need you to take me…"
Just like the devil, there he was, Sam Swarek, sitting at the bar with an empty glass in front of him and the bartender delivering a fresh double. If she wanted to see him and she did, now was not the time for second thoughts. Had she hesitated she might have lost her nerve but just today she confided in him that when he was around she wasn't afraid.
So fearless Andy McNally slid onto the stool next to her partner, placed her finger tips softly on the arm he had resting on the bar and waited. The bar was loud as usual; he had not heard her approach. He wasn't looking in the mirror behind the bar so he hadn't seen her but as soon as those fingers touched his arm he knew. With an inward sigh of relief he swung his head around and gazed at the partner he had nearly driven away and smiled.
She returned the smile and said, "If you'd buy me a drink, I thought we could spend some time together, off duty."
The siren had been listening, he thought, and the courtship began.