Burden of Wisdom
Vastlulja Sata Menton
Duo gazed up at the star lit sky pondering all that he knew. He knew that the truth was out there, far off in the distance. Yet, he knew what the truth was, making it so much closer than anyone realized. He could not share this truth though – it was a secret he held closely to his heart. He could not let anyone know. But it tore him apart inside every day, not letting his friends know who he really was, what he really was. How could he though? He would be leaving soon anyway; parting ways and forgetting about them. He was getting too close to them, and the closer he got to them emotionally the closer he was to letting his secret show or slip. He could not let this happen. His life depended upon this secret staying hidden. It hurt him so to know that he had to leave, but it was for the better off them all.
He sighed and turned away from the night sky. He would be going home soon and darkness of the sky only reminded him more. Duo walked back into his room and surveyed what was before him. All his things were packed, not that he would need them in the long run, and travel was set. The only thing left to do was to say goodbye, but that was something that Duo regretted that he would never be able to do. A sad smile crept upon his face as he slipped on his jacket and grabbed his belongings. He quietly made his way out of the small estate. He took one look back, fighting back tears, before making his way down the drive way and to a waiting cab.
Goodbye, my dear friends.
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Quatre woke early in the morning as he always did. The sun had yet to rise but the birds were beginning to wake and call out to each other already. The short blond smiled and stretched. It was going to be a good day. He padded over to the bathroom to begin his morning routine. He showered and dressed, making sure to open the window and shades to let the cool morning breeze in before heading down stairs. The cook was already preparing breakfast and the days paper was sitting alongside a mug of coffee at Quatre's usual place. He sat down in his chair and took up the paper to ready the news. He sipped his perfectly made coffee as he waited for the others to make their way down.
Wufei was first to come down, dressed and ready for the day. His green tea awaited him, steaming and hot, at it's usual place where the Chinese man sat. Heero was next with Trowa following closely behind. Black coffee sat at their usual places and they slipped in and waited for the rest of breakfast to come out. The food was brought out moments later, and Duo was still not down. Typical for the young American. No one thought differently of his lack of presence. Breakfast wore on as the four young men conversed, but still Duo had not come down. The smell of hot bacon and scrambled eggs normally lured the bouncing man down, but it seemed that this morning was different. It was strange though, so Quatre thought it best to go and check up on their friend.
As the short Arabian made his way up stairs and towards Duo's room, he smiled to himself. He knew that he would find the brunette American curled up in a ball, wrapped and tangled in his sheets. Strands of long hair would be sticking out of a messy braid and when he awoke he would have one of the most innocent looks upon his face. Quatre always enjoyed waking Duo up – it was a priceless Kodak moment. He knocked upon the door, as he always did, before entering in. The scene the greeted him was far from what he had expected though. Shock caused him to freeze and he blinked, thinking that maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him. What he saw was all too real however, and the emptiness of the room gripped and threatened to crush his heart. The cheery American was not there, and neither were his belongings. Time seemed to stop for Quatre, and he was unsure what to make of what was before him. Time started once again as he heard his name being called.
"Quatre! You've got a phone call!" He was not sure who's voice it was calling to him, but it still could not move him or break his gaze. Though time had broken from it's bonds, he could not do the same. The shout was made again, and again but he could not get himself to move. The sound of running feet upon the stairs and down the hall filled his ears and the call followed with. Finally, the feet and voice were at the door, calling for his attention. He spun around, finding Heero there, pulling him back into reality. The Japanese man was speaking, but Quatre did not hear it. He did not care to hear it, for he had something to say. The words were a whisper at first, but Heero continued to talk. Slowly but surely the words became louder and more clear.
"He's gone!" Quatre shouted, stopping Heero in mid sentence.
"What?"
"Duo's gone." It was Heero's turn to have time stand still.
"What do you mean he's gone?" The Japanese man inquired, unsure what to make of the words that Quatre was saying.
"Duo's not here. He's gone. Everything is gone." The two men stood staring at each other in shock. They made their way downstairs and into the breakfast nook in a daze.
"Where is Duo?" Trowa inquired as the two men sat down at their places. There was a pause before the question was answered.
"He's gone," whispered Quatre.
"What do you mean he's gone?" Wufei asked.
"He left. All of his stuff is gone," Heero answered, staring off into space. Shock and unbelief filled the room and it was some time before anyone spoke.
"Why?" Quatre asked. "What would cause him to up and leave like that? He didn't even say goodbye. He didn't even leave a note or anything. Why?" It was the question that they were all thinking, and no one had a reason to answer it.
"Everything seemed fine. Nothing has been off. No odd behavior. This is so sudden, so unexpected," Trowa mumbled, staring down into his cold coffee.
"I think that's what he wanted. No suspicion, no questions – he was able to walk out clean and clear for whatever reason he had," Wufei pointed out. Quatre nodded in agreement. It still did not answer the question of why. They were all too shocked to hardly think though. It would take time for the news to set in.
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Duo sighed. Darkness surrounded him, a darkness that was perpetual and eternal. He stared off into the darkness, wondering if it was a curse that he had to bear or a gift that he had been given. He was ruler and commander over the darkness; not just the immediate darkness but the darkness that loomed everywhere in the universe. He was an angel, the Angel of Darkness. It was a gift; a title that had been given to him by the one true God himself. Yet, it felt like a curse to him. A title so great but no happiness came of it. The power was nice, but he cared not for the power.
This was the secret that he had to keep to himself. Everyone in the heavenly realm knew of course, but no other soul knew. He had been on earth temporarily, and his time had been up. He was forced to come back and rule over the darkness. It was a gift, but it was a curse as well.
"Umbra." Duo turned as his angelic name was called. It was Penumbra, the Angel of Balance between the darkness and the light.
AN: Umbra: Complete darkness (here: the Angel of Darkness). Penumbra: an incomplete or partial shadow (here: the Angel of Balance between darkness and light).
"Yes?"
"It is good to see you finally back. It has not been easy balancing two sub-realms with no rulers." The taller angel sat down beside him, making himself comfortable.
"What do you mean?" Duo inquired.
"Didn't you know? Nishant has been gone too, not back yet either. So for the past three years I've had to work thrice as hard to keep balance between the darkness and light."
AN: Nishant: End of darkness (here: the Angel of Light).
"No, I did not know that. God sent me to earth very suddenly and unexpectedly."
"Mmm. Yes, He did that with quite a few angels. He couldn't send me out though; had to have some balance you know." Penumbra chuckled lightly, but stopped as he saw the sad look upon Duo's face. "Everything okay Umbra?"
"As okay as it can be." Duo shrugged.
"Got used to it down there?" Duo turned to his fellow angel and nodded. There was no use in hiding it. He had grown attached to the human friends that he had made. He had not wanted to leave and since the beginning of his stay had pushed the thought of leaving into the back of his mind. Reality was too harsh though and he had had no choice but to face it. "No worries! Time will pass and so will this feeling. You've got eternity after all. Well, I better be off. Must be keeping things under control." Penumbra stood and vanished instantly. Duo sighed. It was going to be a long eternity.
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They had searched for months but still no sign of Duo. They had been working as hard as possible, knowing that Duo was the master of stealth. If he did not want to be found it would not be an easy task to find him. Even so, for four former Gundam pilots it should not have been as hard as it was. They should have found him by now and that was exactly how they were all feeling.
"We should have found him by now!" Heero exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the table.
"Calm down Heero. Getting upset will get us nowhere," Trowa pointed out, momentarily breaking from his work. Heero sighed and slumped back in to his chair. He was stressed and exhausted; of course they all were. They had been working so hard but it seemed like they were running in place. It felt like they could search the entire world and all the colonies and still not find the braided man. Maybe they weren't supposed to find him; maybe he had a good enough reason to leave and not say something. Part of Heero wanted to believe that, but the other part of him refused to give up on searching. If Duo did not want to be found, then why were they trying so hard to find him? And if they did find him, what then? Was it all really worth their time?
"If he doesn't want to be found, then why are we working so hard to find him?" The words came out, but he was unsure who said them. By the looks he was getting from the other three men, he had a feeling that he was the one that had said the words. He had no idea where they had come from, but they had came out. There was a look of pondering and deep thought upon their faces as they considered this question.
"Because it seems right," Quatre remarked.
"But is it right? I honestly don't think that we are going to find him you guys. Something tells me that we could search every inch of this world and the colonies and we wouldn't find him." Heero admitted.
"That's impossible Heero. It's not like he up and disappeared completely," Wufei countered.
"As impossible as it sounds, I think it's true. I know it's crazy, and I can't explain it. I think we need to end this search."
"Are you crazy? End it because you think Duo's not even…I don't even know what the hell you think?!" Wufei exclaimed, raising from his chair.
"What does it matter what I really think happened? And why not end it? What good is it doing us? What if we do find him, what then? Tell me that, Wufei!" Heero shouted, jumping out of his chair.
"Well, we'll know where he is! And then we can go to him!"
"And what? Talk to him? If he really doesn't want to be found, do you know how pissed off he would be? That's saying he's even able to be found."
"So you just want to leave it be? Just let one of your best friends go off and not say good bye. No reason why he left; no real closure to this entire thing? And stop saying he's not even findable! You're starting to sound crazy Heero."
"Am I, Wufei? Or is it you that is sounding crazy?"
Fire ignited in Wufei's eyes and his grip on the table tightened. "Say that again Heero. Say it again!"
"ENOUGH!" Trowa exclaimed. Three sets of eyes fell upon him and silence filled the room. The tall Spaniard stood and walked over to the window. "We've been at this for too long. We need a break for a few days. I say we step away for two days and then come back and discuss this issue." He turned around and waited for the agreement. The other three men nodded. They would rest and think on the issue. Two days would tell if they continued the search, or closed the case.
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Duo meandered between sub-realms. God really had taken quite a few angels and sent them down to earth. It wasn't something that was uncommon, but the amount that was sent was by far the largest group yet. Most of them had not returned either, which made Duo wonder. Why had he been forced to come back so early, if none of the other angels were back from duty? It was something that he would have to talk to God about; he still needed to go to Him and check in. He had checked in with Gabriel, but still needed to go to God and check in. He would make sure to ask that question when he went forth.
Duo quickly found himself in one of the sub-realms of balance and he was not surprised to find it to be Penumbra's sub-realm. He was not there, but Duo figured that he would wait there until the busier angel came back. He did not have to wait long, for a few moments later Penumbra appeared a few feet away from him.
"Umbra! Good to see you. What brings you my way?"
"Oh nothing. Just seeing how many angels were sent down to earth. I was just poppin' around and found myself here. How are things going?"
"As crazy as usual. Come, sit with me." The two angels sat down together.
"Nishant's still not back?" Duo inquired.
"No. In fact, you're the only one back so far. I need to go to God and figure out what is going on. There are quite a of us Balancer's that are getting quite frustrated. It's not easy taking care of three sub-realms when you're only used to taking care of one and only balancing the other two."
"No doubt. I need to go to Him still. I've yet to check in, and I was actually thinking on asking why none of the other angels are back yet."
"It's a question that a lot of us would like to have answered. Did you know Ikusa and Rauha were both sent down because of the war. Still not back yet though, and poor Heikou is having a heck of a time dealing with it all up here. It's ridiculous!"
AN: Ikusa: Japanese for War (here: the Angel of War). Rauha: Finnish for Peace (here: the Angel of Peace). Heikou: Japanese for Balance (here: the Angel of Balance between war and peace).
"It will all get sorted out. I'll go talk to God and see what's going on. I'll let you know when I get back."
"Thanks, Umbra." Duo nodded and stood. In a flash he was gone; his destination: God.
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It had been two days since the argument had broken out between Heero and Wufei. Now it was time for them all to decide what to do about the situation at hand. Would they continue to search for their friend, or call it quits? They were gathered around the table that was covered in months of hard work. It was time to decide.
"Ok. So we've all had two days to sit and think on this whole thing. We'll discuss the issue calmly and then come to a consensus." Trowa began the meeting. "Who would like to begin?"
"I would." Heero stood up. "As you all know already, I think that we should end the search. I believe that even if Duo can be found, he does not want to be found. He left without saying anything for a reason. We may never know this reason, but we must respect the action that Duo had decided to take."
"Heero has a valid point, but there is another side to this issue," Wufei began, "The fact of the matter is it is unjust to let a friend go like that. Is it not our place to find him and bring closure to this issue?"
"It is not unjust to let Duo go. It is unjust to continue to look for him," Heero pointed out.
"And what would you know of justice? It is unfair to us to let this issue go and let Duo run off without knowing the consequences of his actions," Wufei lashed back.
"I agree with Heero," Quatre butted in. Shock filled the room as all eyes fell upon him. "We've been searching for months, but still haven't found anything. If Duo doesn't want to be found, then he wont be and it's wrong of us to continue this search for him. I don't know what to think of Heero's theory of Duo not even being on earth or the colonies, but I agree with the morality of this issue."
"I too agree with Heero on this one," Trowa added. "Quatre is completely right. It's the right thing to do to let it go." Wufei blinked. Had he just heard all of them agree to a single point? He was alone in his view then, so did that make it wrong? Majority was not always right that much was true but could they be correct? Wufei sighed. Majority ruled anyway, and he was outnumbered. He stood and nodded his head; it was his sign of defeat. He did not want to let go, but he knew that he had to. He left the room and left them all to the final decision to end the search. That was that. They would never see Duo again.
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Duo made his way up the large set of gleaming white stairs. His dark robes were a sharp contrast to the brightness of the space, but thus was the wardrobe that came with being the Angel of Darkness. He came to the double set of doors that led to the throne room of God. Before the doors stood Gabriel and the look upon his face was not happy. Duo knew what was coming.
"Gabriel! How are you doing?"
"You are late Umbra. You were supposed to check in with God right after you checked in with me."
"Yeah, about that. I'm here now!" Duo smiled widely.
"Indeed."
"Well now I can go in and check in."
"Not quite."
"What do you mean not quite?" A puzzled look lay upon Duo's face.
"He's very busy right now. We just got the group of angles that were on earth. They all came flocking in at once. Only God himself knows why they waited so long and why they all came at once. They are discussing the issue right now. You'll have to wait." Duo sighed. He wasn't too fond of the idea of waiting, but it was good to know that the 'missing' angels were finally back. There was a moment of silence as Gabriel was delivered a message. "Ok Umbra. Go on in. God wants to talk to you right now."
Duo was taken aback. "Right now? But I thought-"
"Now!"
"Ok!" He followed orders and gradually made his way through the slowly opening doors. The magnificence of the room was always a shock and great splendor. The immediate brightness faded and Duo made his way into the room. The expected presence of God was there, but there was also a multitude of angels. There was ten in all and they were all talking at once, attempting to explain themselves. It seemed that God was not listening though, for he was looking directly at Duo. Duo smiled sheepishly and continued forward. Was he really in that much trouble? He came to the end of the short set of stairs and a great booming voice called for silence. Nothing could compare to the silence that God was able to call forth. Duo waited to see what would happen next, and to his surprise God pointed a finger at him. The ten angels turned toward him as if he was the answer to some question they all had and in fact he was the answer to everyone's question. He was the answer to the question of why the ten angels had not come back when they should have, and he was the answer to the question that was burning within four of the angels' subconscious's. Shock struck Duo harder than a bolt of lightning and he could hardly believe what his eyes were showing him. Standing there before him were the four young men that he had left behind because of a secret that wasn't a secret anymore.
End
AN: No, this is the end of this story. I'm not that mean to end here and not add anything. One more small chapter is to come. Story inspired by the song Angel of Darkness by Alex C. featuring Yasmin K.