My Brothers Wife
A/N: This is dedicated to steffes0, my partner in crime, in payment for the terrible feels she gave to me in a PM in which Kaelyn's worst fears were realized. I hope it shows her that no matter how many times Kaelyn is forced to let him go, she will never get over the loss of her angel.
A/N II: This version of Seamus is based off of the minstrations of steffes0 as executed in her beautiful rpg forum. If anyone wants a glimpse into that crazy world, just pm us :)
NOTE: The opening chapter is taken directly from a scenario that steffes0 and I played out in which Seamus lost his battle to the madness within and ended his life as he thought he had lived it, alone, and unloved.
TRIGGERS: Suicide within the first three lines, I believe. If that isn't your thing, or if it is something you struggle with, please don't read. This is graphic in detail. No insinuation just straight out, put the barrel to his head and pulled the trigger. If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, PLEASE find someone to talk to. It can't rain all the time. Believe me. I've been caught in that storm before. Life does get better. I promise.
DISCLAIMER: Because all Rowling told us was that Seamus has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics, and that his dad was a muggle, and his mum was a witch.
SUMMARY: In which Seamus is lost to the madness, and Dean is left to pick up the pieces of the life his closest friend left behind.
"I'm sorry for everything, Oh, everything I've done. From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun. And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved. Oh, I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved. Am I out of luck? Am I waiting to break? When I keep saying that I'm looking for a way to escape. Oh, I'm wishing I had what I'd taken for granted. I can't help you when I'm only gonna do you wrong.
-'Shots' Imagine Dragons.
"It's time."
Seamus was on fire, literally and figuratively. Literally was not the problem, but his insides were burning from fighting off 19. He swore he was going to help himself quickly… never to linger…never to worry about last goodbyes. He was thankful no one was here with him now. It would make the task before him easier.
"I'll be with you soon," 19 sang.
Seamus had vowed to never linger. He pulled out his gun and put it to the roof of his mouth.
"I'm here," 19 screamed in victory.
"And I'm leaving."
Seamus blew a hole through the back of his head, shooting himself down like a dog on the road without a single last thought.
Kaelyn had been searching for Seamus everywhere, knowing that the Gold Bloods Curse was driving him mad much sooner than they had expected it to. She had searched everywhere she could think of on the Hogwarts grounds and had been unable to find him anywhere. Suddenly she felt an unbearable pain in her head, like she had been shot, and followed the pull of blinding pain to the Shrieking Shack.
What she saw before her...
Kaelyn let out a blood curdling scream as she saw Seamus' body, and she knew. Her world...was gone.
"SEAMUUUUUS!" she screamed as she fell beside his body, pulling him into her lap and holding him there, his blood smearing all over her lap and hands.
Kaelyn could not process anything. She was destroyed. She sent out a silent prayer in her head for someone to come and help...but with what she did not know.
Moments later Dean appeared by sheer force of prayer.
"What hap-" he began and then froze completely at what he saw.
Kaelyn looked up at Dean, her eyes filled with a thousand emotions, her mouth bereft of words. Fear. Loss. Pain. All of it was there for him to see.
"Please!" she whispered, unsure of what she was even asking him to do.
Dean looked down at the ground, shielding himself from the sight of…that.
"He's dead," he whispered. "Kaelyn, Seamus is dead. There's nothing I can do."
"Kill me," she breathed, looking down at Seamus. "Please let me go with him..."
"I can't," Dean whispered. "I'll never be forgiven."
"Please!" she begged.
"Take...Mattieus," Dean forced himself to say. "He told me…to tell you to take care of Mattie."
"Please!" said Kaelyn with so much pain Dean felt his heart ripping to shreds.
"Mattieus will...he'll be loved. I have...somewhere for him to go, just...I can't."
"No," Dean said with tears in his eyes. "I promise. It'll all be okay. He...he had to die. He would have…the curse would have driven him mad. He'd have come after us all, and killed himself once he saw what he had done."
"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kaelyn wailed, the whole shack shaking dangerously as she released her grief in waves and put her head on Seamus' too still chest.
"Please," Dean said, putting his face in his hands. "Please!"
He couldn't stand any of this and he couldn't bear to see his friend.
"I'm sorry for fighting and that being the last time I talked to you," he said, finally letting the tears flow, the grief leaving his body in waves as well.
"Oh! Dean!" Kaelyn breathed, moving out from underneath Seamus to grab Dean in a fierce hug.
"I'm so *hic* so sorry!" she said.
Dean held onto his last memory tightly.
"Th—"
He couldn't talk or he would lose it all at once. He didn't trust himself to talk.
"Say something, please!" she begged.
"It hurts. I…hurt."
Dean held Kaelyn tighter.
"He had to die alone..." he trailed off, as Kaelyn sobbed.
Kaelyn just buried her face into Dean's chest, not thinking about the blood that covered her clothing and skin, and tried to shut off her feelings...her emotion...her thoughts.
"We still have eachother though...right?" she asked, her voice small and lost.
"Always," Dean said softly. "I'll always be here."
Dean should have known how much those words would hurt. Seamus had promised Kaelyn for always too. Had promised her that no matter what, he would always be by her side. And now…now he had abandoned her to this cold, cruel world, to suffer in silence and in pain…to go through what no…girl…her age should go through.
Here she was. Fresh into seventeen, their son not even one year old, widowed already, no family to her own, the only other person who could understand lost in his own grief by her side. Her worst nightmare was coming to life. She was truly alone. She would walk alone until death took her, and sadly she knew, Fate was a cruel mother. Kaelyn would see a painfully old age this time round, if only just to keep her from her other half a little while longer.
"The…we need to…" Kaelyn couldn't finish that sentence.
"We can't just…leave him," she tried instead.
"We...have to leave..the body...let it...take itself away..." he choked out.
Kaelyn just held tighter, torn between Dean needing someone, and wanting to be alone to...she didn't know. She just...couldn't be here...in this room; at this school; in this country. She couldn't be anywhere her Seamus had been. Ever.
"We...should go," Dean said. "Leave...Seamus..."
He was silently crying into his hand as he held Kaelyn.
"I...can't," she whispered. "I don't...I don't know what to do," she admitted, slowly pulling away and looking at Dean. She didn't know if she could be around him either.
Dean bit his lip and moved over to Seamus to say his farewell.
"I vowed to take care of everyone when you couldn't be there to do so yourself," he said bending over Seamus' body.
"May your shackles fall from your scarred wrists. May your dead heart fly. May your broken soul be healed. May we all hope you journey well to the Realm. May you be strong while you suffer there, too. Goodbye, Seamus...Gasoline."
He closed his eyes against the pain as he bid his final farewell, refusing to let any more tears fall.
Kaelyns heart broke more at Dean's farewell, and with it, her emotions died. She became like an empty vessel. Cold. Unfeeling. It was her way of survival...of ensuring she could never be hurt again.
"I'll be outside," she said, her voice now hollow...dead.
"Kaelyn," Dean called out softly, standing and taking a step towards the girl he had loved as a sister.
Kaelyn just turned her eyes to him, saying nothing.
Do you want to go somewhere?" he asked, knowing that Kaelyn would want to be anywhere but there at the moment. Dean didn't want to be there either.
Kaelyn just shrugged and looked to Dean, feeling his pain and willing it to leave him.
Dean wiped his eyes, giving Seamus's body one last glance before turning away forever.
"Let's go," he said, offering her his hand.
"To where?" she asked, slowly reaching out with hers and taking it.
"Anywhere but here," he said, and with that he wrapped her in his arms and took her some place they could both relieve their pain.