Disclaimer: I own nothing
15 Things Draco Malfoy cannot do
1 I will not turn Weasley into a weasel despite ferret jokes
2 I will not set Dumbledore's beard on fire no matter how funny it was at the time (admit it, that was funny)
3 I will not kiss Harry in the middle of lunch and then proceed to scream, "I AM SHAGGING THE BOY- WHO-WON'T-FUCKING-DIE!" as it causes Sirius to go back into therapy to avoid murdering me.
4 I am not allowed to cat call any of the female teachers
5 Or male for that matter
6 I am not allowed to force the house elves to switch all water with fire whiskey no matter how funny Professor McGonagall is when she is drunk
7 I am not allowed to make kidnap Harry and have my wicked way with him
8 Even if he enjoys it…
9 I am not allowed to tell Voldemort that his laugh sounds feminine
10 Nor ask him if he has a masculinity issue and if that is why he is trying to take over the world (it would make sense)
11 Strip poker is not a school appropriate sport
12 I am not allowed to gag and bind Black and give him to Professor Snape as a birthday present
13 Even if it is the start to the "cutest relationship Hogwarts has ever seen"
14 I am not allowed to force Hagrid into drag… period.
15 Nor am I allowed to wear drag. Even if I look amazing in a dress
Author Note:
I wrote scenarios so please read on.
Love
HM