Disclaimer: Well, looks like I own nothing...
Inu and Kags plus Eight
Sango rang the doorbell patiently as she and Miroku decided to pay their friends a visit. They hadn't seen Inuyasha and Kagome in what seemed like forever. Sango idly wondered how that pregnancy turned out. She and her husband, sigh, Miroku, had been on a second honeymoon and unfortunately missed it.
Inuyasha opened the door with huge bags under his eyes. His hair was a mess as was his clothes. He groaned and managed to poorly fake a grin, "Hi Sango, Miroku."
Miroku and Sango traded a look. What the hell happened to him?!
"You okay?" Miroku asked, concerned.
That seemed to be the last thing, Miroku should have ever asked.
"Am I okay?" Inuyasha laughed, eyes twitching, "Am I OKAY?" His laughter halted immediately. "No, not even close." He led Sango and Miroku in. "I have been through hell."
"What was there a problem with the pregnancy?" Sango asked.
That seemed to be another question that should have never been asked.
"No, that pregnancy went fine," Inuyasha's face darkened.
"Can we see the baby?" Sango couldn't pick up on his problem.
"The baby? As in singular?" Inuyasha laughed, "You can see a baby but which one?"
Miroku and Sango traded another look of concern. "Twins?"
"Twins? Ha. I wish. Even triplets or quadruplets would be fine!" Inuyasha seemed to switch over to rant mode. "Quintuplets maybe...sextuplets...hell even septuplets! But no, we had to go ahead and have OCTUPLETS! We have EIGHT KIDS! I couldn't even believe the way she kept popping them out, it was almost COMICAL! Honestly, had I know I had that kind of skills I would have CHOPPED THE DAMN THING OFF!"
For third time, Miroku and Sango traded a worried look.
"Eight? Do you realize how much trouble eight kids are? Do you REALIZE the SHEER HELL I've BEEN THROUGH? What about when they hit THEIR TERRIBLE TWOS? Or their TEENS?" Inuyasha began to pull his hair out. "I should've just avoid sex in its entirety, in fact, I AM NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN!"
That's when Sango began to notice the little silver strands all over the house. Oh boy...
Miroku chuckled, "They can't be that bad."
"They're little monsters," Inuyasha seethed, "I wish I had never had kids. I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER HAVE KIDS AGAIN! Why would I? I ALREAD HAVE EIGHT?!"
Sango rolled her eyes. "C'mon, at least you didn't have to give birth to them."
"I KNOW! Can you imagine Kagome?" Inuyasha's eyes twitched, "She's worse than hell, okay! She is the worst part! Can you imagine that? Worse than eight times the dirty diapers, eight times the food and eight times the material and the COST? HOW DO THEY COST SO MUCH?! AND THE WAILING! MAKE IT STOP! JUST SHUT THEM UP SO SOMEONE CAN FINALLY GET SOME SLEEP! I've actually imagine strangling each one of them...it's so horrible, I've planned out exactly how I would kill and dispose of each and every one...I'm losing my mind here...losing it! And...what was I talking about? Oh yeah, can you imagine anything worse than that? I know it and it's name is-"
"Inuyasha," Kagome called curtly from an adjacent doorway.
Inuyasha sat up straighter instantly. He turned very slowly. "Y-yes ma'am...?"
"They need changing," She snapped.
"Which ones?"
"1 through 8," Kagome answered.
"ALL OF THEM?" Inuyasha cried, standing up then immediately sat down and lowered his voice. In an apologetic tone he repeated, "A-all of them?"
Kagome nodded very slowly.
"D-do I have to change them all?" Inuyasha's fingers fidgeted nervously.
Kagome's eyes looked up from her nails and glared at Inuyasha. "Of course. Are you expecting me to change some?"
"W-well...n-n-not exactly...it's just I had to change them last time and I'm not sure if it's all too fai-"
"Fair?! Are you about to question the FAIRNESS of this situation?" Kagome walked briskly towards Inuyasha and then lifted him off the ground by his collar.
"I-i-it's just I have a bit of a sensitive nose and-" He tried.
Kagome laughed then gave him a stony glare, "After you FORCE EIGHT CHILDREN OUT OF YOUR ASS then LET'S TALK ABOUT FAIR!"
"A-ass?" Inuyasha managed in a small voice.
"Well you don't have a vagina, do you?!" She snapped, "YOU had the EASY job, the FUN one even. Then you got to sit back while I HAD TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS HORRIBLE THING THAT YOU DID TO ME! And NOW YOU DARE TO ASK IF YOU CAN BACK OUT OF CHANGING A FEW MEASLY DIAPERS?!"
"I-I-I'm sorry," Inuyasha whimpered, "I-I'll change the diapers right away...and clean the house and cook dinner and you...you can just sleep the rest of the day...i-is that okay?"
Kagome smirked, "That sounds just peachy, actually."
"I-I'll even drop by and give you a massage,...i-if you'd like I mean..."
"Make it a foot massage and you're forgiven," Kagome demanded and Inuyasha nodded.
As Inuyasha dragged himself into the room where the octuplets were, Kagome glared after him and then turned and smiled politely at Miroku and Sango. "I'd love to stay and talk about, but as you can see, I'm a bit tired."
They nodded politely as she trudged up stairs and jumped when she cried, "INUYASHA, YOU BASTARD, DON'T FORGET TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH!"
Inuyasha's voice came weakly from the other room. "I won't...."
Miroku and Sango shared another look.
Miroku sighed, "I guess eight kids can do a lot to a couple."
"Makes me thankful we only had twins," Sango added.
When Inuyasha managed to lug himself out of the room, he whispered, "See what I mean?"
"Do you even love them anymore?" Miroku asked skeptically.
"I can even remember all their names," Inuyasha sighed, "Neither of us can. We have them numbered according to crib."
"Don't you ever mix up the cribs though?" Sango asked, "You know, put one in the wrong crib?"
"Heaven forbid!" Inuyasha snapped, "I only ever take one out at a time...oh crap...I have to take out the trash!"
Miroku and Sango for the umpteenth time, traded a glance. "Well, I think it's about time, we got outta here and left you to your business," Miroku tried to ease himself out of the chair as Sango politely stood up and began to head for the door.
"NO!" Inuyasha held on to both of them tightly, "Please don't leave me here!"
Miroku and Sango looked down at him, feeling so very sorry for the hanyou.
"A-at least buy one," Inuyasha pleaded, "Before you go."
Miroku and Sango's eyes widened, "Buy one?" They looked in direction of the nursery.
"They really are cute," Inuyasha sounded desperate, "And they are sold separately...you'll get a crib, bottle everything!"
"I really don't think-" Sango began.
"JUST TAKE ONE THEN!" Inuyasha cried, "As a souvenir or something...please...there's just too many...and I think Kagome hates me now...please just be a friend and take one...only one...you can have a girl, boy...I don't care..."
Miroku and Sango sighed.
"Or...or...take ME!" Inuyasha lit up, "Yes, take me with you! Sango! Miroku! Save me from this hell!"
"INUYASHA! I'VE DECIDED I WANT MY FOOT MASSAGE NOW!"
"Help me..." he whimpered, "Please..."
Miroku and Sango traded a desperate expression.
"INUYASHA!"
Inuyasha jumped and Miroku and Sango took this as an opportunity to escape.
"Sorry Yash, gotta go!" Miroku waved and closed the door behind him and Sango.
"NOOOOOOOOO! TAKE ME WITH YOU!"
"WHAT WAS THAT?" the sound of Kagome bounding down the stairs could be heard outside the house.
"Ah....errr....I meant...PLEASE KAGOME! NO! HAVE MERCY!" Echoed throughout the neighbourhood.
Miroku and Sango sat in their car, panting and thankful that they were able to escape.
"Sorry Yash," Sango tried to turn back when Miroku startled her.
"Don't look back," he hushed, "We probably are never coming back there again."
Sango looked down into her lap. "I just don't think it's right to leave him there..."
"INUYASHA YOU COME BACK HERE!"
Miroku and Sango were startled when suddenly Inuyasha jumped onto their car. Miroku skidded to a halt.
"Miroku! Sango!"
"HIT THE GAS, YOU RETARD!" Sango cried and smashed her heel on the gas.
"But what about-"
"YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE GONNA GET US STUCK WITH HIM FOREVER! LEMME DRIVE!" She took the wheel and began swerving wildly until Inuyasha flew off.
"MIROKU! SANGO!" Inuyasha cried.
"I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Sango cried and sped away.
Miroku looked at Sango incredulous.
"You're the one who told me not to look back," she huffed as the arrived home.
Liked it? The idea came to me suddenly at school in light of Octomom and all this Jon and Kate Plus Eight (which I don't actually watch)...