Peace with the past

A short AU story that imagines Edith & Anthony are married. When she asks him about his first marriage it takes him on a mental and physical journey into his past but can Edith help him come to terms with the pain?

Lady Edith Strallan nestled close to her new husband and he put his good arm around her. They had just returned from honeymooning in Europe; an idyllic couple of months where they had been to concerts, seen beautiful paintings and monuments, as well as sampling European cuisine and each other. They had spent their wedding night at Locksley and left the following day. Their lovemaking had been tentative at first owing to Edith's inexperience and the fact that she had had to learn to remove his sling and undress him but she was getting pretty good at this now and they were becoming much more adventurous in bed.

"So did you enjoy yourself my darling?" he murmured into her coppery hair as he nuzzled the hollow of her creamy neck.

She put her arms around him and kissed him.

"It was so beautiful, Anthony and the best part was being able to spend some quality time alone with you at last."

"Yes it was," he held her fast with his good arm as they shared a deep tender kiss which set them both aquiver.

He had surprised her totally by announcing on their arrival in Paris that they would be taking the Orient Express to Venice; tears had filled her eyes as she had hugged him tightly. No one else in her family had ever travelled on the legendary train and it made her feel kind of superior for a change which she was rather enjoying. The trip had been littered with romantic gestures; flowers had been waiting in all the hotel rooms as well as little gifts of chocolates and candles.

"Anthony, all this chocolate and pasta will make me fat," she had teased.

"Well it's a race to see if I can make you fat first, Lady Strallan,"

His crooked smile melted her heart; he loved her so much and now he had her beside him he could not be happier. He really hoped that Edith would be able to fulfil his thwarted dream of fatherhood; with the passing of time he had become continually worried because his title and family name would die with him unless Edith could give him an heir but trying to beget an heir was certainly rather fun.

He was certain that Maud would have loved Edith and they would have got along well but somehow he never felt it appropriate to mention Maud, especially not on their honeymoon. He had never really spoken about her to Edith except during that drive before the war when she had asked him outright what Maud had been like. Edith had been a young girl then and so her question had seemed like curiosity but he wondered if now she would feel jealous or resentful so he did not mention her. Edith did not even know when Anthony and Maud's wedding anniversary had been or the date when Maud and the baby had died. Anthony supposed Edith must wonder though.

OO

Three days after their return from honeymoon Anthony was out with the estate manager. Edith was in the study they shared. She had just written a letter to her Aunt Rosamund in London but found she did not have any stamps. So she looked in Anthony's desk, knowing he would not mind, and in a drawer she found a faded framed black and white photo of her husband with a dark haired fragile looking woman whom she assumed was Maud. She felt saddened that Anthony felt he had to hide away his late wife's photo. She had never been jealous of Maud at all because she had always been glad that someone had loved Anthony before she had. The back of the frame was slightly damaged and Edith noticed a piece of paper there which she drew out; her curiosity getting the better of her

It was a journal entry and definitely in a woman's handwriting.

25 March 1900

I can hardly conceal my pain and grief; I feel so guilty for having lost my husband's child. Thankfully I am alright and Doctor Clarkson seems sure we will be able to try again but I am not sure. Anthony has barely stopped crying and holding me but I have persuaded him to go and get some fresh air. I hate to see the pain in those beautiful blue eyes and to think I am the cause. He says he does not blame me but this is the second time this has happened to us. My heart is breaking because all I want is to be able to put a baby in his arms. I just know he would be a wonderful father just as he is a wonderful husband and a wonderful man. I love him so very much and I was so lucky to marry him being the plain girl I am when he is so handsome and lots of women were showing an interest when we met; women far more accomplished beautiful and older than me.

Edith bit her lip; doubting that the same women would have been flocking now for they probably would have been far too shallow. It struck her that Maud had been as socially awkward as her husband and Edith felt for her deeply. This was the first real insight she had ever discovered into the character and feelings of the woman who had been lady Strallan before her.

She slipped the entry and photo away, feeling suddenly guilty at what she had found that he had chosen to keep private. But she wondered anew if she dared to ask him about her discovery; surely at least she could persuade him that he had no need to conceal Maud's photograph. She wondered if Maud had ever discussed the feelings she had described with Anthony or if she had shut him out but told herself it was none of her business. Maud was dead and could no longer speak for herself.

But if there had ever been any doubt that Maud had loved Anthony as much as she, Edith, did then she doubted no more as she blinked back the tears that were burning her brown eyes.

OO

Anthony noticed that his wife was rather quiet at dinner and afterwards when they were relaxing in the library. He hoped that she was not ill; perhaps it was an anti climax returning from a lovely romantic holiday and perhaps she was worried about adjusting to her new role as mistress of Locksley.

He put his arm around her and drew her close to him.

"Edith darling, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said although he noticed she did not look at him directly.

He kissed her and felt her tremble in his arms. He suddenly became aware that she was crying.

"Edith my love; please tell me what is wrong. If I have upset you then I am deeply sorry."

"Anthony darling," she did look at him then through tear filled eyes, "I just want you to know that I really have no problem if you want to have any pictures of Maud on display. She loved you before I knew you and I know you loved her. You would not hurt my feelings at all because I can't be jealous or resentful of a dead wife and I am glad someone other than me has had the privilege of loving such a wonderful man as you are,"

Anthony held her close.

"It's alright Edith darling," he whispered mussing her hair with his lips, "I think it is time I really talked about my past; not just my marriage but what really happened to me during the war. I know that you love me enough to hear the less than pleasant parts without judging me and I really want a new start in life with you who have given me back my life."

"Anthony my darling; I have absolutely no right to judge you. Please take your timer sand tell me everything."