Title: Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey (pt1)
Rating: PG-13
Category: Challenge-fic, MSR
Spoilers: none at all
Summary: Mulder and Scully investigate the murder of a man in a closed, hippie community.

Disclaimer: Oh- they're definitely NOT mine! I just like to play.

This challenge was issued to me by my friend Belle. She asked me to improvise a story that included chickpea dip, a penis candle, the movie 'The Goonies', a Magna Doodle, Charles Scully and a picture of Mulder at 15- dressed like a girl. (She also mentioned the tasty Australian treat Tim Tams, which I am working to add into the fic as well.) You will find not all of the above appear here- this is only the first half of my tale. So, please feedback me- let me know if I have incorporated these elements satisfactorily.

Please note- this has not been beta'd, forgive me :)

Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey- part one

By xenoprobe

A low growl cut the silence in the darkened chapel and Scully clutched her stomach, as if it would stop her hunger from vocalizing itself.

"Was that you?" Mulder whispered, stifling a snicker. Scully swatted at his sleeve and made a face at him. Her cheeks turned red.

"You got me up at four in the morning to come here Mulder- I haven't eaten all day."

"What about on the flight? I thought you had your fruit plate." He smiled weakly.

"It was too early to eat then... now I'm starving." She rubbed her tummy for emphasis.

"Well, as soon as we've wrapped up here, I'll get you to a diner asap. I promise."

She nodded and turned away again, examining some items on a table across the room. She played her fingers over a few things; a silk scarf full of bright colours held her attention for a moment.

"Tell me again why we're here Mulder."

"A murder."

"Yes, that much I know. But a murder does not an x-file make..."

"In this case Scully- it actually does. You see, there has never been a murder here- not of any kind. No humans, no animals, no fish, birds or insects have been killed in this community since its inception in 1966."

"I see. Interesting I guess. I'd heard of this town when I was little- my father used to mock the hippie movement. He couldn't understand their fight. I suppose it took me a while to understand it too."

"Well, in our defense, we kinda missed that era. Still, I can't help but wonder if I would have been better off in bell-bottomed corduroys than in my velour jumpsuit." he smirked.

"Velour jumpsuit?" Her voice rose an octave and Mulder put his finger to her lips to silence her.

"Shh. We promised to be quiet in here." He smiled down at his partner who was biting back her laughter. "Ok.. Yes. My mom bought me a brown velour one-piece outfit when I was in middle school and made me wear it until I grew out of it. I was devastated. I wore than damned thing for two years before my growth spurt."

"And bellbottoms would have been preferable?" she asked.

"Well, it always seemed cooler to be a hippie than... what the hell were we called in the seventies?"

"Style impaired?"

"Point taken." He cocked his head to one side and lead Scully across the room to a tiny altar. "This community was created by a group of people who wanted to live meat and cruelty-free, so they left San Francisco before the march to Haight-Ashbury that buried the hippie movement for most Americans. They've been here ever since. All of them are vegetarian and pacifist."

"Sounds quite nice actually. Quiet and safe." She leaned over to look more closely at a shrine ornament. It was a pentagram. "Do they practice Wicca?"

"Not really. Their form of worship is really about whatever people bring to the altar here. There's no organized religion at all- no defined property lines either. In fact they rarely use money too- they borrow and trade between themselves after their community meetings here in the chapel."

"'Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try... no hell below us- above us only sky.'"

"Lennon, Scully? I never knew you listened to him."

"There's plenty you don't know about me." She peeked at a few other trinkets, a metallic palm-sized yellow submarine, a hand-knit pair of mittens in rainbow colours. "Interesting collection here."

"Yes, how about this as a talisman." Mulder turned around clutching a long candle, it had a distinctly bulbous head- it was shaped like a penis. Scully laughed out loud at the image and caught herself quickly. She doubted the sight of her partner gripping a larger-than- life sized penis candle would ever completely leave her memory.

"I think we need to get some air- it's dark and stuffy in here." She stepped through the doorway ahead of her partner, still snickering.

They took a seat at a nearby picnic table under the hot California sun.

The town was small, the houses generally large and shared by families or groups of friends. The whole place held an air of commune that was both inviting and yet exclusive. This community was not prone to taking in strangers, in fact they'd spent a great deal of time and energy keeping themselves off the map. So, it was an interesting period of adjustment when, once in a blue moon, they would welcome a new person into their homes.

Mulder and Scully's presence was not unwelcome however. Gerry Franklin actually seemed glad to have them there- the murder of a young man was shocking and he was ill equipped to investigate the situation without external help.

As the agents sat, discussing the facts, Gerry pulled up in a battered Westfalia, smiling as he approached.

"Agents?"

"Yes hi, I'm Dana Scully." She showed him her badge quickly before extending her hand. "And this is my partner Fox Mulder."

"Fox- great name, man. I'm Gerry Franklin. I'm the closest thing to a cop in these parts- in my old life I worked for the SFPD but we don't condone law enforcement here."

Mulder winced under the sun.

"Gerry, can you tell me just how the body was found?" he said, shaking the man's hand as well.

"Well, Fox-"

"It'd be easier if you just called me Mulder."

"Right, whatever you say man..." He looked around glancing back at Scully to smile again. "What was I saying?"

"The body." Mulder repeated.

"Yeah. Mona found the body by the altar in there and came to get me right away."

"I see, can you tell us when that was- what time of day?" Scully inquired.

"Not really sure about that point. You see, Mona stopped by and I was sleeping, my mate didn't wake me right away- she and Mona had tea first. I think it was after lunch."

"After lunch, and was there any indication that the body had been there for very long, like overnight for example?" Scully swung her legs over the picnic bench as Gerry scratched his scruffy chin.

"No, don't think it was overnight. He looked to me like he was still alive at first. His eyes were open still and he wasn't overly stiff when we took him to the clinic."

"The medical clinic? Does that mean you have facilities to do an autopsy?" Mulder chimed in. Scully glared at him quickly.

"Yeah, I suppose we do."

"Scully, I'd like you to take a look at the body this afternoon- I can look over the other evidence."

"What other evidence is that Mulder?" she inquired.

Scully looked to her partner who in turn looked to Gerry- Gerry cleared his throat.

"A magna doodle. It still hasn't been dusted for prints- I put it in a plastic bag to keep it fresh for you guys."

"A magna doodle." Scully repeated flatly.

"A magna doodle- etch-a-sketch, whatever... it had a partial message drawn on it." Mulder added. "Gerry, is there somewhere we can grab lunch around here?"

"We've got a juice bar. But I'd be honoured to have you back to my place for something more substantial. My mate made fresh hummos and falafel this morning, she told me to bring you home."

"Oh, we don't want to impose Gerry- if you could just point us in the direction of a motel, we can get unpacked and grab a sandwich before starting in on the evidence." Scully smiled apologetically.

"Well, that'd be another issue we have to work through. You see- there is no motel. At least not one within a three hour drive from here." He turned to Mulder and offered his solution. "We have really nice guest space at our place, Star's brother comes to visit twice a year."

"Star?" Mulder looked to Scully, her blank expression mirrored his.

"Star's my life mate man... makes a mean veggie burger too, you should really come stay at our place, everyone loves Star's cooking."

"Well, it would seem that it is the most logical place to stay- if we aren't putting you both out." Scully offered.

"Not at all man, just follow me up to the house, we'll get you two settled in right away."

In the safety of their rented vehicle, Mulder turned to Scully with a weak grin and said, "Star?"

She replied with, "Magna Doodle?" and they both broke into laughter.

Gerry led the agents to his front door, explaining the few 'house rules' involved with their stay.

No loaded guns indoors, no shoes, no meat... everything else was one's personal choice. Scully took the magazines from their weapons and put them in Mulder's overnight bag.

The house was large with tall ceilings in all the principle rooms. A number of cats and one rabbit roamed between pieces of furniture as Scully took in the environment. She was grateful for not being allergic to house pets. Mulder sneezed in the hallway behind her- the walls shook.

"Hey Star- babe- we're back... come meet the FBI people." Gerry bellowed into the home.

A middle-aged woman appeared. Her black hair was peppered with grey and her blue eyes sparkled- like stars.

"Hello- welcome to our home." She shook each agent's hand firmly, her warm smile was instantly inviting. Mulder sneezed again- with just enough warning to not explode all over everyone. "Allergies?"

"Must be." He coughed out.

"I have some antihistamines in the bathroom- we'll get you fixed up in no time." She took Scully by the hand and walked with her into the living room. "Why don't you take Mr. Mulder up to their room and get him something for his sneezing." She spoke to Gerry over her shoulder. "Miss Scully and I will be in here."

Scully glanced back at Mulder and watched as he mouthed 'their room' at her questioningly. The men disappeared up the stairs.

"So did Gerry show you the Magna Doodle?"

Scully shook her head, "Not yet. I'm afraid Mulder will be looking after that part of our investigation- I have an autopsy to do this afternoon."

"Oh how awful. I mean, all that death. Doesn't it ever bother you?"

"Well, sometimes it gets to me- especially when it involves the wrongful death of a child. Most of the time, its pretty straight forward- the science speaks for itself."

"I'm afraid I was never much good at math and science." The older woman offered. "I was better at writing and drawing. Its good that there are women like yourself out there though- I feel it lends compassion to a man's world."

"I suppose it does. I don't often think in terms of sexual roles though."

"I like you." Star leaned forward and hugged Scully around stiff shoulders. She then wandered into the kitchen only to re-emerge with a platter of Middle Eastern foods.

Mulder reappeared in the doorway and motioned for Scully to join him for a moment. He slipped his arm across the back of her shoulders and led her to the foot of the stairs.

"Um, Scully... I think we have a little problem." He cleared his throat as his hand fell to the small of her back, guiding her up to the first landing.

"What is it?" She turned around at the top of the staircase, her eyes were level with his- he was two steps behind.

"Well..." he leaned in closer, their faces only an inch apart. "It would seem that our meaning of partner, and their meaning of partner, mean two very different things... Go see for yourself."

"Scully walked into the open doorway and gazed around their room, she spun around twice, taking it all in. There was a large king sized bed with crisp white linens, a bright orange throw lay across the foot. Beside the large window was an antique washstand, complete with pitcher and basin. An oak armoire stood along one wall while a small television and VCR had a home atop a small table beside the bed. The feel of the room and decor was that of an old country farmhouse- it held none of the downstairs' hippie feel. It was a room Scully could relax in.

She opened a closet door to find extra sheets and pillows, room to hang her clothes and a shoe rack. The next door lead to a large bathroom. The clawfoot tub beckoned to Scully's sore muscles immediately but the grumble in her empty tummy snapped her back into the present.

"Notice anything?" Mulder muttered from the edge of the bed. He put a hand out at his side and patted the sheets. "We're in for a cozy sleep- partner."

"I don't see why you're making a huge deal about this Mulder. They have obviously gone to trouble setting this up. We've slept in the same bed before. Don't you think you'll survive one night with me here?" She smiled and Mulder felt his chest expand.

He could certainly survive the night- it was the following day he was concerned about. Mulder never slept a wink if sharing sheets with Scully, he took too great a pleasure in watching her rest. He could relax and snuggle close to her, brush the hair from her face and watch her dreams surface in her changing expressions. Tomorrow he'd be the walking dead, but tonight he'd wait for the soft even breathing of his partner.

"Ok then Scully. I was going to offer to drive out to the motel and let you have this nice room all to yourself. But since you don't seem to mind bunking with me, I'll stay." he smirked and showed her the door. "After you 'partner'."

"Why thank you- 'partner'." She winked back at him before descending the stairs.

The lazy afternoon sun illuminated the living room. Mulder sat, awkwardly crossed-legged on the carpeted floor, munching on celery sticks as Star wander about the room, chatting about their lifestyle away from the rest of the world. Scully and Gerry were seated on the sofa enjoying the full flavour of pita bread dipped in chickpea dip.

"Do you ever miss San Francisco?" Mulder inquired.

"Well, I'm not actually from Frisco Mulder, I came down to check things out in 65' but I was born and raised in Toronto- Canada."

"Really? This must be so different from your native environment Star- don't you ever miss the northern elements?" Scully smiled around a bite of pita.

"To be perfectly honest-" she began to answer.

"To be honest, this is home to us- right babe?" She glanced disapprovingly at her mate. "I barely remember life before moving here, Star and I have been here for an awfully long time now."

"You barely remember last night Franklin, but I won't hold it against you." Star laughed. "Which reminds me..." the woman bent over a large tin box and opened it to Scully, "care for?"

Before her, Scully could count at least three bags of fresh weed and some hashish putty as well. The older woman handed her a rolled joint but Scully declined, not actually touching it. The same offering was made to Mulder and he made a mock gesture to accept, but Scully swatted his out-stretched arm.

"You do know we are Federal Agents Mr. Franklin." Scully declared.

"I know, I know- but not in this house... we have no laws here and we have nothing to hide Miss Scully. You understand, right man?" He looked to Mulder for support.

"We aren't going to arrest you or anything. But Scully and I do need to get moving on this investigation. Perhaps you could tell us a little more about the position of the body when you arrived on the scene."

"Well, I can tell you that Mona was in a state when she got here. Gerry was passed out in the hammock out back so I waited a bit before waking him. Mona said it was the strangest thing... the young man was face down, with his head to one side- his arm was stretched out with his one hand still on the knob of the magna doodle." Star explained.

"And sure enough, the dude was just like Mona said he was when we got there," Gerry continued. "It looked like he was trying to draw something on the screen."

"May we see it now Gerry?" Mulder asked, standing up- shaking the stiffness from his limbs.

"Yeah sure. Babe- can you get the evidence from the storage pantry for Mulder here?"

Star got up and wandered from the room momentarily, she returned and handed over the bag.

Mulder bit his lip hard, trying not to laugh out loud. He handed it to Scully who reacted similarly.

"It looks like..." Scully began.

"It looks like a sketch of a..." Mulder couldn't finish the sentence.

"Like a carrot!" Star declared, "that's what we thought too!"

Scully started the car as Mulder settled into the passenger seat.

"Mulder if you start telling me that a giant, vengeful carrot has committed murder in a town of vegetarians, I will be given no choice but to quit the Bureau." Scully stared straight ahead.

"It crossed my mind to say so, but only to see how you'd react. No Scully- I think it has to be some sort of statement. Don't you?" He didn't let her answer. "Maybe something to do with acting out against the norm here, or maybe he brought back a Big Mac and an angry mob got to him."

Scully chuckled while paying attention to the Volkswagen ahead of her- they reached the clinic quickly.

The body of Jason Gallway showed little signs of decay, having been placed in cold storage only hours after his murder. Scully rubbed her neck reflexively as she made her way around the slab, documenting evidence.

"No signs of head trauma, no entry or exit bullet holes, no indication of a struggle- the nails are clean and there aren't any cuts or abrasions to the superficial epidermis." She paused her recorder when Mulder walked through the door.

"Find anything Scully?" He was grinning.

"Not really, at this point I'm suspecting it's poison, there's absolutely no physical evidence of a wrongful death." She slid the paper cap off her hair. "How about you- anything conclusive on the Magna Doodle?" She couldn't help the chuckle.

"I've sent it off for prints, the San Francisco lab should have it back to me in the morning. I'm thinking I'll go back to the chapel, look around again."

"See if there are any killer carrots lurking in the shadows perhaps?" she teased, "or maybe you just want another look at that phallic candle Mulder."

"Cute Scully. Real cute. I'll meet you back here in an hour or so." He touched her arm before turning to leave then paused at the doorway.

"The tox screen will be back in the morning too Mulder." She stated before he could ask. She hadn't even been looking at him. Mulder shook his head and let the door close softly behind him.

"Amazing, Scully." He muttered, smiling as he made his way out.

The chapel was as dark in the afternoon as it had been that morning. Mulder jammed a chair under the knob of the front door, letting the sunlight filter in. Dust moats danced along the sunbeams and the light cast odd shadows on the items left there for worship.

Mulder looked over the area where the victim had fallen. He crouched down, trying to look around at floor level to see if there was anything revealing or different in the view from there.

Nothing stood out as being odd or paranormal in any way. He stood up, straightening his posture and caught something out of the corner of his eye, mid-stretch. A young woman was sitting in the shadows, her eyes closed. She appeared to be lost in her worship so Mulder approached her tentatively.

"Hello agent Mulder." Her low voice startled him and Mulder stepped back instinctively. Her eyes remained closed. "I know what you're looking for" she whispered. "Before you go asking me all sorts of questions... Star told me about you and your partner and everyone knows why you've come. There are no secrets here... at least there used to be no secrets."

"So..." he took up a seat next to the woman, "do you know something of these secrets then?"

"Secret. Singular, not plural."

"Alright, do you know something of a secret?" He was already frustrated.

"I might. But I'd like to ask you something first."

"Ok." He said flatly.

"Tell me agent Mulder, have you noticed anything unusual about this murder?" The woman turned to him and finally opened her eyes. She was even younger than he'd first perceived.

"Well, aside from not really seeming like a murder to begin with, there are other elements of the evidence that are out of the ordinary." He tilted his head in question. "What are you driving at?"

"Is that your specialty- the abnormal?"

Who was questioning whom here, Mulder leaned forward. "You could say that I have a vested interest in the unusual. If you have information concerning this case, now would be a good time to divulge it."

"Right." She nodded and turned to look back into the room, in the direction of where the victim had fallen. "That Jason guy was an accident waiting to happen."

"Jason Gallway? Why do you say that?"

"From the day he rolled back into town he caused trouble." She looked back to Mulder and smiled slightly.

"Would you say that people here didn't like him?"

"Not exactly- some liked him a little too much and therefore, some not at all." The woman's double talk was getting under Mulder's skin. She seemed to pick up on his impatience. "He was involved with a few women in our community, some of the men wanted him to move on to another city."

"Alright then. Do you think anyone was angry or jealous enough to commit murder?"

"Perhaps. I really can't say." She rose to her feet; she was wrapped in a long knit shawl that dragged on the dusty floorboards. "Does that help you at all?"

"It might, it lends a little insight to his nature I suppose." Mulder reached into his wallet and pulled out a card, "call me if you remember anything ok." She nodded her response then walked off, slipping through the door into the sunlight.

Mulder went back outside to the car, fetching the file folder on Jason Gallway. He took a seat at the picnic bench again, donning his shades to block out the late afternoon rays.

Jason Gallway had lived all over the United States, seemingly trading one lifestyle for another. He'd been a member of the NRA for a few years, was part of a survivalists group in Arizona. He had a few arrests, one for traffic violations in Rhode Island, another for a Greenpeace protest. Mulder couldn't formulate a decent profile on these details- the man was a chameleon. The only thing that tied Jason Gallway to his own murder was the fact that he was born in this community over 20 years ago.

Yet, perhaps that was the very issue, this man's ability to blend into widely different communities. Mulder scratched his chin as his cellphone rang.

"Mulder." he answered.

"Mulder it's me, listen, I'm done with this autopsy. I have exhausted all physical leads- the toxicology will tell us more. Have you had any luck?"

"Not really, I spoke to a woman at the Chapel, I'm just reviewing the file on Gallway right now. I'll pack it up here and come pick you up." He smiled into the receiver.

"Ok, I'll be outside Mulder, around the back of the clinic, they have a hammock out here."

"You're in it right now aren't you Scully." An image of his partner popped into his mind- she was relaxed and dozy in the sun, her guard uncharacteristically lowered.

"Yup." Mulder could hear her smile.

"Enjoy Scully, I'll be there in a few minutes."

They disconnected and Mulder made his way to the medical clinic.

Mulder rounded the corner of the clinic with the evening sun behind him. There was a blush of purple in the sky that made everything look like a painting. He paused at the edge of the building when he spied Scully rocking in the hammock, eyes closed.

The look on her face was almost unfamiliar to him, yet not unpleasant- she was relaxed. Mulder smiled. He'd been worried that this trip to California would have pissed her off, given the lack of evidence and the weak murder case. But his partner had seemed to really take to the pace in this small town and it pleased Mulder to watch her relax from afar.

A strand of her red hair was blown over her mouth and he longed to lean over her and gently pluck it from her lips. Yet Mulder stood away, gazing at her, marveling at her beauty.

"Why don't you sit down Mulder." She spoke without opening her eyes. It startled him. He'd wondered for years on end how she was able to do that- identify his presence when he'd been as stealthy as possible. "It's really nice out here." She added to persuade him.

Mulder sauntered over and eased into a tall Muskoka- styled chair, exhaling heavily as he let the day drift from him. They sat in comfortable silence for quite a while, feeling the slow descent of the warmth of the sun leaving the sky.

"Hey you." Scully's soft voice broke the silence and Mulder opened his eyes. He was greeted by a plum- coloured world and Scully's outstretched hand.

"Hey yourself," he smiled, entwining his fingers with hers.

"Its nice here, isn't it?"

"Mmmmm... it is." He could hardly believe the intense sensation of her tiny fingers stroking his hand. The simple fact that she felt comfortable enough to make this offer to touch her was amazing to him.

The evening breeze kissed their skin; their hands remained linked. Scully made a low satisfying sound in the back of her throat as her partner traced slow circles on her skin. Mulder could feel the electricity between them rising with each careful breath. He broke the silence when he shifted in his seat.

"Scully."

"Yes?" She turned in the hammock to face him and a leisurely smile appeared. "What is it Mulder?"

"We should probably get going, unless you want to camp out behind the medical clinic tonight." She nodded and he reluctantly broke their tactile contact. "C'mon, sleepy girl- I'll tell you what I learned today on the way home."

He led her to the car, his hand in its usual place.

As soon as they stepped out of the car, Mulder regretted having left the quiet of the clinic's courtyard. Star and Gerry's house was alive with townsfolk. Music spilled from the open windows and the distinct scent of marijuana was everywhere. A young couple was kissing on the front steps, too distracted to notice the arrival of two federal agents.

Mulder and Scully slipped out of their shoes by the door, abiding the house rules. They made their way past many people in varying states of intoxication until Scully spied Gerry in the hallway near the kitchen.

"Gerry." She called over the noise.

"Hey, Scully, Mulder, c'mon over." He motioned them through the crowd and pulled up two tall stools by the kitchen counter. "Care for a brownie?" Both shook their heads in unison. "Ok, what ever you want man. Any luck today? I mean, did you make any new discoveries?"

"Not many, but now's probably not the best time to talk about it." Mulder looked around at the bustle of folk, filtering through the rooms. "Party?"

"Yeah, sorta. We have community parties like this once a month. It was Star's turn to host so, here we all are." Just then, Star walked by and Gerry caught her by the waist. She squirmed and broke loose, looking to Scully with a weak expression.

"Gerry please. I don't have time for that." She went back out into the living room with a platter of brownies and a pitcher of brightly coloured liquid."

"Star doesn't know how to relax man..." Gerry offered.

"Looks more to me like she could use a hand hostessing." Scully stated flatly, unimpressed by Gerry's attitude. Somehow she couldn't bring herself, an agent with the FBI, to take up serving illegal substances just to help out though. Mulder ran his hand down her sleeve and caught her hand in his. He gave a little tug as if to say they should go elsewhere.

"Hey, like if you guys wanna go up to your room, we'll leave you alone man. Its not like we'll be knocking on the door." Gerry's eyes were wide and dark; his loopy smile was unstable with bouts of laughter.

"We'll be upstairs then. See you both in the morning." Mulder placed his large hands at his partner's waist, helping her off the tall stool. They disappeared into the throng of strangers.

Mulder paused at the foot of the stairs, recognizing the woman from the chapel earlier; she was engaged in conversation with someone, moving her hands widely as she spoke.

"Scully" he whispered, "that's the woman I was talking about- I think she knows something about the murder."

"Well now is hardly the time to approach her." Scully smiled.

"I don't know about that, if she's had any of the treats going around here, she might be pretty relaxed right about now. Why don't you head up to the room- I'll be along shortly, I promise." Scully turned and ascended the stairs.

"Famous last words Mulder." She muttered quietly.

Scully was resting atop the sheets, doing her best to ignore the raucous sounds of the house party below. The television was on in an attempt to draw herself even further away from the noise. Every once in a while she'd laugh at a scene playing out in the movie but invariably she'd check her watch again, wondering if her partner had fallen into some less than favourable situation downstairs.

Suddenly the door flew open and Mulder came crashing in from a small crowd in the hallway. Scully sat bolt upright then rolled over and burst into a fit of laughter. Mulder put his hand up as if to silence her.

"Don't Scully- just don't." he grumbled.

"Mulder- what the hell happened?"

"I got spilled on." He traversed the room and flopped down on the edge of the bed.

"Spilled on? Couldn't you just rinse whatever it was out?"

"It wasn't that kind of spill."

Scully couldn't take the suspense any longer and she asked him again to explain.

"Ok- this is what happened. I was trying to talk to Allison, the woman I saw earlier today. It wasn't going well. Her friend Mona-"

"The one who found the body?" Scully interrupted.

"Yes her- anyway, this Mona woman was plastered on something and she kept throwing her arms around, getting between Allison and I. It wasn't long before I realized you were right-"

"Of course." She couldn't resist.

"Whatever- so, I was trying to make my way back to the stairs when some guy everyone was calling 'Dude' rounded the corner and tripped on a couple making out on the floor. He sent four glasses and a full pitcher of electric Kool-Aid flying into the air. I'll give you three guesses at where it landed."

"I see," she still sputtered with laughter. "But Mulder... that does not explain what happened to your clothes. I mean, why didn't you just come up here and change?"

"Well Scully- I couldn't."

"Couldn't." she echoed. The look on his face was unprecedented.

"Couldn't. I only brought a fresh shirt for tomorrow- not an entire suit. I honestly couldn't see us being here for more than a couple of days. I have my T-shirt for sleeping and fresh boxers of course, but hauling along a suit just didn't seem necessary." He lay down, stretching his arms over his head and Scully broke into a fresh fit of giggles. Mulder glared at her for a moment, then, seeing her utter abandonment to laughter, he gave in to it himself.

After a good five minutes they both made an effort to calm themselves.

"Stand up again, let me look at it." She was still fighting hysteria.

"Don't I look gorgeous." He mocked. Mulder was wearing a long dress-like outfit. The pattern was a thick line in zigzags of brown over the most wretched orange Scully'd ever seen.

"Didn't anyone have a T-shirt and jeans- shorts even?" Mulder chuckled when she hiccuped out loud.

"Apparently not. Apparently it was amusing to an entire community of has-been hippies to dress up a federal agent in a moo-moo." They dissolved into laughter all over again. "I swear, I've never seen anything as hideous as this." Scully went silent for a moment, her face still red and glistening. "What?" She shook her head 'no'. "What is it?"

"Do you promise not to be mad at me." she asked coyly.

"If I can survive this without being pissed as hell, I'm sure I won't be mad."

"Ok then," she paused to clear her throat. "I saw the picture."

"What picture?" he asked, confused.

"THE picture Mulder the one-" as soon as the words began to fall from her lips, Mulder knew where it was headed. The picture, of course.

"Ok- don't wanna talk about it Scully."

"Alright, but if its worth anything Mulder, you look much sexier in this outfit."

Mulder looked like he'd either laugh again or explode in anger. Back in high school, his mother had dressed Mulder up for a Halloween party he was hosting. She'd promised to make him something cool but forgot about it until that very day. Mulder came to his own party dressed as a girl- at least that's how it had looked to everyone, himself included. His mother even got up in front of all his friends to explain that her son was, in fact, dressed as a superhero (which one Mulder never knew) but it only contributed to the years of ribbing he'd endure following that fateful night. He was known throughout the school as 'Foxy' and even today Mulder shuddered at the memory.

"Hey you." Scully called to him softly, pulling him from his memories. "C'mere."

Mulder sat back down on the bed. She pulled the nasty orange garment over his head, freeing him from the bad association. He sat quietly in his boxers as Scully smoothed her hands down his back for a while.

"There," she spoke quietly, evenly. Her ability to comfort him was unparalleled. "I'll never mention it again, it was accidental that I saw it in the first place. I'm sorry."

"It's ok Scully, really." He turned around to face her on the bed. They sat cross-legged to one another and Mulder took her small hands in his. "Did you really find me sexy in the moo-moo?" he teased.

"So what if I did." Her voice caught in her throat and she sounded dry; all the laughter was gone.

(End of part ONE...)