Passing White Daisies
xx
Spencer Hastings never liked goodbyes. She didn't like them when she was five and had to flush her goldfish George down the toilet. She really didn't like them when she was eleven and her mother made her give her American Girl Doll (Felicity, of course) away to a women and children's shelter. The goodbye that was coming that day, though, Spencer knew would be worse than anything she'd parted with up to that point.
That day, Spencer was saying goodbye to Toby Cavanaugh.
Though she had been rejected from UPenn, Spencer found a home at Brown, all the way in Providence, Rhode Island. Toby had been understanding - too understanding, a quality intrinsically embedded in the boy's DNA - and welcomed the news by sweeping Spencer into his arms, spinning her in circles excitedly.
"But what... what about you?" Spencer tucked a strand of hair behind her ear sheepishly.
Toby shrugged, nonchalant. "I'll keep working my ass off until I make enough money to come visit you. Then I'll buy that Harley I've had my eye on."
"Not funny."
"Oh, come on, Spence, getting into Brown is a big deal. You should focus on celebrating, not worrying."
Spencer shook her head. "You know I don't operate that way, Toby."
"Touché."
"Promise you'll be okay," the brunette demanded firmly.
Toby chuckled, incredulous at Spencer's worry. "I promise, alright?"
Spencer could see it, the faintest trace of doubt swimming in her boyfriend's icy blue eyes. She said nothing.
That was just under 6 months ago. 6 months ago, when all of her clothes were hung on hangers and organized neatly in her closet by color. Now, her much of Spencer's life was packed into the two hard-shell suitcases that sat in the corner.
Spencer looked at the skeleton of her room. It no longer looked lived in, and to an extent, Spencer supposed that was exactly the case. A heavy sigh escaped from the brunette's lips as she sat on her bed, her hand fluttering to the teddy bear Toby had won for her at last year's carnival. The furry brown toy stared at Spencer with beady black eyes, its neck adorned by a pink ribbon tied neatly into a bow. A red heart sat between the bear's two paws. "I Love You", it read. All of a sudden, Spencer felt like the worst person in the world. "What? Are you judging me now too?" she spat bitterly.
"Okay, Spence, I think I'm gonna have to draw the line at making accusations towards inanimate objects." A deep voice jolted Spencer back to reality.
She sucked in a harsh breath. "Toby."
A tanned hand ran through shaggy hair. "Hi, baby. So... today's the day, huh?"
"I can still return my plane ticket," Spencer joked feebly. Both parties knew it was a serious offer.
Toby chose to ignore her last statement as he closed the bedroom door behind him. Crossing the room with purpose, the bed dipped as Toby sat down. Spencer felt an instant shudder course through her body. She said nothing, instead letting herself fall against her boyfriend's shoulder. The smell of Toby's leather jacket, combined with his woodsy musk, was familiar and warm. It was home. And this, this feeling of unparalled elation, is exactly why Spencer was so mindnumbingly terrified to leave Rosewood.
"After all these years, you still give me butterflies, Toby Cavanaugh," Spencer murmured, wishing there was some invisible pause button she could press to make this - this - particular moment last for eternity. After so many years with her nose in the books, Spencer finally understood what it was about love that drove people to the brink of insanity. It was the passion and risk and everything else that came with giving your whole heart to someone with the expectation that it won't be given back to you in a million little pieces. Was academia worth losing it all? No, she supposed it wasn't, but Spencer was also rational enough to understand that love alone doesn't not a future make. There was a legacy to carry, a name to build.
Spencer could feel Toby smile against her head as he drew her closer to his side. "Oh, Spence," he replied with dreamy sigh, inhaling Spencer's scent as she did his, "if only you knew what you do to me."
Cheeks flushed pink. Before Toby, Spencer recalled, no guy had ever really found her attractive; at least, no guy that wasn't looking to take advantage of the naivety of high schooler with too little experience in the romantic department and too much insecurity to say no. Spencer began to smooth out imaginary wrinkles in her rose cotton skirt. She couldn't possibly - well, you know - at a time like this, but Spencer couldn't deny that Toby had piqued her curiosity."Well," she started casually, feigning disinterest, "are you going to tell me?"
Toby placed his index finger beneath Spencer's chin, tilted it upwards so that she was facing him. Spencer swallowed hard as blue eyes dropped to her lips with interest. She grew hot under Toby's scrutiny. " You, Spencer," Toby drawled, hand rising to cup the brunette's cheek. "- you make my mind hazy."
Spencer, she could feel Toby's breath, minty and sweet, on her skin. Her pulse quickened. "Is that right?" she hummed.
Watching as Spencer uncrossed her legs instinctively, Toby's Adam's apple bobbed up and down. He paused before leaning in, dragging his teeth against Spencer's bottom lip. "Uh-huh," he whispered. Spencer, her breath hitched as the rough pad of Toby's thumb traced her jawline, her collarbone, before slipping the strap of her heather grey camisole off of her shoulder. A tight warmth grew in Spencer's lower belly. "What - what else?" she mumbled, dizzy with anticipation.
The other strap fell.
Toby was silent as he guided Spencer all the way onto the bed. Spencer responded without hesitation, wiggling her hips unconsciously as Toby unbuttoned her jeans and peeled them from her body. Next came the camisole, which was discarded onto the floor without a second thought. Spencer closed her eyes, sighing as she felt work-roughened hands glide slowly upwards from the sides of her hips to her breasts. Her lashes fluttered open as Toby fingered the lace fabric of her bralette. Toby met her gaze, blue eyes burning intensely with arousal. "You make it hard to focus on anything but you," he murmured, hooking his fingers around one cup of the bralette. A quick tug downwards and Spencer's breast was completely exposed. " -and this."
Spencer bit her lip, her right leg dragging the fabric of her comforter as she squirmed. Toby's hands fell upon her thighs, stopped their movement. "Now, now, Spencer," he tutted with a smirk, "Wait for me."
Her bottom lip jutted out in a playful pout. Smiling wickedly, Toby slide his shirt slowly up his chest, chiseled abs bared. Spencer fell still, entranced. With one final pull, Toby's shirt was thrown to the floor, landing next to Spencer's camisole. He hovered above her, hands toying with the black belt looped around his waist. Spencer wanted to tell him how unfair he being, how Hastings get what they want, when they want, but she was so incredibly turned on by the image in front of her that the only word that formed was "Please."
With a sudden motion, Toby unbuckled his belt and tossed it aside. He unzipped his jeans and shrugged out of them effortlessly before urging Spencer to her back and resting his elbows on either side of her. Spencer's breath caught in her chest, Toby's face inches from her own. He guided one hand downwards to pull Spencer's underwear downwards ever so slightly, not bothering to remove them completely.
Brown eyes locked on blue in one lingering moment, and then Spencer felt a deep pressure as Toby plunged into her wordlessly.
xx
Waves of tingling pleasure subsiding, Spencer closed her eyes and let her head sink into the pillow. She was completely content. It was the most blissful she'd felt since before she'd confirmed her attendance at Brown.
"I love you, Spencer," Toby whispered into her ear.
The corners of Spencer's lips tugged upwards as she opened her eyes. "I love you, too, Toby."
The bed shifted as Toby turned onto his side, propping his head up with his hand. Spencer suddenly had a sinking feeling that the contentment clouding her brain was about to evaporate like water in the desert. And sure enough, with Toby's next words, it did. "This isn't goodbye forever, you know."
Spencer rolled her eyes with a frown. "Couldn't you have given me a warning before introducing reality to the conversation again?"
"We can't avoid it anymore, Spence," Toby protested, sheet falling into his lap as he sat upwards. "Your car is leaving for the airport in, like, two hours."
Spencer drew her comforter to her chest and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Back to Toby, her head dropped. "I know, okay?" Spencer's voice grew quiet. "It's just... how am I going to do this without you?"
Brows furrowed. "What are you talking about?" Toby asked, crawling across the bed before settling besides Spencer. "You're the most intelligent, driven, and capable person I know. Brown is lucky to have you."
Spencer smiled weakly. "I know I can handle Brown. That's not what I was referring to."
"Then what's the problem?"
"You," Spencer said slowly. "The problem is you and how you are my world. How do I leave my world behind?"
Toby finally understood. "Oh, Spence," he answered tenderly. "You need to stop worrying about me. I told you before that things will be okay here in Rosewood. And you'll be seeing me before you know it, okay? Maybe even before Thanksgiving."
Spencer pondered his words and wondered how much truth was in them. Toby was always the optimist, the one who entertained the ideas of silver linings and serendipity. "What if you're wrong?" she asked.
"I'm not." Toby was haste and firm in his response. He left no room for argument.
The alarm clock beside her read 3:00 PM; her car was due at quarter to five. Time was running out, an inconvenient truth. Her thoughts were running in a million different directions, but it seemed as if they were all ending up in the same place: Toby. It was then that Spencer realized one, indisputable fact. She and Toby were inevitable. And with that realization, a weight seemed to have lifted from Spencer's shoulders. The world suddenly looked brighter than it had in months, even if there was still a slight worry in the back of her mind.
She turned to her boyfriend, skin touching skin, and smiled. "You always make me see the light."
xx
The pair was clothed within a few minutes. Toby lingered in the doorway, a lopsided grin spread across his face. "See ya later, Spence. You owe me a game of Scrabble."
Spencer returned his smile with amusement. "You got it. See ya later, Toby."
xx
Spencer Hastings never liked goodbyes, but see ya laters? See ya laters she could deal with.