For all the pearls that love a rose quartz,
and for all the rose quartzes that love them back.
"Finally!" Amethyst exclaimed when the gate reappeared and Pearl entered Rose's room. Pearl frowned as she stepped across the light-pink cloud, she'd been in the middle of a really engaging violin piece when Rose had called for them, and the interruption was rather unwelcome — just because Amethyst didn't have anything better to do except wait around for surprises, didn't mean that everyone else was in the same position. Soon after arriving in the room she took her place opposite Rose, next to Amethyst on the plush white sofa that had been imagined into existence for the occasion.
Amethyst was going to ask what had taken her so long, but she didn't really care: Pearl was a lot less important now that she was actually here, because now that she was the good bit could start. Wasting no time, the little Gem began to fire questions at Rose (again):
"So what's the surprise?! Can we eat it? Does it blow up?! ...Ooooh, is it a person?! Are we getting someone new to go world protecting with!? Wait, it's not Greg, is it? Greg is squishy. And he can't run that fast, and... He's cool, but if we take him out with us he'll probably die."
Pearl smirked at Amethyst's bluntness: she found it immensely satisfying to hear less than favourable assessments of Rose's favourite human, even if they were made inadvertently (these days she took what she could get in that regard). Garnet laughed, but from her tone Pearl knew that she wasn't receiving Amethyst's words in the same way — an idea that was reinforced when Garnet stopped laughing, and went back to smiling that same contented smile she had glimpsed when she'd first reached the sofa —it was like she knew something...
It made Pearl feel uneasy.
After a few moments Rose, still chuckling, replied, "No, we're not getting anyone new to protect the world with. We have been doing it quite a while... but I think the four of us have still got it."
"Ughhhh, boring..." Amethyst muttered loudly, quickly losing in interest in the idea. "But Pearl's here now, so can you pleeeeeease give us the surprise?! I can't wait anymore!" she complained, throwing her head back and shaking it wildly to get her point across better.
"Okay, okay." Rose said, pleased, and looking almost as excited as the little purple Gem. "I've invited you all in here today because I want to tell you some wonderful news, together. Greg and I have decided to take our relationship to the next level... we're going to get married!" she delightedly explained to her small audience, positively beaming with happiness.
...
'No.' Pearl thought in quiet, horrified disbelief.
'Please, no. Please, Rose, please don't do this to me...' she silently begged, already feeling an irreparable fracture snake across her universe — bringing with it a sharp, piercing pain, and a rapidly mounting sense of dread.
This couldn't be happening... This wasn't how it was supposed to be! How had it... they — him, and Rose, together — gotten this far? And how had she been unable to do anything about it...?
It was too soon. She needed more time! Time with Rose, time to convince her that... Just a few more weeks! That was all she needed, then he could... they could decide whether or not to get married!
She felt nauseated. An overwhelming feeling of wrongness washed over her like a huge wave — it was similar to how attempting to eat made her feel, but so, so much worse. She couldn't believe that this was it, the end of all her opportunities to be with Rose. Marrying Greg would cement their love for each other, marrying Greg would make the two of them official — take them beyond anything they'd had before, and as they got closer and closer together, she and Rose would drift further and further apart...
The idea of being separated from Rose like that was too much for her panic-stricken mind to bear, and something inside of her snapped, violently. The thoughts and feelings that had begun to spiral out of her control were suddenly irrelevant — translated into a singular, all-consuming desire to express exactly how she felt. Everything seemed to go silent as she balanced on the razor-sharp edge between saying nothing, and disclosing everything in a dramatic, make-or-break gesture; it was so close... she could picture the explosion with such clarity that it felt like she was watching the future unfold:
"YOU CAN'T!" her vision-self screamed, shoving Garnet and Amethyst out of the way. The theoretical double then expanded on her point by grabbing Rose by the waist, leaning her back and drawing her into a vigorous kiss (totally disregarding how difficult that would be to accomplish in the real world... She'd find a way around that problem when she came to it...), before tenderly whispering, "You can't, because I love you..."
But that wasn't going to happen.
That wasn't going to happen because Rose already knew how she felt, and if she hadn't wanted her before, then she certainly wasn't going to want her now that she was engaged.
That wasn't going to happen, because she had never done anything like that before, and she wasn't... enough, to do something like that now. 'Not that it would even have any effect now.' she thought, utterly dejected.
The angry, blazing light that had flared up inside her so rapidly dwindled to a tiny spark, and then went out altogether...
...
By now Pearl had been silent for a number of seconds, and was frozen in exactly the same position she had been in when the announcement was made. Rose was cuddling Amethyst and Garnet, but looking at straight at her — she felt a pang of guilt at the obvious concern on Rose's face:
She knew that she should be happy for her, that this was what Rose wanted and that it... that he brought her great joy, so their engagement definitely wasn't a bad thing. She knew that she should stand up, smile, and congratulate her friend like Garnet and Amethyst were doing...
But she didn't want to...
More guilt shot through her as she realised that she had not only failed to win Rose's love, but was now failing at being a friend as well: Amethyst and Garnet could act pleased about it, and she was closer to Rose than either of them...
'No.' she decided. She wouldn't be the one to cause a scene and ruin what was supposed to be a happy moment. She could deal with this: she had willingly cut all ties to her Homeworld — and in doing so had permanently exiled herself to the Earth; she'd not only fought in, but survived that long and arduous war; she'd seen friends — both human and Gem — destroyed before her eyes, and she had come to terms with it. She could deal with this...
And so, putting everything she had into the act, she forced herself to draw the corners of her mouth into a believable, delighted smile; she willed herself into rising from the sofa, and made herself step closer to Rose. She felt numb... it was as though she was a spectator —or a prisoner in her own body, and someone unseen was piloting it... Finally she put her arms around Rose, Garnet and Amethyst shifted slightly to give her more space, and when everyone was properly positioned the four of them settled into the group hug.
Well, three of them did... Pearl was physically there, but emotionally she contributed nothing to the contact: she felt like she was betraying herself by joining in, and betraying Rose by pretending to be pleased when she was in fact the total opposite.
...
The instant Pearl joined the embrace Rose could feel that something wasn't right; despite her close proximity, there was something... distant about her this evening, something cold, and stiff about her touch. It was enough to make her look down at Pearl in worry, but Pearl didn't look back up at her to make eye contact. Before she could say anything Amethyst released her and demanded:
"So wait, what's married?"
"Marriage: the human ritual in which two people have their relationship formally recognised, binding a part of what they are together in the process." Garnet explained sincerely.
"Ohhh..." Amethyst acknowledged with quiet wonder, looking up at Garnet and then at Rose. The taller Gems both smiled.
"That's just my definition though. To really understand, you'll need a warp pad. ...And a dictionary."
And for a moment there was silence...
Then Pearl felt Rose's body quivering: she immediately looked up to see what was wrong — just in time to hear the beginning of Rose's breathy snickering, which quickly escalated into full scale chortling. Rose let go of them all, and Pearl stood there feeling awkward when she saw that Garnet and Amethyst had joined her in fits of laughter.
'It wasn't even that amusing!' she thought miserably: so Amethyst had misconstrued her entirely and taken her advice to 'absorb the contents of the dictionary' as an invitation to eat it — so what!? Amethyst was always misusing human objects, and eating things... and she'd still been responsible for replacing the library book...
As the laughter continued she felt more and more out of place; the three of them were able to smile, to be in the moment, to enjoy themselves fully... while she was separate: set apart by her secret anguish. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she hastily turned away from the other Gems to wipe them while they weren't paying full attention; as she ran a finger across the bottom of her eye she realised that she could make the situation work for her: she lowered her hand and let her eyes do as they wished — feigning a warm smile before she turned around and took Rose's hand.
"Rose... This is... wonderful." Pearl said quietly, and very clearly. "I'm... glad, that you're going to be happy..."
"Ohhhhh! Thank you, Pearl." Rose replied happily, pulling Pearl into another hug. The sudden change in tone had surprised her a little, and it was that that Pearl intended to use to make a clean escape. Earlier than Rose had planned to let her go she gently disengaged herself from the pink-haired Gem and said:
"Thank you, for telling us all at the same time. But umm... I was solving a problem just before you called, and I'd like to get back —so I don't forget where I was. If you don't mind?"
"Oh, no, not at all. ...Don't work too hard, okay?" Rose answered with a smile, making the door appear a short distance away.
"I won't..." Pearl agreed. She smiled briefly and then made for the door, willing that nobody would call her back or ask her anything on the way.
They didn't.
Tears flowed steadily down her face as she walked to the exit in silence, and she could feel two pairs and one trio of eyes on her back. But she kept her steps even: she just had to keep it together until she was out of Rose's room.
At last... she was out. She'd made it. The gate sealed behind her and then re-opened on her command; she shuffled — trancelike — into her room, where she finally collapsed to her knees, raised both hands to her face, and began to sob without restraint.
…