Cracky's Poetry Corner

A story about characters I did not invent. So what else is new?

I couldn't believe my ears. Though invisible, my ears are super strong, and almost always honest. I just couldn't understand what the big news was. Something about that rhyming Jamaican Commando. I didn't know what to expect from him because he's never given me big news before. I guess I am kind of rambling in my thoughts.

"Wait while Cracky tries to tell the guys!" he said, and I'm thinking, Crackotage is in no way going to have big news before Gunhaver. Why am I thinking about myself in third person? Could it be because he referred to himself in third person? Why do I care?

"Hey guys dig, I got a gig!" Crackotage shouted. I fell on Reynold.

Reynold said, "Hey, Gunhaver. Could you… you… get off of me, please?"

I said, "Sorry, Reynold."

"A gig, uh? His hit a big gig?" asked Fightgar, not making much sense to me with the words he used. Cockneys drive me INSANE sometimes with their weird accents. I hope Fightgar isn't reading this.

"Just as huge as Baton Rouge!" yelled Crackotage. I don't know if Baton Rouge is really all that big, but it rhymes with huge I guess.

"Well out with it, brother!" said Silent Rip.

"Tomorrow morn, err… what? I'll have my own corner! Poetry Corner! Heeheehaha!" Crackotage shouted.

"Yay!" I shouted.

All of the sudden, a Blue Lasalert happened. Blue Laser was at a coffee house! During double-espresso-mocha-latte-shot-cappuccino week! With the money Blue Laser could potentially save… wait oops… wrong episode. With all that caffeine, Blue Laser can kill us all! I said exactly that.

Then it was tomorrow morning. Already? Wow, time flies on TV, doesn't it? Blue Laser was STILL at the coffee house. Crackotage started his job. Now I understand! This poetry corner thing is for some undercover work!

I decided to follow along to make sure Blue Laser wasn't on to Crackotage, because the rhyme-er might get killed in the process. I spied. Blue Laser said, "When's that freakin' poet gonna come?"

"Is there a poet here, sir?" asked one of his mindless minions.

"Yesss!" hissed Blue Laser.

Crackotage went on full stage. He was not in disguise or anything.

"It's that Jamaican Cheat Commando!" yelled Blue Laser.

"Well I was, but now I'm here. Go ahead, lend me your ear!" said Crackotage.

"He has some nice rhythm, sir," said one of Blue Laser's mindless minions.

"This one is for all of you. I hope that you enjoy it, too," said Crackotage.

"It better be good," said Blue Laser.

"Blue Laser's not a worthy foe. Just the only one we know," he rhymed.

"They just try to live their lives, and none of us even have wives."

"Or husbands in that solo case, of that lovely thing Foxface!"

"Don't you see that to do good, you don't need to mess up the 'hood?"

"Blue Laser's a The Cheat like us, does not deserve to ooze out puss."

Okay so some of Crackotage's lines were pretty nasty. Oh well, he's got Blue Laser on the ropes. C'mon, c'mon, do it Cracky say, "It's time to meet your demise… umm… you guys?" Okay so I can't write couplets on short notice as he can. Weirdo.

Blue Laser whistled out to Crackotage. "Hey do one about the twins!" yelled Blue Laser.

"Innocent kids, sitting amidst"

"The sea of trouble, c'mon blow a cute bubble!"

"Who's cute, you are you little brute."

Blue Laser started… what?... crying? Now beat them up, Crackotage.

"That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard!" shouted Blue Laser.

I couldn't take it any longer. I pounced on Blue Laser. Crackotage said, "What the heck? I want my check!"

Blue Laser said, "I hate you! You disguised yourself as a poet for the coffee house so Gunhaver and the rest of you stupid Cheat Commandos could capture me!"

Crackotage looked mad at me. "You ruined my career! Why'd you have to come here?" he yelled. He smacked me and said, "May I be non-poetic?"

I said, "Yes, Crackotage. Finally!"

Crackotage said, "I hate the Cheat Commandos! You guys always arbitrarily attack Blue Laser and besides almost none of your names rhyme well!"

Blue Laser said "The Jamaican's right."

I was awestruck. Crackotage has always been a loyal Cheat Commando. But I guess there's only 9 Commandos left. But Flashfight, Ripberger, Reinforcements, and Foxface never do anything, so that's 5, but not counting Reynold that's 4, and Firebert doesn't have a cool Commando name, so that's 3. All Silent Rip ever does is follow orders so I don't think he should count so that's 2. Ugh… Cockneys! I hate 'em! That leaves 1. Who is that? C'mon Gunhaver, who is it? Oh yeah, it's me.

Okay, that's the end.