NEW BABIES, NEW JOYS
(Leia)
Han and I loading up the Falcon. We're headed for Yavin 4 to celebrate with Luke and Mara. They joined us in Coruscant last year, so this year, we're on our way there. They've been very busy locating and training new Jedi knights. We'll spend a few days with them, then we'll head back to Coruscant and have visits from Wedge and his family, some of my colleagues, some of Han's colleagues from flight training, and maybe a few minutes of peace and quiet. Okay, forget that last part.
We were blessed with twins nearly six months ago, Jaina and Jacen. I look at their tiny faces and I can't believe I never wanted children. Their big eyes and sweet smiles have stolen my heart, and I couldn't be happier about it.
When I first knew Han, I couldn't imagine him as husband material, and if you'd said he wanted kids, I'd have burst out laughing. Especially if you said he wanted kids with me.
How wrong I was. I didn't think there could be a better father than mine, the father who raised me, but there is no better father in the galaxy than my sexy scoundrel of a husband. He hasn't stopped smiling since we had the babies. Yes, we're always tired and we're constantly trying to keep up with them, but in every holo, we've got those goofy new parent grins.
"I don't think we needed this much gear to outfit the entire front line," Han comments as he examines the pile of bags and gear near the gangway. He's carrying Jaina and I've got Jacen. We get them situated and then attempt to get everything into the Falcon.
"Please tell me this stops when they get older," Han says as we stuff the last of their gear on board.
"I think it gets worse before it gets better."
"It can get worse?" My husband looks alarmed in such a way that I have to laugh. "Okay, let's get out of here before we realize we've forgotten something." He stops by the kids in their crash webbed baby seats in the cockpit, and makes funny faces and gets them chuckling. He loves them both but he's got a soft spot for our little girl. I've caught some great holos of them together.
It's easier if Chewie's on board, but he's left for Life Day, the high holiday on Kashyyyk. So I'll be co-piloting this flight. It's a nine hour flight, assuming the hyperdrive holds. Which it had better. I'm interested in a nine hour flight, not a four day one.
Mara and Luke haven't seen the babies since they were three months old, and they're such different people now. They're sitting up, crawling, and babbling incessantly. They're constantly learning new skills and everything in life is fascinating. They're only nursing now at bedtime; at other times they're too busy figuring out their world.
As for Han and me, we love our babies in a way we never imagined we could. We didn't think we'd be so tired, but we didn't think we'd love them so much, either. And having them for Winter Fete makes an already joyous and special time even more so.
Han's moved us out of Coruscant air space and prepares to jump to light speed. I know how much Han loves this old tramp freighter, but I find that sometimes I don't trust her.
This time, however, she doesn't disappoint. The transition is smooth and soon, Jaina and Jacen are fast asleep. They always sleep well on the ship. I'm not sure what it is, but they love it. Of course, they might have felt differently if we were in the habit of being shot at, but the galaxy remains at a tenuous peace. I'm doing my level best to make that a permanent state, and sometimes I resent that it takes time away from my babies. I want life for them to be free and to be good, and that involves more compromises than I'd like at times.
But right now, it's holiday time, and family's what it's all about, especially with our new additions.
"They're incredible, aren't they?" Han asks, smiling at me.
"I can't get over how much they amaze me." I can't. Their sweet little faces, their chubby cheeks, their cherubic smiles, it's so primal and so wonderful. Their skin is so soft, and when they come out of the bath, they smell wonderfully clean and sweet, I just want to hold them and breathe in their scent.
For now, we're just enjoying a relaxing ride, not speaking much, glancing at Jaina and Jacen now and then. They'll wake up soon enough.
"Our first Winter Fete as parents," Han muses, a smile playing across his lips. "I'm loving it."
"You and me both."
"I kind of think of them as one of my better ideas," Han says, his eyes sparkling.
"Okay, I'll concede that initially it was your idea. But we did make them together."
"I think we make beautiful babies."
I glance over at our little sleepyheads. Jaina sleeps with her first two fingers in her mouth, Jacen with his fist near his.
"I think you just might be right about that," I say to Han.
"You're actually admitting I'm right?"
"You've been right...once." I have to laugh.
"Not true. You told me that flying away with the rest of the garbage was one of my better moments."
"Okay, twice."
We laugh and joke and in between verbally tag teaming each other, we keep a companionable silence. It's fun to travel with Han, especially in peace time. In addition to being my husband, lover, and father of my children, he's a great friend. Han infuriates me at times, but no one can make me laugh the way he does, and he comforts me in his inimitable style that touches my soul.
And nothing makes me love him more than watching him with our babies.
Jaina begins stirring and fussing.
"You get to be in the left hand seat for a while," Han tells me as he gently picks her up. She is comforted by her father, who cradles her against his shoulder and rubs her back while she transitions from grogginess. "I bet you need a change, sweetie," he says to her and takes her to the lounge. Jacen is still fast asleep, sucking on his fist. I look at his face and imagine that this is what Han might have looked like as a baby.
I think back on Winter Fete two years ago. I was ill and miserable. I missed my family. I was still having issues with the destruction of my homeworld. So many friends had been lost to the war. Han's and my 'relationship' at that point consisted of casting aspersions upon each other. That is, until he came to my room when I was sick. I was ready to clobber him and probably would have if I hadn't felt so weak, but he came back a while later with soup, juice and a delicious hot buttered rum. We didn't talk a lot, but I found that he was, to my surprise, a good listener. And he didn't take what I'd said back to Rogue Squadron. For that matter, I don't think he discussed it with Luke.
Two years ago, I never knew I had a brother. Now I do, and I'm so looking forward to seeing him and the woman he's clearly in love with. I thought after the destruction of Alderaan that I would forever be without a family. Now that I have a brother and a family of my own, I feel more connected to the universe in a way I can't exactly describe, but I know it's there.
Jacen is awake now, and I pick him up and snuggle him. He's much bigger than his twin sister, and every bit as cute. He's the more mellow of the two.
"Come here, little man," I say to him, kissing his cheeks and forehead as I hold him close to me. "I bet you need changing, too." I hit the intercom to the lounge. "Jacen's awake and I think could use a change."
"Want me to take the left hand seat again, or change our son?"
"Your call," I say, laughing.
"Be right up." He climbs up the steps and takes Jacen from my arms. "C'mon, big guy. Your mom's doing just fine in the pilot seat." Han makes some funny faces and makes Jacen laugh.
He's an amazing father.
The rest of the trip is the same; Han and I trade off baby tasks and piloting duties. They started crawling a few days ago, and it seems as if they're already moving faster, meaning that Han and I are always on the chase. But it's so much fun watching Jaina and Jacen grow and develop.
"We're coming up on Yavin," Han calls to me. I grab the babies, one under each arm and protesting, and strap them back into their seats. I let Han do the landing; I can pilot fine but haven't mastered the arts of taking off and landing.
Once we've got the ship tied down, we take a hovercab to the Jedi temple. Snow is falling everywhere, and it looks like a hologlobe, but even prettier. It reminds me of Alderaan, and for a moment, tears glaze my eyes. I have memories of playing in the snow with my father and I feel a brief sense of loss, but then I look at our babies and realize that we'll have memories with them.
Luke and Mara greet us; they have an apartment in the Jedi temple, not large, but very comfortable. Seeing my brother fills me with joy; he seems so happy. Even Mara fusses happily with Jaina and Jacen. She says she's not good with kids, but she could have fooled me.
I sink into their sofa and it hits me that I'm tired. The trip was smooth but it's not as easy with two little people. Jaina and Jacen are, of course, bursting with energy.
Han sits down beside me and leans his head on my shoulder. We watch as Luke and Mara play with the kids.
"We promise not to fall asleep like we did on Gratitude Day," Han assures Luke and Mara.
"No problem if you do," Luke assures me. "We're family, after all."
Yes. We are. We are that, indeed.