Ok... so I needed a break from my current fanfic I'm working on. Soooooo I wrote this. Enjoy!
Note: Changed rating from M to T because I realised it wasn't THAT pervy...
One-Shot: Simply Unordinary
One day, just like any boring day, the sun rose, and after the sun rose, people got out of bed. They then proceed to go wherever they need to go, whether it be work or play or school or that lethargic day off. Normality in a nutshell, right? Some people do not have the luxury of normality. Well, on this specific day, an indigo-haired male got out of bed to an unusually normal day.
Or, at least, he thought it would be.
The first thing to make him think so was a certain red-head had woken him up. How? Repeatedly jumping on his stomach. Normally, she couldn't care less, but today, she had taken the utmost care and grace to ensure mister royal guard master got up on time.
Yes, love is a magical thing, isn't it?
"Elesis… stop pouncing on me… before you hurt so-"
Unfortunately, the magical moment of pure love and devotion ended when the lady ended up landing her foot between the legs of the man, very close to the stomach. She had hit him spot on in his no-no square.
"Oh shi- Are you okay?"
Utter devotion, I say.
After unsuccessfully limping down the stairs, ending in a tumble, the indigo-haired boy came across the second sign of normality. He had been greeted by a smiling pop star, who happened to have cooked breakfast that morning. She had decided to abandon the traditional way of cooking, and had instead lit the food, bacon, on fire with a lighter in the middle of the dining table.
"SCREW TRADITIONAL COOKING!"
The bacon wasn't the only thing that burned that morning.
The indigo boy found himself running for buckets of water, and then doused by a blue haired mechanical genius with a water hose, on a robot. A robot I say! After that, he found himself changing into dry clothes. Shortly after that, the pop star forced the burnt and soggy bacon into his mouth.
"TRY THIS!"
He mostly didn't really remember the next half hour, but he partially remembered seeing heaven.
He woke up again to somebody pouncing on his stomach, only this time it was the pop star. The red-head didn't want to wake up the indigo-haired one again with her magical love. She was too lazy. She is more like her grandfather than she realizes. Speaking of her grandfather, here comes a black haired immortal, grumbling down the stairs, purple aura surrounding him.
"What asshole took my bean bag chair…?"
To make a long story short, he wrecked everything he saw.
The indigo boy found himself waking up for the third time, this time to a worried fighter shaking him rapidly. Everything around him was ruined. The immortal gladiator was sleeping in the middle of the debris, atop a green bean bag chair, entirely asleep.
And that was how Ronan's day started.
Yes, to him this was normal. This was almost how every day started for him, with this same, normal procedure. He was accustomed to it at this point. This was not out of the ordinary for him. Now, I know what you're thinking. You think that this is clearly not normal. This is how insane people wake up, shortly after their hallucinations. I assure you, my friends, this is normal. It's perfectly normal.
I can explain it. See…
Um…
Well…
Ok, I admit. Maybe it is a LITTLE insane, but not that much.
Well, after the standard morning, Ronan decided to go on a walk to get his mind off the events of earlier that day. He needed something that countered his so-called normal days. He went alone to look for it- wait, nope. Mr. Isolet is hiding in that bush over there. He wants to tag along. Oh goody.
So the two of them walk down the market street, and Mr. Isolet turns to the royal guard master and asks, "Is something wrong?"
Ronan's instant response is, "Not really." Of course Lass knows that something is, but Ronan is bottling it up, per usual requirements.
"Tell me, what's wrong."
The guard master only replies, "Why am I everyone's punching bag?"
"Because you're too nice." This receives a glare from the guard master.
"What's that mean?" Says the guard master with a pouty face.
"It means you're too generous to get back at people who annoy you."
"HEY!"
"It's true."
"Aaaaand…. How do I get them to stop?"
"Well, if you were a perv for a day, people might lay off. They think you'd rape them in their sleep." The striker began.
The ideas clicked. "LASS, YOU'RE A GENUIS!" Shouted the royal guard master, running back to the house. Lass realized his mistake, and dashed off after him.
Ronan arrived back at the house, only this time, he wasn't Ronan. He was the SUPER PERVERT! Or, at least, in his head he was. SUPER PERVERT stepped through the door of the house, and snuck up behind an unsuspecting Elesis. Said Elesis was messing with Arme, who had stolen her sword to attempt to use it. The mage was clearly not cut out for swordplay. But then again, she's a mage. Who expected her to be able to pull off sword moves?
Well, anywho, back to the spell knight. I mean SUPER PERVERT! He was slowly creeping up behind Elesis. And ever so slowly he reached out…
"Hey sweetheart," He said as he hugged her from behind with one hand, and with the other he slowly reached down to touch her bu-
"RONAN, HANDS OFF!" The knight screamed uppercutting the SUPER PERVERT in the face. SUPER PERVERT was sent flying up, hit the ceiling, and then returned to earth. He decided to crawl back to beg at her feet. The poor guy was asking for it…
As he clung to her legs, he made puppy eyes, "Why do you hate me?" His vision was distracted by a sudden flash, "My my… are those white panties I spy?"
"R-RONAN! S-STOP LOOKING UP MY SKIRT!" The red knight's face flushed as she said this. "PERVERT!" She screamed, kicking him away. He was flung towards the far wall. Man, that girl is strong…
Right when Elesis turned around, Ronan, I mean, SUPER PERVERT piggybacked onto her.
"RONAN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
The next few words made Elesis punch Ronan through the ceiling, made Sieghart, who just walked through the doorway, absolutely shocked and pissed, and made Lass, who just jumped in through the window, facepalm himself.
Ronan had said, with the derpiest derp face you've ever seen, "Have my children, Ellie." And then all hell broke loose.
"LASS, YOUR PLAN DIDN'T WORK!"
"That's because I was kidding…"
"Well you should have told me that before!"
"You ran off, remember?" The thief facepalmed, then sighed. "I'll be right back" Lass said, jumping out the window, leaving Ronan in his room, alone. Of course, Rufus bust through the door shortly after his half-brother left, smiling like nothing bad could possibly ever happen. He was clearly up to something…
"Hello there." Was the bounty hunter's salutation.
"Hi Rufus." Was the guard master's reply.
"Why the long face?"
"Nothing..." Of course, Ronan's expression said otherwise, but everyone knew better than to try and pry such information from the guard master.
"I think I may have something to make you feel better." Oh boy…
"Oh do you now…" The mass sarcasm in his voice made it quite clear that Rufus was not wanted around. The bounty hunter seemed oblivious to this. Or he's ignoring it.
"How many times have I lied to you?"
"Many. Shall I count them off?" Rufus's happy, joyful expression briefly vanished.
"Let's pretend all the bad stuff from all those incidents never happened!" The bounty hunter replied, almost shouting.
"But-"
"NO BUTS!" Jeez, didn't have to be so mean about it. Rufus placed his arm around Ronan's neck, slightly dragging him down in the process. "I believe I can assist you with your problem. I overheard your conversation earlier."
"…"
"How about I cheer you up, hm? I think I have the perfect idea…"
This can only end well.
"Are you SURE this will make me feel better?" The guard master inspected the large gatling gun in his hands. Wait… how'd he get a gatling gun?
"Just pull the trigger. You'll see." Ronan complied, sending about thirty bullets speeding across the dining room, barely missing Rufus's head. "CAREFUL WHERE YOU AIM THAT!"
"It's strangely satisfying." The spell knight said, not moving his eyes from the gun. The bounty hunter smiled.
THIS CAN ONLY END IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE!
"Bingo. Now, I'll be right back." Rufus called, walking towards the kitchen.
Ronan suddenly felt very... exited. He decided to use the next people who entered the room as target practice.
What coincidence! Jin and Amy happen to walk right into the room, as Amy is insistent on cooking once more, and Jin is trying to stop her. Ronan levels the gun. The two of them notice. Bullets fly!
Rufus walked into the kitchen, chuckling happily. Oh hey Lass! Why are you looking around the food storage device that Mari invented, also known as THE FRIDGE? And why is the window broken? Lass didn't notice his half-brother right away, which gave said half-brother a split second opportunity to surprise the thief. This split second was utilized by a fast tackle, knocking the fridge on its side and covering the thief in food in the process.
Lass was clearly pissed. He had snuck in here for some leftover cherry pie, and now he wouldn't get any. HE WAITED ALL DAY FOR THAT PIE! And now, it was splattered all over the floor. "You're gonna pay for that…" Was all the thief could say before rushing madly at the bounty hunter. But the bounty hunter was quick, and used his nether blade. The sound of bullets echoed across the room with the sound of clashing steel.
A thought entered the thief's mind. "If you're in here, then who's making the gunshots?" Blank stare… then…
"Oh, that's just Ronan."
"Why does he- oh I get it. You gave it to him didn't you…" The bounty hunter grinned. The thief's face suddenly went paler than normal. (Is that even possible?) "What… what have you done…?"
"He'll just shoot at the wall, right?" The striker drags Rufus by the collar of his jacket to observe the scene in the dining hall. Oh boy… Ronan… what have you done… what have you done indeed…
There are multiple chickens rummaging around the entire room, squawking madly, and fleeing from the loud noises from the gun. WHY ARE THERE CHICKENS? Jin and Amy are huddled under the table, throwing glares at Rufus practically screaming YOU ASSHOLE! Ronan is standing atop the table shooting madly at the air. Bullet holes litter the ceiling and the walls. The tapestries along the walls are ripped to shreds.
Rufus stares in amazement. "Maybe I should have kept an eye on him, to keep him from going overboard…"
"No shit, Sherlock."
"I HAVE NO REGRETS!" The indigo knight shouted. The guard master is having a fine time isn't he? Bummer he has to stop. Oh, lookie here. Lass is walking over with a tranquilizer gun. Why the hell does he have a tranquilizer gun, AND HOW DID HE GET IT? That aside, the tranquilizer is aimed… and… it hit Ronan square on the ass.
What's this? Is Rufus trying to sneak away without punishment? Before doing so, Jin and Amy drag him by his arms back to his half-brother. Resistance is obvious, so of course Rufus is shot with a tranquilizer as well, this time on the leg. Now, for dishing punishment…
Rufus awoke to an incredibly embarrassing surprise. He was atop a dinner plate, surrounded by chickens. Live chickens. He was tied up, hands behind his back, wearing nothing but his boxers. A rubber chicken hat was placed on his head, and there was an apple in his mouth. He was leaned against a sleeping wild pig. For some reason, he couldn't feel anything in one of his legs.
Lass was staring straight at him, trying to stifle his laughter best he could. He was clearly failing.
"MPHMPHMPHMPHMPH!" Was all the bounty hunter could manage. This only made the thief laugh even harder. I mean, come on. One of the people who ticks you off the most is on a freaking dinner plate, looking like the next meal. That has to at least make you chuckle a little. And look, Sieghart's there, and so is Mari. Sieghart's laughing like a maniac. Mari has her normal blank face. Mari also has a newly invented device that can supposedly capture moments in time, so one can look back at them and cherish them forever. It's called a camera. MAGICAL!
Ah… poor Rufus… the bastard kind of had it coming, didn't he?
Now, where is Ronan, you ask? Well, he was handed over to Ley for punishment, as Lass was busy punishing Rufus, and Jin and Amy had no ideas. So, using her magical supplies, she manages to get him dangling from the chandelier. Ley admired her work, then ran off to try and force Dio into the same situation.
When Lass came out of the dining hall, followed by Sieghart and Mari, he saw something very, very amusing.
Lass can't hold back his laughter anymore. He's pretty much banging on the walls. Sieghart's having a grand time laughing as well. Mari readies her camera once more.
At this point in time, Ronan is awake. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" He shouts from his current location. Ronan was suspended high off the ground from the chandelier, upside-down, wearing a wedding dress. The ropes that tied him up also prevented the dress from falling on his face due to gravity.
Almost immediately after the line was said, Ley floated into the room, dragging a tied up Dio behind her. "DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SPARE DRESS?" She shouted as she floated in.
"ABSOLUTLY NOT!" Dio shouted as he broke free of the rope constraints. Ley was not amused. Dio ran out of the room, with Ley chasing behind him.
"GET BACK HERE!" She shouted.
Of course to ruin Ronan's sudden relief, Elesis came striding into the room with Arme's diary. The red knight stopped at the sight of the cross-dressed Ronan, cracking down in laughter. The mage retrieved her diary, and soon followed.
Lire entered, hearing the fight, and questioned to the others, "Why is Ronan hanging from the ceiling?"
"Because our allies here are bastards." Rufus broke free of his bonds, and was now wandering around in nothing but his boxers. "Now help me find my pants."
Lire does not take this well. Lire is mentally breaking down. Lire shoots about 15 (thousand) arrows at the poorly dressed bounty hunter.
Dio re-enters the room, dragging a tied up Ley behind him with one hand, and with the other is carrying one of Rufus's eyeteeth.
Rufus reacts instantly, "HEY! THAT'S MINE!" He reaches for the eyetooth. Dio drops Ley, uses his rake hand to push away the bounty hunter, and his normal hand to aim the gun. Dio fired. Dio hit the rope keeping the dress covering Ronan's boxers. The dress fell down over Ronan's face. Guess what those in the room saw.
"Whoops." Dio said as he readied the eyetooth once again. He fired, again. He hit the chain keeping the chandelier suspended. Glass, metal, and a man in a dress came crashing down. Ronan screamed, quite loudly.
The fighter looked down at the three males sitting on the couch. "What have we learned today?" He asked them.
"I am never to give Ronan guns." The now-fully-clothed Rufus replied.
"I learned nothing." Dio said. Dio earned himself a hard karate chop to the side of the head from Jin. "Fine. I learned it's not nice to shoot people with a stolen object." The fighter gestured his hand for the stygian to continue. "And not to steal things. Satisfied?" Jin nodded. He is very satisfied.
Ronan cleared his throat before stating, "I am to find less extreme methods to express my disappointment and frustration. There are severely less destructive and/or simpler ways besides sudden personality changes and/or... dangerous weapons." Geez, the mouthful wasn't needed, Ronan. The fighter nodded.
"Alright, you three can go now." Ronan ran instantly to his room. He quickly pulled off his embarrassing… outfit… and swapped it for something more… appropriate. Halfway undressed, Elesis busted in his room to annoy him, but was quickly dispelled by a sudden barrage of flying objects. Courtesy of Ronan.