This episode of COD Cribs has been brought to you by the Fight Against Grenade Spam. A man gets out of parked humvee. "Hi. I'm Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cole Hamles and I'm here today to talk to you about something close to my heart, random grenades. Have you ever been walking down the street one day minding your own business when Bam! You look down and find a deadly explosive device strapped to you? Well I have and let me tell you, it's not cool. So avoid random grenades, they're for pussies." He said. Suddenly, a random grenade lands on his chest followed by several more grenades. "What the fuck-" BOOM! He gets thrown 20 feet into the air. A slide stating, 'Sorry, technical difficulties', appears on the screen.

Jacob, otherwise known as j-dawg, walks in frame. He fixes his gold chain just as Erin walks in, fluffing her hair slightly. The cameraman fiddles with his camera. He looks through the view finder of the bulky camera, focusing it accordingly. "You guys ready to do this?" he asks with a hint of nervousness in his low voice.

Jacob grins widely, throwing the cameraman a thumb up. "Hell yeah, let's do this!" he replies. With that, the cameraman counts down before rolling. "Hey, hey, hey COD! On this week's edition of COD Cribs, we'll be checking out the mansion of everyone's favorite Russian terrorist. The one and only Vladimir Makarov! Tell 'em 'bout it, peeps!" he starts off chipper.

With the mention of her nickname, Erin shines a smile. "That's right everybody! Good ole' Maky finally decided to let our show tour his crib. And boy was it hard convincin' 'em!" she states, glancing over at Jacob.

Jacob grimaces, "You're tellin' me. We had to do all sorts of crazy shit for him." He said.

FLASHBACK!

We see Jacob at Zakhaev international airport, running through while firing a gun in the air like a madman. "LEEEEEEEEEEROY JENKINS!" he screeches.

A random civilian is screaming his head off. But he stops when he hears Jacob. "Wait, what did he say?" he questions, a confused look sitting on his face.

Jacob darts his eyes around the room before dropping a flash bang. He runs away, laughing manically, knocking down several blinded civilians along the way.

END FLASHBACK

"I got 15 hours of community service for that shit?" he said questionably.

Erin raises an eyebrow, looking at him in puzzlement. "What cha have to do?" she asks, glancing from the camera back to him.

Jacob shrugs his shoulder. "I had to speak at a school function about why screaming random names in an airport is bad. What bout you? What did Makarov make you do?" he inquires.

FLASHBACK

It's a cut of Erin massaging Makarov's nasty feet.

END FLASHBACK

Erin shudders, breathing shakily. "I don't wanna talk about it! I have too many nightmares already." She breathes, shaking her head shamefully.

The cameraman coughs, drawing Erin and Jacob's attention to him. "Um, guys? Shouldn't we be doing the show?" he reminds them.

"Oh crap, almost forgot! Let's see if anyone's home." Jacob answers, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. He knocks on the front door. A couple seconds later, Makarov answers the door decked out in gold chains and a vodka bottle in his hand.

Makarov grins, an unusual sight. "Hey, hey bitches! I'm Vladimir Makarov and this is MY CRIB!" he states. The TV show intro plays while the camera videos different rooms. Erin and Jacob follow Makarov into the kitchen, the cameraman filming after them. "Let's see what we got in da fridge." Makarov said. He opens the fridge to reveal a tremendous amount of booze and guns.

"Um, dawg? Why you got yo guns in the fridge?" she questions slowly, shooting him a perplexed look.

Makarov grins, gesturing largely with his arms. "Cause when me and mah homies drink, we like to shoot. So leavin' a few in the fridge saves us a trip. Plus it looks real balla!" he comments. They continue into the living room. "This is where me and my bros' like to chill after a long day of terrorizin'!" he reveals.

A stage sits in the middle of the living room. Jacob glances at it. "What's the stage for man?" he asks, gesturing to it with his thumb.

"This is where I do my comedy routine! Y 'all bitches wanna see?" Makarov questions, looking at us with eyes a sparkle.

Erin and Jacob exchange a look before shrugging their shoulders. "Sure, why the hell not." They reply.

Makarov jumps on stage and starts the routine by quoting Dane Cook word for word. "You know what I hate? I hate when your tryin' to shoot a place up and the cop always try to stop you! Super fingers to everyone!" he projects through the mic.

"Um, dawg…that's from Dane Cook." Erin interrupts, pointing out the fact.

Makarov glares at her, shooting daggers with his eyes. "No its not you dumb bitch! Shut up!" he snaps.

Erin's eyes widen, her mouth fallen a slack. "Did he just call me a bitch?" she said before screaming like a banshee and tackling Makarov. She starts punching and clawing him viciously. "Don't call me a bitch, you ain't SHIT!" she screams.

Jacob runs over to the fight and tries to pull Erin away but ends up getting kicked and scratched. "Erin, Erin! Chillax, he didn't mean-OW that hurt!" he yells, finally pulling Erin off of Makarov. Makarov scurries up, slightly frightened at Erin's sudden change of emotions.

She glares at Makarov before throwing Jacob a dark look. "J-dawg, why'd ya hafta go and do that? He called me a bitch, you heard him. He got what was coming to him." She growls darkly, fixing her off the shoulder top.

Jacob looks at her seriously, pointing a finger at her. "Yes, we all heard. But we can't keep attacking people! You remember what happened when we toured Shepard's crib?" he tries reasoning.

Erin crosses her arms, shooting a defensively look at him. "Don't even go there! He was being a perv the whole time!" she states, her anger dissipating slightly.

"Guys! We're supposed to be doing the show-I mean the shiiizow! Am I right?" he said, bringing their focus back.

Erin and Jacob both shoot him dirty looks before following Makarov upstairs. They enter a room, Makarov turning to the camera. "And this is the bedroom, where the magic happens." He coos, smirking, The camera pans the bed room which is littered with empty vodka bottles, bullet casings and Viktor-singing.

"I'm tryin to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectfuuuuul!" Viktor sang, way off key.

Makarov looks at him distastefully, gesturing to him like a gangster. "VIKTOR, OMG! Here I am tryin to be on cribs and you start screaming at the top of your lungs!" he yells.

Viktor pouts drunkenly. "OMG, talk to the hand cause the face don't wanna hear that shit!" he responds in a feminine voice.

Makarov blinks, "What?" he asks.

The Cameraman raises a hand, trying to get our attention. "Um, guys-" he starts.

"Dude, shut up!" everyone yells back at the poor cameraman.

Viktor points in a completely random direction. "Look over there!" he orders before dropping a flash bang and jumping out the window.

Makarov blinks, sharing a confused look with the rest of the group. "Well that was weird. OK, let's get back to the tour! This is my wide 52 inch wide screen. And I get my e-mail on it! Let's see if any of my bros have sent me anything." He points out, turning to the screen.

Erin snickers, nudging Jacob. "Watch this." She whispers, trying hard to suppress her laughter.

Jacob raises an eyebrow. "Watch what?" he asks. But she doesn't have to answer the question for all of a sudden the video to Never gonna give you up by Rick Astley plays.

"What the fuck!" Makarov screams in confusion.

Erin rolls on the floor, howling with laughter. "You just got Rick rolled bitch!" she exclaims, smiling insanely at him.

Makarov does a face palm. "Are you fuckin high?" he growls in question.

She rolls her self up into a standing position, tilting her head to the side. "Not unless ya count sugar!" she answers in a sing song voice.

"Fuck that, I think you're on crack." Makarov grumbles under his breath.

Krill runs into the room, tackling Makarov. "CRACK! WHO SAID CRACK?" he yells, his wild eyes darting around the room.

Makarov curses, trying to push Krill off. "KRILL, NO! Down! Sit!" he orders. Finally, Krill calms down and sits like a dog, "That's a good boy." Makarov produces a bag of crack and tosses it out the window.

Krill takes off after it. "BARK!" he cries out as he jumps out the window.

Makarov shakes his head, leading them to the bathroom. "Now hopefully, without anymore shenanigans, I can show you the bathro-LEV! What the fuck?" he screams in shock.

Lev looks up from screwing a sex doll in the bathtub with a look of shock and guilt. "Um, this isn't what it looks like. Heh, I was just…cleaning her." He lies, quickly pulling up his pants.

"Natasha is MY girl, you back stabbing piece of shit!" Makarov yells loudly. With that, he and Lev get into a classic cartoon fight complete with a cloud of smoke and generic fists popping in and out.

The fight cloud bumps into Erin. She stumbles slightly, glowering at them. "Aw, hell nyah! J-dawg they shoved a lady…LETS FUCK EM UP!" she snaps. With that, Jacob and Erin both jump into the cloud and start beating the living shit out of the two Russians.

That is until the dumb ass cameraman runs in and tries to break it up. "Guys, we're supposed to be doing the damn show!" he growls, trying to push people away from each other.

Jacob hits the cameraman in the head with a flash bang. "Broke ass mother fucker." He grumbles at the cameraman who is stumbling around, dazed from the flash bang. Jacob breaks a vodka bottle into a sharp weapon and points it at Makarov and lev threateningly. "Now let's just try to finish the show before a fucking nuke or some shit goes off!" he snipes sharply.

Lev and Makarov exchange a smug look. "You think we're scared of some little vodka bottle? Ha!" they laugh, believing they have the upper hand.

Jacob smirks, straightening himself up. "Well then…I guess there's no other option except-ERIN!" he said. Erin jumps on both of the Russians, clawing and punching them till they agree to do the rest of the show.

Makarov lead them back into the living room, turning to face the camera. "Well, COD, thanks for touring my crib an-" he starts.

But Meat shatters through the window and shoots wildly in the air. "LEROOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" he roars at the top of his lungs.

Jacob blinks, looking at Meat. "Well he obviously wasn't at the school function…" he mutters before turning to Erin, "Um Peeps? I think NOW's about the time to be getting the fuck out of here…like RIGHT now!"

"Yeah, you said it J-dawg!" she agrees.

Makarov runs with them to the door just as more TF141 members are rappelling through the windows, shouting obscenities. "Well COD, that's my crib! Thanks for stopping by! Now get the hell outta here!" he shouts, returning fire, "And tell who EVER snitched they're so dead!"

Erin and Jacob walk down the driveway. Haft way down, explosions go off behind them. Jacob stops suddenly. "Oh shit, we forgot the camera guy!" he reveals.

Erin waves him off, "Eh, screw it. He'll be fine. Now, LET'S GO GET CRUNKED!" she said, changing the subject.

"Hell yeah, peeps! You read my mind." Jacob responds, giving her a knuckle bump before continuing on their way.

Author's note: Ha, I hope you enjoyed this collab story. :) This is another story collab I'm doing with Jacob0392.

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