My Fault - Tom x Lexi
A kinda depressing one shot from Tom's POV about Lexi. Set a few months after All Out War.
"I don't know when I realised this was all my fault."
Tom sits on a chair at the counter, his head in his hands. Lexi regards him from where she is sat on the counter, not saying a word.
Tom pours himself another coffee, downing it in one. "I guess it is my fault though. My fault that we're at war. My fault that the Nekross hate me. My fault about you." Lexi is silent, watching him with those deep knowing brown eyes that seem to penetrate Tom's soul every time.
He turns away from her. "I was being so careful this time. Not using magic, staying on a low profile. Then Varg turns up on the doorstep. Blows up my house. My house, Lexi."
He watches her out of the corner of his eye. She seems unperturbed but so intent, listening quietly. She has always been good at listening.
"And all I can see every time I close my eyes is your face, the terror in your eyes. You were scared, I never see you scared." Tom gulps down more coffee, pausing for a moment.
"Then you sacrificed yourself for me, even though you knew it would kill you. Was that what you wanted, Lexi? Did you want to die? You told me once that you didn't want to die. Did that change? Be a traitor to your kind or be dead? Is that the choice you made because of me?"
Tom feels tears in his eyes but makes no attempt to wipe them away. "I was desperate. I gave you another chance, one which I didn't know whether I could do. Did you want that? Or would you have prefered to die in your brother's arms? I don't know. Maybe surrendering would have worked, maybe it wouldn't. It would have been selfless though. Good and selfless, something that I've proven I'm not."
Silence. Lexi's knowing eyes, waiting for him to continue.
"Maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe I shouldn't have saved you. Maybe I should have let you die." Tom takes a last drink of his coffee, draining the last of it, then sets it down on the counter next to him.
"Because now you're gone, changed into something you're not, and the Nekross will never submit until they get revenge - on me."
Lexi stares, nothing but calm in her eyes. Tom knows she doesn't understand him, but it feels good to let it all out, to tell someone who won't pity him, who won't try and console him. Someone who will understand its all his fault.
"But I won't let you go," Tom says softly, picking up the black kitten with those deep brown eyes. Lexi gives a soft purr into his jacket, barely audible to anyone but him. But Tom hears. Tom will always hear.
"I love you Lexi. And I will find you. Even if it is all my fault."