High School Sucks
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha and all that other good crap. Someone else does.
Summary: Inuyasha's life in high school. Story is better than the sucky summary says.
.:UPDATE July/9/09:. Okay, so I'm gonna be editing all the chapters so that they'll be grammatically correct, have much more descriptive words, and most importantly, THEY'LL BE FUNNIER! :D
Chapter 1
Kagome smiled merrily as she walked to Inuyasha anfd Sesshomaru's home, clasping a heavy-looking science book to her chest. She wasn't a rocket scientist in the subject, no doubt, but she wanted to at least look intelligent so the teacher would give her some credit. Good impressions on the first day of school were vital, after all.
Once she arrived at the house, she cupped a hand to her mouth and shouted, "Inuyasha! Sesshomaru! Are you guys coming or what?! I don't wanna be late!" She huffed when she wasn't immediately responded to, her red dress also giving a reaction by billowing in the breeze. Ah, how she deemed herself lucky to attend a school where there were no regulatory uniforms.
Seconds later, Inuyasha called back to Kagome, "Hold on a sec, Kagome!" He burst out the front door, his bookbag slung over his shoulder in an askew fashion. "Sorry about that, Kagome. I was fighting Sesshomaru for the last Pop Tart."
The raven-haired girl gave a mental sigh before asking, "Who won?" She was answered when Sesshomaru came out, contentedly - and with a subtle victorious air - munching on a Pop Tart as he adjusted the rather bulky headphones on his head.
"Too bad you won't be having breakfast today, little brother." The elder brother stated as he walked past Inuyasha, who in turn shook a fist in his direction.
"Next time, I'll kick your ass!" He promised.
The older brother dismissively waved the younger one off. "Don't count on it."
"Come on, Inuyasha! Let's go!" Kagome ducked behind Inuyasha and started pushing him forward, mostly to keep his mind off fighting his brother. "I'm not gonna be late on the first day of school!"
"I'm going! I'm going!" Inuyasha barked, vaguely wondering if Kagome was planning on looking both ways before pushing him into the street.
Kagome lips upturned pleasingly to herself as she found Sesshomaru in a currently-desolate corner of the school. He had vanished as soon as they had arrived with Inuyasha and after once again witnessing his cruelty to his little brother, she decided she needed to talk to him.
With a big smile, she approached and greeted him. "Hello, there, Sesshomaru."
"What do you want?" He asked. "Are you selling something? You've got that look..."
"Huh? Oh, no. I needed to talk to you."
"What about, Inuyasha's girlfriend?"
She sighed in annoyance. "Kagome. It's Kagome. KA-GO-ME. For the last time, it's KAGOME."
Sesshomaru nodded absentmindedly. "Okay, so what do you want, Inuyasha's girlfriend?"
"You need to stop being mean to your brother!" She stomped her foot. "It's...it's mean!"
"And why should I?"
She reached into her bookbag and flashed some money in his face. "I'll give you fifty bucks if you start being nice to him. But it has to be a real effort! Not just for the money."
With a quick, "Deal," the dog demon gladly took the money.
The tardy bell sounded, echoing through the heavily-populated classrooms and the mostly empty halls. With loud foot falls, Inuyasha ran to his homeroom, shouting, "SHIT!!!" on his way, causing the few people wandering the halls to give him weird looks.
'Smart move!' He thought, mentally kicking his own ass over and over again. 'Playing Tetris on my phone in the bathroom instead of heading to homeroom when the warning bell rang! Ugh, why'd I have to get Mr. Simpson for homeroom?! He's a BITCH about tardiness! I'm NEVER gonna hear the end of it!...Or am I thinking of that other teacher? God, I hope I am.'
He arrived just as Mr. Simpson asked, "Where is Mr.-" The half demon quickly entered the room, quite out of breath, and took a seat, muttering curses under his breath.
"Are you Inuyasha?" The teacher inquired, raising an eyebrow.
Inuyasha folded his arms across his chest, trying to appear tough. "Who wants to know?"
"I do."
"Yeah, I'm Inuyasha."
"Tell me, Mr. Inuyasha, why are you late?"
"Uh…" He thought for a moment before blurting out, "I got hit by a car!" The class burst out laughing at Inuyasha's statement. No one else could make a funny quite like he could. The golden-eyed boy gave a false glare at everyone. "Hey! You guys shouldn't laugh at someone after they've been…uh…what did I say?" More laughter erupted from the class.
Mr. Simpson looked flabbergasted. "You got hit by a car?! Dear Lord, son, you need to go to the hospital!" He pulled out his cell phone, barking at the students not to laugh under such dire circumstances as the guffawing continued. "How would you guys like it if you got hit by a car and everyone else laughed?!"
Inuyasha sprang up out of his desk and hurried to the teacher with a, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" and placed his hand on the phone. "I'm fine, see?"
"Oh, God." The teacher gasped. "You go hit so hard, you don't know what you're saying." He grabbed the student's arm. "We're going to the nurse!"
"Whoa, wait a sec!" Inuyasha protested as he was dragged out of the room.
In first period gym class, the students stood in a straight line, all adorning the same white and puke-green gym suits. Inuyasha looked over himself, or at least tried to, in slight disgust as he joined the line between Sango and Miroku; he was wearing a neck brace given to him by the nurse. Green wasn't his favorite color, but glancing down the line at Kagome, he had to admit that it looked good on her, puke-green or not. Everything did, it seemed. Hell, she could be wearing a dirty, tattered potato sack for all he cared and she'd STILL look good.
"Where were you?" Miroku asked. "We heard your homeroom teacher dragged you to the nurse's office cuz you got hit by a car."
He nodded. "Yeah, only he didn't believe me when I tried to tell him I was kidding. He thought I bashed my head too hard on the ground." He unfastened the brace and tossed it to the side.
"Alright, class." The teacher began. "I'm Mr. Cane and you guys will be doing…uh…whatever the hell you do in gym. I really don't know what the hell you do cuz I've been a military ballet instructor for the past twenty years." He swiftly added, "YES, they DO practice ballet in the military." He cleared his throat. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some important business to attend to." He then returned to his office to finish watching his soap opera.
Inuyasha greedily selected a dodgeball from the dodgeball bag, gleefully feeling its texture in his hands. "Alright! Time to kick ass, dodgeball style!"
The boy looked a bit confused and ready to fight when his brother stood in his fway, though a weird look in his brother's eyes he had never seen before turned his expression to utter confusion. Was it… 'Is that compassion I see in Sesshomaru's eyes? No! It couldn't be! He's the most unemotional person I know! Well, besides Naraku, anyway. Where the hell is that guy, anyway?' He had to admit, the look in Sesshomaru's eyes was starting to make him feel uncomfortable. "Sesshomaru? What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked, a tenseness in his voice.
"Thanks to your little girlfriend, she made me realize I've done nothing but wrong to you and I wanna act like a real big brother to you for once." Sesshomaru opened his arms, a warm, yet defeated, smile on his face. "Give me a hug."
Startled, Inuyasha began backing away slowly from his brother. "Sesshomaru, you're scaring me."
Sesshomaru took a step towards his brother each time he took a step back. "Come on. Give your big brother a hug."
Inuyasha picked up the pace. "No."
And so did Sesshomaru. "Please? All I want is a hug!"
The younger Narita brother turned and broke into a run. "No!"
The elder chased after him, his arms still open in an embrace he may never receive. "Come on! Give me a hug! Just one hug, damn you!"
"No way, you asshole!"
Their friends Sango and Miroku sat upon the uneven bars, watching the scene unfold bemusedly.
"Go, Inuyasha!" Miroku waved his fist with such force that he almost fell from the taller bar he was perched upon. "Run, bitch! RUN!!!"
Sango joined in. "Yeah, Inuyasha! Don't let Sesshomaru hug you!"
The lecher placed his feet on the shorter bar and stood, then took his shirt off and swung it over his head, all the while his female companion stared at him with wide eyes. "You can do it, Inuyasha!" He chanted. "Out run your big brother and his fat ass of fatness! Come on, Sango! Join me!" He tried to pull Sango's shirt off, but failed when she backhanded him and he fell ungracefully to the floor.
"You perv!" She yelled, taking off her sneaker and leaping off the bar. To teach Miroku a lesson, she grasped the laces of her shoe and proceeded to beat the boy with it. She made sure to keep watch for the gym teacher while she did so, though the fear of getting caught soon slipped her mind and she went hog wild on the pervert's back with her shoe.
"Ow!" Miroku cried out. "I'm sorry! Ow! Stop it! Ow! Mommy! Ow! Help me! Ow! God, I really wish Sango was a sissy right about now! Ow! Damn it!"
The Narita brothers ran by moments later, the elder still trying to catch the younger one in a nonconsensual hug.
"Hug me!" Sesshomaru commanded.
"Oh, hellz no!" was Inuyasha's rebuttal. To his horror, he did exactly what he was praying he wouldn't do: he tripped. His brother took the opportunity to drop to his knees and pulled the younger boy into a tight hug.
"It actually feels good to hug you." Sesshomaru smiled as he squeezed his little brother tighter. Inuyasha, on the other hand, struggled to break free.
He cried out, "Help! Mommy! Sesshomaru's scaring me again! Help! Someone! Anybody! Help! Help me, sweet Jesus! My brother is possessed!" He reached up and started tumping on his brother's forehead with the palm of his hand. "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"
Sesshomaru released the half demon and stood. "I'm gonna hug you every chance I get for the rest of the day, Inuyasha." He decided.
The dog-earred boy groaned. "Oh, God, no..."
The tardy bell rang and this time, Inuyasha was actually already in his assigned classroom before it sounded.
"Ha! I'm actually on time for class!" The half demon jovially began to dance like a moron, then he realized what he was doing and took a seat next to Miroku. "Psst! Miroku!"
"What?" Miroku put his manga down.
"Have you seen Sesshomaru yet?"
"No. Why?"
"He said he's gonna hug me every chance he gets for the rest of the day."
"Like in gym? I hope he does cuz that was funny. Kagome said she got a really good picture of Sesshomaru hugging you on her phone."
"Cingular?"
The brunette shook his head. "No, she's got that new iFone with an F that has a high-depth camera on it. It doubles as an iPod, too. Not only that, but it also has a really sweet planner, a built-in sewing machine, a canteen, a ruler, a magnifying glass, a pencil sharpener, a toothbrush, AND it's waterproof! Oh, and when you press a certain button, the body of the phone changes color. The BODY. It's really cool."
Inuyasha appeared stunned for a moment, then began writing something down. "...Note to self: KILL Kagome after school today."
The teacher walked in and sat at her desk. "Hello, class. My name is Mrs. Diarrhea and I'll be your science teacher for the year."
Miroku raised his hand.
"Yes, sir?"
"Why is your name Diarrhea? Did you marry an actual ass or something?"
The class started laughing, but stopped in shock and appall when Mrs. Diarrhea whipped out a photo of her and some unknown man's posterior.
She nodded in confirmation. "Yes, I DID marry an actual ass. Quite an interesting story, really. I'll tell you kids about it sometime." She put the picture away. "Today we'll be mixing chemicals, even though it's your first day, so take out your goggles and aprons and we'll get started!" After the class did as she instructed, Mrs. Diarrhea held up a test tube containing an unidentifiable pink substance. "Now, class, what you do is-"
With wide eyes, Inuyasha watched as a heavy mist poured from his beaker after he mixed a couple of chemicals together. He wasn't sure if the mist was good or bad, but he figured he'd bring it up anyway with the teacher. "Uh…Mrs. Diarrhea?"
"Yes?"
"I wasn't listening to you and I poured the pink stuff into the blue stuff and then I poured in the red stuff and now my beaker's spewing some purple fog stuff. What does that mean?"
She gasped, holding a hand to her mouth, revealing nails painted so pink that a person would have a seizure looking at them. "Do you know what you just did?!"
"If I did, would I be wondering why the hell a purple mist is coming out of my beaker? Hell no!"
"You just created a bomb! Everybody, get down!"
The students ducked fearfully under their lab tables and not a second later, the chemical mixture exploded. It was nothing big, though it was enough to leave a hole in the table where the beaker was once sitting. Most of the students were amazed at the sight, while others - like Miroku - chuckled and giggled, earning glares from the boy who caused the disaster in the first place.
Mrs. Diarrhea also glared, hers directed at Inuyasha. "Young man, what is your name?"
"Me?" The half demon asked as he climbed out from under the table.
"No shit."
"Uh…" Inuyasha pondered for a moment, then hatched an idea. "My name is Sesshomaru Narita and I kicked my brother Inuyasha's ass for the last Pop Tart this morning." The statement earned him a gasp from his fellow classmates, and more snickering from Miroku, who was silenced when the silver-haired boy kicked him roughly in the hip to shut him up.
"You are a sick, twisted, horrible child! Go to the principal's office right now! And take your shit with you!" The teacher pointed at the door, her brown bangs moving about with her motion.
Inuyasha shrugged his bookbag on nonchalantly. "Yes, ma'am." He left, chuckling as quietly as he could as he overheard Mrs. Diarrhea's loud swearing from the classroom. His laughing was short lived when he ran into Sesshomaru. The elder Narita boy smirked at his cowering brother.
"Time for your hug!" He declared and opened his arms once more, an innocent act which made Inuyasha's stomach clench hard.
An idea popped into the younger boy's head, one that was guaranteed to get him out of the current situation. Confidently, he said, "Hold it! A teacher told me to tell you that you had to go to the principal's office."
Confused, the older brother asked, "Why?"
"I don't know, but it must've been bad. She was swearing and everything."
Sesshomaru sighed. "Fine. In that case, I'll hug you later." He went back the way he came, which was a short cut through the presently-empty teacher's lounge.
"I did it! Yes!" A evil grin slipped across his face as yet another idea slithered into his cranium. "I'm getting an idea..." He looked at the clean walls of the hallway, reaching into his bookbag to grab a can of pink spray paint.
The final bell indicated school was finally over for the day, much to the students' delight.
During the free time he had before his next class after the lab incident, Inuyasha spray painted on the walls 'Sesshomaru wuz here! Kiss my ass!' During lunch, he started a food fight and claimed Sesshomaru did it. While it was still lunchtime, he freed the school mascot Petey-san the crocodile into the girls' locker room and said it was Sesshomaru who freed him. Afterwards, he snuck into an empty classroom and drew a grotesque blistered and bleeding phallus on the white board, signing it with Sesshomaru's signature. To top it all off, he took a trip to the school library and logged into one of the computers under Seshomaru's name. He broke past the school firewall, visited a countless number of pornographic sites, and printed off pictures; so many, in fact, that he actually broke the library's printer and it began smoking. He figured that was a sign that he'd done enough damage for one day and went back to the cafeteria to wait for lunch to be over.
Fortunately for the half demon, Sesshomaru was given five hours of detention that very day, so for the moment, Inuyasha was spared of a most likely fatal ass kicking. He knew, however, he was as good as dead when Sesshomaru came home. IF the detention didn't kill him, that is.
Desperate to keep on living, Inuyasha asked Kagome meekly as she was about to board Sango's car if he could sleep over at her house.
"Why?" The black-haired girl inquired, raising a delicate brow. Not that she minded, it just seemed a little suspicious.
"Well...I did some bad things today and blamed them on Sesshomaru and when he gets home from detention, he's gonna kick my ass. Possibly kill me. You'd never see me again, Kagome." He pouted.
Kagome became visibly flustered. "See what you did, Inuyasha?! I was trying to get Sesshomaru to be your friend for once and this is how you repay me?! I hope he does kick your ass!"
Inuyasha grabbed the girl's hands gingerly but desperately. "Please?" He made the most adorable face he could muster, something he knew Kagome wasn't immune to, and made small whimpering noises.
As predicted, the barrier broke and Kagome's face softened. "Oh, alright."
"Thanks, Kagome!" He cried, hugging her tightly.
Sango motioned for him to get inside. "Hop in, Inuyasha. I'll drop you off at your house first so you can pack up your stuff and then I'll come back for you after I've dropped Kagome off at her house. She was going to wait in the car with me while you grabbed your stuff, but it seems checking her MyFace page is more important."
Kagome shrugged defensively at her. "MyFace is important!"
Yelling out, "Shotgun!" Inuyasha pushed the inky-haired girl out of his way and plopped into the front seat, flustering the Higurashi girl yet again as she got in the back.
This is DEFINITELY better than what it was. XD
So you all know, the names of the teachers will remain the same even though they aren't very Asian-influenced, though the last names of the main characters will be replaced by the last names of their seiyuu rather than their English dub counterparts.