A/N: Ok, so I was in a kinda depressed angst mood. So I decided to write this. I hope its not to emotional, I did make someone cry by telling them the dialog so… =) please review it took all the courage in me to have Jack and Ianto not together and a very angst Jack as I can't stand Ianto's death it makes me cry thinking about this. You should've seen me while writing this. Mascara all over my face. I made myself cry. Man, if only people in my school knew Lol =) Possible one-shot, not setting it as complete yet, it depends on the feedback I get. Thanks to Gwento-addict for giving me a hell of a lot of help with Gwen's character considering she came up with most of her dialog. =)
It had been thousands of years for Jack. Only months for these people in Cardiff. Nothing had changed, the icy welsh rain slashed down, soaking poor pedestrians who had decided to venture outside without an umbrella. He was sat on a rain slick bench near the bayside and seemed oblivious to the rain streaming down his face. He was glad it was raining; it hid the tears that were slipping down his face due to the memories. The pedestrians walked past him without a second glance; of course they wouldn't ask him if he was ok, they didn't know the pain he'd been through. A woman hurried across the Plass, two starbucks coffees in her hands. She had dark hair, she was slim and wearing a tight grey top, skinny jeans, black boots and a belstaff jacket. Come to think of it, she looked spookily familiar. Then he remembered. How could he forget? Gwen Elizabeth Cooper née Williams, the only other surviving member of the Torchwood team. She didn't quite notice him; he was sat far away from her and blurred by the vast amount of rain falling. She looked in his direction but disregarded him. She continued to walk but he stood up and followed her although she didn't notice. She went into a newly built tourist information centre but Jack stopped the door from shutting. She pivoted round and caught sight of him.
"Hey, Gwen." He said casually. The shock was plain on her face and she dropped the coffee which spilt and soaked into the carpet.
"That's rather messy. I'm not sure Ianto would approve of you making such a mess." He joked but he didn't laugh nor was there any humor in his eyes, instead they were empty, filled with pain and loss. Bags hung under his bloodshot eyes and his hair was messy and soaking wet, like he'd given up on his appearance.
"J—Jack!" She cried and pulled him into a tight hug, ignoring how soaking wet with rain he was. "You're back!" She smiled. Then, seeing what a mess he was in spoke again. "Jesus, you look terrible. How are you?"
"Not so good. A thousand years of travelling and I still find myself coming back here." He croaked. His voice was thick with cold, rain and sorrow.
"I'm sorry," She smiled considerately. "How've you been? What you been up to?"
"Well, I've had a pretty shit time." Jack scoffed. "I haven't been with anyone since Ianto; I haven't kissed anyone, I haven't had sex with anyone. It's been pretty frustrating. I miss him, Gwen. I never had sex, not coz I didn't get the opportunity, I mean girls and guys were throwing themselves on me... but there never was anyone else. It's always been Ianto. I'll get over it eventually, I think. Give me another………… thousand years? Could I cope that long without sex though? So, how've you been?"
"Sounds pretty shit. Well, my life's been worse. If that's possible. I kinda…" she held out her wrists which displayed small healing cuts, obviously done with a knife. Jack stared at her for a moment, utterly disgusted.
"God, Gwen." Jack breathed. "That is not how you deal with grief!"
"I was just so depressed. I wanted it all to go away." Gwen said weakly.
"I was depressed for 1000 years! Try being in my shoes!" Jack hissed.
"You don't know what's happened! It's not just Ianto and you leaving!!" Gwen yelled.
"What then?!" Jack growled.
"Rhys left me!" Gwen admitted. "Said he couldn't cope with me after out baby died in the womb!" Jack fell silent. "So you have a go at me, Jack Harkness, but I think I've had more of a loss than you." She stormed out of the Tourist Information centre, closely followed by Jack.
"Are you trying to compete with me on who's had a greater loss?!" Jack snapped.
"What you think I wanted this to happen?!" Gwen retorted. "I would give anything to have my child back! At least yours isn't dead!"
"That's not the point! It's not just Ianto and Stephan and Owen and Tosh, it's my whole life! Millions of years!!!" Jack growled.
"Your immortal, Jack. Get over it." Gwen scoffed. By now a fair number of people had gathered around, watching this spectacle happen at the bayside.
"You bitch!" Jack hissed and slapped Gwen across the face, leaving a red graze on her cheek. This caused Gwen to draw her gun and point it directly at Jack, arousing a lot of gasps from the viewers. "Gwen, you don't wanna do that. Stop." Jack breathed.
"I don't." Gwen agreed. "But I sure as hell will."
"Please…" Jack begged.
"Who do you think I am, Harkness? If you think I'm same as before your wrong, because I'm not." Gwen's voice cracked.
"Neither am I but I'm not pointing guns at people!" Jack's voice was thick and blurred by the rain.
"I'm different because you ran away." Gwen continued. "Rhys left me because you ran away. My baby died… because you RAN AWAY!!!"
"You can't…" Jack began. But Gwen hadn't finished.
"You made me pull this trigger." Gwen explained, tears slipping down her face. "It's all your fault."
"Then do it!" Jack flung his arms open, waiting for the bullet. "Put me out of my misery!!!! I just hope I don't come back!" He hissed. He waited for a moment then shouted. "PULL THE TRIGGER!!!!!" Gwen obliged and pulled the trigger but her hands were clammy and slick with sweat and rain and she failed, dropping the gun to the floor. The two remained silent, tears slipping down Jack's cheeks his breathing heavy and ragged.
"I'm sorry." Gwen said after a while.
"What for?" Jack asked, thinking he deserved the harsh treatment he had received.
"Everything." Gwen rolled her eyes.
"No, but your right." Jack shook his head. "I don't deserve to be here. I killed Ianto, tosh, Owen, Stephan and so many more people that I can't keep count. And I destroyed your life too." He whimpered.
"No, Jack!" Gwen snapped. "Don't you dare say that! Just come inside. Have a look at what we achieved in your name." Gwen headed into the Tourist Information Centre, Jack behind.
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The hub looked identical to its former self only a little bit cleaner.
"Man, Ianto would've killed to get it this spotless." Jack smiled weakly.
"I know." Gwen smiled back. The atmosphere was different though, it felt nothing like the old one. It didn't have the rich smell of Ianto's coffee in the air, or the sound of Tosh's computer programs running, or the sound of Owen's pleasurable noises as he secretly watched porn on his monitor. There wasn't the slight sweet smell of sex in the air which Jack and Ianto always pretended they couldn't smell and claimed Owen was lying but smirked if they caught one another's eye. To be honest, the hub looked, felt and smelt a lot more professional. Gwen first introduced Jack to a young man, shorter than Jack but still tall. He had black hair and a long white lab coat on.
"This is Andrew, he's our medic." Gwen introduced. Jack shook his hand and introduced himself. Then another woman emerged from the depths of the medical bay, she was average height, tanned, with black wavy hair flowing down her back. She too was wearing a white lab coat and white blood spattered disposable gloves. Jack went to shake her hand but stopped when he saw the gloves.
"This is Danielle." Gwen told him. "She's our secondary medic." A woman in jeans, a smart blouse and heals appeared behind him. "And Lois Habiba, you know her." Gwen smiled.
"Yeah, good to see you." Jack shook her hand with a grin.
"You too, Captain." Lois returned his smile with one of her own. Another woman in a suit but with a long black skirt walked out of the kitchenette holding a cup of coffee.
"This is our archivist and a good coffee maker too, Matilda." Gwen smiled considerately at Jack.
"Nice job." Jack grinned, shaking Matilda's hand. "I'd like to try your coffee, but I bet I've had better."
"Impossible." Lois interrupted.
"You wouldn't know. You never tried Ianto's." Jack challenged.
"Oh, I don't know Jack. She is very good." Gwen laughed. "Urm, do you want to go to Ianto's grave, I was thinking, you'd like to see it? We held the funeral once you'd gone."
"Oh, urm, yeah sure." Jack smiled nervously.
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The rain had been constant during their travel to the graveyard therefore they were even more drenched then they had been previously. The graveyard seemed all the more creepy in the lashing rain and Jack and Gwen slowly walked along the saturated soil, their steps causing water and mud to bubble to the surface squelching as they walked. Gwen stopped in front of a shiny marble grave. Ianto's full name was etched in black along with his date of birth and death and a short description which read: Ianto was compassionate about coffee and a very dedicated and loyal worker, colleague, friend and lover, may our thoughts be with him. Flowers were scattered around Ianto's grave and cards but they were drenched and soaked by rain.
"He'd hate all the fuss." Jack choked. "You know he hated it when we used to make a fuss. But god, he SO deserved it."
"I know." Gwen agreed.
"My Ianto…" Jack sobbed.
"I'll give you two a minute." Gwen smiled considerately and headed off. Jack kneeled beside Ianto's gravestone, ignoring the wet cold mud.
"Ok, urm…" Jack began shakily. "I'm not very good at the whole, saying goodbye thing, you know that. But I'll do it on the off chance that you can hear me. My bedside manner is atrocious so I might not be very good at it." Jack joked, his eyes welling up. "God, all those things I'd longed to say to you and I can't even think of a goodbye." Jack traced the patterns on Ianto's grave as he spoke. "Ianto Jones, I know I didn't say it when you did, but it doesn't mean I don't love you, because I do, I really do. You know, not a moment passes where I don't think of you or miss you. I know how how much you longed for us to be a couple, even though you wouldn't admit it and I want you to know I really longed for it too. And now we can't openly admit we are a couple. I lost you because I was so damn careless and and I hate myself for it. And you're gone know. And all those things I wanted to do with you are physically impossible now. Like I so wanted to marry you, have children with you and as cheesy as it sounds, grow old with you. But now I can't." Jack sobbed. "I don't know if I can stay here without you, and if I do, I sure as hell can't defend the earth and make those sacrifices without you by my side. Without you giving me reassurance and sticking by me and giving me confidence. No matter what what I did, you were always there, and you always loved me despite everything. And I abused you! I never confessed how I felt, I always gave you the crappy jobs, I sent you into danger and battle and you died because of it. I was so stupid!! There's not much left to say, considering I can't get a reply. Except that I love you, Ianto Gareth and I add, Harkness-Jones, because you deserved that title…" Jack chocked on his words and fell completely, leaning against the grave, sobbing heavily, the rain drowning out his cries of sorrow.
Gwen saw from her position a few rows of graves away that Jack had finished and slowly walked over. Jack looked up at her and attempted to smile but it contorted into a sob.
"I need him back, Gwen." Jack cried. "I can't do this without him."
"I know darling." Gwen smiled, her eyes welling up.
"I can't…" Jack sobbed.
"There's nothing I can do. I can't help you. I'm sorry." Gwen helped Jack to his feet and they started to walk away from Ianto's grave, before they did so, Jack pressed a kiss to the top of Ianto's grave. And spoke softly: Goodbye, Cariad. Rwyf wrth fy modd I chi
"That's welsh." Gwen commented as they strolled slowly. "Since when did you know welsh?"
"I learnt it for Ianto. I was hoping to say that to him one day, thought it was easier than saying it in English." Jack replied.
"Even though you didn't say it, he knew you loved him." Gwen smiled.
"I know." Jack nodded. "What now? Where do I go?"
"Back with me. To Torchwood." Gwen replied.
"What and work as just an employee? I couldn't." Jack shook his head.
"No, I want you to take over, you were better than me. It's your job." Gwen corrected.
"But the memories…" Jack began.
"He'd want you to save the world, in his name, please Jack, don't give up on me, you let go of Ianto, don't do the same to Torchwood." Gwen begged.
"As long as I can go whenever I want and my word is final." Jack asked.
"Always is." Gwen smiled and linked arms with him.
"What a pair we make." Jack laughed. "We should have a club."
"Like, the losers club?" Gwen joked.
"I was thinking more, the sufferers." Jack corrected as they left the graveyard.
"That's a lot less embarrassing." Gwen laughed. "Now, let's go back to the hub, Torchwood's waiting for us."
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