Disclaimer: the characters are obviously not mine.
This story grew out of the two line JC scene in the original UPN trailer a scene that the producers cut by the time the show aired. It must have been done before by fanfic writers, but I couldn't help wondering how the script would have gone when it included those two lines and the kiss that ended up on the cutting room floor.
Originally, I wrote KJ's PoV only, but my lovely beta reader, the ever-helpful northernexposure, rightly pointed out that I should write Chakotay's too.
'Hunters' – alternative ending
C
Janeway calls for him to enter and Chakotay hesitates for a split second, seeing that Tuvok is already with her. But the Vulcan makes his excuses immediately, nodding his acknowledgement to Chakotay as he passes, "Commander."
Chakotay steps up to Janeway's desk. "Repair teams have inspected the ship from stem to stern. Except for some maintenance that's needed on the warp coils, everything seems fine."
"I suppose so," she sighs, as she stands and makes her way to the replicator. "Want some coffee?"
"Thanks." This time, he accepts, although the way he feels right now, he'd rather have a whisky, frankly. But those feelings will have to wait for later. For solitude.
"Cream and sugar, huh?"
"Two sugars."
"Oh, two sugars?" She makes a face as she hands him his cup.
"You know, you drink too much of that stuff."
"Really?"
"If I'm not mistaken that's your third cup this morning."
"Fourth. And on a day like today, it won't be my last." She inhales the aroma then takes a sip. "Coffee – the finest organic suspension ever devised. It's got me through the worst of the last three years. I beat the Borg with it," she smiles.
He watches her lower the delicate china cup to rest in its equally delicate saucer. Then she sighs. "I'm sure Voyager will be fine, but I'm worried that the crew might be a different story. I think they were hoping mail call would become a regular part of their day."
"Well maybe it will, one day," he suggests. A moment later he continues, "Neelix is putting together an impromptu party. He thought it might cheer them up."
"Good idea," she replies, turning to face him. "When will it be?"
He takes a quick sip of coffee before replying. "As soon as he can get people together."
She smiles and gesticulates with her free hand for him to follow her up to the seating area and remarks, "Leave it to Neelix to come up with the right idea at the right time," just as Neelix's voice cuts in over the comm..
"Neelix to the ready room."
They've reached the top of the steps and turn to face one another as Neelix goes on.
"The party's about to begin and there are only two people missing."
Chakotay holds her gaze as she smiles.
"Very good, Neelix," she replies. "We'll be right there." She holds up her cup. "Well, I guess coffee can wait 'til after the party." Then she places it on the low table and Chakotay follows suit.
"Well, that's a first – you putting down a full cup." He returns her smile, resting his hands on his hips, his head cocked to one side slightly.
She purses her lips. "It's not the only thing I enjoy you know." Then she sighs. "Although I can see why people might think it is…"
The undertone of melancholy in her self-deprecation is unmistakable – and it's as much of an invitation to ask after her well-being as he usually gets, so he takes it as his cue.
"And how are you doing?"
"Me? I'm fine," she replies, but her eyes tell a very different story, and the way they linger on his face as she summons a weak smile is even more telling.
"You'd say that if you'd just had your legs torn off by a Traykan Beast," he rebukes gently. "Look what you've been through in the last few days. We finally make a connection with home and then it's ripped away from us. We manage to make another enemy who's going to try and hunt us down and destroy us, and on top of that…" he trails off, unwilling to rub salt into what may still be fresh wounds.
Her chin goes up and she looks him in the eye. "It's all right. You can say it. On top of all that I got a 'Dear John' letter." Her gaze falls to her hands and she entwines her slender fingers. "It wasn't really a surprise. I guess I didn't really expect him to wait for me, considering the circumstances."
J
Kathryn looks up. They are only a few paces apart, but for some reason he seems distant. She realises she doesn't want them to just head off to the party immediately.
What does he make of this – of her news about Mark. Does it mean anything to Chakotay? Should she dare hope that it does? Does she want it to mean something to him? So many questions swirl through her mind she feels giddy for a moment. And then she is overwhelmed by a desire to find out. Now. To force the issue – to push those boundaries she's strived so hard to maintain between them for so long. Maintained partly for the sake of someone who, as it turns out, has already moved on…
Her first officer's eyes haven't left her face in all the time that's elapsed since she spoke. The air is suddenly thick with tension – a tension that seemed to come from nowhere, the second she admitted she didn't really expect Mark to wait.
C
As the seconds pass she looks as if she's searching his face for something. He's surprised to find that all her attention seems to be focussed on him – he'd assumed her thoughts would be half a galaxy away with someone else right now. It gives him the courage to probe a little further than he would usually.
"Were you still hoping he would wait, Kathryn?" he ventures.
J
It's possibly the most personal question he's ever asked her, and yet she discovers she isn't surprised. And she also discovers that she wants to answer him, and answer him honestly. Time stands still as his question hangs between them, until she finds the definitive answer for the first time – for herself and for him.
C
Her eyes are still locked on his, and after only a tiny pause she answers.
"No."
"Why not?" he asks, without pausing to consider whether she'd prefer not to explain herself. She's not the only one departing from the usual script. Unbeknown to her, he's already been stretched to his limits in so many ways today, and the rawness it has induced is making him bold.
"Because of how long it might still take us to get back?" he asks, trying and probably failing to school his features.
"That's only part of it," she replies, and still she doesn't retreat from his gaze.
His voice drops in pitch. "Only a part?" He makes his loosely veiled plea for a less oblique explanation.
"So much time has passed since I last saw Mark, so much has happened…" She stops, as if she's run out of breath, and turns away from him to look out at the streaking points of light that never quite come into focus.
He waits, clasping his hands behind his back to still them, unsure if that's all she's going to say.
When she begins again, her words seem to come tumbling out. "And now, my feelings, well, they are no longer subject to the same constraints. But I still don't know." She turns to face Chakotay again. "Would it be a mistake to act on them? After all, I'm still the Captain. And Starfleet would likely still frown on any sort of involvement. But those protocols, they were never intended for a situation like ours – where there's the possibility of a lifetime on duty with the same crew." The back of her hand goes to her forehead, and he hears her inhale deeply.
He watches her, stunned by her sudden and unexpected willingness to talk about her 'feelings'. What feelings exactly? Her feelings for him?
J
Kathryn stops She's said so much and he so little! She watches him intently, her breathing accelerated, her mind whirring. He moistens his lips, but he doesn't speak. Why doesn't he speak? Say something – anything.
Spurred on by a sudden surge of those same feelings she's kept under control for so long, she takes two swift steps towards him, so they're standing face to face.
Damn it – just ask him!
"So what'll it be, Chakotay? Indulge my feelings? Hold fast to protocol? What?"
C
Her eyes search his face, as if she believes he has the answers she needs. But he is still lagging behind, so he holds her gaze and nods slightly, saying, "You have plenty of time to think about it."
She smiles. "Yes, plenty of time." Then she clasps her hands together and they slide restlessly against each other.
"And just for the record," he says, still trying to make sense of her earlier comment, "simply allowing yourself to express your feelings shouldn't feel like an indulgence, Kathryn."
"No?" Her eyes are almost pleading. "No, I suppose it shouldn't," she goes on, shaking her head slightly.
Chakotay feels a spring starting to coil inside him. If he is ever going to press her for clarity about what these 'feelings' are, now is the time.
He looks down for a moment, then he asks slowly, his voice lower. "And if you were to indulge those 'feelings', are you talking theoretically, about possible future partners? Or… about the present?"
She just stares at him for a moment. Then, as her expression softens, his pulse quickens and he swallows.
"Oh Chakotay – do you really need to ask? Am I really that good an actor?"
Well, as it happens, yes. Yes you are.
Smiling, he drops his gaze to the floor again and for the second time today it's as if the inertial dampeners have failed. But this time he recovers himself quickly.
"The truth is, I've never been sure how you feel, Kathryn," he admits, forcing himself to look up for a fleeting moment.
"I could say the same," she replies immediately.
He looks up fully then, incredulous.
"You've never told me directly how you feel," she goes on, "despite everything we've…. Despite this..." she falters, gesturing vaguely between them.
Could this be all about her needs again? Nothing but a little ego-stroking to cheer her up because her news has left her feeling vulnerable? If all she's after is a few safely indirect allusions from him about the power she can still wield over a man, then she may be in for a shock. He's not on an even keel this evening. Everything is so dangerously close to the surface. Unbeknown to her, it's taken him everything he's got not to explode with rage or crumble in despair already today. He's done a spectacularly good job of reining it all in so far, but everyone has their limits.
But watching her face he reconsiders. It seems as if she really is inviting an honest declaration. It had better not be another round of advance and retreat, because today of all days, she will find that he's in no mood for taking anything back. Life is too short – he's just been supplied with more than enough fresh evidence of that.
So, if she's after a demonstration of what she must surely already know, then that's exactly what she's going to get. Ancient legends be damned.
"Kathryn," he takes over, his voice firm now, "you know exactly how I feel about you – in fact I doubt there can be many people on this ship who don't have a pretty good idea how I feel about you by now– but if I'm allowed to say it out loud now, then–"
She suddenly clasps her hands in front of her. "Chakotay!" she cuts him off, looking up into his eyes, "You don't have to-"
Too late.
He quickly closes the small distance left between them and reaches for her hands, which have fallen to her sides now. "I want to. To show you. Just this once, if that's all you want," he almost whispers. "So you're in no doubt."
With one hand, he curls his fingers around hers, while with the other he gently takes hold of her chin. She doesn't immediately pull back or resist, so before she changes her mind he leans down to slowly claim her lips with his.
He kisses her gently – it's a lingering, loving caress of a kiss – but part of him is still expecting her to pull back. Those expectations go unfulfilled, however, as only a few seconds later he feels her come to life. Something releases inside him and he allows himself to revel in the feel of her lips moving with his. Letting go of her fingers, he slides his hand up her back to pull her closer and he oh-so-gradually deepens the kiss, taking his time to savour the coffee-tinged taste of her.
His hands don't stray from her back, although the feel of her breasts crushing against his chest and the desire she inspires in him could easily spur him to tempt fate even further very soon. Despite his efforts at restraint, she must be able to feel something of the slow burning passion for her that's smouldered in him for so long.
He's left women weak in the knees before in the wake of a first kiss, and he's determined to do his damnedest to make sure the precious woman in his arms now doesn't forget this particular kiss in a hurry. Knowing Kathryn, this may well be the only chance he'll ever get. Who knows what she'll decide later.
J
It's an impossibility that they haven't done this before, because it feels so absolutely right. Irrational though it may be, she's overcome by a sense of entitlement, by an overwhelming conviction that his lips were- no, that all of him was always meant to be hers. It was only ever a matter of time.
Then he pulls back a tiny fraction, just enough to break the kiss, still holding her face, and she feels his thumb graze her jaw while he just looks at her for a moment.
She smiles, and he returns it briefly before he moves in again, delving deeper this time to elicit a soft moan from somewhere inside her. Before she knows it, she's the one who's deepening the kiss further, clasping his neck then threading her fingers up into his thick hair. His hand leaves her face to slide down her back, firmly holding her flush against his solid body so she can feel exactly what she's doing to him. Nothing exists for her anymore except him – the taste of him, the feel of him pressed against her. Then her legs turn to jelly and the temperature rises slowly and deliciously between them, her body quickly thawing, now that months – years – of sensual hibernation are over.
"Neelix to the ready room."
The outside world crashes in and they simultaneously and reluctantly pull back from each other just enough to lock eyes as the Talaxian continues.
"We're still waiting for you here, Captain! I do hope you're not going to disappoint us. The party wouldn't be the same without the two of you."
While Neelix is speaking Chakotay's fingers find hers again, and they twist around until they entwine together.
She smiles up at him as she answers the call. "Sorry Neelix, we got caught up in something. We're on our way now."
And to think, she might never have allowed them this? Good god, what had she been thinking? She already wants to kiss him again, but they obviously can't continue this right now.
Still smiling, she squeezes his fingers. "Glad we cleared that up then."
Her pulls her in closer again and she feels the rumble of laughter through his chest as he wraps his arms around her, pressing his lips against her temple as he replies.
"It's certainly good to be clear."
She pulls back a little. "We better go down now, or he'll send up a search party."
"Agreed."
Maybe she's just made their lives harder in some ways by making them easier in others… But is it really still possible that something that felt so gloriously, absolutely right could be a mistake?
Determined to banish such thoughts for now, she inhales deeply, breathing him in, her lips still tingling and all her senses heightened. Then she steps back as he releases her.
As he smooths the back of his hair down she gives him a comprehensive, openly appreciative once-over that he seems to enjoy, because he smiles a rather sly, toe-curling grin – one she isn't sure she's seen before, certainly not up close and aimed right at her. Then they stand tall, face to face, both straightening their uniforms.
C
"Ready?" he asks, as he makes a conscious effort to contain the pleasurable mix of desire and hope still swirling inside him.
"Ready."
He gestures for her to take the lead and precede him and she dips her head in acknowledgment. As she descends, still smiling, a thrill passes through him at the thought that he is responsible for putting that radiant flush in her cheeks. He falls into step behind her and they leave the ready room together.
What happens next is up to her, because some things obviously haven't changed. And of course, once she's had time to reflect, she may well decide to try to turn back the clock and pretend this never happened.
But as far as he is concerned, opening the door to the possibility of more between them could never be a mistake.
[The End]