Christmas Mission

by Keesha

Hetty sends the team on a special holiday mission.

He stood there staring at his diminutive boss. "You want us to what?"

"I am not aware that you possess a hearing deficiency that requires me to repeat myself, Mr. Callen."

"Come on Hetty. This is an unusual request, even for you."

Hetty tilted her head sideways. "Tis the season. Now you'd better get going before it gets dark. You can't do it properly in the dark."

"Properly," he echoed with a bit of a smirk.

"I am very serious. It must be full and majestic," she exclaimed with a grand gesture of her arms. "Real. Frasier or Douglas. Do not come thru that door with a palm tree. And while I am all about diversity in the work place, please no Chanukah bushes. Also, I do not own a blanket, well not one I am willing to sacrifice like Linus, so no Charlie Browns. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, like an icicle."

She clapped her hands. "Goody. Now go get the rest of the team and be off. Time's a wasting."

Still shaking his head, Callen headed back to the bullpen. "We have a mission." Three heads popped up from their work to look at him.

"I didn't hear Eric. Does he have some new way of calling us that only you can hear? A special Callen signal?" Sam smiled innocently at his partner.

"You mean like the bat signal Sam?" Deeks inserted.

Callen ignored Deeks and gave his partner his 'I know something you don't know and I am not sharing yet' smile. "This is a special mission," he teased.

Sam was too smart to fall into his partners trap, but Deeks rose from his chair going for the bait. "Like in the 'Blue's Brothers' movie? A mission from God?"

"If you'd like to think of me as God," Hetty replied appearing out of nowhere.

"I swear. I'm gonna get a bell and hang it around your neck Hetty," Sam vowed.

"You won't be the first to try, Mr. Hanna though I must warn you the last attempt didn't end well...for them."

Kensi rose joining her partner. "So what's the mission?"

"I'll brief you on the way. We'll take the big tactical SUV. We're gonna need it." Callen headed for the door confident his team would fall in behind him.

"Remember what I said Mr. Callen," Hetty sing-songed after him. "Majestic." Hetty watched the expressions of her team as they filed past her. Callen looked cool, confident and a bit cocky. Sam looked worried, not being a fan of surprises. Kensi was all business, trusting in her leader and willing to follow wherever he went and Deeks looked like Tigger; excited, bouncy and happy to be included. Their different outlooks on a situation are what made them such a great team. She watched as they exited the building. "Now to find the ornaments," she said gleefully rubbing her hands together.

-NCIS LA

Taking his eyes momentarily off the road to glance at his smug partner who was riding shotgun, Sam asked in a puzzled tone, "A tree? Hetty has sent her best tactical team out to buy a Christmas tree?"

"Not just any old tree, Sam. A majestic Christmas tree. Real, not artificial. No bushes. Nothing scrawny."

"Huh," Sam replied turning his attention back to the road. "Well at least I know a good place to buy one, Home Depot."

From the back seat Deeks' voice rose in protest. "You have got to be kidding. You buy tools at Home Depot, not Christmas trees."

"I buy my tree there every year. Their nice and economical, not like those overpriced specialty lots."

Deeks snorted.

"Are you implying I don't know a nice Christmas tree when I see one or that I am cheap?" Sam glared in the rear view mirror at his passenger.

Deeks side-stepped the question. "Everyone knows you buy a Christmas tree from the Boy Scouts. They sell them every year to raise money for their troops. It's a good deed. Charitable and a tax deduction."

Now it was Sam's turn to snort. "Only a lawyer would think that way. Besides, those trees are way overpriced. I think Scrooge had something to say about picking a man's pocket just because it is the 25th of Dec."

"They are not overpriced," Deeks defended. "And they have to make a profit to buy Boy Scout things."

"Not at my expense."

"You're both wrong," Kensi piped up. "The only place to get a Christmas tree is the forest. You have to go into the woods and chop one down. That way it is fresh."

Deeks rolled his eyes. "Oh, you mean like in 'Christmas Vacation' where the Griswold's go into the forest to chop down a tree, forget to bring an axe and all freeze to death? I knew I should have packed my winter gear," which earned him a smack on the arm from his partner.

"You do realize we are in the middle of LA? Just where do you think we're gonna find a forest?" Sam scoffed.

While his team continued to argue amongst themselves about where to buy a tree, Callen put in a call to Eric.

"Hey Callen. What can I do for you?"

"We're running an OP..."

"What?" Eric interrupted. "No one told me. How am I supposed to provide assistance if you guys go off willy-dilly on missions without telling Nell and I?"

Nell glanced up to see what had excited her partner as he switched the call to speaker.

"Ask Hetty since she was the one that sent us without informing you. I'm sure by now she has silently crept up behind you."

"I heard that Mr. Callen," the voice of Hetty floated thru the room. Eric and Nell spun their chairs around so fast they nearly got whiplash; there stood their boss with a Christmas ornament in her hand.

"As I knew you would Hetty. Eric, need you to locate us a place where we can buy a Christmas tree. Real. Not artificial. Majestic. No bushes."

Nell's fingers flew over the keyboard as Eric pondered whether he'd heard Callen's request correctly. "Do you have a preference where to buy it? There are lots, farms, even Home Depot sells trees," she informed them.

Callen grimaced as the debate in the car raged on. "Yeh, so I have heard. Out of curiosity, where would you buy a tree Nell?"

"Well," Nell started, though Callen could hear her reluctance to answer the question in her voice. "We, ah, well, we grow our own tree."

That stopped everyone in their tracks. Sam finally broke the awkward silence. "I think we can cross that option off our list," he said drily.

Nell cleared her throat again. "The closest lot to you is a place called 'Trees Are Us." It's over on Wilson."

Deeks was all for going there but Kensi put her foot down. "Ut-uh. Sounds way too commercial."

"Ok," said Nell. "Next closest place is Home Depot. How's that?"

Three voice chimed out simultaneously to answer Nell, with Callen abstaining. The vote was two no gos to one go.

"Ok. That sounded like a no to me. How about this one? Walbrook Family Farms. Their website says they are a fifth generation, family run farm, out of Washington State. All their trees are grown in an environmentally friendly manner and are reasonably priced."

"We have a winner," Deeks replied.

"Send us the address Nell," Callen requested. "Ok, Santa Sam. Drive on."

-NCIS LA

Sam pulled up to the lot and parked the black Tahoe in an empty space. From the truck, they could see rows of trees staked upright to make them easy to view. The area was surrounded by twinkling Christmas lights and the ground was strewn with needles. When they exited the vehicle the smell of fresh evergreen enveloped them.

Sam took a deep breath. "Ah the smell of Christmas." Kensi nodded in concurrence. Callen silently thought his Christmas' growing up never smelt like this, more like alcohol. Deeks eyes started to water and he began violently sneezing. "Did I mention I am allergic to pine trees?" The team did a group eye roll at the blondes' statement.

"What's our strategy?" Kensi asked and all eyes turned to their team lead who, for once, was caught flat-footed. He knew how to plan tactical missions but somehow those principles did not seem appropriate for this situation. However, he had to say something, so he fell back on what Hetty had said. He started walking thru the lot, his team trailing after him. "It has to be tall. No bushes." He walked past a few rows of shorter trees. "It also has to be fir tree."

"They are all fir trees G," Sam pointed out.

"Douglas or Frasier fir," Callen corrected. "None of those scrawny other types."

Sam rolled his eyes. "You have no clue what you are doing."

"And," Callen added, ignoring his partner and getting into the spirit by ad-libbing, "it needs to be green."

"Aren't all Christmas trees green?"

"Not the dead ones or the artificial ones, Sam. And we definitely don't want one of those."

"Heaven forbid," Sam said drolly. "And for the record, these are all live trees and they're all green."

"True. But we want a really green tree. Not a sickly green tree."

"And the needles should stay on the branch when you run your hand down it," Kensi demonstrated. A few needles came off in her hands. "Too old," she commented.

Deeks sneezed again. "Do you think you could leave the needles on the tree Kens?" She blew a handful of needles in his general direction setting off another sneezing fit. "Real nice partner," he groused between sneezes.

Kensi and Deeks started bickering. Not wanting to listen to them, Callen announced they should spilt into two teams, case the lot and meet back at the hot chocolate tent in 15 minutes with possible candidates.

Sam and Callen spilt off, slowly strolling amongst the trees.

"Did you bring a tape measure G?"

Callen glanced over at his partner. "Why would I do that?"

"So you get the right size tree."

"Right size? What, do they come in small, medium and large?"

"Height. What if it is too tall for the room?"

Callen pondered for a moment. Interesting. He hadn't thought of that. He knew he wasn't qualified to carry out this mission, but he'd be damned if he'd say that to Sam. So he did what he did best, bluff. "Doesn't matter. Hetty is putting it where she normally does, which has 30 foot ceilings. Therefore, no need to measure."

Sam looked at Callen and frowned. "I know you're pulling this out of your ass."

His partner just gave him his innocent little boy smile and strolled away to the next tree. "What about this one?"

Cocking his head to the side, Sam studied the tree like a work of art. Just about when Callen was ready to poke him, Sam announced "Won't do."

"Why?"

"The top."

"The top what?"

"It's not straight." Noting his partner's puzzlement, Sam sighed. "The top is not straight therefore the star will be crooked."

"What star?"

"The one that goes on the top of the tree."

"There is a star on top?"

"Or an angel."

"Which is it? Star or angel?"

"Depends on your family's tradition."

Callen shrugged as he walked away. "Wouldn't know about that." He bypassed the next tree for no particular reason then stopped at the proceeding one. "And this one?"

Sam joined him, studying the tree with a critical eye. Circling around the fir he shook his head. "Too many empty spots."

"Empty spots?" Callen repeated.

"Ya know. Places where there are no branches. I mean you can have a few empty spots if you own big ornaments to hang there to fill them up, but this has way too many."

Callen looked skeptical.

"Unless you want to saw some branches off the bottom, drill holes in the trunk and insert the new fake branches."

Callen was concerned by the gleam in Sam's eye, knowing his friend liked to do wood working. "Moving on," he said as he started walking again.

"Good choice G. Putting in fake branches is messy and sometimes they fall out."

"Hetty definitely would not approve of that."

They walked in silence down the row, examining tree after tree. Callen could read his partner fairly well and he quickly picked up when to stop and further examine a tree or when to keep walking. After Sam rejected his twelfth tree, in this particular case because it didn't have enough evergreen smell, Callen turned to his partner and said "You're very fussy."

"I am discerning. Not fussy. Besides, if we don't bring back the perfect tree for Hetty you know what she is going to do."

Callen shuddered as a few ideas of what their ninja boss might do to them crossed his mind. "Is there such a thing as a perfect tree?"

Sam contemplated the question while he examined the next tree. "Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. For example, not everyone may think so, but to me, Michele is the perfect women."

"She has to be to put up with you," Callen quipped.

Callen's phone rang but he ignored it.

"Your phone is ringing again. You gonna answer it?"

Callen sighed and glanced at the screen. "Nope. Just Deeks."

"Here's an idea. Why don't you answer it and maybe he would stop calling."

"Bad idea Sam."

"Why?"

"Because he probably wants to tell me that he and Kensi have found the perfect tree. I have no intention of buying anything they pick out."

"Then why did you send them off to look for trees?"

"Was tired of listening to them argue and Deeks sneezing was annoying."

"Good point," Sam conceded as the two started walking again towards the next tree.

-NCIS LA

Kensi glared at her partner. "Will you stop sneezing? Sheesh, it is so annoying."

"I'm sorry my infirmity is bothering you."

They had been wandering up and down the rows of trees, arguing about each one. Deeks had sentimentality towards the 'Charlie Brown' type trees, convinced that they just needed a little TLC to become majestic. Kensi, on the other hand, could easily imagine what would happen if they suggested to Callen and Sam they buy one of the scrawny trees, wrap a blanket around its base and poof it would turn into a perfect tree. They'd never be able to live it down. Therefore, she fought Deeks on all his choices, which in turn made him fight her on all her selections so they were at a stalemate.

Deeks dialed Callen again and it went to voice mail. "Do you think something happened to them?"

"In the middle of a Christmas tree lot? Hardly. More like they are trying to escape your infernal sneezing. Are you going to do this once it's up in the office?"

"No. It will be ok then because it is one tree and the scent will be diluted. It is just this concentration of trees that is causing this attack."

"Glad to hear that because I think I'd have to shoot you if I had to listen to you sneezing for the rest of the holiday season."

"Hey, that's not a nice thing to say to your partner, especially at Christmas time. Even though," he muttered under his breath, "I think you'd actually do it."

"This one?" Kensi asked ignoring her partner's barb.

"No."

"Why?"

Deeks really had no issue with the tree that Kensi was pointing to except he was pissed she was not sympatric to his blight so he said no just to be perverse. Kensi, who was just as stubborn as her partner said no to Deeks' next three choices for no other reason than she was not going to give the bragging rights to Deeks so he could say he picked out the perfect tree.

Their private tree war went on for the next ten trees before Deeks finally turned to Kensi and said, "You're not going to agree with any of my choices are you."

"Just like you're not going to agree with any of mine."

"Touché." Deeks gazed off into the distance. "Ya know, I really don't think it makes a difference. I think even if we picked out the best tree on the whole lot, Sam and Callen would veto it." He turned back to face his partner. "Tell me I'm wrong."

But he wasn't and Kensi knew it. She nodded her head in concurrence.

"Exactly. What's say you and I go get some hot chocolate and wait for the Hardy Boys to find the perfect tree?" Kensi gave him a blank stare. "Aww come on. Hardy Boys. You don't know who the Hardy Boys are? Frank and Joe? Detectives. Boy detectives? Ok how about Nancy Drew?"

Kensi turned away and started towards the hot chocolate tent with Deeks babbling on. She secretly wondered if next time Callen and Sam would let her go with them.

- NCIS LA

Kensi and Deeks were on their second cup of cocoa when Sam and Callen joined them.

"How long have you two been hanging out eating while Callen and I scour the country side for the perfect tree?" Sam asked as they approached.

Deeks tongue made a quick trip around his upper lip removing his whip cream mustache. "One cup, three cookies. Damn good cookies."

Sam scowled. "Well then it sounds like you need some exercise to work off those extra calories." Behind Sam two workers from the lot appeared lugging a huge tree. "Deeks, Go secure that to the truck." The workers placed the tree on the ground and walked off.

"Don't scratch the paint or Hetty will make you pay to have it repainted," Callen added helpfully.

"Make sure it is tied on tight," Sam instructed.

"But don't break any branches. Or Hetty will be upset," Callen chimed in again.

"And put a blanket between the tree and the roof."

"And don't knock the needles off. Hetty wouldn't like that."

"Use ropes, not bungee cords."

"They might damage this perfect majestic tree and..."

"I know. I know," Deeks butted in. "Hetty will be mad."

Callen tilted his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow. "Anything else you'd like to tell Deeks, Sam?"

"Well there was one more thing but ya know what, I think I'll just wait and see. After all, even Deeks couldn't screw that up." Sam turned and walked towards the cashier.

Suddenly, Deeks looked concerned. What was Sam talking about? How hard was it to secure a tree to a car? Deeks glanced at Callen who shrugged and gave him a 'you're on your own' look before he walked after Sam.

"Sam. Buddy. Big guy. What did you want to say?" he called after the departing man but Sam ignored him. Turning to Kensi he asked, "Any idea what he was going to say?"

"Nope. And for the record, I'm not sure Sam likes to be called big guy."

"He lets Callen call him that."

"Yeh, but that is a partner thing."

Deeks grinned. "Oh like I call you Fern. Or sweet-cheeks or..."

Kensi held up her hand. "Stop while you are ahead. I am wearing my gun."

"Right." Deeks stared at the tree on the ground then looked around the lot for some assistance, but all the workers had vanished. He smiled hopefully at his partner. "Wanna grab an end?" he practically begged.

"Sure, if you agree to clean my apartment."

"Really! Where's your Christmas spirit; helping your fellow man."

"And bring me coffee for a week."

"Scrooge!"

"The more you talk the more I add."

"This is me being quiet. Zipping the lips," he said running his fingers across his face.

Kensi gave him a triumphant smile and then picked up the top of the tree carefully. Deeks plunged his hand careless into the branches and soon it was covered with sap which he discovered when they put the tree down by the car. The more Deeks tried to rid his hand of the sap, the more it spread; his frustration level rose. By the time his hand got stuck in his hair he had switched from cursing under his breath to cursing out loud.

"Shush Deeks. There are children here!" A nearby mother with her brood gave him a withering look.

"I'll bet those little monsters have heard worse." He muttered a few more sap related curses as he watched the older child torment his younger sibling.

"Deeks," Kensi warned again.

"Whatever. Look let's just get this damn tree on top of the truck." He reached back into the mass of sticky branches and hefted his end. "Gonna help?"

"Ah Deeks..."

Deeks dropped his end back to the ground and placed his hands on his hips where they promptly stuck. "For crying out loud Kensi. Can't you do this one thing without arguing!" he demanded prying his hands loose from his jeans.

Kensi shrugged. "Ok." Had Deeks truly been listening he could have told by his partners tone of voice he was about to do something stupid. But he was so frustrated he missed the signal.

As requested, Kensi picked up her end of the tree and along with Deeks, hoisted it to the roof.

"There. Was that so hard?"

Kensi shrugged again. "I'm going to get some more hot chocolate."

"You do that and leave me here, alone, to tie this xxcking tree to the car." He glanced over at another family. "Yeah, I know I'm on naughty list."

Kensi strolled away while Deeks got the rope out of the car and in between sneezes proceeded to fasten down the tree. Even though his Christmas spirit was at an all-time low and the only thing he wanted to do at the moment was turn this sappy tree from hell into mulch, he carefully tied the fir down; the thought of facing Hetty with a damaged tree was too frightening.

He had just secured the last knot when his three team mates walked up to the SUV.

Sam took one look at Deeks' work and started shaking his head.

"What?" Deeks questioned looking at Sam. "I may not be a seal, but I can tie a good knot." He tugged on the tree which remained rock-solidly in place.

"It's on wrong."

"Wrong Sam? Wrong? Did you want me to tie it to the back bumper? Stuff it inside?"

Sam sighed. "I wanted you to tie it in the correct direction on the roof."

Deeks eyes narrowed. "Sideways?"

Callen and Kensi could not stop themselves from laughing at the looks on Sam and Deeks' faces.

"Needles Deeks. Needles. The way you have tied the tree all the needles are gonna blow off. The trunk of the tree has to face forward; unless you think I'm gonna drive in reverse all the way back."

"You have got to be kidding." But one look at Sam's face showed he was deadly serious. "Ah come on! Kensi, Callen, back me up here."

"Gotta go with Sam on this one. And for the record, I did try to tell you."

Deeks had the grace to look sheepish. "Callen?" he tried desperately though not really expecting to get any help from that quarter, which he didn't. Deeks rubbed his hand over his face in frustration which turned out to be another bad move as the sap got stuck in his facial hair.

His team mates took pity on him and helped him take the tree down and reverse it. After they were done, Sam took the alcohol from the medical kit and got the sap off Deeks hands.

In spite of the mishaps, the ride back to OPs was cheerful. Deeks, never one to be down for long, requested Sam put on a Christmas radio station and the team, sans Callen, started singing along.

Callen enjoyed listening to his team sing. Callen, never really exposed too much Christmas music growing up, didn't know many lyrics, but his friends did and they all had surprisingly pleasant voices.

The team was quite merry and bright by the time they got back to OPs, brought the tree inside and set it up where Hetty instructed.

Once it was erect, Hetty made a full circuit of the tree studiously examining it. Her final move was to run a hand down a branch and then take a deep inward breath. A satisfied smile lit her face.

Eric and Nell hung over the rail observing the examination of the tree.

"This, ladies and gentlemen, deserves a toast from the 'special stash'."

Everyone smiled knowing that Hetty's 'special stash' was outstanding.

"After," she continued, "you decorate the tree. Lights, tinsel and ornaments are over there. And that means you too Mr. Beale," she added as Eric tried to quietly sneak away. "Nell. You are in charge of assuring they do it properly."

"Hey," Callen cried out. "This is my team." A stern look from Hetty had him adding. "Our team. So I should be in charge."

"Oh Mr. Callen. If this were any other type of mission. But in this case, Nell's expertise clearly outshines yours."

"And what about me, Hetty?" Sam whined. "I am full of the Christmas spirit. If it weren't for me you would not have gotten such a majestic tree."

"Be that as it may, it is offset but the fact that you toss out Christmas cards that people so carefully pick out and send to you."

Sam scowled. "One card. It was one card and I read it first."

"And what about me? Why can't I be in charge of tree decorating?" Deeks inquired. "I'm enthusiastic. I have Christmas spirit."

"Indeed you do. But you lack a certain amount of discipline and order. After all, we wouldn't want you putting the star on backwards would we," she chuckled making a veiled reference to the earlier tree debacle.

"How do you..."

"Hetty knows all," Callen smirked.

"Yeh. She probably had Eric and Nell point a satellite at us so she could watch on the big screen in OPs."

"That, Mr. Hanna," she said disapprovingly, "would be an inappropriate use of tax payer's dollars. Satellite time is expensive."

"I'm sure she just used her personal crystal ball," Callen added.

"Your toes are over the line, Mr. Callen," she warned but with fond smile on her face for one of her favorite agents.

Callen raised his hands in defeat.

"And what about you Ms. Blythe. Don't you want to question why I didn't place you in charge?"

"Nope. I'm good."

"I was hoping you'd say that because I want you to come with me and get food for a small party afterwards. I am sure everyone will be hungry after they finish decorating this tree. And," she said acknowledging them all, "it is a majestic tree. Good work."

Everyone smiled fondly at the praise from their hard but fair boss.

"And now," Hetty said as she turned and walked away, "let's be off. Shall we take my Porsche?"

"Can I drive?" Kensi asked hopefully.

The rest of the team could not hear what the answer to the question was because the ladies were out of range.

"If she gets to drive Hetty's Porsche," Deeks whined.

"Don't worry. Hetty doesn't let anyone drive her car. Not even me, her favorite," Callen said smugly.

Sam snorted. "Favorite my ass. Maybe favorite pain-in-the-ass. Besides with your driving record G," Sam let the sentence hang and Callen gave him a dirty look.

"Alright," Nell said putting her small, but powerful foot down. "We have a job to do here. Sam, Callen, lights. Deeks, Eric tinsel. After that, everyone on ornament hanging detail."

"And what are you going to do?" Callen inquired.

Nell pulled up a chair, positioned it so it had a full view of the tree and sat down. "Supervise. Make sure you do it to Hetty's exacting standards."

Nell had her work cut out for her keeping her elves in line and breaking up arguments between the team on how to do things right. First, the tinsel team and the lights team tried to do their roles simultaneously which nearly led to a fist fight. Then there was the 'when to put the star' on the tree debate, followed by multiple 'that ornament looks stupid there' discussions. In each case, Nell competently stepped in and provided executive guidance.

By the time Hetty and Kensi returned with the food, the majestic tree was magnificently decorated. The switch for the lights was flipped, the tree blazed out in glory and everyone admired a job well done.

After the food was consumed, the good whiskey was brought forth by Hetty and the team sat around making toasts. When the bottle was nearly finished, Hetty stood up and made one last toast. "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. In," she added, "your own bed Mr. Callen."

The team laughed and downed the last dregs from their glasses. As they stood up to depart, Deeks couldn't resist adding. "God bless us, everyone!"