One day Lucio was bored. He went and fed his pet termites that lived under his floor then he went back to his sofa.

"Im so bored I could go to middle earth!"

Suddenly two 9 foot tall dildos with arms and legs appear and point their spears at lucio and threaten him and conjure a dildo shaped portal. "HEY YOU PIECE OF SHIT GET IN THIS FUCKIN PORTAL"

Lucio replies, "Okay." He then enters the portal and is transported to middle earth.

lucio is suddenly transported to middle earth and finds himself in the shire, a place where midgets with hairy feet live. This place is known to have a restaurant which makes the best chinese stir fry in the universe. Lucio goes over to this random house

which is called bag end. He opens the door into the house.

In the house he is greeted by a midget named bilbo baggins.

"Hello lucio, nice to meet you."

"What the fuck, how do you know my name?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, okay. understandable."

"Say, have you tried the chinese stir fry? It's the shit. I could roll it into a piece of paper and smoke it all day fam."

"Not yet, but I plan to."

"What kind of food do you have where you live?"

"Have you tried black salami?"

"No. May I try some?"

"Sure. I have with me right now."

"Where can I find it."

"Right here."

Lucio unzips his pants and pulls down his underwear, exposing his massive 69 inch long sweaty, veiny black salami. Bilbo's mouth starts to water.

"Oh, that looks delicious! What kind of spices are mixed into it?"

"Oh...I forgot the spices." Lucio goes to Bilbo's pantry, gets some black pepper and shakes that shit onto his salami.

"There's also sticky cream in it. You'll taste it at one point when it's been in your mouth for quite a while."

"Cream? That's weird. We don't put cream into our salami here in the shire. But, oh well. It's fun to try new things."

"Okay. Are you ready to try the next culinary phenomenon?"

"Oh, I am." Bilbo's mouth was watering so much that a whale could go in there and still have a shit ton of room to swim in.

"Get on your knees. Oh wait, I just realized you're a midget. Just put your mouth near my salami."

"Okay."

Bilbo goes all in and takes part of the salami into his mouth.

"Can I bite it?"

"Go ahead."

Bilbo bites part of the salami off, revealing the cross section. It could be seen that the salami was hollow, and the sticky cream starts to flow out.

"That is absolutely delicious. The black pepper goes so well with the cream. I mean, the cream is weird, but in a good kind of weird. The meat itself is so tender and juicy, and there is so much juice. It's so satisfying feeling the hot juice trickle down your oesophagus. I see why so many people love it."

"Thanks! Finally someone who can appreciate true cuisine."

"By the way, sorry if I ate part of your only black salami."

"Don't worry! I actually have an unlimited food supply because the black salami just grows back to its default size over time. It's great!"

"Wow! It was sure great meeting you. Don't forget to try the stir fry!"

"Got it!"

Lucio then goes out and tries the chinese stir fry. He loved it so much that he literally stuffed 5 quadrillion kg of stir fry into his asshole before he went back home through another portal made by the 2 9 ft dildos.

When he gets back, Lucio makes a fortune with his massive supply of chinese stir fry through standing on a stool with his pants down as people with bowls line up so that he can shit the stir fry into their bowls and then they pay him. However, he adds a twist. He puts slices of his signature black salami into it which makes it millions of times tastier. This makes him the greatest chef of all time and he becomes the richest man in the universe.

The end