As fragile as dew on a leave,
Last longer than an aeon,
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Drizzle in the morning made the temperature dropped a few degrees. Red droplets still fell onto the wash bin. No matter how many times she tried to stop, it was beyond her control. Pain and sore all of her bones made it impossible to stood any longer.
Slowly she sank on her feet, knees pressed closed to her chest. "Ugh, I f*-ing hate the cold!" she muttered between her gritted teeth.
In times like this, she always thought how easy it is to give up. No more trembling, screaming, hurting, and everything will turn peaceful and warm. But she has been fighting this for almost 5 years. Hell, she won't let all of those years turn in vain. With all of her energy left, she stood up, grasped so strongly to towel bar.
"One more day. I can last one more day." Her words echoed in the bathroom like a spell. She suppressed all pain and steadied her shaky breath. It took merely 75 seconds until the bathroom door being knocked.
"Baby? Are you alright?"
Upon the voice, her lips twitched upward a bit. It's always been her favorite sound because it gives her protectiveness feeling and safe since the first time it heard.
"Sure! One minute and I'll be out!" Thank God she managed to reply with her usual voice. One glanced over the mirror and she knew her face was a mess. She quickly washed it and brushed her teeth. Her nose stopped from bleeding, but stains on her shirt were so noticeable. She removed her shirt and hid it in the compartment under the sink. She grabbed new shirt that she always put in it in case of emergency like this.
"Xiao Lu it's already one minute and ten seconds please come on out, baby." It was so easy to detect worry in his voice and it made her smiled sadly.
Oh God... I love him..
One click and the door swung opened hastily. He let go his breath that he didn't even know he held. "Baby you scared the hell out of me.."
His angel laugh softly and snuggled to his arms. "What's the commotion, hm? I only left the bed for ten minutes most!"
He responded with tighter hug and long kiss in her crown. "The worst ten minutes in my life."
"Oh please Sehun-ah. You've been exaggerating things lately. It's not like I'm going to disappear or kidnap every time you don't held my hand."
Sehun chuckled a bit but his anxiety is still there. He also doesn't know why, but recently he feels she's going to left him if he doesn't hold her closed.
"Forgive me my princess. I'm addicted and clingy to you so it can't be help."
Luhan laughed hard and hit his chest playfully. "Tell me, how can I madly in love with an idiot like you again?"
"There was an exit one year ago, xiao Lu." He said while caressed her cheek lovingly.
Luhan leaned forward and closed their distance slowly, "Never knew and never intended to go there."
With that Sehun smiled adoringly to her and sealed their lips together.
Please.. give me longer time to live..
"What time your class start, Lu?"
Luhan turned her head to left and saw Sehun walked toward her, struggling with his tie. "11 a.m."
She plated her omelet on the table and met Sehun in halfway. "How many times do I have to teach you how to do your tie?" Her expression was annoyed but her tone was amused.
Sehun simply shrugged his shoulder and stole many peck to Luhan's face while she fixed his tie. "It's your job to do it."
"Yeah but what if I'm no longer here? You should-"
"You will always be here, Luhan." Sehun cut her words with firm voice. His eyes blazed with anger and suddenly he groped too strong to Luhan waist.
Luhan dumbstruck for a second before she caressed his jaw line softly. "I love you."
Her voice is no higher than whisper but the words have efficient effect to Sehun. His eyes changed with fond stares and his arms enveloped Luhan body with so much care.
"I love you more, Lu. So much much more. Don't ever say anything about leaving again, hm?"
Sehun sounded so heart broken that made Luhan's eyes sting. Tears were threateningly to fall and her voice chocked in her throat. At last, she simply nodded and fondle Sehun's back, hoping to ease his anguish.
I won't hurt him.. Please put all his pain on me..
Her class dismissed one and half hours ago but Luhan still sat on her table. It wasn't because she doesn't has any other class. It wasn't because she skipped class intentionally. It was because her nose started to bleed five minutes before the class is over. It was because she started to cough of blood when the bell rang. It was because she didn't want anyone know about her pain she decided to tell Tao and Xiumin to go to their next class ahead and would follow later. It was because her body sore and excruciatingly hurt.
"It's not even 24 hours... Please God one more day... Please give me one more day.." she whispered between her heavy breath.
"Sehun.. Sehun still need me.."
I don't fall in love nor confess easily...
Flashback
"I don't want it, Dr. Kim! Please.. please just let me die.. I can't fight it anymore.. It hurts.. It's so f*-ing hurt!"
Luhan screamed, kicked, struggled to get loose from the bed. It's been three years since she verdict with cirrhosis stadium 4 (heart cancer) and also three horrible years of chemotherapy. She's exhausted, hopeless, doesn't have any spirit left to fight for her life.
"Luhan, hey look at me. You can do this, okay? It's been three years, you're getting better." Dr. Kim tried to persuade Luhan to calm down. But to Luhan's ears his words were same as bull.
Her pain turned into raged. She spat, "Getting better? Who the hell are you kidding? I ain't getting better. I'm worsening!"
squinted a bit but he managed to composed a second after. "No you're not. You're getting better Luhan. You don't experience sudden spasm anymore."
Luhan laughed sarcastically at the doctor. "But I'm bleeding my self out! You want me to go to those chemo-f*ing-therapy again? Why don't you let me stab you now?! Because it feels exactly like that!"
After that last sentence, Luhan chocked up and blood squirted messily from her mouth.
"Patient respiration blocked with blood. Prepares blood expulsion!" Dr. Kim shouted to the nurse.
"Stay with me Luhan. Don't you dare to give up now. Stay with me!"
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It's been a month since Luhan's critical condition. She begged to be released from any medication, she just wanted to leave her remain time in peace far away from sterile equipment.
With heavy heart, Dr. Kim allowed it because patient peace it's the main key to their health. Luhan transferred her credits from online college to enter local university and started to attend the class. She managed to keep breathing, functioning, and hiding her sickness with medicine only. She made friends with two people Tao and Xiumin since group assignment in roman literature class. They were just so friendly and welcome that even an awkward and stiff Luhan couldn't deny their friendship.
But Luhan never knew, what is love. She always stuck with studying when suddenly her sickness barged in. Since then, her life become even more isolated. But one day, Oh Sehun came. In the form of a young executive who lost his wallet and luckily Luhan found it. When she reported it to nearby police station, Oh Sehun was there panicking upon his wallet.
"I-i found it lying near a bubble tea shop entrance across the street." Luhan stuttered after saw the man in front of her. Who wouldn't be? He was a true definition of handsomeness and masculinity. Moreover who wouldn't stutter when the person in front of you stare at you with such an intense gaze, as if he can see through your soul?
"Thank you, I must have dropped it when I exit the shop." Finally he spoke and his voice filled with calmness and somehow Luhan lose her nervous.
Being a quite person, Luhan only nodded her head than bowed a little before exiting the police station. But how heaven is so good to her, her step was blocked by a tall figure who smell so nice.
"Wait, Umh.. I know it might be so sudden but can you.. I mean can I buy you a drink as a gratitude?"
This man rubbed his nape sheepishly and Luhan left astounded by his request.
"M-me?" She spoke unsure and pointed at herself.
He licked his lip a little before nodded and continue to looked at his shoes.
Luhan didn't even know how to respond but she finally let out, "Okay?"
The man grin so widely as if he just won a lottery and that made Luhan blushed. "Then shall we?" Luhan began to walk beside him with erratic heart beat.
"Oh by the way, my name is Oh Sehun." Sehun held his hand toward Luhan. "And you are?"
"L-luhan." Their hands connected and Luhan cheeks turned redder.
"Luhan.." As if a mini heart attack, when Sehun said her name Luhan heart skipped a beat. "It sounds so good to pronounce." Sehun smiled sweetly with his crest-moon liked eyes at Luhan and that was it, she fell so hard to the man.
"Do you like bubble tea?" Out of the blue Sehun changed the topic and Luhan only able to respond with a nod.
Sehun chuckled at Luhan's respond and he felt she's so sweet and he was too late to stop his hand ruffled Luhan's soft honey dew crown. They stunned because of this action, but Sehun was the first one who turned the table and acted as if it;s not a big deal. He smiled adoringly at Luhan and said, "Will you do me a favor, xiao Lu?"
Luhan broke their stare and looked down, hiding her blush. Never ever once in her life someone call her xiao Lu beside her parents.
"Xiao Lu.."
Sehun's voice was like a lullaby and Luhan couldn't help but melt.
"W-what kind of favor?" Luhan's voice was as soft as wind.
Sehun placed his hand on Luhan's right cheek now, he caressed it while looked into Luhan's eyes deeply. "So do you like bubble tea?" he asked softly.
Luhan once again only nodded, but Sehun continue his question, "Then can you repeat after me? 'I like bubble tea, Oh Sehun.'"
Her eyebrows creased with his words. She sent a questioning look but Sehun only smiled toward her. "I like bubble tea, Oh Sehun?" her words were more like question than statement.
But what Luhan never thought was what Sehun would say after. "I like you too, Luhan. Since the moment I saw you."
Luhan left dumbfounded. Her brain suddenly stopped working, she even forgot how to breath.
"So.. would you be mine? Because you already make me yours even if you haven't done anything." Sehun was fidgeting in his feet. Luhan could see how nervous he is from his eyes reflection.
An outburst of laughter come from Luhan lips. She didn't know why but felt this whole situation was just unreal and funny.
"Ugh, I just confessed to the first girl I ever like since 25 years I lived and she laughed at me. Great job, Oh Sehun." Sehun mumbled to his self while pouting his lips.
Luhan giggled at how not-25-more-like-5-years-old Sehun looked right now.
"But we don't know each other," Luhan finally said after containing herself.
"Let's get start, now." Sehun said.
"But I only 21 years old," Luhan continued.
"Much better, I already well-being you'll not live in misery if we together. I'll fulfill all your needs."
"But we just met!"
"Let's meet again thousands times in the future."
"Don't you want to date a woman at your age?"
"I don't even thought about dating anyone before."
"You don't have a specific type? I mean, I'm sucks at socializing, I don't even look pretty, and what if I'm just a spoiled brat?"
"First, I never have any criteria before. But I guess I have now. She must be sucks at socializing, she must has two the most beautiful eyes in the world, and she must look like an angel. I don't even care if she turns out to be a spoiled brat because I will spoil her the most. And the most important thing for my criteria is her name must be Luhan."
"Ugh, I never know return a lost wallet can get you a confession from a crazy-psychopath-freak-handsome-rich-straight forward-handsome-man." Luhan sighed while rubbed her temple.
"Fyi xiao Lu, you said handsome twice." Sehun smirked while Luhan blushed.
"Yeah, I know."
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"Where's my girlfriend? Where's Luhan?!" Sehun shouted at front desk of hospital. Dr. Kim who just passed by, frowned.
"Are you, Oh Sehun?"
Sehun turned his hard eyes to him. "Do you know where's my girlfriend?" without answering, Sehun asked him instead.
"Yes, I'm Dr. Kim Kai, Luhan's doctor. Could you please follow me to my room? I promise I'll bring you to her after."
Sehun didn't respond but he followed Dr. Kim.
"Please sit down, Mr. Oh." said Dr. Kim but Sehun doesn't move from the door. He scanned the room and read Heart Specialist under Dr. Kim's name.
"Just please tell me directly, what's wrong with my girlfriend? I just want to be next to her asap."
Kai sighed heavily. He knew how worry-sick Oh Sehun is now. It shows all over his cold face.
"Do you know Luhan is sick?"
Sehun shook his head. He pinched his bridge nose, "I only knew Luhan is very weak. She get cold easily. She often got nose bleed whenever she's exhausted, her skin is sensitive and she looked pale all the time. I always ask her to have a medical check up but she always said her immune system is weak since born that's why she's like that."
Kai nodded his head while listening. "She's a one tough girl, isn't she? Never want to worry others and keep her pain all by herself." He said and Sehun narrowed his eyes.
"What do you mean? Is Luhan badly sick?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Oh. Luhan.. she's more than that. Luhan has cirrhosis stadium 4."
Sehun felt his bones turned into jelly. He fell on his knees and his chest stung in pain. "No.. no.. it can't be..my Luhan is healthy. She's smiling and laughing this morning.." he mumbled and started smacked his chest hardly.
Kai raised from his chair and held Sehun fist. "I'm sorry Mr. Oh, I'm sorry.."
Sehun shut his eyes and bit his lips hardly till he can taste copper. "Bring me to her. I need to see her."
Kai looked at him with pain. As a doctor he watched everyday how patients and their family struggle. But Luhan is one of the closest patient he had. How such a young-beautiful-girl has to suffered from all the pain. Her parents busy working while she was left with responsibility to study and being the top of her class. They forgot their family has generative illness and sadly it was Luhan who got it.
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When Sehun opened Luhan's room, his angel smiled apologetic at him. 'I'm sorry' was said without sound from those pale-pink lips. Sehun run towards the bed and gave his angel tight embrace. He held Luhan as if his all life depends on her.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I need you. Never leave me. Don't leave me. I need you, baby. I love you."
Luhan can felt the wet and warm tears on her shoulders. She returned Sehun hug with same intensity and fondled his back lovingly. She knew how shocked and crushed Sehun might be right now. His body practically trembling so bad and his voice was hoarse.
They embraced each other all night and after 1 hours non stop crying, they finally calmed down.
"Hey," Sehun said while tracing his finger to Luhan's face.
"Hey," Luhan replied, her eyes followed every move Sehun made.
"How are you?" Sehun asked, his finger traced back and forth at Luhan's lip.
"Better now that you're here." Luhan admitted and closed her eyes.
"Hey baby," Sehun tapped her cheek and Luhan hummed in respond. "Open your eyes, please." Desperation can be heard clearly from Sehun voice and Luhan immediately open her eyes back.
"D-don't close your eyes, okay xiao Lu? J-just don't." Sehun intertwined their fingers and brought Luhan's body closer.
Luhan smiled knowingly and rubbed her nose to Sehun's. "I won't. I'll be here, Sehun-ah. I'll be with you."
Sehun kissed Luhan wholeheartedly. Every nano-mili-seconds was treasured by them.
"Always, Luhan. You'll be always with me, promise me." He said it between his pants.
"I promise you, Sehun-ah. I'll always be with you," even if I no longer breath I'll be with you, in your heart.
Sehun rained her face with kisses. It was like he wants to breath her in. "Will-kiss-you-kiss-wait-kiss-for-kiss-me?"
Luhan giggled and tried to push away Sehun's face. "Wait for you? What is it to wait for?"
Sehun stopped his kisses and looked straight to Luhan's eyes. "I'll come to get you,"
Luhan creased her eyebrows. "I don't understand Sehun-ah."
"Just wait for me to come and get you, hm? Don't fall in love with anyone, anyone! human being nor angel. Because you only belong to me. Luhan only belong to Oh Sehun, okay?" Sehun put their foreheads together and inhaled same oxygen between their faces deeply.
Luhan slowly understand what Sehun meant and couldn't help but smiled so widely. "Okay," she agreed instantly.
"I'm sorry.."
Sehun suddenly said with so much hurt and regret in his eyes.
"No, don't be. Nothing is need to be sorry, Sehun-ah." Luhan said with small smiled.
Sehun shook his head and dipped his head at Luhan's crooked neck. "I should had more guts to ask you before but I was too coward.."
"Hey, what are you talking about, hm?"
Sehun snuggled deeper and he whined very softly that almost go unnoticed by Luhan. "Sehun-ah?"
"Luhan.. xiao Lu.. baby.." Sehun mumbled and Luhan hummed in respond.
In an instance, Sehun pushed Luhan to her back while he towered her. Luhan gasped at the sudden movement but she pressed deeper to her bed because of the intensity in Sehun's eyes.
"Luhan.." His voice was so deep that she gulped nervously,
"Will you marry me?"
For Luhan, the world stopped for a moment. She was too dumbstruck to even processed the words. She didn't even know when her tears formed but they already rolled down like rivulets.
"B-but Sehun.. I-"
"I loved you. I love you. I will love you. The moment I lay my eyes on you I knew I had to make you mine. For me, you're the only one, Luhan. I gave you my heart, my soul, my whole existence since then."
Luhan opened her mouth but Sehun already cut her unspoken words. "Don't- even think to reason with me. I said this not because of the situation, Oh God.. I even had this question popped in my mind the first time I asked to treat you a drink. Thank God it didn't slipped out or you would slapped me in the face." Sehun chuckled when he remembered those moments.
"The point is.. for me it was you, it is you, and it will always be you, Lu. So don't.. don't ask me to move on. Don't ask me to find someone else. Just don't because that'll be futile."
Luhan didn't need any other words. She crushed her lips to Sehun's warm one and transferred all her feelings to him. This man, this kind-hearted and perfect man. Her man. The love of her life.
Luhan knew her time was running out. She knew the moment she opened her eyes this morning. Luhan cried as she kissed. She would not touched this person again, she would not breath the same air with this person again, she would not hear his voice, his laugh, his heart beat ever again. She would not see his smile, his cry, his anger, and his anxiety. She would never do his tie again. She would no longer calm him down, cheer him up, share him her love.
They both lied arm in arm, cheek to cheek, tangled feet and sleep peacefully that night.
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When Sehun opened his eyes the next morning, his tears already damped the pillow.
"Luhan.."
"Xiao Lu.."
"Baby.."
"Hiks.. Lu.."
"Hiks.. Love..hiks"
"I..hiks..l-love..hiks..you..Luhan.."
"Always.."
"Good night, xiao Lu... wait for me, my love.."
Until I close my eyes.. forever..
I hope it's angst enough.
This is inspired by Acha Septriasa song-sampai ku menutup mata.
Well, sorry for the typos and grammar mistakes.
Review?