Son of Neptune
chp. 1
Nothing.
Absoultely nothing.
Those were my first thoughts. Then: I need to go pee. Peeling open my sticky eyelids, I resisted the urge to relieve myself in my pants. Darkness clouded my vision, swallowing every twinkle of light. Where was I? Who was I? And, most importantly, where was the bathroom? I pondered questions in which I knew there was no answer to. Sighing, I righted myself to sitting position. As my watering eyes adjusted to the darkness, I decided, quite literally, that I was in trouble. Partly because of my location. And partly because of the two old ladies crooning a sweet lullaby and wearing matching "Babies R Us" shirts.
The first annoying thought I had was: Uh-Oh. The second, unfortunately, was: I hate old ladies. Which, I concluded, would annoy the ladies far worse than they annoyed me.
"Oh!" Old Annoying Lady 1 commented to Old Annoying Lady 2, "he's awake!"
"Oh!" Old Annoying Lady 2 commented to Old Annoying Lady 1, "he IS awake!"
"Idiot!" hissed Old Annoying Lady 1, "that's EXACTLY what I said!"
"Idiot!" hissed Old Annoying Lady 2, "that's exactly what I said!"
Apparently, at that moment, Old Annoying Lady 1 decided that it was appropriate to slap Old Annoying lady 2. Watching with interest, I noticed that the scene would be most entertaining if accompanied by some burgers and maybe a fry or two. As if linked to my wandering thoughts, both Old Annoying Lady 1 and Old Annoying Lady 2 whipped their faces toward me. I froze in terror.