(Late Season 10)
This week's Bonesology challenge is an undercover challenge. Anyone, any combination, going undercover...at a high school. You can pick the crime, criminals, situation, but it must take place in a high school. Any length is fine.
Warning: bad language is about to ensue.
I don't own Bones.
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Aubrey sighed, closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch in the teacher's lounge. "God there really is a Hellmouth and I found it."
Pausing to drink his coffee, Booth stared at his friend as if he were speaking a foreign tongue. "What the hell is a Hellmouth?"
His eyes popping open, Aubrey stared at Booth as if he'd lost his mind. "Are you kidding me? Hellmouth, it's the entrance to the evil underworld below, you know Hell. Buffy's school was located right over a hellmouth in Sunnydale. Come on."
Now totally confused, Booth shook his head. "Who the hell is Buffy? An ex-girlfriend you didn't get along with?"
Appalled at his friend's lack of real knowledge about the supernatural, Aubrey leaned forward and stared in amazement at Booth. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She was the Chosen One. She went to school in Sunnydale and she had a group of friends that helped her kill vampires and she killed the Master and she had a lover named Angel . . . hm, you know you look a lot like Angel now that I think about it."
"I look like an Angel?" The conversation was getting to be too weird for Booth. "Are you drunk?"
"No no, he's right." Susan Waters had been enjoying her lunch when Aubrey starting talking to the cute new gym teacher and she had eavesdropped rather shamelessly. "It's an old television show. Angel is a vampire with a soul and he's Buffy's lover, but they can never have a physical relationship together because then Angel will have a moment of pure bliss and then he'll turn into Angelus and he's a very bad vampire, really evil. I mean a murderous rampaging across Europe vampire kind of bad, but kind of spine tingly delicious at the same time . . . hm, that didn't come out right."
Losing his patience, Booth stood up. "You people need to get a life. That sounds like a terrible idea for a TV show. You love someone, but you can't make love to them or you turn evil? That's some awful weird shit as far as I'm concerned." With that Booth left the lounge and decided to walk around the school to see if he could see what their main suspect was up to.
Once he was gone, Aubrey grinned at Susan. "Booth is more into Star Wars and Planet of the Apes. That whole Buffy the Vampire Slayer would be too weird for him . . . still he does look like Angel now that I really think about it."
Susan sighed and nodded her head. "He really does. I wouldn't mind trying to give him a moment of bliss . . . . He's married isn't he?"
"Yup, and he's happy about it so no touching Susan." Aubrey had seen how Susan was practically lusting after Booth a few minutes earlier. "His wife would cut your heart out and stomp on it if she thought you were making a play for her man." Aubrey wasn't sure if that was really true or not, but he thought it might be a good idea to discourage Susan from hitting on Booth. Booth was too good looking for his own good and he'd seen Brennan get pissed when someone flirted with her husband before. Whew. That didn't go well. You do not want to get that woman angry at you and I am Booth's partner therefore I'm supposed to protect him. Also it might be a good idea to keep Brennan from committing murder over a little innocent flirting. Not that she would do that . . . I think . . . I'm sure she wouldn't do that . . . maybe
"Well, then I guess I'll leave our Angel alone." Susan chuckled. "Besides, Angel was nice and so dreamy, but Angelus? No way . . . still Booth does look so much like him. He's just a delicious little salty morsel, you know?"
"Um, no Susan. No, no, no. His wife . . . just no . . . It's weird I never noticed the resemblance before." Aubrey left the teacher's lounge to see if he could track down their suspect. Going undercover was fun, but High School was someplace he'd never thought he'd have to see again. The fact that he knew how to speak and read Latin made him a natural substitute teacher at the school, it being a Catholic High School, but his students were sharp and he was having to crack a book or two to keep up. He thought it was unfair that Booth had got the role of gym teacher. Lucky bastard. The kids at this school are rotten little brats and I can't wait to wrap this one up. Sunnydale would be safer than going to this school. Two kids and the gym teacher murdered in one month and their bodies left in the gym with painted circles around them and little pentagrams painted near their hands and feet. Shit! Hellmouth is real damn it!
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Mike watched Booth teaching his sophomore students the finer point of shooting baskets in the gymnasium and he was livid. He had thought once Carl Ross was gone, they'd make him the new head gym teacher, but they had brought in an outsider. Substitute teacher my ass. They're going to hire him I just know it. Mike considered himself to be a pretty damn good teacher and coach and it was a shame about old Carl getting killed and all, but Mike knew he'd make a better gym teacher than Carl ever was. What's a guy got to do around here to get the job? Kill someone? Frustrated, the man walked away. He had a class in a few minutes teaching freshman how to walk and chew gum at the same time. Well, not really, but it seemed like that was what he was doing with his life. He wanted to work with the juniors and seniors. He wanted to coach the basketball team and the football team. He wanted to teach college ball someday. Fuck!
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Once class was over, Booth was picking up the basketballs and moving them over to the rack when one of his students approached him. "Hey Coach." The boy looked at Booth and felt a chill run down his spine. He'd never met Coach Booth before last Tuesday and yet there was something familiar about him. He just wished he knew why. "Um, how about starting me in Friday's game this week. Coach Mike thinks I'm ready. Coach Carl was thinking about it, although I'm not sure what he had to think about. I am ready to go and you won't find a better point guard in the whole school."
Booth didn't really care for Alexander Paris. The kid thought he was God's gift to the world. "We'll see. I'll let you know my decision tomorrow."
Certain that Booth wouldn't let him start the game, the boy stared into the Coach's face and once more had a chill run down his spine. "Do I know you from somewhere? Like from Crime Stoppers or something?"
The implication explicit, Booth glared at the young man. "Is this how you tried to charmed Carl Ross because if it is I can guarantee he wasn't going to start you in the next game."
Now that he was certain Booth was against him, Alexander mentally added him to his enemies list. Not a good list to be on. "You're just a substitute anyway. Mike will be a better coach than you are when he takes over."
"If he's still around when I leave." Booth was irritated and said more than he should. "Don't you have a class to get to?"
Coldly, Alexander stared at the man and once more tried to figure out where he'd seen him before. As he left the gym, he ran into the substitute Latin teacher as the man entered the gym. "Good morning Mr. Aubrey. I hope your day is going well."
Since Aubrey was not a fan of suck ups, the agent ignored the kid and walked further into the gym to talk to Booth while the ignored Alexander left the gym racking his brain trying to figure out why Coach Booth looked so familiar.
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It was mid-afternoon and Mike Pratt watched Booth and Aubrey from the doorway. He'd noticed that they met up a few times during the day every day and wondered why the two seemed so chummy. The substitute Latin teacher actually gave Mike the creeps. Always hanging around wherever he was no matter where he was in the school. Giving him odd nods of the head or a strained kind of smile. Mike was beginning to wonder if Aubrey was a nancy boy. He didn't really care unless Aubrey was considering him as a potential conquest and that was never going to happen. He knew that the coach was a married man, so maybe he was just friends with Aubrey, but it just seemed that those two put off an odd vibe. Oh well. They're just substitutes. Well they're supposed to be substitutes. Bollocks. I hate this school and everyone in it.
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It was getting late and Booth was tired. He planned to go back to his hotel room, order room service and call his wife. He would have rather she had gone undercover with him, but she was very pregnant and they had both decided that now was a bad time for her to be out in the field. Flipping off the lights in the gymnasium, he left the light on near the exit and the one on in his office. As he approached the exit, he noticed a shadowy figure in the open doorway and Booth wondered if Mike was going to finally make his move now. "Whose there?"
Alexander stepped out into the semi dark gym and smiled. "Oh it's just little old me. You know I finally figured out where I've seen you before. You're a vampire."
"I'm a what?" Booth couldn't believe how stupid people were at this particular school. For God's sake, it's a Catholic High School. "There's no such thing as vampires, kid."
"Bullshit. This school is full of vampires and you're one of them." Alexander had been sitting in math class when it finally dawned on him that Coach Booth looked like Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It seemed impossible, but once more here was proof that Vampires really existed and it was up to him to get rid of them since there was no Chosen One here to do it for him. Pulling a sharpened stake from the waist of his pants, Alexander lunged at Booth who jumped away.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Booth was furious. He had a gun in a holster in the waist of his pants and if he had to he'd shoot the little shit standing in front of him. "There is no such thing as vampires you idiot."
"There really isn't." Mike entered the gym holding a thick handled mop. Lashing out at the boy's arm, he knocked the stake from Alexander's hand. "This school is so fucking weird. No wonder I can't get a promotion. The students are idiots and so are most of the teachers."
Booth pulled his gun and stepped back further so he could keep both the boy and the gym teacher in his sight. "Is that what happened Alexander? Did you kill Carl Ross, Oz Green and Anya Jenkins?"
Staring at the stake lying on the floor, Alexander considered trying to grab it, but he knew he'd never reach it before the vampire shot him. "They were vampires, the walking dead. I had to protect everyone from them. We have little kids that come to this school. Freshman can be so stupid and naive. I saw Carl cut himself and then he licked the blood right off of his finger. Blood man. I'm a hero. I saved lives."
Aubrey stepped into the room behind Mike with his gun drawn. Taking the mop from Mike, Aubrey stepped away so he could put some distance between him and the boy Alexander. "You're a damn loon is what you are Kid." Aubrey glanced at Booth and then back at the demented boy. "I told you this is school is over a hellmouth. What more proof do you need?"
Shocked, Alexander turned to stare at Aubrey. "You know and you're on the side of Angelus? You're a traitor to mankind."
A little confused and not willing to admit it, Booth glared at his partner. "Put the cuffs on this bat shit crazy kid Aubrey and stop talking shit. Read him his rights too. No way he walks away from this over a technicality."
Mike stood where he was, fascinated by what was going on. He had thought that one of the kids was behind the murders, but he had never suspected Alexander. Sure he was a suck up and reminded him of a toe rag, but still he thought it might be one of the English Majors. Too much Shakespeare the little drama queens. Always beating their breasts and complaining about injustice. What the hell do they know about injustice? I haven't had a promotion in two years. I should be head coach by now, but no . . .
"Mike, Earth to Mike." Booth stood in front of his gym assistant and was beginning to wonder if the man was in a state of shock. He had been their prime suspect since he seemed to hate everyone, but Booth now knew it was just the guy's personality or what passed for a personality. "Are you alright?"
His mind back on important things, Mike cleared his throat. "So you're a cop, not a substitute gym teacher?"
Booth slowly shook his head. "I work for the FBI."
"Well hot damn." Mike grinned at the agent. "Now maybe I can get my promotion. I deserve to be head coach."
The man was obviously self-obsessed and Booth was done. "Sure, good luck." Once he was through the door, the agent looked back and saw Mike now striding towards the coach's office with a maniacal grin on his face. This school is full of loons and bat shit crazy idiots . . . fucking vampires my ass.
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A/N: Okay, this story is complete. It's a little silly, but it's what I came up with and I don't apologize for it. If you didn't pick up on it, there are a lot of clues in this story pointing to the fact that it's a cross over with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you've never seen it, I recommend watching at least the first three seasons because of well . . . Angel.