— STRANGERS —
This life has such an awful sting.
And a price to pay for everything
— PROLOGUE—
It was freshman year. There was going to be a new student which interested Dean. He interested Dean. The boy had bright blue eyes and a queer name. He introduces himself to the first period English class stiffly, obviously nervous to be around a plethora of new faces. He was the most beautiful man Dean had ever seen; not that he would ever admit that to anyone. No chick flick moments, his life motto. Besides, he was straight. Absolutely. One hundred percent. Straight. There was no harm in calling someone of the same sex as you beautiful, right? Even if both party members were men... Right? He couldn't help but smile as the teacher places Castiel in the seat in front of Dean. He poked Castiel in the back of the head and introduced himself.
"I'm Dean Winchester."
That was when he fell in love.
They were just friends for three months. Castiel was a dreamer, bright, and captivating. He made Dean smile, laugh, and live. High school became a breeze when Cas was at his side. They helped each other through it; their bond was profound. Okay, maybe he wasn't one hundred percent straight after all. Dean didn't know what that meant, but he knew what he wanted; Cas. They were out on the school grounds before class would start, Dean could tell something was deeply troubling his friend. He asked what was wrong. Castiel's face went flush, his eyesight moving to the ground while his nerves clearly got to him. His hands began to shake after the question flung itself from his mouth. 'Would you like to date me, Dean?' It was cute. Cas shouldn't have been nervous. Dean liked him, a lot. That fact may have scared Dean, but for once in his life he thought he deserved something good, and that good was Cas, right? Being a little selfish once in a while couldn't hurt.
"Yeah Cas, I'd like that."
That was when he was happy beyond belief.
Everything was going extremely well. Their summers were spent together. They found various places to celebrate life, and along with Castiel's older brother Gabriel, and Dean's younger brother Sam. Life was amazing. Day by day, Dean fell in love over and over again. He was ready to take on the world with Cas by his side. They extended their plans of the future to attend the same college as each other once they graduated. This made Dean overjoyed; Cas didn't run away from him. Cas stuck by his side. Aside from Sam, no one had really done that. Soon, they were two months into their senior year. Now, he can't bring his thoughts to remember what had happened. An argument? Yes, perhaps. It was too painful to remember. It was at night, Dean was dropping Cas off at his house after they spent the weekend together, but something arose. What was that something? All Dean can remember is anger, plenty of yelling, him pushing Cas, and Cas pushing back with even more force, (Castiel may have been smaller than Dean, but he was stronger than he looked) and someone yelling:
"Never talk to me again!"
The bliss ceased, and Dean shut down. They stopped talking, completely. He can remember adjusting slowly, his new friends, Ash, and Chuck helping with that, as well as his brother. Every time he saw Cas, he was alone. Alone at his locker. Alone in class. Alone at lunch. Alone after school. But that was Cas' fault, right? Right. He had the power to make friends if he wanted too. However, day by day, Cas stopped showing up. They had two classes together that year, it was easy for him to see when he would be there. Not that he cared or anything. His absences went from once a week, to twice, to three times. The teacher would call:
"Castiel Novak?" And once more. "Castiel Novak?" Before marking their sheet.
Then one day, he simply wasn't there and the teachers stopped calling his name. Just like that, Dean's world ran. He left his side. That was fine. He really didn't need him... right? No, no he didn't. That is what Dean told himself countless times with a dauntless attitude. And just like that, Castiel became his secret.
That was when he buried it all.
{~}
He felt as though he didn't belong there. The faces of his peers were clouded, dark. It wasn't intimidating, but rather uninviting. The new environment had been so foreign, it caused anxiety to rise from the bottom of his stomach, his insides became painful as they clenched around him. An exhale escaped from his lips. Gabriel's voice rings throughout his head, remembering that he had been his voice of confidence now. You're going to be fine. You're a strong guy Castiel. Don't you dare let them win. With that, he introduces himself.
"I'm Castiel Novak, I'm from Pontiac, Illinois."
He remembers the teacher thanking him and pointing him to his seat. He can remember that it wasn't long before he took his seat that he became irritated as the boy behind him jabs him with a pencil in the back of the head. He turned and he's greeted by him. Castiel felt his irritation wash away as he simply stared at him. He recalls something different about him, something inviting. And there it was, as the facelessness of that single boy fades from his judgment, to reveal someone brilliant. Dean Winchester. The rest of the class period went by silently. The bell sounded and everyone left, Dean included. Castiel remembers heading out the classroom door. He finds Dean on the ground and him swearing and remarking that he tripped. Unfazed, Castiel grabbed him by one of his biceps and pulled him up. Dean thanked him with a smile that was heartwarming and bright. He stares at Castiel straight in the eyes.
That was when he fell in love.
He couldn't quite see how much Dean would play a part in shaping him. Before their relationship, Castiel had an infamous time at his previous school. His social skills were minimal, almost like he was from a different world; his upbringing had been more cloistered than others which made making friends difficult. His tyrannical brother, Raphael, shielded the young boy from a majority of the world at an early age, it made him seemingly unapproachable. Slowly, with Dean's influence, Castiel began sneaking out and seeing him. Every time he did so, rebellion flooded his being as Raphael disallowed such a thing. He could not help but think how thankful he was for obtaining his free will, something he hadn't had the leisure to feel for himself for the entirety of his life. He never knew how to obtain such a reckless thing. Dean single handily redefined nearly everything Castiel knew, and Castiel was in love with him, so he asked him out.
That was when he was re-birthed.
But all of that had come crashing down. He recalls a blind rage, jealousy, and fear; fear of losing him. His mind hadn't learned how to cope with the feelings he felt for Dean, and what a romantic relationship would entail down the line. He couldn't figure out how to be human, and it broke them. After the fight, he remembers stumbling into Gabriel's room in a blur, begging him to take him with him when he moved in near future. Gabriel told him he were to work it out with Dean to which Castiel ignored the request, himself strangely full of pain from the loss. It was so silly, but they were just so young. He felt he needed to run, mirroring nearly what everyone his family had done. Against his better judgment, Gabriel agreed to take him, and in a couple of weeks, they departed from Lawrence.
That was when a part of him died.
That was ten years ago.