The Things We Do For Love
Chapter One: A Perfect Mistake
Dear Dad,
Your prodigal son here. Don't worry; I haven't spent all my inheritance just yet.
I thought I'd tell you about one of the army's latest mistakes.
Her name is Alexandra. Captain Alexandra Braithwaite. But don't let her catch you calling her that; she will hurt you; she's one tough chick. In a constant act of self-preservation we call her "Annie."
I said that she was the army's latest mistake, but she's one of those mistakes that you wouldn't undo for anything.
Annie was sent to us from Australia when we needed a new nurse (you'd love her accent!). But we were really annoyed to discover that she wasn't infact a nurse. Not because we were in such desperate need of a nurse, but because we knew that we'd have to send her back.
Annie is a linguist. "A what?" you say. That's what we said.
A linguist studies language in general; historical influence on accents, regional variations in accent and vocabulary and the development of sayings and colloquialisms. I think I hurt my hand… Annie is multi-lingual. She speaks fluent Latin (a lot of good that will do us here; however Annie assured us that Latin was critical for understanding English), German and French (again, not a lot of use to us) but what is useful to us is her knowledge of Mandarin (the language the Chinese speak) and Korean.
Not only can we now understand our patients, but she has really become our sunshine on a rainy day.
Trapper and I are thinking of getting Margaret to train her to be a nurse. We don't want to lose her. Just between you and me dad, I think I'm in love. And actually in love, not just in love with what my eyes see. I don't know, maybe it'll pass but I'll get back to you.
Tell everyone I say "hi".
Love Hawkeye
Hawkeye and Trapper walked slowly over to the new arrival's jeep, trying casually to check her out. She had deeply tanned skin, a small build and sun-bleached hair.
"Not bad from a distance," Hawkeye said.
"Do you think we should get a second-opinion?" asked Trapper.
"It won't hurt to take a close-up."
It didn't take the pair long to work out that the new arrival wasn't infact a nurse. Margaret Houlihan was turning red in the face, whether from embarrassment or frustration was difficult to tell, but she ran off in the general direction of Henry Blake looking flustered. Margaret left the new girl standing there, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed.
"Margaret really knows how to roll out the welcome-wagon," Trapper said quietly and put more purpose in his strides as he made his way over.
"Well hello, hello, hello," Hawkeye grinned. "Welcome to hell. My name is Hawkeye and I will be your guide. This here is my assistant Trapper."
She laughed good-naturedly.
Her close-up was even better than her distance. Realistically speaking she had to be over 26 but she looked a lot younger.
"So, you're the new nurse?" Trapper asked with an almost childish grin. "Nice to meet you, we've never had such a young nurse before."
She blushed. "I'm not actually a nurse," she said with a half-laugh. "I'm a linguist."
"A what?" Trapper asked.
"A linguist, I study facets of language as well as speaking multiple ones."
"We welcome you anyway," Hawkeye said with his usual charismatic smile, shaking her hand vigorously. She met his grip with equal force which impressed her new acquaintance.
"Well if you were a nurse then I'd be sending you back with a bad case of iron-grip."
She laughed nervously, whipping her hand back to the comfort of her side. "Sorry, I grew up on a farm so that's my natural reaction."
She half looked it, half didn't.
"So do you have a name Miss Linguist?" Trapper asked.
"Well officially it's Alexandra Braithwaite, Captain. But if I ever catch you calling me that I'll rip your bloody balls off!" she spoke good-naturedly, but she sounded pretty serious about her name.
"Well they will be bloody when you rip them off," Hawkeye remarked.
"So what do we call you if we want to have children?" Trapper asked.
Her face softened. "Annie."
"Aussie-Annie," Hawkeye said "has a nice ring to it."
"You noticed my accent?"
"Noticed? First thing I noticed!"
Other than your chest he thought, Trapper was thinking along the same lines.
"What do you think they'll do with me?"
The friends sighed simultaneously both wishing that she could just become a nurse, knowing full-well they'd have to send her "back."
"Probably send you back to wherever you came from," Trapper said glumly. "Or with any luck, keep you and just get a real nurse. If you don't mind me asking; what does the army need a linguist for anyway?"
"You don't really need a linguist as such but anyone who is multi-lingual. I speak Mandarin and Korean; so that'll be of some use to you, so that you can understand the patients."
"Mandarin? I didn't know that we treated citrus," Trapper replied.
"Mandarin is what the Chinese speak you dick," Hawkeye said, and then turning to Annie said "Excuse my French."
"I speak French and last time I checked that wasn't in the vocabulary. It seems there are some words I can learn from you," she replied with a laugh.
"Well no time for that now," Trapper said "Our gallant leader is about to grace us with his presence and use some words of his own."
Henry Blake, their "gallant leader" seemed almost clumsy in his mannerisms and his assistant at his side; Corporal "Radar" O'Reily had a look no one would feign call cute.
"I ah um… can't even imagine how this uh...happened," were his first words.
"Nice to meet you too sir," Annie said with a pleasant smile.
"Oh yes um… where are my manners? My name is Colonel Henry Blake and this is Radar." Margaret was standing behind him with another man who the Colonel didn't bother to introduce.
"I can't imagine how this happened, but I'll arrange for this to be fixed A.S.A.P."
"Oh I don't mind, infact I rather like it here."
"And we like having you here," Hawkeye chimed in.
"Well, no offence, nothing against you personally but I don't know whether we have any need for a linguist…" Henry's voice trailed off as he looked the girl up and down. He couldn't get over how young she looked.
"None taken… but you might be surprised."
"Let her surprise us," Hawkeye said.
"She already has," Trapper whispered.
Henry looked hesitant. He had confessed many times that he was crap at making decisions.
"Ah, c'mon Henry," Trapper and Hawkeye encouraged.
"Oh alright," he shrugged. "Welcome to the 4077th!" he extended his hand for Annie to shake but this time she was determined to be more gentle.
"Colonel," said the man standing with Major Houlihan. He must have been in his forties and seemed to have a constant wining-quality to his voice. "I'm not sure that this is such a good idea." Turning to Annie he added "Nothing personal." Before continuing "But I just don't think we need a linguist. We've gotten on fine in the past without one and we are in need of another nurse."
"Not desperate need," Henry reasoned. "In your words 'we've gotten along fine in the past without one'."
The protestor looked broken.
"I reckon we could train her to be a nurse," Trapper suggested, he looked at Annie with an encouraging grin. If there had of been any hesitation in her she didn't show it.
"With all her experience, Margaret would be the perfect mentor," Hawkeye said. "Wouldn't you agree Frank?
Seemingly cornered, the protestor nodded silently and walked away.
"That's Major Frank Burns," Hawkeye told Annie "Faux-surgeon and Head-cockroach."
"Well Margaret?" Trapper prompted.
"We'll see," she said "But right now I'd appreciate it if the two of you would stop chatting up my nur- Alexandra," She corrected herself "And let me speak to her."
"Whatever you say Oh-Experienced-One," Hawkeye mocked. And with a wave to Annie, he walked with Trapper in the direction of the Swamp.
"She's sweet," Trapper said.
"Sweet?! She threatened to rip our balls off," Hawkeye exclaimed.
"Well you can't have a woman without pain."
"I think I'll have to be careful if I want to come-out of this with my genitals intact."
"You may not have to worry about your genitals if she leaves," Trapper replied.
"Yeah," Hawkeye agreed glumly. "We need to make her stay…"
"You'll have to excuse Pierce and McIntyre," Margaret said to Annie. "They're a little crude sometimes but nice enough guys."
Annie laughed. "Well if they're crude then you'd hate to see the men I grew up." Or me when I've had a few drinks she thought smilingly.
Margaret looked at her new-non-nurse seriously. Hawkeye and Trapper were easily pleased as far as women went, but this woman, more girl than woman would be more than pleasing to them. Her bright blue eyes were constantly teasing; she had all the confidence in the world. And she seemed like she could match-wit with Hawkeye. Wouldn't that be new to him?
There was something about the young Aussie that was so easy going, it inspired a trust that Margaret was usually reluctant to give.
"Let me tell you something; woman to woman. Those two will make eyes at all of the nurses but if you stick around you'll be a huge target for them. If they're really what you want, then don't give it to them easy."
The two laughed.
"But take my advice," she added seriously. "They might hurt you."
Annie nodded solemnly and thanked her for the warning.
"Come on," Margaret said affectionately. "I'll introduce you to the girls."
Annie followed Margaret over to the mess tent where the first to be punished were suffering through lunch.
Annie looked at her guide. She was difficult to work out, even to Annie who was usually so good at reading-people. Outwardly she seemed defensive, always trying to brush people away. But it seemed to Annie that it was her way of hiding her inward insecurities. That was fine. She did the same thing, just in a different way.
Annie heard so many names in the 15minutes that followed her arrival in the mess tent but managed to remember at leat vaguely who each belonged to.
"Would you actually like me to train you as a nurse?" Margaret asked. She was beginning to like having the girl around.
"Could you?" Annie asked curiously.
"I'm sure I could; you seem bright and it's not difficult to learn." She paused. "You probably couldn't do the stuff in post-op (at least not right away), but you could help in pre-op and hand the doctors instruments in theatre."
Annie shrugged "Sounds fun and it gives me an excuse to stay."
"I'll take you over to post-op now so you can meet the rest of the nurses, then you can put your stuff in your tent."
Margaret was directing her out when Hawkeye and Trapper came strolling in.
"Well hello, hello, hello; we meet again," Hawkeye grinned.
"If it isn't Captain Snake-Charmer himself," Annie countered.
"Would you like to join us for the 12 o'clock execution?" Trapper asked, indicating the "food."
Annie was about to agree, but then decided that the two captains could be a fun game to play, even if she didn't want to sleep with either of them.
"I'm sorry but I'm on a mission to familiarise myself with the 4077 and the '12 o'clock execution' is not on my schedule."
"No wonder you're so tiny," Hawkeye remarked.
"It's a wonder you're not if the food really is so bad," she replied quickly and with a satisfied smile, she took Margaret's offered arm and strolled out.
"What's she playing at?" Trapper asked as they left. "Twenty minutes ago she was eating out of the palms of our hands. What's happened."
"Hot-Lips has happened," Hawkeye replied sulkily before turning to his slop.