Oh dear me, what a depressing fic this is! It shall be a two part-er hurrah!
Just a liiittle warning: contains some sexual stuff! Be a-careful!
AND! This one was loosely based off another work by another author, problem is I can't find them any more! I've looked everywhere! So if anyone's read it and thinks it's too similar or is that writer or knows them or knows how I can get in contact with them or whatever! Tell me and I'll either get in touch or take it off! Yay!
Then again its a pretty used plot so there might be no problem :D
Chapter One: Whiskey
And it was winter again. Or so she thought. The golden leaves had cleared and now the street was empty and desolate and tinged with a grey blueness that made it appear cold, even though she was indoors. That's why he's not back; he must be caught up in the weather...
What exactly did that mean? Caught up in the weather? Somewhere in the back of her mind she envisioned Sasuke and Naruto battling a freak snow storm in a purely platonic way just to come home to her. She both believed it and didn't believe it at the same time, because she had to and because she knew it was unfeasible.
She wasn't going to do any more washing today. She was bored. She was tired, so, so tired. Tired of what? Tired of life?
Yes.
Finally she could answer yes, she didn't want to delude herself anymore; she hated life. She hated her house, her husband, her ridiculous meaningless in everything and everyone else's world. Almost everyone else's world, she thought, unless she had repelled him too much for that to mean nothing anymore as well.
Her hands were still engulfed in warm, soapy water; it was a small comfort she guessed.
Where's your husband, Sakura? It was that voice again.
Didn't you notice it was night, Sakura? Why are you cleaning at night? What if Katsu wakes up? What if he asks for his Daddy, Sakura? What will you say to him?
Sakura gulped, 'go away' she internally demanded 'I will not cry because of this!'
Stiffly she removed her hands from the washing up bowl and dried them. Her mind was full of questions, 'what ifs' and 'whys' and they span around in her head until she felt dizzy. She slumped down onto one of the cushions surrounding the traditional Japanese table, it had always been here, in this ghost house, in this ghost street, in this ghost district of Konoha where shadows whispered and only the dead seemed happy. Sakura was less than happy to be bringing her children up here, a six year old, two four year olds and a would be two year old. Her children seemed to be testament to the different stages her dysfunctional marriage had gone through: first came Katsu, at the beginning of the marriage when they were still young and fresh and learning about each other; then came the twins, a boy and a girl, Haru and Hana, marking when the problems began, a little over four years ago. The children had been a vain attempt on Sakura's part to patch up the cracks in a loveless marriage. It hadn't worked because it wasn't loveless – they were both in love but not with each other.
The two year old, Saki, had come in the spring two years ago and gone as spring began to creep up again. The loss of a child was catastrophic to Sakura, she felt like the world was closing down and there was no one to share this feeling with, no one to help her...until that day; that one glorious day that she wasn't allowed to think about.
But she was. God help her she clung to that memory like it was her life line. She adored her children and lived her them but this one happening little over thirteen months ago...
Stop it!
She didn't know why Saki had been born, and when she had found out she was pregnant she had been as surprised as anyone; surprised as all those who had got wind of the extent of her husbands betrayal. Yes everyone knew about her husband's affair and you didn't have to look very closely to see that Sakura and Sasuke were not as close as a married couple with four children should be. Thinking of Saki made her eyes sneak sideways to the whiskey bottle kept on the top shelf, she felt she needed some now, some dark medicinal magic to help her. Her eyes unfocused on the bottle as she was thrust back into memories.
She didn't know why Sasuke had married her when he had been in love with someone else, it was cruel. She remembered the night she had found out, but she hadn't so much as found out as clicked all the pieces together, like some disgusting, sordid jigsaw. She remembered Katsu's face as he had stared up at his heavily pregnant mother with wide eyes, for once not crying or shouting or running around and jumping on the furniture as he'd just learnt how to do, he was deadly still with large, glassy eyes. When he'd heard his father enter the house he'd pushed aside his fear of him and rushed into the hallway, pulling at the dark haired shinobi's trouser leg until he came away from his blonde friend, and probably expected everything would be fine after that because his mother had stopped crying.
But inside she was still crying, and the mildly surprised/nervous look that Sasuke had imparted upon her whilst also trying to look emotionless as he saw her sobbing was not what stopped her crying. The moment Sakura had stayed his stare with her own teary gaze it was confirmed for her. All the secrecy and anxiousness at being found out was written into his face.
She'd made up an excuse but she couldn't remember what it was, she thought it was passable for the truth and she would never know that only a few nights after, when her husband was lying in a large hotel room bed on a strong masculine chest, would the blonde ask: 'Do you think Sakura-chan knows?'
How could they do it to her? She kept asking again and again. How could they betray her like that? Her team mates! And what she hated most was she still loved them both, so much! She didn't blame them, she though sourly, because I'm weak and pathetic and ugly and they are so strong and beautiful, they deserve each other...
She dipped her head onto the low table, fresh tears threatening her eyes.
What do you think he says to Naruto? It was that voice.
Do you think he whispers what he used to whisper to you? Do you think he touches him and kisses him in all the places he used to kiss you? The difference is Naruto's not ugly and distorted from having children all the time; Sasuke can stand to look at him. A tear crested and fell onto the wood.
Do you think they talk about you? Laugh at you for being too pathetic to call them up on it? Do they think they can walk all over you and you'll not care? They do Sakura, you know it because he's always away. He doesn't even make excuses now does he? He doesn't need to because he knows you'll be here when he gets back to cook and clean and tend to his children.
'Shut up!'
She couldn't leave both in the long and short term. She couldn't leave now because her three children were sleeping soundly in bed, seemingly oblivious to what their parents were going through, though perhaps she was just being naive? She knew Katsu had been scared of Sasuke when he was younger and now he was older he seemed to treat him with disdain, he never wanted to train with him but, like a good wife should, Sakura always consoled Sasuke with a light 'he likes to do things his own way'. Sasuke must have known these were empty words because Katsu was more than happy to train with Sakura, Hinata, Iruka, (on the very rare occasion) Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, Kiba, any ninja going spare really, even Kakashi...
Katsu loved Kakashi. The adult enigma fascinated him which, Sakura thought dryly, was ironic because in many ways Kakashi was very similar to Katsu's own father. If Sasuke was jealous of their bond he didn't show it, not that he ever freely showed any emotion, and if Kakashi was flattered by it he similarly didn't show it, treating the young boy as of much as a hindrance as he did any seven year old child, even if he was a child prodigy with Sharingan eyes, and his ex-pupils' off spring. Sometimes it seemed the more Kakashi tired to deter the little boy the more Katsu loved him, which seemed to be a pattern with all children around Kakashi.
His failure with Katsu must have spurred Sasuke on to be a better father to Haru whilst Hana stuck almost religiously to females, Sakura being the favoured parent, even though it often seemed that she liked Ino better. Any time spent with Ino, in Hana's eyes, was time well spent, which usually meant sitting in a flower shop or making daisy chains on the field when they were meant to be doing something constructive. Hana was a girly-girl, much like Sakura had been and Sasuke saw no more inclination to have anything to do with his daughter than he had inclination to deal with Sakura when she was a girly-girl. Surely he must love his children? It made her blood run cold to think of him not loving his children. Besides once or twice – when he's actually bothered to return home after work or whatever he'd really been doing in the day – she had quietly witnessed him going into each of his children's rooms, watching them sleep and murmuring soft words she just couldn't catch, he would kiss Hana on the forehead then pad lightly back to their shared bedroom, leave the room to change before slipping into bed beside her and turning so they slept back to back. Sometimes he would pause over her for a moment as if contemplating something – probably how ugly his wife is and his misfortune of having to share a bed with her...
She was glad Sasuke wasn't here and she was glad the kids were in bed because now she was crying now, silently but freely and the determination to stop had left her. The house was silent and that was how she easily heard the tiny creak on the landing and a gentle noise of contact from outside, followed by the sound of small feet pitter-pattering on the hard wooden floor.
"Mama?" It was accompanied by a sleepy yawn and she knew he was sleepy because he had addressed her as 'Mama' and he'd never do that if he was properly awake, he was an Uchiha after all. The little seven year old was rubbing his eyes drowsily and looking at her dejected form in the chair. His brow furrowed, "was Papa nasty again?"
Quickly wiping her eyes she shook her head and held a hand out to the child. Tentatively he took a few steps forward, taking his mother's hand and allowing himself to be embraced in his mother's love. "Where's Papa?" he asked, nuzzling his face into her chest. She didn't answer, considering the bitter irony of what that horrible voice had been whispering to her and what her son had just said.
"Don't worry about Papa, he'll be back," Sakura answered, evading the little boys question.
Sakura stared out at the dark shadow being cast on the sliding door.
"Haru keeps t...t..." Katsu yawned, "...talking in his sleep and I can't sleep." She took another anxious glance outside.
"Why don't you sleep in Mama's bed tonight?" The small boy nodded hazily and Sakura wasn't sure whether he'd already fallen asleep. She carried him to a room down the hall and around the corner from her children's rooms and set the boy on the bed.
"Mama...where's...Papa?" he murmured sleepily, before she left him.
When she returned to the kitchen he was there, sitting comfortably at one of the cushions surrounding the table. She only gave him a brief glance before setting about washing dishes again, perhaps she would do more washing tonight.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, back turned to the man who'd invaded her house. She could feel his lone dark eye staring a hole in her back but didn't turn around for fear of what that gaze meeting hers might do.
"Is he in bed?" he asked, his deep voice sounding delicious and smooth. She heard the rustle of clothing that meant the intruder was standing and moving around the kitchen. Sakura didn't answer because she could feel him hovering behind her and to answer in the positive would be too much like an invitation, so she stared out the kitchen window into the dead streets of the dead complex that belonged to the dead.
She felt the gentlest brush of fingers down her spine, coaxing an answer out of her. "Is Sasuke..." the intruder paused, considering his words carefully, "is he...away?"
She nodded her head numbly and immediately felt him against her back. "Do we have time?" he was whispering in her ear, nuzzling his cold nose against her neck. She closed her eyes, she loved Sasuke! He didn't deserve this, her children didn't deserve this and what's more she didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to be happy because she was unsatisfactory.
Why Kakashi felt the need to continue pursuing a twenty seven year old married ex-student with three children she didn't know.
It had all started on that glorious day thirteen months ago, 15th September, Kakashi's fortieth birthday. She remembered it clear as day. She'd started the night off with Sasuke, standing miserably by his side but during the course of the evening he'd inevitably left her to go and find his lover and indulge in drunken revelry in a back room somewhere. She had stayed late, drinking away her sorrows safe in the knowledge that her children were securely tucked up in bed at their grandmother's house.
She was at the bar, alone. The pub had long since cleared out, it being half past four in the morning, it's former occupants all seeming to find a partner for the night and a bed to stumble into. Of course there were those who had not made it and lay in a tangled heap on the floor, dead to the world. Despite the copious amounts of alcohol she'd drunk, she didn't feel it much. All she felt in the way of alcohol was a slight tingling to her skin and the knowledge that she may not be able to walk straight once she vacated the stool.
"Sakura-chan" A body flopped onto the stool beside her, she regarded it for a moment before returning to watching the clear sake swirl in her glass as her hand tilted it this way then that.
"Hello Kakashi," she had answered, putting on that fake cheery voice she'd perfected.
"I'm depressed Sakura-chan," he had stated coolly, motioning to the bartender to get him a drink which turned out to be a whiskey and he looked around briefly – apparently deciding it was safe – and pulled down his mask to enjoy his last drink. Sakura glanced at him again, eyebrows arched.
"Why are you depressed, Kakashi-sensei? It's your birthday!" The tone she used was far too light and he saw through it straight away. "Another year older, huh?" she asked, believing this to be the cause of his distress.
He nodded grimly, "yes, forty! Can you imagine being forty Sakura? That's like twice as old as you!" He was slurring slightly and Sakura felt an odd discomfort creep into her veins; this was one of those odd times where she found Kakashi wasn't the invincible super man she had always thought of him as, he was...human, and all those human things like being old and alcohol got to him, just like it would a normal human.
"It's not that bad Kakashi-sensei." she said quietly. Then added lightly, "I wish you were twice as old as me," then laughed briefly.
Kakashi groaned. "Want to know why else I'm depressed?" he asked, his voice sounding strange.
"Go on," she said, only mildly listening and wondering how she could side step drunken Kakashi and go home to sleep.
"No one left me anyone!" He gestured to the now empty bar, save for its passed out patrons. "It's my birthday and I have to spend it alone!"
Sakura sighed incredulously. "Kakashi you've just had a huge party with almost all of Konoha here! You've not be-"
"No but I will be soon." He said quietly, then looked away to the many drinks lined up behind the bar, reading the figures on each of the bottles with a bland interest. "Where's Sasuke?" Sakura shifted and cringed at the awkwardness of the question.
"I don't know," she answered, her voice so small that it was a wonder he heard her.
She almost started at the feel of a warm and surprisingly large hand brush past her thigh and for a moment she thought perhaps it was a mistake, but as the warm expanse landed on her leg it was evident that it was not. Kakashi was still not looking at her.
"He's gone a lot?" he asked, tilting his head sympathetically to the side though still studying the bottle labels.
"Yes," Sakura whispered, her voice suddenly shrivelled and choked in her throat.
"You must get lonely," he spoke again, the low timbre of his voice creating pleasant sensations on her neglected skin.
"Yes," she intoned as quietly as before.
"And your bed must get cold," he said, as if pointing out a fact except his voice was too low and seductive for that to be the case.
"Yes," this time she closed her eyes as she felt his hand playing with the hem of her skirt.
"You must long for..." he paused again, choosing his words, "...you must miss being touched." This was getting odd but she was helpless to stop the answer from slipping past her lips in a half whisper half sob.
"Yes."
His other free hand picked up his whiskey glass and downed the last mouthful in one go. "Do you like whiskey?" he asked conversationally.
"I don't know," she said truthfully then with a mischievous smile, "I've always thought of it as an old man's drink."
He looked over at her, eyebrows raised, eyes completely innocent and unsurprisingly blank, as if his hand hadn't just progressed to the firm muscle of her upper thigh underneath her skirt.
"Hmm, it requires a mature connoisseur to truly appreciate it...much like myself." He then smirked at her, "I think I could get you to acquire a taste for it." Their eyes had contacted and he was gazing at her in a way he never had before. Now the light conversation had stopped she realised the true predicament of having his hand wedged between her skirt and skin and now she thought about it the hand seemed heavy and dangerous on her thigh. Tension rang thick in the air upon this moment of silence as the two looked at each other, both making very clear their intentions through their eyes.
Kakashi's eye was dark and hooded as if to say 'I want you and I don't care about anything else', and Sakura was clear and precise saying 'okay, I'll trust you whatever'. Then he was moving forward and kissing her, testing the waters until he made to move back and was drawn in again by Sakura's hand on the back of his head. Her kiss was needy and urgent and she seemed starved of kisses, devouring anything and everything he had to give whilst his was more languid, kissing her in a lazy but thorough way that was so typically Kakashi. As promised as she opened her mouth for his tongue to enter she did get a taste of whiskey, it was slightly sour and acidic but sweet all at the same time, which seemed to be a perfect analogy to what they were doing. She liked it. She liked whiskey.
"Let's go somewhere else," he had whispered but Sakura had been all but disinclined to move in case he came to his senses so instead she pulled his face to hers and kissed his lips again with a raw, sexual need.
"Don't leave me," she had moaned into the kiss, "not tonight."
"I won't," he rasped back, his voice now tinged with a dark and lustful undertone. He removed his hand from drawing circles on her inner thigh so it could join the other in encircling her hips and in an altogether more tender voice whispered: "I'll never leave you, Sakura."
At the time it had been the most wonderful thing she'd ever heard anyone say in her life, he'd never leave her like Saki had, he'd never betray her like Sasuke had, he was a steady rock that resisted the tide of life.
She remembered with fondness how he had urgently led her to his apartment and how they'd stumbled up the stairs, kissing and tripping all over each other and laughing, she remembered that most, the beautiful sound of her laughter mixed with his, then his big slightly goofy grin as he slowed at the top of the stairs to his apartment, right outside his door. She stared at his uncovered face with a happy tilt to her mouth; it wasn't quite a smile because she was too awestruck to smile. She'd seen it before, his face, once or twice as they'd got less obsessed about what exactly was hiding under his mask when they'd got older and taunting his old Genin team had got less fun for Kakashi, but she'd never looked at it with the intent to be intimate with this man, this wonderful, enigmatic man who was staring back at her, his grin faded into a patient smile. His eyes were warm and attentive and his cheeks were smooth, the lightest trace of a scar gracing his right cheek. She gently grazed her finger down it, wondering how he'd got it, wondering if it had hurt. That same finger wondered over to his lips and brushed them gently, then they were parting and speaking but she couldn't hear the words because she was mesmerized by the movement of them.
"What?" she asked slowly, coming out of her daze.
"I said we should get inside," he whispered, commenting on the September chill that she had failed to notice when so caught up in Kakashi. They'd entered his apartment and the mood seemed to change a bit. Now they were here and in a safe area they were no longer urgent. Kakashi had set his keys down on a table near the door and sat Sakura in the living room before disappearing off into the kitchen. She sat, feeling drunk, her head feeling light with the mockery of clarity that she had obtained from drink. She heard the clinking of cups in the kitchen then she heard the sound of people making very noisy love next door, then Kakashi banging on the wall and a shout of 'sorry mate' before they continued a little more quietly. Kakashi exited the kitchen with two cups, shutting the door and dulling the noise of his noisy neighbours somewhat.
"Here," he said, setting the cup down in front of her, "to replace your fluids, I saw you guzzling sake at the bar all night." Sakura smiled slightly and warmed her hands on the tea cup. It seemed strange sitting so formally now, with her seated in an armchair and Kakashi on a three person sofa so she got up and sat next to him. He changed his position to allow her to snuggle into his chest and she thought of the absurdity of the situation, a grown woman snuggled up to her sensei like she was a sobbing child again. Except she was lifting her head and kissing him, once on his chin then the corner of his mouth, then his lips, moaning lightly as he drew her in more fully, slanting his mouth against hers to search the warm cavern.
A sake induced boldness caused her to sling a leg more firmly over him and begin pulling at his top, lips still connected, tongues sucking madly at one another, and once his top was gone it was closely followed by her own, leaving her in a conservative black bra. She had fleetingly wished she was wearing something nicer, something sexier and less mumsy but it didn't seem to matter because in the next second in was pushed aside and Kakashi was sucking on her nipples with the same hungry intensity that her child would. A vision of Saki briefly swam into her mind and a sob had escaped her lips at the thought of her poor baby daughter, for, since Sasuke no longer touched her, it was she that had last touched her in this place. This sadness seemed to slip her mind into an even more elevated state of drunkenness and she'd pulled his head away by thick silver strands and kissed his mouth fully, not caring that saliva was trickling from the corner of her mouth where their lips connected, anything to make her forget.
"Sakura," he had spoken as she kissed down his torso and began madly attempting to free his erection. "Sakura!" he had said again, his hands moving to try and stop her descent. Why? Was he repulsed by her as well? All too soon he was free of his material bindings and looked on with heaving breaths as Sakura came eye level with his organ. "Sakura, you haven't done this in a while," he gasped, a hand clearing away pink hairs from her face, "you don't have to do this," then, taking her hand that was motionless on his thigh, "here let me make you feel tonight-"
"No!" she said quickly, drawing her hand back slightly, "I want to..." and with that her tongue darted out and trailed saliva down the underside of his shaft. He had groaned deeply at the contact and Sakura could feel the moisture pooling in the sex at the sound. How long had it been since she'd made a man moan? Groan? Incite any response at all: physical or emotional? And Kakashi was responding all too readily to her ministrations as if he knew this, but how could he? The hand he'd been holding hers with went slack and she used the opportunity to slip it out of his grasp and hold him around the base, gently bringing her hand up and down as she focused on the head, revelling in the smooth, tight skin under her tongue.
He was staring at her; entranced by the way her tongue moved and her lusty green eyes as they glanced up into his face. She was a goddess, how could any man sleep in the same bed as her and not touch her? Even though he didn't blame the Uchiha prodigy for falling in love with his exuberant friend, he thought it a shame, more than a shame that Sakura had to get caught up in it. He almost wished she too would get a lover, maybe she had or maybe that's why her lips were around his shaft. Perhaps his two students could even move the relationship into something else, move it out of a marriage and into the open, be honest with each other and see other people? Perhaps it would even work out better for their children.
"Sakura," he groaned as she took him whole in her mouth, the velvety warmness of her engulfing him in his entirety so that his tip was pushed down her lax throat. He felt his balls tighten but he desperately did not want to succumb now, he wanted to be with her when he did. The hand that had been stationed in her pink hair let up and he moved both her hands to entwine with his own. "Sakura stop," he had growled, his voice the most deep, lustful and tempting thing she'd ever heard. Her mischievous green eyes had looked up at him but her merciless tongue did not stop swirling. "Sak...u...ra," he had groaned brokenly, "please."
She'd let up and been pulled onto his lap once more, her skirt pushed up so her covered sex could align with his hard, glistening flesh. When he'd kissed her he'd tasted the saltiness of precum in her mouth and it had suddenly occurred to him as she began pulling at the material of her underwear insistently whilst grinding on him at the same time: "Wait, I need to get a condom-"
"No, I don't care," she was breathless but had kissed him again nonetheless, "I don't care, just do it." Kakashi's brow had furrowed, he wasn't as drunk as he'd tried to make it appear.
"Sakura, you know what'll happen if I don't."
"I don't care!" she's yelled, grabbing his shoulders, "am I so disgusting that you don't want to be in contact with me there? Is that it? Am I that hideous? Why do you hate me? Why do you all hate me?" Then she'd broken down into tears and a fit of rage. She smashed her fists into Kakashi's bare chest and screamed intelligible laments. He'd just held her. "Where is she? Where's Saki?" he heard this bit and it made cold shivers creep down his spine, "she's all alone in that damn lake," presumably she was referring to where the two year old's ashes were scattered, "and she can't get out and I can hear her crying for me and she doesn't understand why I've left her in that dark place. It's dark, Kakashi, can you see," she gestured to the dark windows, "it's so dark and she's scared, she's so scared..." she trailed off in sobs but Kakashi just held her to him, stoking her hair, thinking what to say.
"Sasuke i-"
"I don't care about Sasuke!" she'd yelled tears coming down anew, "I don't care if he's away, I don't care if he thinks I'm hideous, I don't care if he fucks someone else. He's happy! I just wanted him to be happy!"
She'd finally calmed down and lay there fatigued on his chest, "I'm sorry Kakashi," she'd whispered.
"Shhh, its fine." He'd set her beside him and gone momentarily to change into a pair of black pyjama bottoms and make the bed look a little straighter and more inviting and try and calm himself down and forget the promise of warm flesh and tightness and heat. He'd returned to find her still staring into the night outside, silent tears streaming from her eyes.
"Here," he handed her a t-shirt of his and helped her into it, removing her black bra fully and slipping off her shoes whilst she tugged her skirt off, followed by her wet underwear.
"Thank you," she'd whispered later, lying embracing each other tightly in his bed.
"It's fine" he had repeated, "everything will be fine. We all love you Sakura." She'd snuggled closer to him, basking in his warmth and safeness then, after a short while, she began talking about Saki, of her birth, of how Hana had adored her, of how she was always be too rough when breast feeding, of how she'd smiled up at her and curled her tiny fingers in her hair, of how she'd got ill and how she'd died. Then she explained how she'd felt, how empty she was, how he'd made her feel when he'd touched her and how Sasuke hadn't so much as looked at her for years. She spoke of the affair, of the cacophony of emotions that had run through her, of love and hate and betrayal and loyalty, and when it had gone quiet he had spoken, more than she'd ever heard his speak before. He sounded distant and as his words flooded the dark air he had stroked her pink hair absent mindedly. He spoke of his father mostly and how he'd killed himself, then how Obito had died, then Rin and his sensei and how they'd all died trying to teach him something, trying to tell him that the people come first but he hadn't listened. Then he moved to her and spoke about how he would put her first, above all else if she'd let him: "I'd love you Sakura...Sakura?"
She was asleep. She was smiling.
That morning when she'd awoken, naked save for his shirt, with him naked save for a pair of low slung trousers she'd been mad. She had woken slowly to the feel of him kissing her, his hard flesh pressing into the soft skin above her pubic hair and for a few sleepy moments had allowed him to roll on top of her, his hands lowering to bestow feather light touches to her skin but then she'd freaked out, pushing frantically on his chest with a monstrous strength that had shoved him away with ease.
"What the hell are you doing, Kakashi?" she asked incredulously, pulling at the hem of the shirt to try and extend it down to her knees, "Oh god, last night, we didn't...did we?"
Kakashi had stretched languorously, lying back on his sheets, hiding disapointment under his usually relaxed demeanor. "No," he'd answered, she'd remember everything in a few hours anyway; there was no point in distressing her further with what she had done that night, "we both just...didn't want to be alone."
"Where's my underwear?" she'd asked slowly.
"Living room?" he ventured, and got out of bed, trying so hard not to be angry, not bothering to hide the tent effect that was happening in his pyjama trousers.
"So we really didn't-?" he shook his head, turning away as she got dressed. "So this morning was just-?"
"Wishful thinking?" he turned back to her and followed her to the door. He could see in her eyes she didn't believe him.
It's just so un-Kakashi like, she had thought.
Before she'd gone he'd caught her in his arms and kissed her, squarely on the lips, his tongue tracing the crease between them then delving in. Sakura's memories seemed stirred by the physical interaction and memories of a hard, pale body and the feel of it against her lips as they pressed a trail down the sparse, light hair on his abdomen came to mind. She backed away and was gone.
Of course she came back. Of course she'd screamed and shouted that it should never have happened and what were the both thinking? She was married! She had three children! She seemed to have forgotten how they'd shared their secrets, all wrapped up in each other, or when he'd said he'd love her first and foremost, or the feelings instigated by his kisses.
Of course she hadn't. How could she? She'd gone home to an empty marriage bed, the house empty and desolate. Her husband was not home. She picked up her children from school that afternoon and made them food, her husband was still not home yet. He didn't come back 'till the following night. He'd lain down beside her and stared at her back for a long while, finally asking, "Where were you?"
She didn't answer for a long time. He couldn't know, could he? Visions of Kakashi telling him swam in her mind, or perhaps Genma? He lived next door to Kakashi and had been told off for being too noisy, maybe he'd told Sasuke? It seemed very out of character for Kakashi to have done. Even though he'd been frustrated when she said that it could never happen again he'd at least ended it with a tight-lipped 'okay' and a friendly kiss on the forehead, besides he wasn't really the vengeance type, that took far too much work, but perhaps he thought it prudent to inform Sasuke in this situation. It rolled around in her head for a while before she said, "when?"
"After Kakashi's party, I came home and you weren't there I though you'd-" he broke off, leaving 'left' unsaid.
"No," she said quietly. It stayed quiet for a while then she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Sakura?" his face came down to her shoulder blade and he seemed to breathe in something he found on her skin.
"I was just – Kakashi was alone and he needed a...friend. That was all." It was half true, it would suffice.
"So you were at Kakashi's, that's where you were?" She nodded once, trying to ignore his voice in her ear. He was far too close.
"Why don't we..." he was speaking again, to her back it seemed from his position, "Sakura look at me." The kunoichi rolled over. "Why don't we...have sex tonight?" He may as well have said copulate or engage in intercourse because that's all sex had become between them, a scientific procedure that neither party enjoyed very much, but they'd done it, or rather she'd laid still for him whilst he poised himself over her and she'd attempted to inspire a reaction from his organ and then moved within her. When he'd tried to kiss her she'd turned her head away. She'd long since instigated the 'no kissing' rule.
"Why no kissing?" he'd asked as they lay there afterwards, shoulder to shoulder, no more touching.
"I just...don't like it is all." was her feeble reply. But she did. She'd aquired a taste for it, just as she'd aquired a taste for whiskey.
Oh the angst. Do a review because...erm, well if you do i'll...i'll...well okay you don't have to :D
Finished!