A/N: This was sort of a spur-of-the-moment oneshot that I got inspired to write after I finished watching R2. It's not exactly a true epilogue in the sense that it's primarily focused on Suzaku, so you can take a guess who my favourite character was from the series. Anyway, writing this helped me take a break from my KH3 fic, which I felt I needed and I hope you enjoy it.
A Code Geass Epilogue by Left-Winged Seraph
Wishing for a Brighter Tomorrow: Suzaku's New Beginnings
We live in a world of transgressions and selfishness, and no pictures that represent us otherwise can be true, though, happily, for human nature, gleamings of that pure spirit in whose likeness man has been fashioned are to be seen, relieving its deformities, and mitigating if not excusing its crimes.
- James Fenimore Cooper
Flurried snow crunched solidly beneath diligent feet as each progressing step, while not made hastily, emulated a confidence that sustained with each stride as a certain Kururugi Suzaku continued his trek through the oncoming blizzard. The young brunette was unsure how long he had been walking once he turned off the main path and took to the woods, but he knew the hazy vermilion skies above him were not to be trusted the way there were in Area 11—Japan, he meant to say. Known and called by most as the Land of the Midnight Sun, and thus betrayed any truth of the day's hour, Suzaku knew that it could have been well into the night that he found himself still plodding along his mountainous hike through the region.
Two years had passed since the reign of the Demon Emperor, Lelouch, was brought to an end by the blade of the world's greatest saviour, Zero. The path of Zero was a complicated one, one that constantly eluded itself as one of righteousness or sinfulness in Suzaku's conscience. There were times when Zero embodied the sincerity he had in liberating the Japanese, and other times, went against the very fabric of what he understood to be the responsibility of a person of power. And as the conflict between Britannia and the Order of the Black Knights continued to escalate, when precious lives continued to be sacrificed for reasons beyond his comprehension, even his very own understanding of what it meant to fight began to fall out of reach.
Suzaku's opinion of Zero came to an absolute after he watched his beloved, Euphemia, had her life taken by the masked crusader in what could only be seen as a merciless execution. All doubts on what he felt he should do seemed to disappear, confusion melting away to uncover the rage and contempt that brewed silently beneath; revenge was certainly purpose enough for the Honourary—although far from it—Britannian.
Or so Suzaku thought.
One could never ask for anything more mystifying and strange than finding that the murderer of your dearest love being none other than the childhood friend you thought you trusted most. Lelouch Lamperouge—or rather, Lelouch Vi Britannia was such a man. Heartbreak over loss of love grew deeper still into Suzaku's consequent loss of trust, not just in the integrity of others but also in his own ability to accurately judge the people around him. If one could make the mistake of thinking a mass murderer like Lelouch as a kind-hearted, understanding individual, there was certainly no hope in him ever being able to tell the real difference between good and evil. Rather, he had not the perceptiveness to tell them apart.
What did this mean then, exactly? How then, can an individual bring about a future for a Utopian world he envisions when he is unable to determine good from evil? There was only one answer.
He would have to blur them.
It still remained that to change the domineering Britannia, one was required to obtain sufficient influential power, and such inheritance did come to the young Knightmare pilot as the Knight of Seven, one of many top military arms of the late Emperor Charles. However, getting to this position came at a price, which in Suzaku's case rising to the Knight of Rounds was but a reward for turning in Lelouch as the real identity of Zero. Trading in one life for another—that wasn't such a horrible thing, correct? After all, the process one uses in reaching a certain goal is irrelevant. All that matters is the result. The young Kururugi recalled reciting such a line in the past.
Only after he annihilated an entire settlement of his own people did he see this way.
Against his will, no less, but to many who remained unaware of the existence of Geass would render this logic inexcusable—and by their knowledge they had every right to think so. The power of Geass betrays the very foundations of people's understanding of one another, why they behave the way they do, how they make their decisions, who they decide to love, hate or otherwise. Geass is an otherworldly intervention that mercilessly tears apart the homeostasis that society already on its own, struggles to obtain. And only those who are aware of its maniacal distortion of human sanity can understand why people like Suzaku and Lelouch—two friends that no one could ever imagine pointing a gun at one another—did end up in the conflict that would eventually bring down the curtain to the bloodiest act in world history.
So what part did Kururugi Suzaku play in the annals of human history? To those who remained ignorant of the existence of Zero Requiem, they only saw a man driven to his death in the pursuit of power. A Japanese boy who betrayed his own people to become a Honourary Britannian, a man who gave up his own friend to the Emperor to be employed as a Knight of Rounds, and a man who sided with the demonic dictator, Emperor Lelouch to gain monopoly over the strongest military force in the world.
To others, Suzaku was but an unfortunate soul constantly cursed by his own actions, regardless of the intention. Murdering his own father in hopes to stop the bloodshed between his people and Britannia only brought them under its oppression, the power of being a Knight of Rounds only made it possible to come into contact with a FLEIA warhead—which to his dismay, he used to obliterate his own people—and finally, bringing about the end of Lelouch's life forever sealed him behind the mask of the political figure, Zero, never again able to walk among the world as his own person, but behind a helmeted prison, ensnared from the public eye.
During Lelouch's last breath, Suzaku declares his 'acceptance' of the Geass that his dying friend—if he were still worthy of the word—bestowed upon him before passing away, and for a time, he adequately dealt with this banishment to the depths of lost identity. While he could never reveal himself to the people around him, he found happiness in just seeing those he cared about able to walk freely as they pleased. More importantly, unlike Lelouch, Suzaku was still able to witness the changing world around him, even if silently observing from behind a tinted helm was all he was allowed. A voyeur of the new era was plenty enough for a sinner such as himself, he thought.
But humans can never stay that for long, can they?
No, they cannot. As months passed, there was an unbearable sense of restlessness that began to stir in Suzaku's heart. Learning about the world through the television and sharing your own opinion out loud only because one knew no one could hear him became no longer effective at settling his anxiety. Humans are social creatures; interaction is a staple of human stability—being connected to others was a sign of one's existence. This was no different for the man who had promised to take a route of solitude upon the day of Lelouch's execution. He had sworn his life to such an end, to forever resign himself behind the shadows and become a puppet that serves to hold the world together. But what started off as utmost confidence slowly deteriorated over the next twenty-four months, as his resolve to continue his life of emptiness tore away at his mind and soul.
The former Knight of Zero took another step through the thickening snow when a peculiar scent traveled past his nose, its potency hidden within the smell of the fresh snow—but it was definitely there. It reeked of a familiarity that Suzaku was sure that he wouldn't have noticed if it had been anything otherwise.
The brunette hugged his winter jacket closer to his body as he came to a stop, attempting to ponder further on what it was that entranced his senses so when he felt a pressure at the back of his head, followed by a resonant clicking sound, despite the storm blowing around him.
"Don't move."
That voice… that indignant tone; Suzaku chuckled weakly under his hood. He sure got himself caught by the very worst individual possible.
"Turn around slowly, with your hands in the air."
"Is it wrong to be walking through the woods during a snowstorm?" Suzaku asked coyly, the timbre of his voice obscured by the overpowering wind.
"Don't play stupid with me, Zero," came a scowled response. "If that's really who you are."
"Zero… well there's an interesting name," Suzaku replied. "Unfortunately, I have no idea what you're—"
"I said turn around with your hands up!"
"As you wish."
There was no reason to stall any longer. The moment he was found in the woods, any chance of running away was no longer an option. The storm around them had greatly limited the speed and precision in which anyone—with rare exception—could navigate the forest, and even if Suzaku did manage to lose his pursuer in the blizzard fog, it was unlikely that he would be able to find his way back. He had no choice but to comply with the gun that was being held to his head.
Taking a deep breath, the young Zero successor brought each of his arms high above his head before gradually turning toward his captor. He slightly leaned his head forward, eying what he could of his unexpected guest while concealing most of his face. While only catching a glimpse of a pair of legs, the manner in which they stood was in itself, unique to only one individual he knew—and only further convinced him that he was right in his assessment.
"How did you find me?" Suzaku inquired, his identity still shrouded under his cowl.
The mysterious visitor lowered the gun. "I've kept a close eye on you during every one of your political appearances, and an even closer one when you're off camera. Wherever you went, for as long as I could follow, I made sure to never let you out of my sight. But you're far too good at concealing your appearance under your clothing that I've yet to figure out who you were... until today."
"You haven't answered my question," Suzaku reiterated.
"I've staked you for a while, Zero. You hadn't left home in days, missed two appearances where you were meant to accompany Ambassador Nunnally. Then the day you finally decide to leave your apartment, you drive to the airport and hop on the next flight to Norway."
"That's quite some dedication," Suzaku replied. "But I'm still confused as to why a liberated Japanese citizen such as yourself is pointing your gun at a man such as myself?"
"Lelouch Vi Britannia was the real Zero," the gun was brought back up. "So who the hell are you?"
"What makes you think I'm not Lelouch—"
"Lelouch is dead! I saw him die right in front of me!" the gunner yelled angrily. "Remove your hood!"
"But my head will freeze," Suzaku replied impishly.
Chagrined at her charge's tasteless humour in light of the situation, the unamused gunner brought one hand forward to roughly pull the hood back behind his head, gracelessly gripping a few hairs along with the fabric.
A shocked expression came to greet young Kururugi as the gunner stood in bewilderment.
"It's been a while, Kallen."
A disheveled smile formed on Suzaku's face, ambivalent about the feelings that had come over him the moment his hood was drawn. While the foreign exposure of his countenance—something he had not experienced in over two years—had begun to feel strange and unfamiliar, a part of Suzaku also felt relieved to finally come out of hiding, at least the selfish side of him that desperately wished to return back to the way things were. But he was wiser to know that simply wishing for something didn't make him worthy of it.
"Su..Suzaku…" her intonation grew lighter, more feminine. "You were alive?!"
"Haven't you grown tired of pointing guns at people? Why do you still carry one around anyway…"
"I killed you back on Damocles! Gino saw Lancelot explode!" Kallen exclaimed.
"Of course you did," Suzaku said succinctly. "Kururugi Suzaku, Emperor Lelouch's Knight of Zero died that day."
Furrowed brows formed on Kallen's face. "I'm growing tired of this deception, all of it! You're going to tell me right now what sort of sinister plot you're planning, or I'm going to kill you right here and now."
Suzaku looked down at the sheet of white below him, watching as the wind brushed snow over his boots. "There's nothing, Kallen… absolutely nothing."
"Nothing? You flew all the way to Norway, trek for hours through this snowstorm, and you stand there and tell me it's all for nothing? Don't take me for a fool, Suzaku!" Kallen replied.
"I'm not planning anything."
"Then why are you here?"
A violent updraft momentarily blew past the pair, encircling them once before drifting back into the current.
Suzaku lowered his gaze. "To start over."
"To start over…?" Kallen repeated, unsure of the meaning.
"In the beginning, the loneliness was easy to bear. I didn't mind being unable to show my face in public, nor talk with the people I cared about, or visited the places I loved. I was satisfied with how things were for a time, because I deeply understood what it was I had given the world in return for my freedom—although the freedom of someone like me might not be worth much."
Kallen remained silent.
"But having spent a lot of time alone to reflect on many things, there are things now that I simply cannot ignore anymore," Suzaku continued. "And that has consequently led me here in Norway."
Kallen's expression remained one of perplexity. "What are you talking about?"
Suzaku turned back around toward the path ahead, looking at Kallen from over his shoulder. "Follow me, and you'll understand. We're almost there."
Kallen stood a moment longer in a daze as she watched Suzaku's form slowly begin walking ahead. As uncertain as the current circumstances were, Kallen found herself wanting to trust him. She had prepared herself for the worst once she made initial contact, but after finding out that her target was none other than Kururugi Suzaku drastically changed her perception about the entire ordeal. She had a good assessment of the young man as he spoke to her; his eyes absent of malice and ambition, his voice void of hate and resentment. Misery cloaked his every word, his every breath; there were no demons left to be found in the man she saw before her. Time had rotted away any last bit of wickedness left in him.
It was this pathetic display of broken pride that earned Suzaku a silent companion as Kallen followed several paces behind, too distanced from understanding Suzaku's torment to warrant even a whisper of words.
"Zero Requiem," Suzaku said suddenly.
"What?" Kallen blinked.
"That was the name of the plan Lelouch and I put into action after he ascended the throne," Suzaku elaborated. "The plan that would have him forever cursed by the people of Earth and down a path where there could be no return."
"Why…" Kallen insisted. "Why do the both of you always take the path that hurts you most? You both fought to become the enemies of the world, but to what end? Is this really the life you wanted, Suzaku? Was it worth killing Lelouch for it?!"
"There are so many things I've done that can never be undone. So many lives I've destroyed and so many wounds that can't be healed. I had thrown so much of myself away that there was simply no other choice but to continue forward, and seeing my actions through to the end. Lelouch understood this possibly better than I," Suzaku explained.
"And this is the answer to everything you've done?" Kallen said spitefully. "This will be Kururugi Suzaku's legacy to the world? To be the silent peace puppet for a world whose people will know you only as the villainous Knight of Zero?"
"I accepted such a fate… for a while," Suzaku trailed off at the end.
"For a while?" Kallen raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"I believed Lelouch and I had finally reached an understanding when we first came up with Zero Requiem," Suzaku explained. "And because of that I accepted the fate that I've lived up until now. However, it seems I assumed too much."
"You're not making any sense, Suzaku," Kallen said. "And I don't know if I like where this is going."
Suzaku let out another chuckle, amused by the trepidation in Kallen's voice. "You've managed to follow me this far, so I'll let you see for yourself."
"Jeremiah Gottwald, may I have a word?"
"Kururugi Suzaku, this is quite a surprise," came his boisterous response as he placed another orange down into Anya's basket. "I thought we had agreed that it would be risky for you to come seeking me out after the Zero Requiem was finished."
"You agreed too readily to the plan after Lelouch had proposed it to you. Why?"
"Because it was an order from His Majesty, how could I refuse?" Jeremiah replied. "Surely you have realized my loyalties to the Crown?"
"You do not strike me as a loyalist who would allow the death of his charge, even if it were requested," Suzaku explained. "Not after failing to save Her Majesty, Marianne. What are you hiding from me?"
"You still claim foul play, even after two years have passed during these times of peace? When will you ever be free of your demons, young Kururugi?" Jeremiah shook his head. "Perhaps you would like to settle here with Anya and me? We could always use another hand around the orchard."
"You know that's not possible when I wear the mask of Zero," Suzaku narrowed his eyes. "Your generous disposition betrays you, Jeremiah. I'll have you explain everything to me."
Jeremiah could see the resilience in Suzaku's eyes as they pierced deeply into him. Such an intimidating stare led him to believe there was no doubt that the Zero impersonator had discerned much before finally deciding to confront him about what it was that seemed to be bugging him. And despite his incessant inquiry of what it was that was being kept from him, the Britannian loyalist felt almost certain Suzaku had already figured it out, and simply needed him to confirm his suspicions.
"Why do I suddenly feel that the answer you're looking is for a different question?" Jeremiah sighed.
"The location, Jeremiah."
The green-haired soldier slouched to one side as he placed another orange in Anya's basket situated a few feet below him. He let out a defeated sigh. "Norway. Deep in the woodlands just north of Mosjøen. Get off the main road once you pass a large rock formation off to the northeast. You've gone too far if you start seeing the wheat fields."
"Thank you," Suzaku bowed respectfully. "There is just one more favour I ask of you, then I will never appear before you again."
"What is it, Kururugi?"
"My Geass curse…" Kururugi's eyes began to glow with a familiar red haze. "I want you to remove it."
A look of puzzlement took over Jeremiah's features for a moment before he let out a compliant chuckle, finding much amusement in the young man's request.
"Steel yourself, Kururugi. This might hurt a little."
"We're here, Kallen."
The cerise-haired female came to a stop a few feet away from Suzaku, thoroughly inspecting her surroundings. A cottage house in the middle of the woods? Would there usually be something like this here? Kallen pondered these thoughts as she surveyed the exterior with keen eyes. It looked certainly well-kept as she took notice of the sturdy woodwork that went into the construction of the roof and ceiling. Granted, a lot of it was now covered with snow from the blizzard, but in light of the storm, the solitary wooden structure definitely did not feel like it would be overtaken by the elements.
A warm light shone brightly from inside one of the windows, the flickering flame of a single candlestick illuminating the contours of the glass catching Kallen's attention as she made her way toward Suzaku who began up the porch steps.
Her observations of Suzaku had convinced her that this was not his first time to this secluded location. His nonchalant disposition about having found a cabin in the middle of Norway, and his ability in finding it while navigating a snowstorm led her to this conclusion. The brunette also carried out some distinct rituals upon reaching the front step as Kallen watched her Japanese kinsman scrape his feet across the floorboards below him, brushing away the snow to reveal a welcome mat that lay underneath. A welcome mat? Just how many people know about this place? Kallen thought to herself. Satisfied with his inspections of the floor, Kallen watched as Suzaku raised his right arm above him, brushing his hand across the lintel of the entrance.
"Strange," Suzaku scratched his head.
"What is it?" Kallen asked. "Do you usually leave a key up there?"
"Not me," Suzaku answered.
Kallen dwelled on Suzaku's peculiar reply before reminding herself of what she saw earlier. "There was a light coming from inside the window. Is somebody home?"
Her question seemed to answer for itself as Suzaku gently knocked on the door three times, each one showing more hesitation than the last.
"Is this your place, Suzaku?" Kallen inquired as they waited for someone to answer.
Suzaku looked down dubiously. "Not really…"
"Huh? Then why are—"
Kallen was interrupted as she heard the deadbolt of the lock slowly shift open, followed by the creaking of the hinges as the door was pulled open. A lime-haired woman came forth from the darkness to greet them, a mug of an evidently hot beverage sheathed firmly between her hands as steam emanated from the top.
"C.C?!" Kallen yelled. "So this is where you've been!"
The Geass witch spared a moment to acknowledge the presence of the former Guren pilot before giving Suzaku a cross expression. "You told Kouzuki about this place?"
"No, she followed me," Suzaku glanced over at the woman beside him, whose jaw remained wide open, surprised. "Don't worry, I don't think it will be a problem."
"It better not," C.C. sighed before stepping back and off to the side. "Well the both of you better come in, I don't want that blizzard coming in here."
"Let's go, Kallen," Suzaku gestured to his company as he stepped one foot inside the cabin.
"R-Right!" Kallen agreed apprehensively as she followed quickly after, closing the door behind her.
Despite the technological age that currently existed in the world today, there was a warm intimacy about the interior of the cabin that comforted Kallen as she studied it with much curiosity. There were no electrical devices that brightened up the room, rather, all the light—and she expected everywhere else—was provided by a collection of candles that littered themselves on many tapestries on top of table tops, and on holders that hung from the walls. It gave the cabin a natural dim setting, but Kallen felt the twilight to be more soothing than ominous as she admired the antiques that furnished the various rooms. Everything about the place seemed old-fashioned, she thought to herself as she spotted the outdated stove and sinks at the back of the cottage. Most notable however, was the majestic aura that came from the fireplace situated at the center of the room the three of them were currently situated. With the winter season well into its midpoint—as the blizzard blowing fiercely outside served to represent—it was no surprise to find piles of additional logs stacked off to the side; preparations had been made well in advance it seemed for the long haul.
"It's been a while since your last visit," C.C. noted. "Have things been going well in Britannia? Surely the talks between Ohgi and Nunnally have ended by now?"
"The talks have been done for a while, but it's been harder to convince many political groups of Cornelia's ability to lead the current administration," Suzaku explained. "Schneizel's rank and nobility status have been stripped; the reasons why are obvious, but Her Majesty, Nunnally has been doing an admirable job at representing Britannia and her relations with Japan."
"So Nunnally isn't leading the Empire yet," C.C. replied.
"She is still too young," Suzaku responded. "But in good time, she will bear all her sister's responsibilities."
Kallen watched and listened attentively as C.C. and Suzaku had their seemingly idle conversation. While it was obvious that what they spoke about was meant to be seen as 'small talk', it was hard for Kallen to keep a composed demeanor when a lot of the information she was hearing was either news she had not heard about, or was said from a perspective that she did not expect. It was surprising enough to find that C.C. and Suzaku were both still alive, but better yet, they were keeping touch and discussing the development of the world that was unfolding before them.
"Don't ignore me," Kallen frowned, glaring at the two of them.
"Well you weren't supposed to be here," C.C. snarled before leering at Suzaku. "Honestly, you couldn't avoid her at all?"
"I suppose if I were a little bit more cautious, I would've noticed her, but I really didn't think anyone would be following me… and to be honest, I've grown tired of this entire charade to really care about keeping it a secret anymore."
"Even though people finding out that you're Zero would completely ruin everything Lelouch and you worked for," C.C. rolled her eyes, laughing. "You're hopeless, Kururugi."
Kallen writhed with suppressed anger at C.C.'s evident carefree attitude about the entire ordeal.
"How can you be so detached, C.C?! This man killed Lelouch! Doesn't that mean anything to you?! After all, weren't you in lov—"
Interrupting Kallen's outburst were a pair of footsteps that came from an adjoining corridor "Cecaniah, is that Suzaku who came by?"
"Yes," C.C. turned to address the new voice. "Kouzuki is here too."
That voice… it couldn't be… Kallen's eyes widened as the owner of the mysterious voice made his way into the room where the rest of them were present. Kallen felt her heart beat violently inside her chest, her emotions contradicting itself with surprise, happiness and anger.
"Lelouch!" Kallen darted across the room, instinctively pulling him into a powerful hug.
"K-Kallen?" Lelouch stammered as he was taken aback by the girl's forceful grip. Her hug was hesitant, yet strong as she held tightly to his frame, her body trembling with excitement and anxiety. He could tell as much after spending a lot of his life analyzing and manipulating behaviour.
"Is this for real?" Kallen felt tears beginning to form. "But how is this possible?"
"We should sit down," Lelouch suggested.
"I'll bring the tea," C.C. offered before taking her leave for the kitchen.
"There is something I want to talk to you about as well, Lelouch. It's why I came by," Suzaku added.
Lelouch nodded in agreement. "I figured it was important if you made the effort to trek here during the winter season."
"Lelouch," Kallen spoke his name, her insisting tone enlightening him of what it was she wanted.
"Ask your questions, Kallen," Lelouch took a seat in one of the chairs seated by the fireplace, leaning back against the backrest.
"I saw Suzaku stab you through the chest myself that day," Kallen explained. "And there's just no way that could have been a stand-in. Does your Geass have the power to display illusions?"
"No, it does not. And that was no illusion," Lelouch clarified. "That was really me that day, and Suzaku really did stab me through the chest."
"Then how…"
"This," Lelouch lifted his hand, showing Kallen his palm. A strange symbol seemed tattooed on the flesh of his palm, one that Kallen found familiar. It took a moment for it to click in.
"The symbol of Geass!" Kallen exclaimed. "But why do you have that on your hand…"
"It means I cannot die, Kallen," Lelouch said plainly. "I'm now immortal, the same as Cecaniah—I mean, C.C.."
"Huh? Immortal?" Kallen had a hard time following. "So then… when Suzaku posed as Zero and stabbed you…"
"It had to be believable right?" Lelouch tone was rhetoric. "Although I must say that front-roll down the throne pedestal hurt quite a bit," he let out a bout of amused laughter.
"That's not funny, Lelouch…" Kallen bit her lip, holding herself back.
"You're right, I apologize," Lelouch said remorsefully.
"How could you not tell me, Lelouch! Why can't you ever trust me with any of your plans! You always hide yourself from me, your true feelings and what you're really thinking about!" Kallen argued.
"I didn't tell you because what you were doing was right. There was absolutely no need to slander the reasons why you were fighting. The same went for Suzaku," Lelouch explained.
"Suzaku?" Kallen turned her head brusquely toward the brunette. "You didn't know?"
"I knew that Lelouch was supposed to die by my hands," Suzaku started. "But I didn't know that the death was staged, and that Lelouch had already become immortal. But it always bothered me how complacent Jeremiah was about the entire plan when we first discussed it, and I actually believed right to the end that Lelouch would never let me actually kill him, and that one of his grandiose interventions would take place… but they never did. I really thought I had killed Lelouch." Suzaku let out a laugh. "It was perhaps the fact that I thought it was too good to be true that I convinced myself that something was wrong when Jeremiah accepted it so easily. Then after Nunnally informed me that she knew who I was also sparked my suspicions."
"Nunnally knew of Zero Requiem?" Kallen asked.
"It was the Code's fault," Lelouch sighed. "With immortals, touch is one of the ways in which their memories can flow into others. Nunnally had unexpectedly grabbed a hold of my hand and thus the plans of Zero Requiem were transferred to her. I suppose she was not aware of the significance of that event."
"And you're never going to let her know that you're alive?" Kallen inquired. "Is that really what you want?"
"I may still be here, but my life as Lelouch Vi Britannia still ended that day, and will remain to be so," Lelouch's eyes narrowed. "Since you've managed to make it here, I will extend to you the same circumstance that I gave to Suzaku."
"What's that?"
"You have won your freedom, and as such I will not stop you from coming back here if ever you desire to return. But be aware that every time you leave this place, you must feign ignorance of its existence as well as my own," Lelouch declared. "The man who stands before you is but an illusion."
"But you're standing right here, Lelouch!" Kallen refuted.
"I know you understand why I'm telling you this," Lelouch seemed unfazed by Kallen's rebuttal. "Emperor Lelouch Vi Britannia must remain dead, remembered by all as the worst dictator to ever walk the planet."
"Then why… why would you put yourself through this?" Kallen asked. "Why become an immortal if you knew you were going to live in the shadows for all of eternity, chained to these woods and this house?"
"Because I made a promise," Lelouch glanced at C.C. out of the corner of his eye, who was surprisingly still preparing the tea; her clumsiness at pouring the kettle provided reason for the delay.
"A promise?"
"I made a promise with C.C.," Lelouch said confidently. "And I'm standing by it."
"I see…" Kallen looked down, somewhat disappointed by his answer.
"Lelouch, I… there's something I must tell you," Suzaku finally found the opportunity to speak.
"What is it, Suzaku?"
"What we talked about before… the last time I came…" Suzaku trailed on.
"Oh… that matter," Lelouch's expression hardened. "So you've decided then?"
"Yes… I have," Suzaku nodded.
"What?" Kallen blinked. "What're you two talking about?"
"He's going back," Lelouch turned to Kallen. "Back to living as Kururugi Suzaku."
"W-What?" Kallen said, shocked.
"Yes, what?" C.C. exclaimed from the kitchen before rushing over.
"He can't just do that!" Kallen imposed. "He might not have been in the limelight like you were, Lelouch, but he's still remembered as the infamous Knight of Zero, Emperor Lelouch's right-hand man. If he goes back now, he's going to get massacred!"
"Not necessarily," Lelouch looked up at Suzaku, feeling confident in what it was his old friend was planning. "The curse of Geass, right?"
"It'd still be the truth. I was under the influence of your Geass," Suzaku started. "They just don't know to what extent. So leaving it to ambiguity and their imagination will be enough. But it's still uncertain how the public will react."
"Suzaku… you…" Kallen looked up at him with apprehensive eyes.
"I know it's cowardly, and pathetic, and that it makes me look foolish for even accepting the Zero Requiem plan in the first place, but…" Suzaku felt his voice begin to tremble. "I just… I just want to start over. I'll take whatever punishment once I return to Japan, but at least I'll know that those who think ill of me, and greet me with nothing but curses and glares serve to prove that I'm Kururugi Suzaku and not some shadow that walks among them but never with."
The young brunette examined Lelouch's facial expression in an attempt to determine whether or not the Britannian prince approved of what it was he was saying. In essence, Suzaku was declaring that he was going to give up on the solitary sentence that Lelouch had given him after Zero Requiem had reached its zenith. He would abandon the mask of Zero, and live again among the people of the formerly called Area 11 as Kururugi Suzaku: another unfortunate pawn of Emperor Lelouch's tyranny.
Was he deserving of such a life reborn? He did not know. But he knew it was something he wanted, and desired so desperately that he would abandon all that remained of his pride in order to see it made a reality. This was not the first time Suzaku changed his mind on what it was he believed in, and it certainly wasn't the first time he made himself out to be a hypocrite, but as far as he was concerned, none of that mattered. Not anymore. The point was: he wanted to start over. Did such a thing require anything other than his simple desire to do so? Those who met their end at the blade of the Lancelot would certainly say so, but in his sullen, remorseful heart, he also believed that he deserved the right to move on and dedicate the rest of his life to redemption rather than let it rot inside him whilst treading in the shoes of a person he had spent a large amount of effort to shun and denounce.
Having spent so much time hating Zero and what he stood for, only to step into his shoes and continue what it was he represented in the hearts of the Japanese—his own people—what does one call such an irony? A blurred sense of good and evil, maybe? If so, then perhaps Suzaku had succeeded in doing what he envisioned would be the only way to bring about the Utopian paradise he had wished for.
A sympathetic smile formed on Lelouch's lips. "So you've decided then."
Suzaku nodded, resolved in his decision. "Yes. I felt it was important to tell you first before I did anything else."
"You've certainly come a long way," Lelouch propped his head against one of his hands. "Coming up with such an elaborate plan on your own, I'm impressed."
Suzaku stifled a chuckle. "I'd rather you not patronize me, Lelouch," the young Kururugi shook his head before making his way to the door, adjusting the zippers on his winter attire in preparation for the trek ahead. "Anyway, I'm not really good at goodbyes, so..." he turned to Kallen. "Let's go, Kallen. We're leaving."
"Leaving? But we just—" Kallen started.
"You don't know the way back, right?" Suzaku said. "And it'd be best not to get lost in this storm."
"Surely Lelouch can show me the way after the storm—"
"I never leave this cabin," Lelouch looked over at Kallen. "Ever."
"Huh?"
Lelouch and Suzaku exchanged glances for a moment, a inscrutable feeling filling the room that Kallen remained unaware of as she looked back and forth between the two men.
"Go with him, Kallen," Lelouch advised. "Teach her whatever landmarks you can on your way back, Suzaku."
"I will," Suzaku nodded.
Kallen rose from her seat. "That's okay, I'll just get in touch with Suzaku the next time he plans to visit."
"I'm not coming back," Suzaku said abruptly.
Kallen paused her movements, a distressing look overcoming her features. "What do you mean you're not coming back?"
"This is my last visit," Suzaku spoke softly before reaching for the knob of the door. "I'll wait for you outside. Be quick, the storm will pick up soon."
Suzaku hastily made his exit of the cabin as the blizzard winds blew fiercely into the foyer, putting out a few candles nearest the entrance before a loud thud erupted as the door closed behind him, bringing silence back again into the room.
Kallen remained perplexed about Suzaku's seemingly detached words as she turned to Lelouch to better understand what had just happened.
"Some things never change," Lelouch chuckled, valiantly attempting to hide his dejection.
"What does he mean he's not coming back?" Kallen asked.
"He's starting over," Lelouch stated. "That's why."
"Why does that have anything to do with not coming back?"
"Because everything I've done, Zero, the Order of the Black Knights, Zero Requiem, Geass. These are the things that Suzaku has to put behind him before he can move forward," Lelouch explained. "And so do that, he must cut ties with me as well."
A surprised look appeared on Kallen's face.
"He came here to say goodbye, Kallen," Lelouch laughed. "And you should too."
"I refuse," Kallen snarled. "I'm going to see you again. And that's my choice."
"Very well," Lelouch conceded. "But at the very least, you must take your leave for today. Suzaku's waiting."
Kallen felt realization and disappointment sink in, watching Lelouch's perpetual smile see her off as she made her way to the doorway, looking for her shoes.
Although Lelouch had survived the events that took place that day two years ago, his life at present was no less a prison than the one he had lived when he purposefully spent his final days relentlessly throwing the world's hatred onto himself. Although alive, he had no existence that he could call his own, or one that connected him to the world around him. He would have to remain dead in the hearts of others, friends, family; he could not even leave the cabin. Perhaps that was the feeling she got when when the two men exhanged peculiar glances after Lelouch explained his inability to show her the way back. He was showing Suzaku his resolve; one that evidently surpassed Suzaku's, even if the young brunette's reasons were justified.
Kallen tapped the fronts of her shoes, securing the zippers on her jacket before finally approaching the door, pausing as she reached for the knob.
"I'll be back," Kallen spoke gently. "I promise."
"Until next time, then," Lelouch nodded his head lightly. "Take care, Kallen."
"You too… Lelouch," Kallen muttered, biting her bottom lip before finally opening the door. A quick two steps through the doorway followed by another loud thud, and silence was once again returned to the cottage interior.
A puzzled expression lit up Lelouch's face as he looked at the time on his wristwatch. "Cecaniah, I thought you said you were making tea?" He turned to face the kitchen.
"The kettle keeps wobbling as I'm pouring! It keeps spilling everywhere!"
"That's because your arms are shaking as you're pouring, isn't it!" Lelouch grumbled as he got out of his seat. "Boil more water. I'll take care of it!"
"I can do this!"
"No, you can't! I will hear no arguments from you!"
"Lelouch!"
"Cecaniah!"
Outside the cabin, the forms of Kouzuki and Kururugi stood next to one another, both with their eyes aimed straight ahead as they watched the violent winds shake the trees around them, howling savagely against the windows as if to warn the pair about the journey that awaited them the moment they left the safety of the cottage's porch. The young female let her eyes wander to her left as she examined Suzaku's form. His hands were buried deep within his pockets, and some snow had already gathered at the base of his feet as it snaked up the stairway from the wind. It appeared he had been standing in that position for quite a while.
Another moment passed before Kallen had finally gathered the nerve to speak. "So… you're really not coming back?"
A sigh escaped the other Japanese's lips. "Nope. This is it."
"I see…" Kallen looked down.
She could not deny his courage, even if it pained her somewhat to know that Suzaku was shutting out a part of his life that Kallen had come to identify as one of the most fulfilling chapters of hers. While their motivations were different—and the two were almost always on the opposite sides of the conflict—both Lelouch and Suzaku had a special part in Kallen's heart, a fact she had not the courage to tell either of them since she had first realized. How could she, though? During the time of the Black Rebellion, there was always something more important at stake: the liberation of her people, the furtherance of Zero's plans in freeing those who had yet to be lifted from Britannia's oppression, even her own survival every time she went into battle piloting the Guren.
But this did not ever truly hide what it was Kallen really wanted to say to them. She wanted to tell Lelouch to be truthful to her, in spite of how many times he had continually deceived her and kept her out of the loop. She was glad that Lelouch had survived the events of two years ago—and she really did plan to return someday, as there were many things she had yet to say to him but thought became impossible after believing he had passed away. At least now the chance had once again presented itself and she would seize the opportunity the next time it arose.
Even now, Kallen had always looked at Suzaku as a comrade; a fellow Japanese who always wished to see his people free but just never took the same route as she did. She did begin to doubt her opinion of him once he had become a Knight of Rounds and seemed to only crave power at the expense of throwing away his loyalties to his kinsman. She was almost sure of this betrayal until that day Suzaku had gotten upset over his inability to administer a Refrain on her in order to obtain information. "I won't be like him!" he said, Kallen repeated in her head as she looked over at the Suzaku standing before her presently. In that moment, she knew there was an old part of him that remained, the kind-hearted Suzaku that still wished for a world where everyone could be happy. Kallen's attention was brought back to reality as she examined Suzaku again. His eyes were calm but vigilant, his body stout and sure—perhaps a little cold from the weather—but most importantly, his mind and heart were focused on the future. He would only walk forward from here, and Kallen was more than willing to be there to support him and back him up if and whenever he'd lose his way. She would surely guide him back.
Kallen took a deep breath before plastering a huge smile on her face, linking her arm under his as their bodies made contact.
"K-Kallen?" Suzaku's voice wavered, his attention interrupted.
"Well, Suzaku! You're the only one who knows the way in and out of here, so be sure to point out as many landmarks as you can so I'll know for next time."
Suzaku shot her a strange look.
Kallen blinked, looking up at him. "Mm?"
"You know I'm not coming back here—"
"Yes yes, I know," Kallen interrupted. "So where's the first landmark?"
Suzaku was taken aback by Kallen's sudden change in disposition, but soon warmed up to it. Perhaps, he thought, this was the first step toward the life he had been wishing for ever since he had joined the Britannian army.
Suzaku smiled contently. "It's not too far from here. I'll be trying to remember them in reverse order, so bear with me."
"No problem!" Kallen raised one arm up in the air. "Just let me know once we've reached one."
"I will, don't worry," Suzaku said reassuringly.
Perhaps, he thought, the life I'm searching for will be everything I've dreamed it would be.
Perhaps, he thought, once I get there, it might end up being something completely different.
And perhaps, he thought, I wouldn't have it any other way.