The first time Darcy stepped foot into Stark Tower (Avengers tower? She wasn't really sure...), she could tell that the inhabitants were all in love. It was obvious, and she knew she'd have to do something about it if she planned to get anything done ever. Jane and Thor already had their shit together, thankfully. Bruce and Tony seemed to avoid their feelings altogether, and Steve and Bucky kind of just pretended that the sexual tension was friendship and lived their lives as though they didn't notice the other's eye fucking. And oh my god, don't get her started about the SHIELD trio. That would get old fast.
She devised a plan quickly when she realized how good she was at copying handwriting. She'd start with Bruce and Tony, because she felt like they'd be the hardest to get together. The others had history to fall back on, but the science bros (as she'd started referring to them, and it kind of stuck) were fairly new to this. She knew they'd catch on quickly, but... maybe it would be a good thing if it got them talking about it.
The first note was just a simple reminder to eat, written by 'Bruce' for Tony, and left in plain sight in the lab at SHIELD where they were all currently stuck after a mission. They were technically under quarantine, and Darcy wasn't technically allowed in, but... really, who followed those procedures?
Tony, don't forget to eat. I know you haven't had more than a protein shake in the last few days. -Bruce
Simple and to the point, but Tony would think it meant so much more because nobody but Pepper had ever cared. She'd asked around before writing the note, just to make sure it would get the point across. It would.
When she saw him eating in the common area later, the note obviously in his pocket, she smiled to herself and backed out of the room. Straight into Director Fury, who was glaring at her.
"Lewis, I know you can read. And I know you know what quarantine means. Why the hell were you in the labs this morning?" he demanded. Anyone else would be shaking in fear, but Darcy could see the barely there concern in his eyes and she stood to her full height before answering calmly.
"Call it a little project. An experiment. I am a scientist, now that I've graduated," she reminded him.
"Political science does not make you a scientist," Jane remarked as she walked past to grab some food before continuing whatever experiment she'd been working on with Thor (probably just sex, but Darcy wasn't brave enough to go to her lab and find out).
"Stay out of quarantine, Lewis," Fury snapped, then walked back down the hall to where she assumed his office was hidden. She rolled her eyes and resolved to ignore him.
Two days later, a note from 'Tony' made it's way to Bruce's door (and a similar one on Tony's) inviting each other to a movie night for a break from the hardcore science session they'd been having separately.
Bruce, A break is necessary. JARVIS has all the latest movies lined up, so movie night? Starts at 6, don't be late. -Tony
Tony, A break is necessary. I know JARVIS has all the latest movies. Is 6 okay? I'll meet you there. -Bruce
Darcy is pretty sure the notes are exactly what the other would write. She had JARVIS spy on them the whole time, waiting for 5 to roll around when she could call Pepper and tell on them, making sure they'd be out of the lab in time to find the note and get to their movie night. She'd already arranged it with the others (or anyone who needed to know, anyways, which was basically Jane and Thor), and the common area would be Avenger-free for the night. They were all having a little party-thing on Thor's floor as a distraction. Tony would be disappointed when he found out, but hopefully his night would go well, too.
She wasn't surprised at all to find the memo taped to her door.
Lewis,
I know what you're trying to do. I'm not going to make you stop unless it distracts them from doing their jobs. And for the love of god, do not make any mistakes. There's a betting pool going around SHIELD over which couples you'll successfully get together, and I'm pretty sure Barton started it.
Fury
A betting pool, hmm? Maybe she'd have to get Jane to put in some money so she could make something off of this. It was taking up her precious time, after all. And why did Fury feel the need to tell her this? Unless he was betting too...
"You know, you could try to find your own relationship instead of messing with other people," Jane reminded her gently after everyone had gone to their respective rooms. Darcy just shook her head dismissively. "No, I mean it. You've been alone since I've known you, Darce. When is the last time you had a good relationship? The intern doesn't count, since it didn't go beyond kissing before we left."
"I'm not interested in falling in love and getting hurt. I've yet to meet anyone I deem good enough," she protested, purposefully not thinking of the one exception. "They need me, Jane. Have you seen them together? Bruce and Tony are just awkward half of the time, and it's gotten better since I started with the notes! And when I get them together, I'm moving on to Steve and Bucky. They just need a push in the right direction. And then the agent trio! They need me too. You can't say they don't. You've got eyes."
"Yes, fine, they need you. Or someone to do something. But I think you need it too. Maybe you'll be my project then, if you're taking on all of them," Jane said quietly.
"Jane, I love you, but I might have to tase you if you try anything," she said, raising her eyebrows. Jane rolled her eyes.
"You know what I meant. I mean finding someone that's good enough for you, the way you're doing for them. You're like the little sister I never had, and I want to help you," Jane replied. "Please don't tase anyone while you're doing this."
"I make no promises," Darcy grinned, already thinking of ways she'd need her taser. She'd been leaving little notes around the lab for over a week, and Tony and Bruce were finally loosening up and joking with each other, having actual nonscience conversations. She was so proud of them. It was almost time for the last notes which would spark the right conversation.
"Can I borrow a pen?" she asked Fury, lounging against his desk. She'd taken to hanging out in his office to bother him, when she figured out where it was (thanks to Clint). He didn't seem to mind too much, or at least he didn't kick her out.
"The cup is literally right beside your hand, Lewis. I don't give a damn what you do, as long as you're quiet," he replied, glaring at her. She could see right through it though. How any of the agents could be scared of him, she didn't know. He was a great big teddy bear.
Tony, I know you don't like to talk about feelings and that's fine. But I just wanted to tell you that I've had more fun this last week than I've had since the accident. -Bruce
That wouldn't do it, but it was close. Maybe it would push them into doing this by themselves. She'd noticed that half of the notes laying around were actually from them and not her, which impressed her more than she expected.
"This isn't the only time you're going to do this matchmaking thing, is it?" Fury asked suddenly, frowning as though the thought had just occurred to him.
"Why, interested? I bet I could figure someone out for you. I've already got the Avengers covered, though, sorry," she replied, grinning at his scowl.
"Forget it, Lewis," he snapped, looking back at his paperwork.
"Darcy," she corrected. He looked back up at her, confused. "My name is Darcy. You can't keep calling me Lewis because it's weird."
"Whatever, Lew- Darcy," he responded, lips twitching slightly. She felt oddly satisfied and left his office before she did something stupid like call him 'Nick'.
The note did not start the proper conversation, which disappointed her. She was ready to storm down there and just force their faces together, when JARVIS alerted her to the fact that they'd finally had their first kiss. She had no idea what had set it off, but she was satisfied. And when she found the note from Tony on her pillow, she just smiled and tucked it away.
Darcy, JARVIS told us what you did. Guess we should say thanks, although I've got no fucking idea how you managed to do it without us knowing. -Tony
The next day, she started with Bucky, leaving a small drawing taped to his door that she'd 'found' in Steve's room. In truth, she'd spent an hour going through drawers until she'd finally found his sketchbook (which she'd stolen). Notes wouldn't quite work this time. She needed to show Bucky that Steve was totally obsessed with him, and maybe that would push him into making a move. Her plan was to leave a drawing a day in places only Bucky would find them.
Fury was waiting for her in is office this time, rubbing his temples in exasperation and staring at a report on his desk. "When did these schemes start involving stealing Captain America's sketchbook? I've got this report saying he thinks Tony has been going through his room."
"Okay, firstly, he figured that out really fast. I'm disappointed. Secondly, please tell me he didn't confront Tony or tell anyone else, because that might ruin everything," she replied without even thinking, giving herself away.
"Darcy. Give Rogers' sketchbook back within the next twenty-four hours, or I'm locking you in a holding cell for a week and forcing an end to your matchmaking," he informed her. She pouted but nodded, knowing she couldn't win.
Over the next twelve hours, she left little drawings all over Bucky's room. On his pillow, taped to his closet and walls, on his desk. She taped one to a punching bag less than a minute before he went down to the gym. And when JARVIS reported that he and Steve were discussing it, she just smiled to herself and slipped it back into the drawer she'd found it in, sneaking out of his room...
And right into both of them, where they were making out in the hallway. She must have made some kind of noise, because they broke apart and stared at her.
"Um... guess I should tell you that it wasn't Tony who took your sketchbook?" she asked, her voice shaking. She hadn't anticipated being caught. She also hadn't anticipated both of them laughing at her when she came clean.
"Yeah, when Tony walked into the room and heard our conversation, he told us what you did with him and Bruce. So thanks, Darcy. I don't think we would have had this conversation otherwise," Steve admitted. She rolled her eyes.
"You and the rest of the tower, yeah. I know. You're not my last project," she replied. They gave her assessing looks and nodded.
"You ever need help, just let us know," Bucky said before pulling Steve into the room and locking it behind them.
Jane was waiting in her room, smiling about something that Darcy already knew she wouldn't like. "Two down and one to go, right?" she asked happily.
"Um... yeah. The triad now, which will be interesting. I kind of don't know how to go about it. Think I should get one of the pairs together and then make sure the third walks in on them so many times he snaps? Because that could be amusing and it might work," she replied.
"Or you could just stop while you're ahead," Jane suggested, looking like she knew that wasn't going to work. Darcy just laughed at her and stripped, changing into sweatpants to do yoga in. What? If she was going to hang out with the Avengers, she had to do something to stay in shape. There was way more running than she'd signed up for.
"Yeah, no. I'm doing so good, I'm not giving up," she told her, grinning. "Steve and Bucky actually thanked me and offered to help. Do you know how awesome that is?"
"Okay, I can't take it anymore. Don't kill me, but I got you a date for tomorrow night. Think you can put off your relationship meddling for one night? Please?" Jane asked, looking ready to die. Darcy debated tasing her and decided it wasn't worth it.
"Is he cute?" she asked.
"Well, he's your type for sure. Natasha helped me out a little, pointed me in the right direction. This guy is an agent, and he's supposed to be great. He hasn't had a relationship in a while, either," Jane answered tentatively.
"And I'll have time all day tomorrow to start my plan with the trio... fine. I'll go on this date. Where is he taking me?" she sighed.
"Thank you!" Jane squealed, hugging her. "He's taking you out for dinner, that new Italian place that you've wanted to try out. And no taser!"
"But what if he's a dick?" she argued. "I might need to tase him! Or what if we're attacked during the meal and he's distracted by protecting civilians? I'll have no way to defend myself."
"Fine, you can bring the taser. But don't tase your date, okay? Do you know how much paperwork we'd all have to do?" Jane said, trying not to laugh.
"Wait, there's paperwork when I tase someone? Nobody ever told me..." Darcy stated, thinking back over the large number of times she'd tased people for being douches since she'd joined up with SHIELD and the Avengers. Mostly Tony, but also random agents who'd tried to feel her up.
"Yeah. You mean you've never had to do it?" Jane asked, confused. "The rest of us, and anyone who witnessed it or got tased, have to fill it out every time!"
"No, and Fury never mentioned it when I'm in his office, either. And I've heard him go off on the people who don't do their paperwork. It's terrifying. Those are the only times I can understand why agents fear him. He's not actually intimidating at all, usually," she replied, smiling to herself. She was so caught up in the fact that Nick (he'd finally asked her to call him that yesterday) hadn't forced her to write out why she'd needed the taser every time that she didn't notice Jane studying her carefully, slow comprehension dawning on her face.
"Huh. Okay, well tell me how the date goes," she said, leaving the room quickly to talk to the couples she'd already put together. She'd need their help now.
Clint and Natasha were not easy. Clint and Phil might be easier to start with, but... Nat would be hurt, and she wasn't sure she could handle that. But if in the long run, it meant they could all be happy together, she'd have to do it. So she got Jane to take Natasha out for lunch to talk about something science related that she needed a second nonscience opinion on, and she broke into Coulson's office to steal paperwork and leave a note.
Phil, I took my paperwork to do tonight. Thought maybe you might want a break from dealing with it. -Clint
Then she snuck it back to her room at the tower and started filling it out (with some help from Steve, who she was texting questions about their last Avengers mission that he was answering promptly). JARVIS told her that nobody had asked about the paperwork, which meant that nobody suspected her.
She knew it would be more difficult with them because they knew she was doing matchmaking. But she also knew that they didn't know the details of said matchmaking, so she was safe for a while. She thought. Unfortunately, Nick seemed to have eyes everywhere, and she got an annoyed summons for that night that she had to blow off to make her date.
She'd dressed in her prettiest (tightest) dress, and had her taser and phone in the little clutch that Jane had given her for Christmas. Her heels clicked against the floor as she made her way to the elevator, blowing a kiss and Clint when he whistled and cheering internally that she must look good then.
The agent, whose name she still hadn't managed to catch, also looked good. But Jane had gotten it wrong; he wasn't her type. She didn't bother learning his name, only half-listened to the conversation at dinner, and didn't kiss him at the door. It was a flop, no matter how good she was sure she looked. And she was pretty sure that guy had been at least partially gay.
"So, how did it go?" Jane asked with a knowing look when she walked into her room. And how had she not known Jane would be waiting for her?
"Boring. I didn't even bother learning the guy's name, Jane. Where did you find him?" she asked, struggling to unzip the dress and smiling gratefully when Jane helped her.
"I told you, SHIELD. Natasha thought for sure you'd like him," Jane said, shrugging. "Although after talking to you yesterday, I was less sure. I think you've got your eye on somebody and you're not telling me."
Darcy did not blush, because no. She did turn away though, trying to school her expression back to neutral. She didn't need Jane asking a hundred questions about that, just... no.
"I've got one more errand to run tonight. You can come if you want, but you're not good at lying when you get caught, so..." she stated, pulling on black stretch pants. She was pulling out a black tank top when Jane laughed.
"You're going right back to your matchmaking, aren't you? It's almost midnight! SHIELD is probably all locked up!" Jane protested.
"I know for a fact that Nick is still there. He stays until three on Saturdays to finish last minute paperwork. And I have to drop of Clint's paperwork before Phil has time to ask him about it tomorrow. It's all done, thanks to Steve and myself, and I just need to leave it on his desk with a new note. Also, I've got a note for Clint to stash in a vent somewhere. Want to do that for me while I drive to SHIELD real quick?"
And that is how she roped Jane into helping her. They spent the next two days delivering notes, paperwork, and coffee. Darcy did the SHIELD stuff, using Nick as an excuse to be there, and Jane did the things around the tower. (And if she thought Darcy didn't know that she was up to something else too, she was crazy. Darcy knew everything about Jane, including how she acted when she was hiding things. Badly.)
And this time she witnessed the first kiss for herself. Unfortunately, so did Natasha, who walked out of the room quickly to hide the fact that she had emotions. But she missed them looking around for her immediately afterward, as though they'd had some unspoken conversation about her joining them already.
"Darcy, you've started this, now we're gonna need your help to finish it. What was it you had planned?" Clint asked, turning to her. She just stared at him for a second. "Oh come on, we've known you were interfering this whole time. You're not subtle, and there are cameras in Phil's office."
She cursed under her breath, wondering why Nick had never mentioned that. "My plan, as dumb as it is, was to make sure she walks in on you guys as many times as it take for her to snap and jump you guys. Or at least admit that she's got feelings. I had to pick which couple to do first, and you guys seemed easiest."
"Well, we can try your plan, but somehow I don't see that working. She's not likely to admit to being hurt or jealous. It was part of her training to block out emotions. She might not even realize she's got feelings for us," Phil stated softly, and Clint nodded.
"Then I'll talk to her. We'll discuss feelings and shit, bond, and then I'll tell her to make a damn move. Maybe get her drunk so she thinks it's a good idea," Darcy replied, shrugging. Phil gave her a pointed look but Clint was grinning.
"You can't get her drunk, but the bonding might not be mad. Do you even have a crush though? Because I think you'd have to go first," he informed her.
"Well duh, I'm a girl. We always like someone. But don't expect me to tell you who, because it's not happening," she said, trying not to smile. Maybe it would be a good thing to talk to somebody about this.
So that night, she cornered Natasha in her room and informed her that they were having a slumber party, non-negotiable. Neither of them were very practiced at it, but it was okay. By the time they'd both changed into pajamas, Darcy was already opening up about her failed relationships and potential crush.
"I didn't even realize I was falling for him until Jane told me about the date she'd set up. The date which, by the way, was a total disaster. What were you thinking? Anyways, I enjoyed spending time with Nick, sure, but I don't know when it actually turned into more than that. Do you know when your crush turned into more?" she asked.
Natasha froze and stared at her, eyes narrowed. "Who says I have a crush?"
"Oh come on. It's obvious, at least to me and Jane. And like everyone else. You like Phil and Clint. Which is fine, by the way. I think you'll find that they have a very similar crush on you. But they don't want to make a move, because they're convinced you're either suppressing it or they're wrong. So prove them right and kiss them or something!" Darcy ranted.
"Why are you so invested in this? First Tony and Bruce, then Steve and Bucky. Why us? Why all of this now?" Nat asked, changing the subject slightly.
"Because I decided when I moved in that I couldn't handle the sexual tension. I have officially done everything I can to make sure it isn't unresolved now, and I feel better. It's less stifling," she admitted.
"I will take your advice if you take it too. I have known Nick for a very long time, longer than you, and he's never let anyone into his office more than to be yelled at. Ever. I believe your feelings are requited, Darcy. So if I put myself out there to possibly be hurt, I expect you to do the same. Do we have a deal?" she asked. Darcy nodded hesitantly.
Thing is, she didn't believe Nick liked her in any way, much less romantically. She was pretty sure he'd just realized that life would be more bearable if he let her think she was getting away with things by hanging out in his office. So she would tell him because she'd promised, but she was fully prepared to be thrown out of SHIELD and told to never return. She knew Natasha would not have that problem.
Actually, now that she was thinking about it, she hadn't heard anything at all from Nick in the last few days. He was never in his office, and he hadn't sent her anymore memos. Maybe he was already tired of her and just didn't want to hurt her any worse.
"Alright, you've got a deal. How's right now? You go track them down and confess, and I'll do the same," she replied finally. Might as well get it over with. No use in being a wimp about it.
"Yes. And we will speak of the results later, with few details. I'm sure you won't want to hear anything sexual, and neither will I," Nat said, standing. She left a flustered Darcy behind when she got into the elevator to find her agents.
Darcy took a bit longer, changing into her prettiest shirt and tightest jeans. If she was going to be rejected, she was going to look good, damn it. She drove to SHIELD in silence and spent fifteen minutes talking to the secretary outside of Nick's office before going in to wait for him.
She ended up sleeping in his chair, only waking when he slammed the office door closed behind him hours later. Her head snapped up, hand flying to her taser in her pocket before she realized what happened. And then she'd never admit to blushing, but... she totally did.
"Nick, hi. Where've you been? I was worried," she said quickly, standing to let him sit in his chair. He shot her an amused look.
"What, you think I send my agents out on missions and don't go on any myself?" he asked calmly, sitting in the vacated chair. "I suppose this means you missed me?" If she didn't know any better, she'd say he was teasing her...
"Well yeah. You were gone for four days and I've been bored," she said, waving it off. No, Nick didn't make jokes, at least not with her.
"I'm back now. How long have you been waiting here?" he asked, definitely amused. She glanced down at her wrist where her watch usually was, before realizing she'd left it at home earlier.
"Um... what time is it? I've been here since seven. Too much sex was happening at the tower, and I'm on my own, so... yeah. I kind of had hoped you'd be back," she said with a shrug, ignoring the fact that she was probably blushing again. And what was wrong with her? She didn't do embarrassed!
"Well I'm glad you came here. But is there a reason you sought me out while all of your friends were having sex?" he asked. And oh my god, he really was teasing her! The realization made her grin.
"Maybe I was hoping you'd be interested. God knows I've been flirting with you for the past two months. So what do you say, Nick?" she asked.
His answering kiss was totally worth being nervous. And yes, they broke in that desk, the chair, and the couch along the outer wall that night. When they took a break to talk, she realized that Nick's mission was because of Jane. Which explains why she'd been acting so weird; she'd been doing her own matchmaking! The game of keep-away had totally worked, too.
Too bad Jane was already with Thor, or Darcy would definitely return the favor. Although... maybe the keep-away idea wasn't a bad one for couples that were already together.