A/N: Edited 18/05/15. God my younger self needed more practice at writing. And it's not even the oldest (read worst) thing on this site.

Edward Cullen Must Die

I frowned as screams filled my ears. It didn't matter how many years went by in the academy, there were always annoying fan girls there to make my ears bleed. Only this time it was a little different.

They weren't screaming for me. They were screaming for the new guy. It's not that I minded, heck I was glad that that stupid little fan club had moved on. What bothered me was that he had drawn Polka dots' attention away from me.

Unacceptable.

I heard someone stifle a laugh from across the classroom. I didn't need to look up to know who it was. I'd heard that infuriating sound enough during my stay, willing or unwilling, at the academy, especially during the last seven years.

Ever since Polka arrived Koko has found my thoughts increasingly humorous. Normally I would glare at him but there is someone else that my anger is targeted at today. Stupid new kid. Stupid Koko. Stupid Polka. Stupid Imai.

She's noticed the deadly glares I'm giving the new student. She's smart enough to work things out. She's been blackmailing me for years about my "feelings", which are completely non-existent for your information, for that pigtailed girl.

Well, I guess she isn't pigtailed anymore. She's still a little girl though. Who wears…hmm…butterfly printed underwear at the age of seventeen anyway?

I smirk as Koko spits out his drink, his face crimson. His Alice has become more powerful – or at least he's become better skilled at it – over the years and he can now see the images in people's minds of what they see. If he doesn't want to see me flipping that little girl's skirt then he shouldn't read my mind. He has a girlfriend anyway so why would he want to look.

The pervert.

"Ne, Natsume-kun?" asked Polka dots beside me, tilting her head to the side a bit and holding a black book to her chest. She looks adorable, which is unacceptable. Mika-Polka dots is not allowed to look adorable. In fact she looks ugly – the living embodiment of ugliness. I feel like calling her a 'baka' for looking at me like that. So I do.

And she starts crying.

Great.

"Why are you so mean?"

"Because you look ugly, butterfly print," I reply calmly. She looks puzzled.

Three…

Two…

One…

"Natsume no hentai! You looked? Now I can't get married." She overreacted like usual, tears streaming from her eyes. I felt a tug at my heartstring. How does she do that?

"Ba-," I flick her forehead, "-ka. It's your fault for showing me anyway." Ok, so this part was a lie but what the hell. It was worth it for the reaction anyway.

"I-I didn't s-show you," she said, her face heating up.

"Chh," I reply and look back down at my manga, secretly pleased (for some reason that has nothing to do with the "feelings" that stoic inventor believes I have) that Polka's attention is fully on me instead of that new student.

"Anyway," Polka says happily. She sure can change her mood quickly, "Guess what Haku-kun's Alice is."

The room heated up slightly. The boy's name was Kohaku Yoshiba. Polka shouldn't be giving him nicknames and treating him so friendly on his first day. It wasn't right. His name was Yoshiba-san to her. The stupid baka.

There were no snickers this time. At least Koko wasn't listening in on my thoughts. He seemed to have learnt his lesson – that and the fact he was smiling goofily up at his ex-fan club president girlfriend. I have to, very much reluctantly, admit Sumire-san was a lot less bossy these days. She's actually a very nice person. If she isn't making my ears bleed that is.

"Natsume? Natsume?" asked Polka dots, waving a hand in front of my face. "Hello? Earth to Natsume? Did you hear me?"

"Of course I heard you baka," I growled, "I just chose to ignore you."

She pouted. Another twang at my heartstring. Damn this girl in a minute she'll have me playing a whole sonata. Not that I like her or anything. She's hideous. I probably just ate something dodgy at breakfast this morning. In fact Polka did offer me some of her breakfast, more like forced actually. I sitting there peacefully and then she goes and shoves some sort of pancake in my mouth.

I bet she poisoned me.

"You're such a meanie. I was only trying to tell you that Haku-kun has the Alice that makes fictional characters come to life. She giggled slightly and clutched the book she was holding closer to her chest. What was she thinking? It better not disturb my day, which undoubtedly it would considering the baka was so annoying.

"See ya, Natsume. I have to go ask Haku-kun something." She giggled again. It was starting to annoy me. It annoyed me even more when the new kid, who was ugly. Who cared if he was six-foot, had tanned skin, green eyes and what the girls were calling 'the hottest hair of the century'. The baka didn't go for that type of thing anyway. At least I don't think she does. In fact I've never seen her express an interest in anyone.

What if she's a lesbian?

I did kiss her when we were younger though… but that was just out of curiosity. Nothing deeper. None, nothing, zip, zilch, zero feeling attached. Just innocent curiosity.

Koko snorted. I though he learnt his lesson. I activated my Alice and set his hair on fire, making him nearly as bald as Moshu before Polka activated her nullify Alice. Stupid spoil sport.

"Natsume," she said grumpily, "Don't be so mean. I'm having an important conversation with Haku-kun here," she turned back to the jerk… new kid and started speaking with him again. "So will you?" she asked loudly at the end, catching my attention.

"I guess. Just tell me if he tries to eat someone," Kohaku smiled back. I want to kill that jerk. How dare he smile at Polka like that? He doesn't know her.

Polka smiled and, I growled, flung herself at him. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you," she squealed excitedly.

"Oi Polka. Stop bugging the new kid. You're making my ears bleed."

"My name is Mikan. M-I-K-A-N."

"Whatever, Polka."

The new kid looked from me to Polka and back to me again. Then he smirked. I hate this guy already. "So Mikan-chan," he asked coolly, "Can I see that book of yours now?"

She nodded happily and passed him the book.

"So which one is it?"

Polka ran her finger along one of the pages until she found what she was looking for. "That one."

He smiled at her and touched the part of the book Polka pointed out and then there was a flash and a pale looking guy around our age was standing next to them looking very confused. He was tall, pale to the point it was unnatural and the girls started screaming about how handsome he was.

Worst of all Polka was giggling as she looked up blushing at him.

The guy's eyes locked with Koko's soon they were both looking rather confused, then bemused and shortly after they both laughed.

"He even sounds handsome," squealed Anna to her friends.

"He can read minds too," added Koko.

"Of course he can," giggled that annoying little girl. "His character can."

That's it. She must have got Yoshiba to use that Alice of his. Sumire gasped. "No way. The bronze hair, the pale skin, and the amber eyes – its Edward Cullen!"

I had to cover my ears as shrieks erupted from all around the classroom. If there was a time when my ears really would bleed then this was it.

"Arigato, Haku-kun," Polka said happily before grabbing 'Edward's' hand and pulling him outside. "Come on. I'll explain everything to you," she giggled, a slight blush forming on her cheeks as he smiled at her. One thought ran through my head.

Edward Cullen must die.

First I have to find out this guy's weakness. Then use it against him to completely annihilate him. Harsh choice of words but he deserves it. And no I am not jealous. I am protective, since that baka obviously can't take care of herself. She really is stupid. Chh… I don't know why I bother.

But how was I supposed to find anything out about this guy. I read manga not novels and I don't plan on starting anytime soon. Anyway who knows what that creep will do to my Polka dots. Not that she's mine. I just don't want some new guy, who's not even real, thinking he can have whomever he likes. Stupid Edward and his ego.

I groaned. I only have one choice. I better go and get my allowance.

Imai is going to wipe me out after this.

"So Imai," I said waving a fifty rabbit coin in front of her eyes, "What can you tell me about Edward Cullen?"

I was shocked by her reaction. A light blush formed its way across her cheeks. Damn it! This guy was good. Either that or he could brain wash people. Yeh, because that's likely. Well then again this is an Alice school. Anything is possible.

"Edward Cullen," Hotaru said in a monotone voice. "Romantic interest of the main character in the Twilight series."

She paused so I handed the rabbit over and held out another one. Her eyes shone happily.

"Physical appearance of a seventeen year old. True age is closer to one hundred and eight years old."

I was disgusted. Mikan liked a one hundred and eight year old? Sure girls liked older guys but wasn't that taking it a bit too far? I handed the coin over and held up another… again. I was right when I thought she was going to wipe me out.

"Was turned by Carlisle Cullen at the age of seventeen to spare him death from Spanish influenza."

"Turned?" I asked.

"Two hundred rabbits."

Grudgingly I handed over the money. That baka was going to owe me a lot of rabbits. "Edward-san is a vampire."

Great. Not only was the baka completely annoying but she was stupid enough to ask some random guy who'd only just showed up in our class to bring a vampire to life. Was she crazy as well as stupid? What if he eats her? Not that I care or anything. I just don't want her breathing down my neck all the time, although she does that already.

I need to talk to her about that.

"Anything else?" I asked, holding out yet another coin.

She snatched it from my hand with dollar signs in her eyes. "He's a vegetarian vampire – only eats animals."

I heard Polka laugh and turned around to see her cling onto Cullen's arm as they walked past.

"More," I said handing her another rabbit. Despite her stoic expression I knew she was enjoying this.

"He's romantic and plays the piano like an expert." A soft growl reverberated from my throat. I really don't like this guy.

"How can I destroy him?" I asked, dumping the rest of my allowance and some embarrassing baby pictures of Ruka on her desk. She rubbed her hands and reached out for the loot but I blocked her. "Not until you tell me how to destroy him."

She smirked a smirk that would make even me proud. "You're jealous aren't you Hyuga?"

"Not jealous, baka. Just… protective! If Polka wants to date a paedophilic dead guy then obviously she needs looking out for."

"Keep telling yourself that, Hyuga. Anyway," she said eyeing the pile money, "There are only a few ways to kill a vampire."

"Stake through the heart, holy water, the cross?" I guessed blandly.

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

Even I can't believe she still has that annoying gun. "Don't interrupt. There are few ways to kill a vampire but it should be a problem to you. All you have to do is burn him to ashes."

I smirked. "Pleasure doing business with you Imai," I said coolly and walked out the door to go find Polka and that bloodsucker.

"Oi Polka dots!" I called.

"What do you want, hentai?" she asked, spinning on the spot with Cullen next to her. A little too close.

I smirked as she shrieked, her boyfriend turning to ashes. "NATSUME! You killed Edward-kun!"

I shrugged. "He wasn't real in the first place."

"Why?"

"Because he was a fictional character."

She looked frustrated. "I meant why did you kill him?"

"He wasn't your type," I replied calmly as I turned to leave.

"Don't just leave like that. Why wasn't he my type?" I made the mistake of looking into her hazel eyes.

"Because you're mine," I replied and turned to leave. Why is it only Polka can get me to admit things like that?

"I love you," I heard Polka say quietly.

I was glad.

Because I like Mikan too.