Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairings: Jack/Liz
Rating: PG-13 to R
Prompt: Dirty 30's, Ich Liebe Dich
Spoilers: Through episode 4x10 just to be safe
Disclaimer: Characters are property of Tina Fey. I own nothing!
A/N: The more perceptive of you might notice a similar plotline to that of episode 5x14 from Friends
Jenna is extremely lucky, which isn't to say that her entire acting career was based upon such luck. Clearly, every job she has ever taken was because of her superiority in looks and talent.
Originally, she had come down to try and find Liz, or Jack to try and convince one of them to let her sing with the musical guest on this week's show: Michael Bublé. What she got, however, was for the second time that season, she was scoring some free porn on the TGS stage. It became incredibly hot, that is until she realized who it was.
She had noticed two figures on the stage from afar, recognizing them as Jack and Liz. They were standing on the set of their newest sketch which looked like an exact replica of Jack's office for their new GE sketch. Liz stood across from Jack, slightly closer than normal with her hands on her hips, and Jack stood across from her with his arms crossed. It was clear that they were arguing about something, though they seemed to do so quietly.
She called out to them, "Jack, Liz. Hey, hey you guys!" she yelled, waving.
They were too far away to hear her, but just as she began to yell out to them again there was a sudden flash of movement. Liz yanked Jack down by the lapels of his jacket into a hot, raunchy kiss. As he reciprocated he began to unzip her jacket, quickly discarding it and tugging at her tank top underneath.
Jenna froze, shocked "Oh...oh..OH! Jack and Liz, Jack and Liz, Jack and Liz! Oh my God!" she yelled.
Danny came up out of nowhere and pulled her away, backstage into the mesh of wire fencing that made up the backstage area.
"Danny, Jack and Liz, Oh my god!"
"Jenna! No, it's okay, it's okay."
"No, no no! They're doing it!"
"I know!"
"You know?" she yelled back at him, clearly still in shock
"Yes I know, and Pete knows but Jonathan and the writers don't so you have to stop screaming!" he hissed back, desperately trying to calm her down. "Come on, we need to talk"
She followed him to his dressing room, and for the fist time in her life was completely dumbfounded.
"Are you okay?" Danny asked, snapping his fingers in front of her face. She swatted his hands away and asked " How long has this been going on? And more importantly, why don't I know about it? Are you people neglecting me again?"
"Jack was the only one who told me, he wanted to keep it a secret on Liz's behalf so told me not to tell anyone. Pete found out a couple weeks later when he saw them in her office. They don't know he knows though."
"Oh that's fantastic, this has been going on for more than a few weeks?"
Danny smiled "Sarcasm, I understood that. And yes, but you have to promise not to tell anybody."
Jenna dismissed him "Please, do you know how much people would want to listen to me talk about this? I have to tell somebody"
Danny shook his head, a pleading look in his eyes. Mostly out of fear for Jack, most likely. If this got out Danny would never see the light of day again. Perfect.
"I'm telling the pages, this news will spread like a wildfire." she got up, going for the door handle "Jenna No! Wait!" he grabbed her arm. "I'll give you my next solo piece on the show."
Jenna turned around "I'm listening"
Danny sighed, defeated, "And I'll give up my duet with Michael Bublé, just please don't tell anybody about this!"
Jenna slowly realized something, getting a real evil look in her eye. So much so that Danny slowly started to back away from her, fear shining in his eyes again. "What?"
Jenna smiled devilishly, "You and Pete are the only ones who know about this, right?"
Danny nodded, still hesitant about agreeing to something with someone who had crazy eyes.
"So, we could not tell them we know, and have a little fun of our own!"
Danny raised an eyebrow, clearly not following. "How do you mean?"
"Well, you could take advantage of Liz having the hots for you, come in her office late at night and try and 'wink wink' flirt with her, and I could use the greatest tool at my disposal-"
Danny sighed "Please don't say your-"
"My sexuality."
"Jenna, this isn't going to work. I just want to lay low and not cause anymore trouble. I'm not about to go piss off my two bosses in the same week. Jenna?"
She looked off into the distance, smiling devilishly, clearly not listening to a word he was saying. "It will work. I promise I won't tell anyone, but my plan will still work."
She opened the door with her free hand, slipping out of Danny's grip. Just as soon as she left, though, she saw Jack and Liz cross the hallway, both a disheveled mess of messy clothing and mussed-up hair. Their backs were turned to Jenna, who was peering around the corner, which is why they didn't notice her grinning wickedly as they shared a passionate kiss before the studio exit before they left.
Danny popped his head out of his dressing room, quietly asking if they were gone. Jenna ignored him, smiling victoriously as she marched homeward, mouthing 'It will work!'
***
The next day, Liz strode into the writerss' room with a gigantic grin on her face, holding a tray of her latest batch of cupcakes.
"Good morning everyone!" she exclaimed, her voice alight with happiness.
Instead of her anticipated cupcake approval, she instead got a strange look from the writers, clearly confused as to why she was in such a good mood. Well, some looked confused. Others, such as Frank had a look of worry on their faces.
"What's wrong with you? He asked, brimming with confidence under his hat, this time sporing the words 'O Rly?'"
"What are you talking about Frank? Can't someone just be happy for no reason?"
"No, unless they're getting laid. Does Liz have a new scrump nugget she's boffing?" he mocked, with an ensuing laugh from the writers.
Liz, however, remained unaffected. Grinning, she set the cupcake tray down on the writers' table and attempted to ruffle Frank's hair through his hat. "You little joker you" She strode into her office, grinning.
Frank and the other writers sat in silence, shocked before realizing that they were in the vicinity of free cupcakes.
Jenna waltzed passed them into Liz's office in the Madonna costume she had worn not too long ago. At first, Liz never took notice, and instead was sitting at her laptop with the latest script, listening to the Annie soundtrack.
"So!" Jenna said loudly, startling Liz into taking her headphones off and looking at Jenna, going from startled to annoyed in just a few seconds. "Liz, do you know if Jack is a boobs guy or a butt guy?" She leaned over Liz's desk, twirling a piece of her hair in one finger.
Liz tried not to appear taken aback. Keeping her cool, Liz tried to cover up by accosting Jenna about her outfit. "Why are you wearing that outfit? I thought we talked about taking pride in your age, like Meryl Streep."
She sighed conspicuously, "I guess it's that you know, I haven't been with a guy in so long that I just kind of want to break this sexual tension between me and Jack. I think I'm just going to go for it"
Liz looked at her strangely "You cannot approach Jack looking like that."
Jenna smiled devilishly, her plan was slowly working. "Why, are you jealous that I could snatch him away from you just like that?"
"What? No, never! For the last time Jenna, there is nothing between us. "
"Really?" Jenna asked skeptically
"Really," Liz said, glaring.
"So, you don't care if I seduce him to try and get this part?"
In truth, Liz was starting to become a little jealous. However, for the sake of secrecy she desperately had to keep her cool, Jenna could not know about her and Jack, ti would spell disaster. Liz sat back into her chair, crossing her arms. "Nope, I don't care. Go ahead and embarrass yourself. I'm not taking the bullet for you anymore."
"Great. I'll be going now" Jenna strode out, brimming with confidence as she made her way to Jack's office.
***
Hours later, near the end of the day after Jenna had gotten her make up properly done by the makeup department, she strode passed Jonathan into Jack's open office, twirling her hair on her finger. "Hey Jack?" she said in her seductive voice.
"What can I do for you Jenna?" He looked up from the paper he was writing on, going from his calm demeanor to a slightly confused expression.
"I heard from Danny that he probably won't be able to duet with the musical guest this week, so I'm wondering..." she leaned over his desk, attempting to show some cleavage. "Could I do it?"
He gave her a look and leaned back, unaffected by such a maneuver. "Jenna that's ridiculous. I've heard no such thing. Danny's the new star therefore he's entitled to more promotion."
"Oh...really?" she attempted to reveal more cleavage.
"Yes, really. Now if you'll excuse me Jenna I have some work left to finish."
She sighed, "Fine then, I won't perform with Michael. I can settle for something less. Like say...the new Marilyn Monroe biopic you're producing?"
Jack lowered his voice, beginning to realize that that's not the only reason she came up here. "I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you," Jenna winked, and walked away and out of his office, not noticing Jack's skeptical stare as she went.
Jenna ran into Liz as she walked out of his office. They glared at each other knowingly, Liz dreading what she thought Jenna may have accomplished. Jenna just gave her a confident smirk and walked away, nose held high.
Liz waited until Jenna was out of earshot before she went into his office, closing the door. "Hey there handsome." she said quietly
"Lemon..." He got up from his desk, quickly walking over to her, putting his hands on her waist and pulling her closer "Just what I've been craving." he whispered against her lips in his ever-so-sexy husky voice.
She rubbed her hands on his chest, eventually pulling him down by his tie for a hot kiss. He moaned against her lips and whispered, "Lemon, I love this new side of you..."
She smiled, " Sanjay Gupta calls it my 'Dirty 30s' "
"Well whatever it's called, I like it. So are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, definitely. We can leave right now."
"Excellent. I've been waiting all day for a taste of the Lemon."
"Well you'll have to wait a little longer." she said in the most vixen-like voice she had ever heard come out of her mouth. She pulled him down for another hot kiss before they both took their respective leaves out of his office, so as not to confuse Jonathan.
***
It didn't take much longer after they got to his place for things to start up again. Just as Gupta had said, her pre-menopausal hormones were raging, or her lust for Jack insatiable. Either way, it's something that Jack really likes.
They collapse on his couch, unable to make it to the bedroom. He lies on top of her, kissing passionately while her arms are wrapped around his neck. He begins to unbutton her shirt, leaving a trail of kisses wherever he exposes flesh, eliciting a soft moan from her as he goes. That's when the phone rings.
"Don't get it" she whispers against him.
"I wasn't planning to." he rasps and he finishes her top, returning to her lips.
It goes to voicemail as they continue. Unfortunately, it's Jenna's voice that they hear.
"Hey, Jack it's Jenna..." Liz pulls Jack's jacket off of him and attempts to remove his tie "I hope you still haven't stopped thinking about our...little deal. I know I haven't" Jack pauses, freezes over Liz's face, opening his eyes with a confused expression on his face. Liz follows suit, facing where the phone sat across the room, the same befuddled expression on her face. "I haven't stopped thinking about you, I hope you haven't either. This would be huge for me. Both professionally and...personally. You know I just haven't done something like this for so long...I'm" Before she had the chance to finish Jack launched himself off the couch and yanked off the power cord.
"What was that?"
"Liz I can explain..."
"Was that Jenna? What was she talking about, your 'little deal'" she emphasized with air quotes. Don't tell me that slutty outfit actually worked?"
Jack looked at her, confused "What are you talking about?"
"What are you talking about?
Jack stood there in his disheveled dress shirt and tie, running a hand through his mussed-up hair trying to see how best to explain something like this.
" The strangest thing happened in my office today. Jenna came to me right before you came to my office in this...awful looking outfit, strangely reminiscent of Madonna twenty years ago."
Liz rolled her eyes expecting the worst.
"At first she tried to convince me to give her Danny's duet with Michael Bublé in this week's show.
Which is strange because usually she comes to me dressed as the person she wants to sing as. Then, when I refused she tried to seduce me into saying that I would get her into a new biopic that Sheinhardt is producing."
Liz sat up straight, confused "She asked you about performing? She tried convince me earlier in the day she was going to seduce you and was shocked that I wasn't jealous..." Liz gasped, covering her mouth "Oh my god..."
"What?"
"She knows, Jack! She knows about us. Now she's just trying to screw with us!"
Jack considered it a moment, initially dismissing it. "Lemon, don't be ridiculous. Would Jenna be that devious?"
Liz glared at him, giving him a 'duh!' look.
He gasped, finally believing it. "She knows. Oh, god I'm ruined." he sank into the armchair to his right, a defeated look on his face. "Who else do you think she has told by now?"
"Nobody, I think. If she had gotten to the press it would have been all over the Internet by now. I probably would have gotten a mocking text from her to prove it." Making herself paranoid, Liz quickly checked her phone, relieved to find nothing. "I mean, even if she did couldn't you just cover it up, like you did with Tracy after he stole the yacht?"
"I have no cover stories Lemon, the press likes to barter, and no one from your staff has bothered to do anything highly embarrassing in weeks."
"Can't you pay them?"
"It would take obscene amounts of money to hide something like this from the press. This is too juicy for them...greedy gossip-loving bastards." he growled.
Liz frowned, feeling bad for him. It was partially her fault anyway, why did her hormones have to go nuts? Her Dirty 30s made her libidos so active that they hadn't bothered to be secretive enough.
"No, you're not ruined. See, she doesn't know that we know that she knows!" She stood up and walked over to him, hand on his shoulder "I'll help you. This is what we're going to do..."
***
The next day, Jack met Liz downstairs before rehearsal wearing one of his finer suits, wearing a fresh coating of cologne and his hair spiked on Liz's insistence.
"Is this really going to work Lemon? You never know with clinically insane people. God, this is like my wedding night all over again."
"Shh. Stop it, Of course it will. She'll never suspect that you're coming onto her in the sketch, it's not in the script."
"You'd better be right, Lemon or I might seriously reconsider what I'm going to do for you tonight."
She pressed her hands to his face endearingly and kissed him, "I don't believe you...Now go! Go!"
They walked out of the wire meshing separately, Liz standing behind the podium and Jack going toward the stage. He approached Jenna with the same masculine confidence he had when he first started working at NBC.
Once they were in place, and Jack had his two coffee cups in his hands, they started with Liz yelling "Action!"
Jenna walked in, completely in costume but totally out of character. "Mr. Donaghy...have you reconsidered that sketch idea?"
He turned around from whatever faux-work he was looking at on the desk. Setting the coffee cups down, he was now in his element: seducing a woman he couldn't care less about.
"Yes, I have given much thought to it, and I would be lying if I said the...other part of the deal wasn't...enticing to me." he walked closer to her, head just inches from her face.
Jenna stopped, suddenly realizing that whatever lines he was using clearly weren't in the script. Instead they were talking code about their little chat the previous day.
"Does it? Well, you know. I've been preparing myself for months to get this part. Hiring a personal trainer, working out....I'm very bendy." she said seductively
Jack, trying either not to laugh or not to vomit, fought desperately to keep his cool. "That's...just the way I like them..." they leaned in closer, lips almost touching. When at the last minute Jack pulled out.
"Stop! I can't do this, I'm sorry" he backed away, leaning against the fake window.
Jenna laughed victoriously, "Hah! And why not?"
Jack turned around, getting stares from the cast, crew and writers who all looked confused beyond recognition. "Because I'm in love with Liz!"
"You're..."
A collective gasp ensued from everyone in the room, not including Liz who stood there with Pete at the podium, mouth agate.
"That's right! I Love her! I" he pointed to himself " love her" he pointed to Liz.
Jack stepped off the stage and walked toward Liz, pulling her into his arms.
*"Ich liebe dich auf mein Schatzilein" he said, touching the side of her face.
She smiled **"Ich liebe dich auf mein liebchen" she said before he wrapped her up in his arms and they joined in a passionate kiss.
There was a collective 'aww' from every female member of the staff while the rest of the writers stood there in shock.
Jenna walked up next to them, a gigantic smile on her face "I thought you guys were just doing it I didn't know you were in love!"
Jack grinned, hugging Liz next to him, who in turn wrapped her arms around him. "Well played, Jenna. Very well played. I'll have to see what I can do about that movie."
"Yes! I told you my sexuality still works, Liz!"
Liz sighed, whispered "Do you have any left?"
"So this is it, everyone knows now?" Danny said excitedly
"Well, actually, Jonathan doesn't. And we don't want this to become public knowledge quite yet."
"Yes," Jack continued "No one is to tell any paparazzi about this or I'll personally see to it that their professional lives are properly ruined." he looked around the room threateningly.
Everyone nodded enthusiastically, knowing full well the power he had over their careers.
It felt the right time to call for a union break. So the staff went their respective ways, some handing over money to those who lost their respective betting pool. Jack and Liz headed up to his office to make up for some lost time.
"Jack, what about the executive floors, won't we have to deal with them sometime soon?"
"All in due time, Lemon. All in due time."
As they got off the elevator, Liz said to Jack:"To be honest, that completely caught me by surprise. I was almost thinking the same thing as Jenna."
"Were you?" he opened his office door for her, pulling her into a kiss, eliciting a gasp from Jonathan. "Well I'm glad we're on the same page now."
"Jack! What about-"
"He had to find out eventually," he rasped, pulling her into his office and closing the door behind him.
She pulled him over to his couch by his tie, desperately wanting to complete some unfinished business from yesterday that he was all too happy to reciprocate.
Just before he was about to start kissing all over her body, with a hand on her waist she touched the side of his face endearingly "I love you Jack."
He smiled, whispering "I love you too," before kissing her again.
END
*I love you my sweetheart
**I love you too my darling/sweetheart