Hi, this is my first fanfic for The Host! It's one of my favorite books. Not really sure where I'm going with this hahaha. Please give me some feedback! Enjoy!
"Wanda-"
"No, Ian. I want to help. Let me help!" I huffed, my mouth turning into a stubborn pout. Ian never let me help anymore. This body-my new body-was not used to carry around heavy things at all. She was not used to living under such harsh conditions, but my mind was. It was much easier in Melanie's body where I could lift things easily without a strain from my arms, but this body is much too delicate for that.
And Ian knows this.
He stares back at me, his sapphire eyes bright, reflecting the defiance in my own silver grey eyes. I stick my chin out defiantly, something I learned from Jamie a while ago. No way was I not going to help bring in things from the raid I just went on. We stared at each other for quite a few minutes, every second looking into his beautiful eyes sending shivers down my spine, but I held on. Mel brushed past us, carrying a box full of canned goods, a smile formed on her lips at mine and Ian's stance. Neither of us was backing down.
"Oh, for God's sake, Ian, let the girl help," Jeb huffed, grabbing a box of something I couldn't quite see. I smiled in triumph as he passed too. Jeb was happy because he hadn't gone on a raid in the longest time, and since Kyle hasn't recently escaped to find another soul to bring back, Jeb was welcomed on this trip.
Ian's eyes dropped with defeat. Jeb is the boss here and no one can say anything against his word. He lifted his eyes again and rolled them before reaching into the back of the truck and grabbing a box-probably the lightest-before dropping it into my open hands. I waited for him as he grabbed of few other things for himself to carry. I watched the muscles in his back move and tighten while he lifted something heavy and my stomach fluttered. It's nice to finally have body who's reactions correspond to my feelings.
Ian turns and begins to walk towards the cave entrance, glancing over his shoulder to see if I'm keeping up. His strides are long, even if I wasn't in such a small body, it would still be a challenge to catch up. He notices my struggle and slows his walk to a leisurely pace.
"How do you expect me to get stronger if all you give me is boxes of feathers to carry around? I need to build muscle. I want to get stronger so I can help more. I feel so useless." I frown, my breath coming out as a sigh.
"Wanda," Ian sighs too, matching my tone, "You're not useless."
"But I can't work. I can't even work in the fields without someone helping or taking the work from me. I am useless, Ian, and I think you know it. You're just too kind to say anything."
"It's nothing against you, Wanda! It's just when someone sees you struggling, it's so hard not to help."
We've reached to mouth of the cave and I don't even have to duck my head to get through, unlike Ian who has to double over. I remember my first time coming through here, unaware that the man I love was trudging behind me with a weapon in his hand and hatred in his heart. Now look at us, a couple who are nearly inseparable.
In the dark, Ian takes a step closer to me, his elbow brushing against my shoulder.
"But I want to help," I whisper, thinking my voice was be too loud and shrill if I speak at normal level.
"I know you do. I just don't…want you to get hurt."
"I'm not going to!" I protest, my eyebrows knotting together. "I am perfectly capable of doing things myself, Ian. I just wish other people could see that."
Silence is Ian's only answer. He is a very stubborn man, especially when it comes to me, but I may have possibly won this argument.
"Then tell them. I won't say anything else unless it's truly too much for you to handle. If someone offers help, tell them you don't need it. If they insist, you insist right back."
I raise my eyebrows, surprised a little. Ian agreeing with me on something he protested before? His mind is not easily swayed. As I open my mouth in reply, I'm cut off.
"Wanda!" A familiar voice echoes down the tunnel, bouncing off the walls. I grin as footsteps follow the voice, matching the even pace of Jamie.
"Jamie!" I answer back. I can see the hole that leads to the kitchen, but I cannot see Jamie, though I know he's close. A hand winds its way through my arm and I know it's him.
"I'm so glad you're back! It's been kind of boring without you, Mel, Ian and Jared. The rain stopped a few days after you guys left, so we moved all the mattresses back. Kyle's almost got the room done for him and Sunny, too!" Jamie's voice is full of excitement and I can imagine the grin on his face. As we enter the bright room, I shift the very light weight of the box onto my knee and secure it with my hand. My other searches in my pocket and finds the candy bar I got for Jamie. I pass it over, noticing his eyes lighting up.
"Hey, no fair," I hear to my side. I turn and see a smiling Mel with her arms crossed, eyeing Jamie. In his other hand he's clutching a different candy bar Melanie must've given to him. I can't help the laugh escaping my mouth.
"Looks like we've both got Jamie on our minds," I say, actually having to stretch my arm up and ruffle his dark hair. He's so much taller than me.
"Come on, Wanda. We've got to take these boxes to the back," Ian murmurs close to my ear, his breath ruffling the curls by my ear. I shiver automatically, a reoccurring reaction whenever Ian's near. I push my thick hair behind my ear and smile at the two people in front of me.
"Be right back," I promise, following Ian's retreat down the tunnel. I catch up to him easily since he is waiting for me, walking slowly. The walk is quiet, as every moment with Ian has been. We've already confirmed we need no time to differentiate our feelings for Mel or Jared. My heart is only set on Ian, as his is on mine.
But I can't figure out why it's so hard to fill the silence. We've only kissed twice since the night in the game room when he asked me to move in, and my heart sinks at the thought. I can't help but still feel like he doesn't want me-this body-as much as he says. It's just a feeling, but I can't help think about it. He'll hold me when we sleep and kiss my forehead when I wake, but there's nothing more.
My body craves for him though, almost like she was made for Ian and even if the world hadn't been taken over by souls, they'd still fall deeply in love.
I set my box down on top of a stack and Ian drops his easily, no noise of discomfort coming from his mouth. He turns his back towards me and takes a step towards the end of the hallway, but my hand reaches out, brushing against his arm. He spins back around, curious.
"Ian," I murmur, taking many steps towards him until I'm pressed up against him. Pet has not experienced this contact with someone whom she loves so much and I can't control the blush that breaks out on my cheeks. I'm glad it's dark enough to not see the embarrassment on my face.
I slide my hands up his chest, having to stand on the tips of my toes to even barely get them around his neck. No amount of time spent in Melanie's body would give me the experience I need. This is a situation Mel's never dealt with-wondering if someone you love so deeply still had the same feelings as you and how to convince of your love.
I think too much.
Ian's hands hang by his side, limp. I slide my fingers into his dark hair and pull him down until our lips meet in the middle. Unlike the slow lava it once was in Mel's body, Ian's kiss now causes my whole body to shiver in pleasure. Every inch of my skin tingles and it's such a better reaction than my other body had. His arms reach up and hold me tighter against him, trying not to hold me too roughly, but at the moment, I couldn't care. The only thing that was on my mind was Ian.
Eventually, when all of my oxygen has run out, I pull away, gasping. I move my lips to his chin and work my way down his jaw. I don't want to lose contact with him.
"Wanda," he pants, his arms loosening a little. I cut him off though, not wanting to hear what he has to say this time.
"I love you, Ian. I love you with everything I have and I want you to know that," I murmur against his skin.
"I-I do know that. Why are you telling me?"
"Because you won't touch me or kiss me anymore. Have I done something wrong?"
"Have you-" Ian stops in the middle of his sentence and scoffs. "No, you haven't done anything wrong. I just…" He struggles for words, his arms tightening around me protectively. "I don't want to rush you. You're too selfless, you only care of others wants or needs, never your own. I don't want to kiss you too far one day and the next you thinking that maybe something else would make me happy. I-"
Ian sputters to a stop, finding no more words to express his feelings. I know how he feels, that happens to me quite a lot too.
"Don't worry about me, Ian. I just want you, but when you begin to avoid me, I feel like it's the opposite for you."
"Oh," is all he says, his posture sagging a little. "Oh, no, that's not it at all." He slides his fingers underneath my chin and lifts my face so he can at least feel like he's looking at me. It's too dark to make out shapes.
"I love you, Wanda. I love you so much. I'm sorry I've been acting…weird lately. I'm not used to you and Melanie having different bodies. It's not that I still have feelings for her just because you shared her for a while; I just forget you're not there anymore. I'm going to get used to it though, I promise."
I nod my head, my chin bouncing in his fingers.
"Don't worry about me," he repeats me and I feel the need to almost roll my eyes, but I stop myself. This time, it's Ian who pulls me towards him and his lips are warm against mine.
He's just looking out for me, as always, I think. I've gotten used to speaking in my head, but not to the emptiness that always answered back. I smile against his lips as I reassure myself. He still loves me. He's just worried.
"Alright, alright, stop making out, we have boxes to put up."