When someone asks Takao about it, his answer is always the same.
"There's no need to rush!" he says, defensive. "Besides, you know Kai --"
And then, just like that, the subject is dropped. After all, it's obvious. Raised in a religious setting (sorta), with a strict upbringing by his grandfather (sorta) and an obvious wish to keep his distance from people (... that one was 100% true); Kai is the perfect explanation (excuse) for the answer to the question that burns everyone's mind:
"Have you had sex?"
Geesh, you go out with a guy for one or two years and people start getting all expecting and stuff. It's true that there isn't any need to rush; they're both young, they have their entire lives ahead of them. It's actually fine (romantic, even) to some people that they've decided to wait until they were both ready, body and soul.
...
That's all well and good, but the real truth is that Takao has never actually talked about it with Kai. He's never even come close to breaching the subject.
It's not that he hasn't tried or something. But, everytime he did, it's like he had a mental blockage. He can't properly form the question and ends up babbling about beyblade and hey that's a nice tree and Kai just kind of stares at him with this kind of horrified 'why the hell am I dating an idiot' stare, and Takao pouts and, well, the subject is completely forgotten because then they argue and make-out heavily.
... Most of what they do these days end in making-out when they're alone together, of course. Even once or twice in public!
But the point is, even though Takao's thought about it (like, a lot, and the hot water usage has gone drastically down in the dojo ever since Takao's hormones kicked in), he's never talked about it with Kai. And Kai hasn't talked about it, either, but he's Kai, and it's to be expected.
So he uses Kai as an excuse when the subject is brought up lightly by someone else to cover up for his own failure. Kai doesn't know, and everything is all for the better.
. . .
Except Takao's increasing libido, but.
What's a shower or two more than usual?
-------------
Gramps is out for a week. Something kendo-related. He'd talked about it for ages before leaving, but Takao had been watching Kai eat (in front of him, and okay it was just like, three strawberries, but still!) and so hadn't listened. At all. In fact, he thought he was gone to buy milk until Hitoshi had mentioned Takao being too old to need babysitting. ("Then again," Hitoshi had added meanly, and many pillows were thrown. And pillow throwing is a sure sign of maturity, so it totally shut up Hitoshi.) Then, Hitoshi had said he was leaving him alone for a night because he was old enough to take care of himself. (Then he'd added "But don't invite anyone over", but Takao had stopped listening when he said 'leaving him alone for a night', so who cares about that?)
Anyway.
So, for the first time since they were dating, Kai (because the first thing Takao had done when Hitoshi had left was call him over) and Takao were completely alone. For an entire night.
... Clearly, this was a sign it was about time Takao managed to breach the subject barrier.
-------------
He tries to a few times during the day, for practice. It all ends miserably, of course, with a lot of 'garble-argle-muh' and 'AND THEN THERE WAS A KITTY CAT' and 'so you're hot, I'm hot, let's... put on the air conditioner!'.
Takao knows by now for certain that he, well, kind of sucks. Like his life. Unfortunately, all that sucking is not in the good way.
But now! Now! It's late (nine o'clock is late enough, shut up) and dark (it's summer, so that's barely dark), and there is mood lighting in the dojo (because Takao broke the light in his room ages ago and never bothered replacing it and they don't own flashlights)! He is alone with Kai, both of them in his room. They're both lying on his bed (okay, on the futon on the floor, because his bed doesn't fit two people)! He is holding Kai's hand! He . . .
He's about to have a heart attack if the beating of his own heart is to be believed. He's nervous, and scared and his voice is stuck in his throat, and there's no way he can talk about this. No way. The occasion is perfect, but he just... can't do it.
I am the world champion of failure, Takao decides with a sigh, squeezing Kai's hand and closing his eyes, ready to accept defeat. He will die a virgin with a super hot boyfriend. So there it is, the future of Takao Kinomiya.
He hears Kai sit up next to him, slowly, though the other boy doesn't let go of his hand. He's not really holding it back all that much, but letting Takao hold it loosely for that long is a victory, especially in this weather. Shut up, progress is progress. Kai exhales, slowly, as if preparing himself for something. Takao refuses to open his eyes or move. He doesn't want to anymore. It'll only remind him of his failure.
"Kinomiya," Kai starts, softly, and Takao hums to show him he's listening. He is never opening his eyes again, not even to look at his hot boyfriend. So there. "... There's something I've been wondering about."
"Go on," Takao urges him without opening his eyes.
"Why the fuck have you been telling everyone I'm not ready to have sex with you?" Kai asks him, bluntly, and Takao sits up, eyes wide open in less than 0.3 seconds. He flails a little, letting go of Kai's hand in the process.
"W-what are you talking about!" Takao says, gesturing wildly. "There's no -- I mean -- what -- you knew?"
Kai stares at him like he's a little retarded. "How stupid do you think I am? You mentioned it to a reporter."
Takao stares at his boyfriend blankly. He honestly doesn't remember telling it to a reporter... Then again, he kind of doesn't notice who he tells that little white lie to. Err.
Oops.
"... So, did it make the front page?" Takao jokes, laughing nervously. Kai's look could freeze hell from seven hundred miles away. "M'gonna take that face as a yes... Well, it's not like I wanted to affect your reputation or anything--!"
Kai cuts him off with a slight shove. Takao shuts up before he can turn it into a kick. "I don't care what people think," Kai scoffs, "They can believe what they want."
Takao stares at him bewilderedly, tilting his head to the side and blinking with huge eyes. (The cute appeal sometimes works when Kai wants to kill him. It's either that or having a kitten on hand at all times, and one day of trying the latter proved ... difficult, at best.) "Soo... if you don't care, why are you mad at me?"
"... You're an idiot, that's why," Kai mumbles, crossing his arms defensively over his chest. "If you think I'm some broken little thing that can't... handle it --"
Truth be told, Takao's not sure where Kai is getting at -- something with Kai's pride and Takao not having faith in him or something stupid like that, probably -- but he still stops his boyfriend's tirade before it can get any worse, grabbing the older boy's shoulders and kissing him fiercely. Before Kai can push him away, he stops to look at Kai. Kai looks affronted at being interrupted, of course, but his face is flushed, too.
Aha, I am the best kisser ever, Takao gloats mentally before moving on to bigger things. Mainly: setting things straight (not literally) and possibly finishing the night in a way that includes naked people (and Takao not making a stupid face like all the other times he saw Kai naked so that this time Kai does not throw whatever is at hand at him, telling him to 'stop making that stupid face').
"That's not it!" Takao defends himself. "It's not that I don't think you can handle it or whatever -- though that is a convenient excuse. It's just that, like, everytime I tried to talk to you about doing... t-that, it's like my brain short-circuited or something."
"You have a brain?" Kai deadpans, and Takao pouts at him because Kai is a great big meanie.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," he mumbles, "Anyway, I guess... this is us talking about it, huh?"
Kai sighs again, then shrugs, almost... nervously. But there's no way, right? I mean, this is Kai. "I guess," he mutters, and... no, yeah that tone is definitely nervous.
D'awwwwww that's so cuuuuuuute~!, Takao gushes mentally, and ignores the fact that he is also nervous and really has no right to talk. Also, if Kai could read thoughts, he would've left already.
"Well, I'll just say this outright! Kai, I ... I want to... That is, you and me, we should..." Takao flails a bit, and then hangs his head low. Even like this, he couldn't say it. It was just -- it was just so --
Embarrassing! Gaaah! Shouldn't those things just happen naturally?! Like, making out suddenly leads to sex? That's how it works with normal teenagers, right?! Why can't they just be normal teenagers!
Takao's face is burning, and he knows he's blushing horribly. Kai, for his part, isn't faring that much better, looking pointedly away from Takao. His arms are uncrossed, but one of his hands is now busy bunching up his pants in a fist. This is the worst conversation ever.
Alright, fine. Takao's had it. If he can't say it, then, he's decided: he'll just have to explain himself physically instead!
...
Of course, in his mind, tackling Kai to the floor and kissing him soundlessly didn't mean that Kai would hit his head that hard on the floor, or that their kiss would be more like teeth hitting each other in a painful way.
So mostly, that ends up with him just sitting on Kai, holding both the older boy's wrists with his hand and looking extremely panicked.
"Kai?! Did I kill you?" Takao asks, panicked, but doesn't move from his spot straddling Kai because Takao fails at priorities.
Forever.
Kai doesn't answer, just tils his head a little to stare at him, eyes half-lidded, his hair in his face and a ...
...
terribly hot expression.
Aaaand now Takao's pants are pretty uncomfortable. Takao's face flushes so much he's sure he looks like a tomato. Or he's the shade of Yuriy's hair. Whichever.
"K-Kai," Takao starts, then swallows with difficulty, his throat too dry. "Y-you..."
Kai closes his eyes. "Stop talking," he mutters, not even trying to get out of the grip Takao has on him. "You're pissing me off."
Takao stares at Kai stupidly. He sure doesn't look that angry. ... Then, he realizes that he's still got Kai pined underneath him and lets go of the boy's wrists abruptly. Kai's eyes open slowly when he does this and he, in turn, grabs Takao's wrists, using them as leverage as he sits up -- still with Takao straddling him -- and then, just when Takao thinks Kai will kiss him --
He just drops his head to the junction between Takao's neck and shoulder.
"... I want to," Kai mouths on Takao's skin.
And, well.
Takao decides to screw talking and just, well.
Screw.
-------------
Their clothes are lying everywhere in about ten seconds -- they weren't wearing that much to begin with, Takao with his pajamas and Kai with a t-shirt and boxers -- and they start the only way they really know how to start --
Making-out, that is. Takao's heart is beating so fast in his chest he thinks he might die, and he's thought about this so much -- just this, just Kai and him and nothing else, no clothes no people no embarrassment or anything. There is embarrassment, and he's not sure how they're going to do this, but he doesn't care. He's done planning. He just wants to ... let things flow.
As much as he can, anyway.
They haven't really moved from their previous position; he's pretty much still straddling Kai, but his wrists are free now and he doesn't actually know where to place his hand now. He just kind of, grabs at Kai's shoulders loosely, pushing himself off a bit. He looms over Kai freaking Hiwatari, naked and beneath him, breathing heavily and his face slightly flushed. Kai looks like he has no idea what to do with himself in general. Takao wants to laugh but can't, too nervous, breathless, whatever, so he settles for a grin as he pushes Kai down a little.
Kai gets the hint -- sort of -- and leans back on his elbows, looking at Takao almost expectantly, and so Takao can't actually back off now. Or at all. He nudges at Kai's legs a little, trying to give him a hint so he can ... do what he needs to do. Y'know.
Takao's just glad he watched porn a few times; even if it was ridiculous and kind of horrifying, it does give him a general idea of how things go. Something Kai doesn't seem to have at all.
A small voice at the back of Takao's head goes biiitch I'm on toooop oh yeah and Takao blames the alcohol he didn't have and has never had. It's still a good excuse.
Kai opens his legs a little after some more nudging, but he does look ever-so-slightly mortified about it. Takao grins in what he hopes is seductive, or at least charming way, trying to be reassuring but from the look on Kai's face it's probably a more retardedly happy grin than anything.
He can't be good at everything, sheesh.
He grapples a bit under his bed with one hand, trying to hold himself up above Kai with the rest of his limbs (balance is terribly hard for Takao) and sincerely hopes he still has some -- Yes!
Lotion, bitch.
He shows it off with a huge grin and Kai just stares at him like he's kind of nuts, and Takao laughs a little, breathless. He has knowledge! ... That comes from porn and Hitoshi's list of personal things he needed to buy (Takao had found it somewhere, and then TMI happened), but still. He puts some on his fingers, quickly, and kind of stares at Kai stupidly for a while, forgetting what he wanted to do.
"You're--" Takao starts, and Kai interrupts him by grabbing one of Takao's arms and kisses -- bites, too, fuck -- him soundly.
"Shut up," Kai grounds out, "Just-- do it."
Takao complies when Kai lets him go, even though it's weird and awkward and Kai looks uncomfortable and weirded out. There's nothing really all that sexy about it except for Kai's flushed face, so Takao just nudges his legs again and Kai exhales loudly before complying. So Takao just puts lotion on himself and just does it.
He stops abruptly when Kai hisses loudly, even though all his body shakes with the urge to just move. Kai breathes loudly, then moves himself -- Takao groans, loudly, and Kai pushes him up at the same time so they're back to the original position, with Takao straddling Kai --
Takao moves without warning, unable to stop himself. Takao is loud and can't help but moan and make all sorts of noises, because it feels good. Takao realizes that Kai's stayed silent for the most part, heavy breathing only, and Takao fears he's doing something wrong when suddenly Kai's blunt nails leave a mark on his back as he makes a keening, needy noise in the back of his throat and bites Takao's shoulder, hard enough to make it bleed.
It goes on like this for a while -- Kai tries to keep his noises to a minimum, and so he just bites and Takao, even though it hurts like a bitch just loves it -- the feeling, the emotion, and he realizes, belatedly, that he's forgotten -- and it's not like Kai can take care of himself that much, since he's the one keeping them balanced on the floor now (barely), while Takao's only really got a grip on his hips, so it's only normal that he's the one who reaches.
Kai gasps and then bites, even harder than before, Takao's hand coming all sticky (stickier) and Takao can't help himself; just lets go completely.
They topple to the floor after a while, and when Takao can see again he realizes his cushion is Kai's chest.
It is a very nice cushion.
"... Well, that was... nice," Takao mutters, breathless.
"Shut up," Kai groans, "Didn't I tell you -- not to talk?"
"Love you too," Takao grins.
Kai's expression is pretty much completely spent, and Takao's overgrown ego gains a very much unneeded boost. Ah! He bets they lasted hours, and --
And a look at the clock destroys his ego boost by showing it has barely been five minutes. Shut up, clock. It has been hours in his mind.
"... You're sticking," Kai notes, half-heartedly trying to push him off. Takao rolls his eyes and gets up and out, really -- though with the groan Kai gives that was very much not that wanted. "Kinomiya," he tries in a warning tone, but really Takao is too busy admiring their handiwork.
Heh.
"Wanna go for round two? I have a pretty big shower, and we have the whole night ahead of us."
"... Whatever."
Takao takes that as a yes.
Why is THIS how I show I'm not dead? Good grief.
First off, I'd like to say, to everyone reading Your Own Personal Hell: ... it's not dropped! I've just had a lot of MAGICAL STUFF come up in real life that, for some reason, made it terribly hard to update. (Spoiler: It was not actually magical.) To prove that I'm not dead and am planning on updating my fics sooner than later, I decided to post horrible, hilarious non-porn I wrote sometime this summer. Also, to tide everyone over. I actually doubted if I should post this, because, well, horrible and hilarious and awkward first time sort of porn? In MY Beyblade?!! No way!!1 ... Buuuuut then I realized, I'd posted a genderswitch fic with yuri TyKa. I can post terrible porn if I want to. At this point, my reputation cannot suffer.
... I'm not actually sure why I didn't post it SOONER, but it might have to do with having lost it for the past eight months. (Ha. Haha.) So, yes. Not dead! Chapter ten of YOPH IS coming before the end of February! And this horrible fic is all you have to tide yourselves over until then. I AM THAT EVIL.
Note: Oh lord I'm so sorry I'm posting TERRIBLE PORN.
Actually going to update that fic now, ha ha, and hoping no one guts her for this one,
- Zia