A/N: So, this is a thing Liz (childofruin) and I have been working on for a while and it's still nowhere near to be finished. It'll be posted slowly, but surely.
It was strange, that was about the only word she could thing of to fit her current situation. The last thing she remembered was spending an evening at home in her apartment in Boston re-doing her resume yet again hoping she would have better luck with it when she applied for the next job. And now she was standing at an unfamiliar door. Nothing else in sight, only the door. With not much in the way of options she took a breath and opened it, wondering what would be on the other side.
With what felt like a static charge and looked like a burst of energy she moved from the side of the door she had been on to the other. She now stood in the middle of a field she didn't recognize turning around to see no building but the door standing on its own. Before she could turn the knob again to look back inside, it disappeared.
She shook her head and blinked her eyes several times trying to rationalize what she just saw, or any of this really. Was this a new side effect of her schizophrenia that her meds weren't covering? If it was she'd have to go back to the doctor and get a new prescription because she was not up for anymore crazy.
As she stood there baffled and trying to figure out what the hell was going on, and even if this was all real she thought she heard footsteps. Looking up she noticed people approaching her. Two older gentlemen and three that looked to be around her age or a little older. And the closer they got the more they looked like they had seen, or were seeing, ghost.
When they had gotten close enough to her they stopped and just stared. She stared back waiting for someone to say something. As she stood there studying them she noticed that one of the younger men was wearing a bulletproof vest with a law enforcement logo and another one had a badge on his hip. Cops, good maybe they can help me she thought.
It was close to Jennifer's death anniversary and what it hurt the most, was the empty promises Duke promised her and promised himself. He promised to never let anything hurt her, promised to make her feel safe and promised her the best. Now, the memories Jennifer left him was all he had but still wasn't enough. Duke would rather have his Jennifer by his side, where she belonged.
The troubles were also gone and Duke knew more before anyone else how much Jennifer would have loved seeing that happen.
It also was hunting season and everyone decided he had to go with them. Nathan and Dwight convinced him to go saying it would be nice to have a weekend off, thinking about everything but work. Deep down, Duke knew they knew. They knew how hard it was being on him, even though Duke was trying to hide – and probably not being the best at it –, they knew that when he was busy, it was easy to forget about the pain and focus on the good things but when he was alone, laying in their – his – bed, that was when it hurt the most and everything came back to him all at once.
He hated himself even more for not being able to make her a proper funeral. Jennifer was too kind for the things that happened to her and of all the people the troubles took away from them, she was the one who deserved it the most.
Duke would give his life to her if that meant having her there instead of him. Jennifer wouldn't like that, but she did deserve the best.
"Look, I know I read the map wrong, but–", Vince's and Dave's bickering cut his line of thought. Duke focused on where they were. It was a giant and empty field, just like the one Lexie came out of the door. Haven had plenty of them.
Except that it wasn't empty. There was someone there and he was sure it was a woman. A small, pale and brunette woman. She was also wearing the same clothes Jennifer was wearing the day she passed away.
Duke's mind barely processed what Dwight had said and the only thing he could think was, "Jennifer", Duke whispered, not sure if he said out loud or if he was just thinking it.
"Jennifer?!", Duke yelled at the top of his lungs and it wasn't exactly an affirmation, but it wasn't a question either. He was having a little bit of hope, the kind he didn't have in a long, long time ago.
Was he saying her name? Because that's what it sounded like to her. How did he even know her name? He didn't even look a little bit familiar. Was this further proof that this was all some kind of hallucination caused by her schizophrenia? But if it was how would she be aware of it? Weren't schizophrenics unaware of their hallucinations being hallucinations or something like that?
If it had been one of the two cops she may have been less confused. Maybe she had gone missing with some episode her doctor warned her could be possible and they were searching for her. But if they were searching for her why did they look so surprised, and somewhat freaked out, to see her? This was all too much at the moment. She was still trying to process what just happened with that door.
Several minutes had passed since anything had been said so she decided to break the silence. "How do you know my name? Did I go missing, are you guys the search party? Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" She started firing off the questions. Quietly adding at the end "Is any of this even real or have I finally gone completely crazy?" It was barely audible.
The look Jennifer gave them hurt more than Duke expected to. She looked confused and scared and after all these months, Duke realized she looked smaller than he last remembered. Looking closer, she was wearing almost the same clothes from that day – her scarf wasn't with her –, her voice still carried that softness only Jennifer had, even if she was more than uncomfortable around them.
And how she was reacting to everything or the things she was saying, it wasn't what he expected at all. He expected her to jump on his arms and then, then he would comfort her and say everything was okay – more to himself than to her. Everything Jennifer was saying – about going missing, hallucinations, being schizophrenic –, it was all nonsense. Jennifer knew she wasn't crazy.
"Jennifer, please. Jen– midget, don't do that to me. Don't do that to us."
All Duke wanted to do was check if everything was real, if it was really happening or if it was just one more of his dreams, the kind of dream he would wake up to the left side of the bed empty, where Jennifer was supposed to be sleeping.
He walked closer to her, slowly laid his hand on her shoulder and then went for her cheek. Her skin was arm under his own. The opposite of a dead body and the same Jennifer he always knew, the same Jennifer who broke him out of the hospital room, the same Jennifer who could brighten up a whole room with just the kindness of her smile. The same Jennifer Mason who chose to trust him even if they knew each other for no more than 15 minutes. His Jennifer.
Duke leaned closer to leave a kiss on the edge of her lips, "Please, I need you."
He was walking toward her now, the one that had said her name. She didn't know what to think of the look on his face. It was confused, hurt, relieved, unbelieving and so man other things wrapped into one sad expression.
He was saying her name again, and for some reason he called her midget. That bothered her a bit, why would he call her that? And what he was saying was nonsense. She didn't know him, how did he know her? And what did he mean us?
While she was processing all of this he drew closer. She froze when he put his hand on her shoulder and moved it to her cheek. Why was he touching her? And why did it feel like every nerve in her body had turned into a live wire?
She did not react to someone she didn't know like this, even someone attractive. Hell she couldn't remember ever having someone's touch send this kind of electricity through her. It made no sense. None of this made any sense.
She finally found her ability to move when he kissed her. Electricity or not he had no right kissing her, she didn't know him. Her hand lifted and smacked him weakly across the face and she jumped back.
"What are you doing? Who are you and what makes you think you can just kiss me?! Do you kiss every stranger you meet?!" She was speaking rapidly and her voice climbed into a higher octave as she neared the end of her questions.
After catching her breath and still trying to understand any part of all of this she turned to the two cops who were wearing baffled looks. "Can one of you help me? My name is Jennifer Mason, I live in Boston and I have no idea where I am or what is going on"
Her words hurt more than the slap itself – not that it was hard, in the first place. Duke closed his eyes and clenched his fist. Right, she didn't have her memories and whoever or whatever stole them, was going to pay. And it wasn't going to be a beautiful thing, he promised himself that.
Duke was about to open his mouth to say something again – maybe apologize for acting the way he did. It just had been a rough year and seeing her there at the field and seeing Jennifer the way she used to be, it was more than pleasant, with memories or not.
But then, when any sound was about to come out from the back of his throat, Dwight pulled him as far as possible from her, but still on their sight.
"You're scaring her", Dwight mumbled quietly so only both of them could hear. Duke wasn't really paying attention – all he could think of was her. Nathan was carefully speaking with Jennifer and doing his best to comfort her. That was hurting him a lot. He was the one supposed to be there, telling her everything was going to be fine. Not Nathan.
"We're going to take Jennifer to the station and then take her statement. You should head back to Rouge."
"I'm not leaving her. If you take her to the station, I'm going there as well", because last time Duke looked away from her for five damn minutes, she stopped breathing and died. Now, if Jennifer was going anywhere, he was going there as well. Duke wouldn't let anyone or anything take her away from him a second time.
He didn't answer her, and before she thought to say anything else the larger of the two cops was pulling him away from her. She didn't understand it but in the pit of her stomach it felt like this was wrong, that he shouldn't be being taken away from her. But it made no sense. Who was he anyway? She shook the feeling away and turned her attention to the other cop who was cautiously approaching her.
It took some doing but he soon had her calmed down from the ordeal, well as calm as it was possible to get in a situation like this, and convinced her to go with them to the police station to give a statement. He promised that they would help her figure out what was going on and that was all she needed to hear. She hated not knowing where she was or what was going on.
So they headed towards the station, followed by the other officer and for some strange reason the man that had kissed her. No one had offered to explain that to her yet. Putting it in the back of her mind in favor of more pressing matters she joined the cop who had been helping her, Nathan was his name, in his office.
They decided it would be best if she started out making the phone calls she thought would be best. So she started off with her building manager, hoping maybe he could tell her something about when she left. But her phone call did everything but help her get a handle on things. What he told her made no sense.
According to him she had terminated her lease over a year ago and had all of her things sent to Haven, Maine. Apparently she had said she would be moving there and living on a boat. She had just been there, what did he mean over a year ago? And why would she ever terminate her lease? To live on a boat?
After that phone call she had to sit down for a bit. As she was trying to wrap her mind about all of this she caught sight of a calendar. The date on it matched up with what the building manager had said. But how could she have forgotten an entire year? This just wasn't right.
"How? Just how?" It was all she could say. Nathan didn't know how to answer her. He excused himself while she sat there trying to gather her thoughts. Trying to pull something of the time she couldn't remember out of her head but nothing came. After giving up on that she walked out of the office where she found the three men talking quietly. With an attempt to keep calm and try to get things settled she took a breath before speaking.
"So um, where is this boat I supposedly live on?" She didn't know what else to say. Maybe once she got near her things something, anything, would come back to her. Looking up she waited for some sort of response from them, as they had all been quiet since she had entered the room.
Convincing Jennifer to go into a car with him was harder than he expected. Jennifer was supposed to trust him. She always did – but they started with the wrong foot. He started with the wrong foot. If they 'barely knew' each other, why would he do that? Because if he hadn't, maybe that ride to Rouge would be anything but silent, with Jennifer looking at the town as he made their way to the marina.
Duke kept glaring at her from times to times, thing he would do when he knew something was bothering her. Instict almost made him reach for her hand and kiss it, trying to take every bad thought she was having and just, god, just calm her down and see a smile on her face.
But he didn't. Instead, he just kept looking to the road, glancing at her from times to times and hoping she wouldn't notice and feel more freaked out than she already was.
They got to the Rouge not much time after. He knew Jennifer wanted to be anywhere but there, anywhere but by his side. Duke could take her to the apartment above Gull – Audrey moved to Nathan's house not much time later after the troubles ended – but he wouldn't. He needed her close to him because aftyer one year, one whole year trying to not feel responsible for her death, he needed her close. He needed to wake up everyday and make sure she was okay and making sure she would be always okay. Not only for her sake, but for his as well.
He helped her climb on the boat and started showing her around. The boat was a mess to say the least – beer bottles and dirty clothes everywhere. If Jennifer had her memories, she probably would be pissed. Pissed because of the mess and because he wasn't taking care of himself the way he should've.
"Here's your room", he said as he grabbed the keys to unlock the door and opening it. Surprisely enough, it was the only part that wasn't all messed up. Her clothes were in the drawers, the perfumes on the dresser, the same order it used to be when it was in their – his – room, the bed was perfectly made. He could even smell her scent there. It seemed like her room was a totally different place from Rouge, "I, ah, I hope you feel comfortable."
"And so we're clear, I sold some of your clothes. Not all of them fit in here and I couldn't leave them in my room."
As it turned out the boat she lived on belonged to the man that had kissed her, Duke was his name. She hadn't known what to say when they told her that. She had been living with this guy, and from the way he had acted when she had appeared in the field earlier they must have been something of an item. But she didn't remember it, or him. And how could she just jump into something with someone she couldn't even remember?
She was very hesitant about getting into a car alone with the guy, much less sleeping in the same house (or boat) with the guy. But the fact remained that she did need to live somewhere and if that was where she had been living then that was where it would be. And if it was too uncomfortable she could always find an apartment or a hotel once she got a hold on her financial things once again. She told herself this again and again as she climbed into the passenger's seat.
Keeping her eye on their surroundings as he drove she tried to make herself recognize something. And the more nothing seemed familiar the crazier she felt. Maybe this was all one big hallucination. The call and all. Maybe she had been admitted into a psych ward and she was sedated and this is what she was dreaming. She pinched herself to be sure, but sure enough she felt it. And if this wasn't all some huge hallucination or dream then what was it? And just how crazy had she gone to forget more than a year of her own life?
They finally pulled up at a marina and everything still felt so foreign. Not even a twinge of familiarity. Making the way over to the boat she cautiously took his hand so he could help her aboard. Withdrawing it as soon as she was got her footing. Walking onto and into the boat and observing everything as she followed him she noticed how much of a mess it was. She sincerely hoped, even if she had been crazy while living there, that it hadn't looked like this when she had lived there.
Letting herself take a breath finally when he showed her to what he called her room she took a look around. At least her own things looked familiar even if their settings didn't. Recognizing at least something made her feel better, if only a little bit. She took a step in and just took a moment to take everything in. Only turning around when he began to speak again.
"Yeah I should be fine, thanks" She replied, and was about to ask him to give her a few minutes to herself when he mentioned that he had sold some of her clothes.
Her eyes widened and she was sure the look she gave him was a hostile one. Her brain just barely picked up on the fact that he had mentioned her things being in his room, meaning that they had been sharing a room. With that thought pushed to the back of her mind she continued to look at him. Did he even have any idea how hard it was to find outfits that matched up so well even down to the undergarments?
"You..you sold my clothes? What do you mean? I mean my clothes really?!" It came out quickly and at a slightly high pitched tone.
She didn't mean to freak out, but this was her clothes that he was talking about. In her head she knew that if there wasn't room there wasn't room and it was the logical thing to do given that she had been gone from there for about a year from what she had gathered. But hey she was crazy and what did a crazy person need with logic anyway?
Making herself calm just a bit she took in a breath and added "Which outfits did you sell? And please tell me you sold them as outfits and didn't just pick up stuff here and there and break up sets."
Her reaction to the clothes weren't what he expected. Duke expected Jennifer to react better and to be und understanding. Probably because she didn't trust him and didn't want to be there. Duke decided to tell her about the car later.
"I just picked up stuff and sold them. Why, is that bad?", Duke whispered.
Taking a glance around the room, Duke realized he never had been there in her room. Not really, anyways. He had been there when Jennifer accidentally overslept and he had to wake her up and when they were painting the room – but that room still wasn't her room, not really.
Duke sat on her bed and started rubbing his eyes. That wasn't right. It just wasn't. He felt relieved but at the same time sad. Jennifer was there and she was fine. Not even a scratch and she didn't look like that dead body he buried in the sea. Not at all.
He stared at her neck. The scar Wade gave her was still there. Maybe, maybe that would trigger one of her memories – not one of the best, but at least something. "How did you get that scar? On your neck?"
He seemed surprised by her reaction. She knew it may have been a little over the top but she was pretty fond of her clothes.
She was going to smart off and let some of her frustration from the entire situation come out on him until she saw his face. He looked so confused and so sad. Instead she drew in a breath and told herself that this could be turned into something positive like a shopping trip and new clothes.
"It will be okay. I can go through them later and figure out what needs to be replaced"
She wasn't sure if he had heard her, he was looking around the room now and seemed deep in thought. It looked like a room to her, one with her touch on it in the mess of a boat. And even if she didn't remember it at least she remembered some of the things in it and that made it the most comforting thing that she had seen all day.
By the time she was looking at him again he had taken a seat on the bed. She would have said something about that if he didn't look so tired. She hadn't noticed it before but it looked like he hadn't had a good night's sleep (or possibly any sleep) in months at the very least.
Before she could say anything about his gaze fixing on her neck he spoke again.
"I don't have a scar on my neck" She replied, her tone confused.
At least last time she checked she didn't have a scar on her neck. Making her way over to the dresser she examined herself in the mirror sitting atop it. And sure enough there was a very visible scar on her neck. Her hand reached for it and her fingers lightly brushed it.
"How?" She whispered, it was more a question to herself.
It was a pretty noticeable scar and it should be something that she remembered getting but she was drawing blanks.
All of this confusion and uncertainty was getting to her even more at this point as the things she didn't know or remember continued to pile up. She could feel the tears welling up and she tried to will them away. She was not about to start crying in front of him. A single tear escaped but she wiped it away quickly and kept her head turned away from him.
"So um I should probably get settled in"
Duke was tired more than anything. When was the last time he actually felt like that? When was the last time he felt anything but numb? Looking at Jennifer there brought all the feels back – the love, the concern, the relief of seeing her and being able to touch her, even if it was only for a few seconds.
Duke bit his lips as she started to question herself about the scar on her neck. So much for triggering one of her memories. That confusion clear on her face and how desperate she was what hurt him the most. Not Jennifer not having her memories, but seeing how much she was suffering because of Haven's bullshit.
"Ah, telling you now – I guess it wouldn't do any good, y'know?"
The tears didn't go unnoticed, he always knew when Jennifer was crying even when she tried to hide. Usually he would wrap his arms around her, make her laugh, tell Jennifer everything was going to be all right and make her forget everything – except Duke couldn't. Couldn't because she didn't even remember what his name was. Stupid Haven for taking everything away from them, stupid him for asking her to stay when he clearly shouldn't.
He didn't comment about the tears though. Duke did as she asked and got up from the bed. He looked at her again – just making sure it was real or if he finally went crazy after all those months – and walked to the door.
"I'm sorry for this afternoon– I didn't mean to kiss you, it just happened. This last year has been rough without you around, not that it excuses my behavior, yeah, I know that but I truly am sorry and I do hope you forgive me."
Duke said before finally turning the doorknob open and leaving the room. He didn't look at her nor waited for her answer, that just would make things harder. Right now, all he needed was time to wrap his mind around everything that was happening all at once.
From his reaction and reply she realized that he knew how she got the scar. In the back of her mind she wondered why he would know at all and why he didn't think telling her would help anything.
She breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't say anything about her tears. Hopefully that meant that he hadn't seen them. It wasn't like she needed to give anyone around her any more reasons to think she was crazy.
It took her by surprise when he apologized and she was going to say something in return but he was gone before she could. Instead she let herself take a seat on the bed and lay back. With the door closed and him out of the room she finally let the tears fall.
This was all too much. Just everything about this day had been. She felt crazier than she ever had. Even crazier than when she had been hearing voices.
With that thought it crossed her mind that she should probably find her meds and take some so she wouldn't start hearing things again. When her search was fruitless she figured she must have ran out in the time that she didn't recall and made a mental note to have a new prescription sent to her tomorrow. Maybe once she got them in her system some of what was going on, any of what was going on, would make sense.
Duke hadn't bothered her anymore that night and she hadn't gone out of the room for anything other than finding and using the bathroom. A shower felt great but her mind was still a mess and so was she. But at least she was clean.
Most of her night was spent trying to keep her mind off of everything by going through her things and making a shopping list of what she would need. Once that was done she decided to go ahead and go to bed.
Unfortunately with nothing to do her mind wandered back to her fears and uncertainty and she eventually cried herself to sleep.