Time Machine Trouble!
Brown hair flopped down onto a 12 year old's face as he rolled over on his bed. The boy groaned and almost fell off the bed as he wobbled. Only two seconds later there was a loud thud as the pre-teenager hit the floor.
"Owwwwww!" the boy whined as he slowly pushed himself up off the hard wood floor. "My frigging head!" he held his skull in his hands.
"Are you okay, Jude?" his mother yelled from the living room.
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine! Almost cracked my skull open, but yeah I'm fine!" Jude shouted sarcastically.
"Don't exaggerate, Jude," he heard his mother walking toward his bedroom. "You didn't 'almost crack your skull open',"
She walked into his room and looked at his head. "You did bruise yourself pretty bad though," she stared at the bruise on his head from when he had fallen to the floor. "Cecilia, get your brother an icepack!"
"Okay, Mommy!" the 8-year old ran to the freezer and grabbed a large bottle that Jude liked to use. "Is this one okay?" Ceci asked as she darted into the room.
"That one's good," Jude took the cold container and gently applied it to the large bump. He sighed as the relieving cool surface touched his bruise. "Now I'm going back to sleep." Jude said as he hopped back into his bed.
"You can't go back to sleep now!" Ceci argued.
"I was awoken unexpectedly and rudely, it's 8:00 am, I gained a large bruise, it's summer vacation, and I'm not in the mood," Jude lifted the covers over himself and turned to his side so he wouldn't have to bother with his mother or sibling.
"But Jude-" his sister was interrupted by her mother's hand.
"There's no getting him up now," she said as she took Ceci out of the room.
But as we all know, good things never last. Jude was asleep peacefully for naught but five minutes, before a loud whooshing awoke him.
As soon as he realized he was awake, and not in a dream, he looked down and saw that he had almost fallen off the bed again.
"Not today, floor! Not today." Jude shouted in triumph.
2 seconds later he was thrown to the ground by a large thump on the roof.
"So close, and yet so far…" Jude sighed as he picked himself up. "What was that anyways?" he asked himself.
His question was quickly answered as an unknown blue object came hurtling down the side of his house.
"What's that life? You hate me too?! Good to know…" Jude stretched his back, put on some (relatively) neat clothes and ran outside.
Right there on the edge of his lawn…was a police box.
"A…a police box? Well isn't this just dandy! Falling police boxes! FROM THE SKY!" Jude walked over to the door of the blue box. "If things get any weirder I swear, I'm going to face palm,"
And then a woman fell out of the box. She had long, silky, brown hair reaching all the way to her shoulders, deep green eyes, and she was dressed in a fancy suit with a bowtie on it, some fancy pants, and of all things, red and white sneakers.
"So…" Jude looked down at the woman that had fallen onto the ground. "I take that back. You have weirded me out too much life. You went overboard," Jude shook his fist at the sky. "No face palm for you! Bad life! Bad!"
"Ugh…anyone get the number of the Cyberman that got me? Chances are that it's a lengthy one…" the woman coughed a few times, and then passed out.
"Huh…British. That's nice. Still…CURSE YOU LIIIIIIFEEEE!" Jude yelled, and shook his fist at the sky once more. "Frig it. C'mon lady, you are coming inside!" the 12 year old slowly dragged the woman to his home…
"AGH. NO. DALEKS. I HATE DALEKS!" the woman woke up screaming, and nearly made Jude fall off the couch that they were now sitting on. It was a rather troubling task making her sit up, so in the end, she was sort of curled up on the couch. So when she woke up he got kicked square in the side.
"Well, that settles it…she's either a crazy hobo lady…or a random person that has night terrors…oh the possibilities!" Jude waved his hands sarcastically, and rubbed his shins a bit.
"OI! I am not crazy! And for your information, I do not get night terrors…wait, why am I here? Oh no…OH NO…" the Doctor held her head and started shaking it. "Oh, I remember…the Daleks. Always coming back. Always there, just around the corner. Prepared to kill. And they were here again. The year 4699! Nearly at the 48th century! Oh, but then the Daleks came. They figured they could purge the human race again…but no. NO THEY DIDN'T! I showed them what's what! Hm…I'm more violent in this regeneration. WAIT! I regenerated! Oh, it wasn't even the Daleks…ugh! I had stopped the Daleks, they ran away…and then I just left. How did I regenerate…how?" the Doctor stroked her chin, while Jude continued listening to her-seemingly drug induced-story, purely out of his love for a good tale here and there. "Oh…oh that's embarrassing…I ended up running all over the city looking for my TARDIS…and I tripped over a FREAKING BRICK IN AN ALLEYWAY?! Oh, I am so stupid! I can't believe I would just…trip over a brick! Oh that's stupid! Stupid, stupid, Doctor!" she randomly pinched her ear. "Okay, not dreaming, this is real. I really did trip over a brick. That is a wasted regeneration! Oh, all the things I could have done! Oh, I carried the Olympic torch-no wait. That was 10! But I ran from Daleks, I ran after them, I got into a box and nearly destroyed the universe! But I didn't once go break-dancing! I bet old-me would have loved that! Oh, do I love that? No…maybe…nah, I hate break-dancing! It's silly! And far too complicated! I mean, have you seen people break dance? They just do it!" she snapped her fingers. "Boom! Just like that! I thought dance required choreography and rehearsal and…oh dear, I am confusing you, aren't I?"
Jude nodded dumbly.
"Hm…well, introductions first. I'm the Doctor, and you're a confused 15 year old. Introductions out of the way…" Jude put his hand out.
"First, I'm Jude. Second, I'm 12, not 15; I'm a tall boy. It's the hormones in the milk; makes all the kids taller. Third…doctor of what exactly?" the confused boy cocked his head.
"…cheese-making. I am a doctor of cheese-making. My name is the Doctor, though. Just, the Doctor," the Doctor stared at the boy, and he stared back.
"You are a very strange person Ms…Doctor. I haven't ever heard of cheese-making doctors…but there are stranger things in life," Jude smirked. "I would know. I've seen them,"
"Really? Ever seen an Ood? Now there is a strange creature. But quite amazing, just the same! Oh, I know a strange creature! The duck-billed platypus! Pity they went extinct back in the 30th century. But, what can you do?" the Doctor sighed.
"Okay, I don't even want to know…" Jude looked at her again. "You are confusing me a heck of a lot…so I'm going to apologize in advance. So, sorry if I decide to freak out," Jude shook his head. "Now, can you explain to me why you fell out of the SKY?! And in a FREAKING POLICE BOX?!" Jude yelled.
"Oh. That…well, you heard my story about regenerating, right? Well, whenever I regenerate, so does the TARDIS-the police box that I fell out of. Well, it regenerates most of the time. Sometimes it doesn't. I can't really tell when it will or won't…actually, if I'm correct-and I quite often am-then it should still be regenerating! But…that means I won't be able to travel! No! I want to travel! But I caaaaan't!" the Doctor started whining. "But I love traveliiiiing! I have to travel! I'm whining aren't I? Brilliant, I am now prone to emotional swings! BRILLIANT! JUST BRILLIANT! Oh, noooo, I don't get to be a man again and deal with what I know, NO! I have to be a girl now! Do I even own bras? NO! Wait, yes I do…BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT! I didn't want to be a woman, and now I am! Curse the wild nature of my regenerating! It's just so-oh. This is another mood swing, isn't it? Of course it is!"
Jude just looked at her, rather befuddled with her strange nature.
"And now you've confused the poor boy even more!" the Doctor shook her head. "Only one way to really find out why I'm here and explain it to him…say, could you tell me where my TARDIS is?"
"The thing on the lawn, right? Smoking police box?" Jude asked.
"Oh, yes, that's it! That's my TARDIS! Oh my, smoking? How badly?" the Doctor asked.
"Not much…it's the when-you-put-something-in-the-microwave-that-you-s houldn't-put-in-there type of smoke," Jude explained.
"Hm…I suppose that's not too bad…better safe than sorry though…" she ran to the front door, before stopping. "Wait, where are your parents? Shouldn't they be here?"
"What? Nah, they left a while ago. Took my sister with them, thank the high gods…" Jude smiled. "Ah, life without a sister is good. Pity it doesn't last long…"
"Wait, wait, wait! Your parents are gone? There isn't anyone to look after you?" the Doctor shook her head. "Parents these days. The parents of the old days were much better! Sure, they sent their kids to war, but they always took care of them! Oh, they were good parents!"
"My family's here! We live in a duplex! My aunt, uncle, and cousin are downstairs…sleeping. But they're here!" he argued. "And I am an able bodied 12 year old either way. I can protect myself just fine,"
"Yeah, yeah…just like the Daleks can't be stopped! Sure, lad…sure," she smiled, and ran out the front door.
"I retract my previous statement; you are not a strange woman. You are a strange and annoying woman," Jude growled and ran out after her.
"Oh, my sexy! My poor, poor sexy!" she gently stroked the side of the police box. "Don't worry! Everything's going to be alright…I'm going to fix you up, make sure you're all good inside, okay?"
Jude was now standing on the porch, staring at the strange sight of the woman stroking the police box and whispering to it.
"Creepy…yet completely natural…" Jude nodded, in some sort of unsaid agreement with the universe's strangeness. "Hey! What's up with you and the police box? Don't you need to fix that thing, or something? There's something wrong with it, right?"
"Shut up! Nothing is wrong with my Tardy! She's a beautiful creature! Don't listen to the mean boy, okay Tardy? Nothing's wrong with you! You're still my sexy, aren't you? Who's my sexy? You are! Yes you are!" she was now nuzzling the TARDIS now, acting like she was nurturing a baby.
"…not even gonna ask…" he sighed. "So…"
The Doctor paid him no mind, instead still nuzzling the TARDIS and saying the occasional "You're the best TARDIS. Yes you are, yes you are!" or "You're my sexy, aren't you? Who's my sexy? You're my sexy!" and thing's along that line.
"…I'm all for naming inanimate objects, but 'Tardis' sounds rather silly, don't you think?" Jude interrupted the Doctor's 'conversation' with the TARDIS.
"TARDIS isn't a name, it's an acronym! It stands for 'Time and Relative Dimensions in Space'. And my TARDIS is the sexiest TARDIS. Oh, my darling little sexy!" the Doctor was now nuzzling the TARDIS again.
"…the frig is a relative dimension…?" Jude mumbled. "Whatever. You clearly need to fix your…TARDIS…and then leave with it. As fond as I am meeting new people, I'm fairly certain my parents won't be happy to see a smoking police box on their front lawn,"
"WHAT?! Nonononono! I can't just LEAVE! The TARDIS takes me places for a reason, where something wonderful or exciting happens!" she threw her hands up in the air. "You expect me to LEAVE when something wonderful or exciting could happen?"
"…you're in Ohio. This is a particularly unexciting state. It's kind of the reason why I like it here. Very normal, not very surprising or scary. It's nice," he sighed. "It isn't really wonderful either, which is regrettable I suppose…but, eh, I live here,"
"And how would you know that it isn't exciting or wonderful?" the Doctor asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Because I live here. I live in Ohio. I have also seen the entirety of this state, and all in all, it's pretty average. I would even wager that it is very average. The averageness of this place is mind-blowing, in a very non-mind-blowing way," Jude stroked his chin. "Well, we have had a lot of astronauts, Olympic competitors, and the like, but they usually move away from here…Ohio's a good place to get away from I guess…"
"…oh. So Ohio hasn't gotten more exciting since I was last here?" she asked.
"Depends, when were you last here?" Jude asked.
"Oh, that's easy: when people 'found' America!" the Doctor grinned. "Granted, Ohio wasn't…Ohio…it was just land...but it was there!" she smiled again. "I really should go back and say hi to Columbus again…he was fun…" she chuckled. "Shame how he got thrown off his ship. Even sadder is the fact that he wasn't the first guy to find America…I should see Leif again too, actually!"
"…what?" Jude was a little bewildered listening to her babble. "Well…um…Ohio hasn't gotten more exciting since they found it,"
"Well…that's…disappointing…" she sighed. "No matter, something strange has to have happened here, or the TARDIS wouldn't have taken me here…anything strange happen to you?"
Jude put a hand to his chin and stroked it again as he thought. "I fell out of bed today!" he told her.
"How is falling out of bed abnormal-"
"I never fall out of bed. Ever,"
"Oh…" she suddenly pulled out a strange device that looked rather like a pen or marker, with a green light on the top. She then pointed it at him.
"Don't point strange things at me!" he yelled at her.
"Oh, don't worry! It's completely safe! Usually!" she clicked a button and it began whirring.
"Why the frig is it whirring?!" he put his hands up in front of him. "And why am I tingling? I don't think I like tingling!"
"I'm scanning you! Tingling is normal!" she was using a very calm and light-hearted voice. "Everything's fine, don't worry!"
"A strange device is being pointed at me, I'm tingling, and your telling me to calm down?! No! I don't like strange devices being pointed at me, and making me tingle! I don't like that very much at all!" the thing then made a strange 'blip', and the Doctor put it away.
"Good. All done!" she opened a small panel on the side. "Odd…no abnormalities of any kind…are you certain that falling out of bed was the only thing strange that happened today?"
"Yep. I have not seen, heard, felt, or even smelt something strange. Although…" he trailed off.
"Although what? Has something strange happened?" she grabbed his hand. "Tell meeeee!"
"I haven't watched the news today…" he told her, pulling his hand away slowly.
"That's not strange…" she frowned.
"No, obviously not. But the news could report on something strange. Which is what you want, right? Strange things?" he said.
"Yes! Strange things are good! A strange thing alone would do…but strange things? Even better!" she clapped her hands together and her frown turned into a smile. "Alright, news time sounds quite pleasing!"
"Good!" Jude smirked. "The news is great! Heck, one of my favorite things to watch. Next to cartoons of course," he walked inside, and waved a hand at her. "Come on!"
"A kid that likes news…maybe he does have abnormalities?" she scratched her head, before following him in.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome! To the Colbert Report!" uproarious applause poured out from the TV. The man on camera smiled. "It's like I'm famous! Oh wait!"
"What?" the Doctor was prepared for news. This was not news.
"I love this show," Jude sat down and smiled.
"This is…not news…" Jude looked at her.
"Still a better source than CNN," the Doctor smirked at Jude's quip.
"Tonight, I'll be interviewing a doctor!" he stopped. "Of medicine, thank goodness!" large amounts of laughter followed.
"Hey, maybe he's interviewing you!" Jude smirked. "I mean, it is a 'doctor'," he snickered a bit.
"His name's John Smith! But before I interview him-and maybe get myself some heart medicine," much chuckling was had by the audience. "We're going to talk about something more important than him right now though; me!" people were constantly giggling from his jokes. "And current events, but that's only because of the contract," the audience laughed again.
"…he is interviewing me…" she put her head in her hands. "Of course…"
Jude blinked. "Well...that makes this an interesting episode…"
"Just yesterday, a space ship was spotted around the border," Colbert shook his head. "Don't we have enough aliens crossing it already?" this brought another round of laughs. "Now folks, I'd dismiss this as nothing but some guy with a camera thinking he found another form of life. Of course the guy being a team of well-trained scientists who are looking for this type of thing, and the camera being one of the most high-tech telescopes invented," Colbert somehow managed to keep a straight face through the chortling of his audience.
"Wait, you said you were interviewed this episode…how come you didn't investigate this when you were there?"
"I had other things to fix at the moment. Namely the fact that there was a large, highly destructive, and not at all well-tempered, Reaper," she sighed. "Not fun…"
"Since this ship has been spotted, the world leaders had a meeting, and have decided that they are going to try and contact this race. Now, when they do first find this race, they're going to begin communications. The second thing they should do; send them a TV, and tell them to tune in to Comedy Central. I need to expand my demographic, so why not try and go out of orbit?" the audience applauded. Colbert smiled and then performed the Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper, my new viewers!" the audience clapped as they went into fits of chuckling and giggling. Jude would've laughed along with them, were it not for the fact he was rather vested in the Doctor's story.
"What's a Reaper?" Jude asked.
"Oh, just a thing that appears when a paradox happens. Sometimes they don't…it really depends on the size of the paradox…it's complicated," the Doctor continued elaborating as the show went to commercial break. "Like if you met yourself. That's a paradox, but it's not really endangering all of time. Just a very small amount of time,"
"But aren't paradoxes supposed to destroy everything?" Jude asked.
"Yes…no…it's complicated…" the Doctor began rubbing her hands together. "It's…well, you know how an immovable object and an unstoppable force aren't supposed to meet each other?"
"Yeah…that's the basic example of a paradox…" he said.
"Well, let's just say for instance that the unstoppable force lightly scraped the immovable object…" the Doctor put her right hand up, and used her left hand to gently pass over the top of her right, as a demonstration.
"Is that what a small paradox is like?" he questioned, somewhat confused.
"No, it's nothing like that!" the Doctor laughed. "Completely different concept!"
"Oh…" he sighed.
"Anyway, this paradox was only big enough to warrant a single Reaper. Easy enough to get rid of, right?" she looked at Jude, apparently expecting an answer.
"Right…?" he was yet more confused.
"No, wrong! Reapers are not an easily gotten rid of thing! Anyway, as it just so happened, I had been interviewed while trying to fix the problem that had brought the Reaper, so I had to bring Stephen along for the ride. Suffice to say, Mr. Colbert is surprisingly good at throwing large-and explosive-objects!" she stopped reciting her story as the show came back on. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to relive the glory days…"
"You…got Stephen Colbert…to help you…stop an alien. You are awesome…" Jude went back to watching the show after hearing an (at least in his opinion) an utterly mystifying-yet terribly short-story. "You have to tell me more later…"
"Now, ladies and gentlemen, my guest tonight is famous for a few breakthroughs in medicine!" the audience cheered. "Let's see if 'I'm not high enough' is a good enough excuse for a prescription!" he ran over to the interview area, did a few laps around the table, bowed towards the audience (who were still cheering), and then sat down. There was a man across the table from him who had brown hair, swept to the right side of his face, green eyes, his face was…somewhat tender, in a way, but hard enough to look like he'd seen things. His attire consisted of a black button up jacket, denim jeans, tap shoes (?), and a green and red checkered bowtie.
"Uuuugh…" the Doctor groaned and looked down.
"What's the problem?" Jude asked, averting his eyes from the TV screen.
"Nothing…except that garish outfit!" she shook her head in disappointment. "What was I thinking?!" she groaned again. "A bowtie! UGH!"
Jude blinked. He looked back to the screen, where the Doctor and Stephen were now chatting.
"That's you?" he said, curious as to why the Doctor was saying this man was also her. "I know that you said it was you…but…that's a guy. You're a girl!"
"Well, yes…but I'm a Time Lord. Time Lords regenerate. In some cases they turn into a different gender than what they were before. Heck, I used to date a girl back on Gallifrey, and one day she up and turns into a man! How do you think I felt about that?" the Doctor paused. "Granted, it did open up a few new options…"
"Yeah, just gonna stop you right there. And no, I'd rather not hear about those events!" Jude shuddered. "On slightly less…disturbing notes, what you're saying is that Time Lords can regenerate into the opposite gender?"
"Yes. Anyway, I used to be a man, and this time I regenerated into a woman. The guy you're seeing was me before I regenerated into who I am now," the Doctor continued watching the interview, but not before grumbling something about bowties.
"Okay…" Jude moved a few inches away from the Doctor, and went back to watching TV.
"Now, John, as I said earlier, recent extraterrestrial sightings have been reported. What do you think of this 'stellar' discovery?" Stephen asked.
"Well…I've always thought that there was something out in space. It's mainly due to the location I grew up in, and there tended to be plenty of rumors about people being abducted and brainwashed. Granted most of them weren't true…" 'John' chuckled. "But, I ended up thinking that there had to be something more than my own planet. And this new discovery just proves me right. So I'm pretty happy to hear it!"
"I'm happy too! More species, more viewers!" the audience laughed. "Though, what if they turn out to be like in the movies?"
"Ah, in that case…well, better get some lube for the probing!" the audience erupted with laughter, while Colbert put a hand to his face and laughed along with them.
"Heehee...ha…ah, John, one last question before we end the interview; why the tap shoes?" Colbert asked, once he got over his fit of giggles.
"Do you ever know when you're going to need to tap dance?" John questioned back.
"No, I can't say that I do," Colbert responded, which got a few chuckles from the audience.
"Exactly my point," John smirked as the show went to commercial.
Jude was again bewildered.
"You tap-dance?" Jude looked at the Doctor.
"I used to. And then I regenerated…which was about 2-3 hours ago," she said, rubbing her neck.
"So you can tap-dance?" Jude asked again.
"No. I can't," the Doctor responded.
"Have you tried?" he continued pestering.
"No…nor would I care to. I don't like tap dancing," she told him.
"But how do you know if you haven't tried?"
The Doctor paused for a moment of thought. "Because I'm the Doctor. That's why," she got up and stretched her arms. "I'm very bored…I'm going to go fix the TARDIS," she grabbed Jude by the arm. "And you are coming with me!"
"Wait what?" Jude managed to say before being dragged back outside.
"Hm…" the Doctor tapped one side of the TARDIS. "Hmmmm…" she tapped another side. "HMMMMM…" she tapped the next side. "Huh," she stopped, and looked at the door.
"Remind me again why I am watching you poke at a police box like a caveman at fire?" Jude quipped, angrily. He was not happy about standing around, waiting for the Doctor to do…whatever it is she needed to do.
"Oi! Cavemen are far too smart to just poke at fire!" the Doctor shouted. "And you're sitting here because I am not taking the same risk I did with Amy!" she knocked on the door, and the TARDIS made a strange noise, similar to a foghorn clogged with mashed potatoes. "Yeah, that's a problem…" the Doctor sighed. "Alright, Jude, follow me. I'm fixing this from the inside," she opened the door and walked in.
"But…it's too small for 2 people…" Jude said, looking at the small police box.
"I can assure you, there's plenty of room!" she yelled back. "Come on, I don't have all day! Actually I do…but that's beside the point!"
Jude walked around in a circle a few times, thinking things over.
"Crazy lady wants me to go inside her police box that is clearly too small…and smoking…" Jude thought some more. "I'm gonna say no…"
Suddenly he felt a hand on the back of his shirt. "Well, that's too bad because I say 'yes'!" the Doctor dragged him into the TARDIS.
"Hey! This is illegal! This is abduction!" he shouted at her. "This is-" he had to stop shouting due to the fact that his mouth was far to open to form most of the syllables that he wanted to form.
"This is my TARDIS!" she exclaimed excitedly.
The room Jude now found himself gaping in awe at was large. Much larger than the outside of the TARDIS. It was round, with giant wooden spires jutting out of the walls and into the floor, and thousands of glimmering lights flicked on and off. The floor was metal, and filled with holes, allowing anyone to stare down at the thousands of wires below. The center of the room had a giant glowing tube, connected to a large control panel, with switches, levers, buttons, and a few bobs and bits…the control panel was also emitting a large cloud of smoke, but Jude was ignoring that for now.
"I…I…it's…it's…" Jude took a deep breath, and composed himself. "It's bigger on the inside. That's something I find rather strange,"
"Oh? You…didn't faint, scream, or start running around pushing things. You actually managed to…be fairly well composed! That might just be a first!" the Doctor pulled him up and patted him on the back. "You just did something I've never seen before! Good job!"
"Yeah, that's good…that's really good, you know that? Fantabulous even! But I'd like to ask you something; where is the softest area in this room?" Jude asked with a vacant stare on his face.
"Well the softest you can get is the blankets in the closet next to the generator, though I don't see why that's important…" she pointed towards the bottom of the room.
"That's good. That's very good. Fabutastic, actually!" Jude walked down to next to the core (which he noted was smoking), into the closet and pulled out a blanket. He then walked back to the Doctor, laid the blanket down next to her, walked on top of it…and passed out.
"Well…at least he lasted a minute longer than most…" she sighed. "Now then…time for looking around, screwing around, and sonic screwdriving around!" she giggled. "Ha! I am funny!"
…she wasn't really that funny.
Jude's vision was blurry, mainly because of the odd patterns which were now directly in front of his eye balls. It appeared to be diamonds which were plaid, and with multiple octagons of periwinkle surrounding them, with a few azure triangles here and there.
"Who would make such ugly patterns?" Jude groaned aloud.
"I would!" the Doctor yelled, before a large bang followed. "That's probably not good…" she proceeded to try and locate the bang, and get rid of it. "I never was good at knitting. Tried my hand at crochet too, but I was rubbish at it!"
"Wait…" Jude rubbed his head. "Strange woman…weird place…ugly blankets?" his brain stopped for 5 seconds, and then went incredibly fast for 2. "DOCTOR! TARDIS! FAINTING!" he shouted. "WHY AM I STILL HERE?!"
"Because I didn't-uh-oh!" a very high pitched 'fwee' sound came from a pipe next to her, and just as the Doctor moved out of the way a blast of steam erupted. "…going to need more than duct tape for that…" she grabbed a strange device that looked like a purple lightsaber, pushed a button and it started to get darker and darker in color, before it was a dark shade of violet. She grabbed pieces of metal and attached them to different areas while waving the…lightsaber-esque device over the hunks of iron, steel, and the like. "Because I didn't want to mess up again!" she said.
"…if you didn't want to mess up, then you probably shouldn't have brought me here. I am a clumsy boy. I am known as 'Captain Butterfingers'…mainly because I love butterfingers, but that's not important! I am a veritable bad luck charm for those around me!" Jude laughed. "If you wanted to mess up, congratulations you have your guy. But if you didn't…why the heck am I here?"
"I…I need a companion," she snipped a few wires.
"…Doctor, I like older woman, but not in that way," Jude shuddered. "I'm not even the age of consent yet!"
"No, not like that!" she grabbed a wrench and twisted something around. "Like a partner, a wingman, a sidekick!" she took out her sonic screwdriver and flipped it on so it could…do nothing. The screwdriver was dead. "Oh come on! Now? When I need you most? Lousy piece of rubbish!" she threw the sonic screwdriver behind her, for it to be forgotten in a trash bin.
"...if you wanted a partner, you could've just asked. You didn't have to kidnap me!" he walked over to her and looked at her. "As strange as you are…I would've said yes. It's been ages since I've done anything interesting!"
"Wait, really? Wow! You are a lot more adventurous than I thought!" she picked up a small bundle of wires and started putting them in. "You might want to move 2 steps backwards,"
"Why?" Jude was then given a small shock in his elbow. "Ow!"
"That's why," the Doctor frowned. "Well, there's not a whole lot I can do about the smoking, or the regenerating. I think we'll just have to give it a few hours," she yawned. "Time for a good nap. Been a while since I had one of 'em!"
"There are beds in this place?" the Doctor pointed over towards a corridor, with a sign next to it. The sign read 'bedrooms this way'. "Didn't notice that. A nap does sound good…"
They walked off towards the bedrooms, and proceeded to rest for a few hours.
Jude grimaced as he heard a loud beeping noise.
"But I don't want to wake up…" he grumbled. The noise continued beeping. "Fine…uuugh…"
Jude pushed the large comforter he was under off of himself, lifted his head from the incredibly soft pillows, and got up from his queen-sized bed.
"…something's not right here…" he said groggily. "I was on a mattress, with an itchy blanket on me, and I had regular pillows not-" he opened one of the pillows. "Feather ones? What is going on here?"
"The TARDIS is done regenerating!" the Doctor shouted as she burst through the door of the bedroom Jude was in.
"Oh…and what does that mean?" Jude asked.
"Traveling! Lots and lots of traveling!" the Doctor grinned wildly, and grabbed Jude by the hand, dragging him off to the control room.
"You know, I can walk on my own. I don't have to be dragged everywhere!" the Doctor let go of him, and he fell to the ground.
"Yeah. You sure can!" she laughed. "I mean you're so good at walking, it makes the Daleks feel inferior! You're so good at walking that-ooo, shiny!" she darted off.
"Shiny?" Jude looked up. "Oh, shiny. Shiny indeed,"
The room was no longer filled with wooden spires, blinking lights, or a metal floor. Instead it now had 4 large pillars surrounding the control panel that changed colors, and brought to mind a lava lamp. The floor was now a luminescent indigo, and as Jude walked along it, spots lit up where his feet landed. The blinking lights were gone, instead a giant replica of thousands of galaxies was on the ceiling, constantly moving and twirling. The control panel had been almost entirely revamped, now with less levers, switches, buttons, bits and bobs, but instead a few thingamabobs and twirlybits on each side. Each side also had a map. The front had a map of Earth. The left side showed a map of the solar system. The right side had a bird's eye view of the Milky Way galaxy. And the back had a map of the entire universe.
"It's…it's beautiful!" she dropped to her knees. "It's glorious!" she ran over to the control panel and hugged it. "Oh TARDIS, I didn't know you could be more beautiful! But you did it!"
A small tube popped out with a panel on it. The Doctor opened it and found a new sonic screwdriver.
"TARDIS, you shouldn't have!" she giggled in delight as she waved it around. "Oh, you're the best, do you know that? The absolute best!" she clicked a small button, and the sonic screwdriver changed to a pink hue, and holograms of cubes, spheres, pyramids, cones, and the like began twirling around. "Holograms? That's new," she clicked it again and it changed to a light magenta and it made a small beam of light appear, acting like a laser pointer. "And it changes colors! Amazing!" the Doctor clicked the button again, and it changed to a turquoise color as it made the strange whirring noise the old one made. "Oh, and it has the classic features! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" she hugged the control panel again.
"This is amazing!" Jude said, mystified by the lights and maps. "It's even more amazing than before!"
"The TARDIS can only get better. That's my rule of thumb anyway," the Doctor flipped a few buttons, and pushed a few switches, and then tingled the tangle, and tangled the tingle. "So, when did it happen?"
"When did what happen?" Jude asked, peaking around the corner of a pillar that he was inspecting.
"The alien sighting, obviously!" the Doctor turned a knob, and then pulled a lever. "I know the where, but not the when!"
"Hm…the episode was filmed yesterday…but they take information from a few weeks ago…anywhere from December the 20th, to 3 days ago, if I had to guess," he shrugged. "Could be before then, even. I don't know,"
"Well aren't you helpful!" she quipped. "How am I going to pinpoint something like that? It's hard enough pinpointing the exact second, hour, and minute, but pinpointing that and the day too, with little to no information giving me a clue towards a specific time frame?! It's damn near impossible!" she groaned and leaned on the control panel.
"Actually I could just go inside and-" he stopped midsentence, interrupted by the Doctor groaning again.
"It's going to take forever to get the time frame right and getting the TARDIS to go the right location on the first try is incredibly hard, and it's just going to be terrible…" she whined.
"Yeah, but I have-" the Doctor sighed, quite loudly, and Jude was cut off again.
"So I'm going to have to wait even longer to travel, and it's going to take at least 2 days to find all the specifics, and it's just so annoying!" the Doctor griped, and flopped down on the floor. "Uggggghhhh…"
"Doctor, I happen to have access to-" Jude was interrupted once more.
"Uuuuuuggghhhhhh…" she grunted, louder than before.
"The thing is though, I can check-" Jude's eyebrow twitched as he was once more interrupted.
"UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH…" she grunted again, even louder than before.
"…" Jude didn't speak, waiting to see if she would continue her grumbling. She did not. "Now, I happen to have a device known as-"
"UUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHH-" this time, the Doctor was to be interrupted.
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?! I HAVE A LAPTOP! I HAVE WIFI! I CAN ACCSESS THE STUPID FRAKKING INTERNET, GET THE FRAKKING INFO, FIND OUT THE FRAKKING TIME IT HAPPENED, AND WE CAN FRAKKING GO!" he screamed. "FRAK FRAKKITY FRAK-FRAK FRAKKING FRAK…" Jude took a deep breath, paused, and then: "…frak…okay I'm done,"
"You can find out the time?" the Doctor asked. "Suddenly, you have become my most useful companion!"
"Wait, really?" Jude questioned. "I mean, anyone with a watch could pretty much be the best companion ever if that's the case…"
The Doctor ignored his statement, and decided to hug him. "Ever~" she sang.
"…well, okay then," Jude began walking towards the door, before physics realized "hey, there's a larger object on top of a smaller object. That means the objects fall down, and the big one crushes the tiny one!"
In the brief second that it took Jude to realize this, he also realized that physics was a bit of a douche.
"Doctor?" Jude said.
"Best companion ever?" she said back, continually nuzzling him.
"Could you let go?" he asked politely. "I'm not fond of being crushed,"
"Oh! Right, sorry!" she let go of him. "I'm just a little...okay not a little…excited! We're going on an adventure!" she began skipping up and down.
"What have I signed up for?" Jude sighed and walked out to get his laptop…
"Well?" the Doctor asked for the 50th time in the last 5 minutes.
"'Well' what?" Jude asked back, scrolling through the search list.
"Have you found anything?" she looked over his shoulder.
"I have found lots of things. Not what we're looking for, but I have found things," he clicked to the next page, and began scrolling.
"Why haven't you found what we're looking for?" she questioned, staring at the screen.
"Because the internet is not cooperative. No matter how specific you get, the internet will always generate a million results," Jude changed the search, hit enter, and started again.
"What did you just do?" she asked, utterly bewildered by this strange piece of technology Jude was operating.
"…what do you mean 'what did I just do'?" he looked at the Doctor. "I searched something up. That's how the internet works,"
"Oh. I didn't know,"
Jude blinked. "…what?"
"I said I didn't know. I don't use computers," she told him.
"You can operate a time machine…but you've never even used a computer?" he cleaned his ear out slightly, to make sure he was hearing her right.
"Only once or twice, but I had help…" she smiled awkwardly.
"…really? Really?! I mean for the love of tech, the frig is wrong with you?!" Jude yelled at her.
"Well, we didn't have computers on my planet! We had-"
"You had spherical devices that responded to thought, didn't you?" Jude asked, interrupting her.
"No! Of course not!" she said.
"Well what did you have then?!"
"…pyramid shaped devices that responded to thought…"
Jude paused. He took a deep breath. He counted to 10. He went back to looking through the pages. "Oh, look, I found it!"
"Really?!" the Doctor giggled with glee. She began whispering excitedly. "Adventure, adventure, adventure!"
"Yes, adventure indeed! 30 miles away from the border of Mexico, 2 weeks ago, March 24th! At precisely 8:47 PM!" he told her, reading off the details from the page.
"Oh, goodie, let's go, let's go!" she grabbed Jude, but this time Jude managed to stay in place. "Aren't you coming with me?"
"Yes. After I pack my bags," he smirked. The Doctor grimaced.
"But that will take forever!"
"Yes. Yes it will,"
All of 10 minutes later…
"A copy of all my game data, my DS, all my DS games and GBA games, one dictionary, two books by H.P. Lovecraft, one copy of 'The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy', 10 journals, one set of basic gear, and one computer," he finished listing off the items he was taking with him, before stuffing his sister's laptop into his backpack. He got a piece of paper out, and wrote a short note to his family.
"Dear Family,
Thank you guys for being the best family I will ever have, and for taking care of me 12 years of my life. I'd like to apologize for making you guys worry about me, if you are worrying about me. I've decided to go on adventures throughout the galaxy, with a woman known as 'The Doctor'. Seeing as I will be gone for likely sometime, I felt like saying thank you and goodbye. Johnny, thanks for constantly being my friend, through thick and thin, even if I was a huge jerk. Uncle Adam, thank you for giving me such a different perspective on things, for giving me so many games that I've come to love, and for being a great uncle. Aunt Shannon, thank you for trying to help me with my problems, for letting me win even if you knew you could win, and for being the kindest aunt ever. Mom, even if you weren't always there to support me, I appreciate when you did, and thanks for trying to be a good mother and putting up with all the crap I gave you. Dad, thank you for giving me so much laughter in my life, and never failing to teach me something new about comedy, or writing, or how to succeed in life, for putting up with all the crap I gave you about being a Bald Walrus, and for being a great dad. Ceci, the only thing I have to say to you is sorry. I was a terrible brother, and I should've been nicer to you. I hope when I come back, I'll be a better person. If I am, I hope you'll forgive me for being so mean. Thank you, Bompy, for teaching me so much of the world today, of the past, and of tomorrow, for giving me knowledge I never knew I needed to know, and for being the best grandfather possible. Mimi, thank you for allowing me to find that piece of childishness I knew I had left inside, for giving me the ability to find adorableness in the ugliest of puppies, and for being the greatest grandmother I've ever had.
Now, I have to say goodbye. Maybe I'll save the universe. Maybe I'll solve cold fusion. I don't know, which is why I have to go adventure with the Doctor. Until I find out the meaning of the universe, I'm not coming back. When I do, I'll be that much wiser. Hopefully, you guys will be able to live without me. When I come back, I expect teasing for being gone so long, my room being clean, and a happy family waiting me. I will be disappointed if that's not what I get, so I hope you guys can do that for me.
In the most sincere way possible, goodbye,
Jude
P.S. Ceci, I kind of need your laptop for adventuring. Sorry."
"Well, I'm ready Doctor," he taped the note to the front door of his apartment, before walking down the stairs, backpack on his back, and a gleam in his eye.
"Oh, finally, that took an hour to do!" she exclaimed.
"It only took 15 minutes! Probably even less than that!" he yelled back at her.
"Oh yeah, sure it did! And I'm going to lose to a Sycorax in a sword fight!" she walked out the front door with Jude, running to the TARDIS doors. "Now come on, we have a space ship to see!" she opened up the doors and walked inside.
"Hoo boy…" Jude took a deep breath, took one last look at his house, and walked in with her.
A few minutes later…
"You see that weird lever-button thing?!" the Doctor yelled to Jude as the TARDIS shook. "I need you to push that up and to the left!"
"Which one?" he yelled back, trying his best to keep his organs from rocketing out of his face.
"The one on the left!" the Doctor told him, keeping a steady grip on the TARDIS control panel while turning a few dials.
Jude stared at the control panel. "They're all on the left!"
"THEN FLIP ALL OF THEM!" she yelled, before being flung left as the TARDIS rocked its way through the time-space continuum.
"Oh man…" Jude hesitantly pushed all of the weird lever-button things up and to the left, for a shocking result of…absolutely nothing. The TARDIS stopped shaking, and the only sound that could be heard was a quiet whooshing sound. Jude risked a question. "Are we there yet?" he whispered.
"I don't know, check outside…"
Jude walked over to the doors, and looked out. There were clouds. He looked down. They were there, he realized. Of course, they had overshot their landing point by about 200 miles. In the air. The TARDIS then decided to descend.
"CRAP CRAP CRAP!" Jude yelled, running over to the console, and grabbing on to it with all his might.
"This isn't good!" the Doctor shouted, gripping the console tightly.
"No wonder you have a British accent; you're Sherlock Holmes!" Jude yelled at her, the words absolutely soaked in sarcasm.
"Oh, well excuse me, Mr…Mr…Mr. Sarcasm pants!" she tried to insult to no avail.
"You aren't very good with the whole quip thing are you?"
"Not really, no…" the Doctor sighed as the TARDIS continued falling.
Jude was busy wondering why they hadn't hit the ground yet. "Shouldn't we be smithereens on the ground by n-" the TARDIS landed, smacking Jude right in the gut. After falling 1,055,999 feet, and being hit in the gut, Jude's hypsiphobia kicked in, and decided to get rid of itself by going through his stomach and out of his mouth.
"Oh, come on! At least do it in a bucket!" the Doctor shouted.
"Do you have any-" he heaved again, interrupting his sentence. "Any buckets?" he continued, before barfing again.
"…I don't know," the Doctor said, shocked.
"Well…craAAALLLGHUUU," Jude threw up again.
A good chunk of time later…
"You done yet?" the Doctor asked, as Jude continued heaving.
"Yeah, I think so…" Jude coughed, and spit up a little more. "Okay, now I am,"
"That is quite a mess…" the Doctor said, grossed out by the puddle of barf. "TARDIS, do you have a clean-up function?" an arm with a mop and bucket and hand popped out of the console. "YES! Thank you TARDIS," the TARDIS whooshed. "Yes, Jude is gross. But he's helpful…a little bit,"
"HEY!" Jude yelled. "Right here!"
"We know," the Doctor giggled.
"Well, frig you!" Jude walked outside. "I will be busy seeing aliens!"
"Wait up!" the Doctor shouted, excited by the prospect of rescuing the Earth again. Or at the very least, beating up a few aliens. The Doctor was astounded by what she saw. She stared out over a giant field of sand. She looked up to the clouds. No spaceship there either. "THERE IS NO SPACESHIP!"
"Do you have a watch?" Jude asked, setting down his backpack and rummaging through it.
"Yes, I do. Why?" she moved her shirt sleeve up a little bit and stared at her watch. "Oh…"
"What time is it?" Jude asked, taking out a pair of binoculars.
"8:49…but how far can a spaceship move in 2 minutes?" the Doctor said, confused.
"Very far, apparently," Jude told her, staring through the binoculars. "By the way, which side of the Mexican border are we on?"
"The Mexican one…" the Doctor looked at him strangely.
"Oh…then America is due for a spaceship sighting!" Jude looked through the binoculars again. "Hey, you said you're an alien, right?"
"Well, yeah, kind of…" the Doctor was staring at him again. "Why does that matter?"
"Since you traveled from your home planet to Earth, I figured you would have traveled some other places…" Jude kept looking through the binoculars. Whatever he was seeing, it was apparently very interesting.
"I have. There are a lot of places I've gone. Just about every galaxy and a few other dimensions!" she began thinking of the many adventures that she had across time and space. "Again, why is that important?"
"Well…have you ever seen aliens that have an eggbeater and a plunger for hands?" Jude put down the binoculars. "Because those are coming out of the ship…"
"WHAT?!" the Doctor ripped Jude's binoculars from him, and looked through them.
Jude saw strange gold creatures with an egg beater and a plunger for hands. The Doctor saw danger. The Doctor saw death. The Doctor saw destruction. The Doctor saw Daleks.
"Well…bollocks…" the Doctor threw the binoculars back to Jude and ran to the TARDIS. "Jude, we're going on an adventure sooner than I expected. How do you feel about danger?"
"I'm not very fond of danger. It's kind of…it's on the tip of my tongue…oh, right, dangerous!" Jude looked at the TARDIS fearfully. "Are we…never mind, I already know what I signed up for, and I already know the answer to the question…"
"You pick up quick! I like you!" the Doctor gave herself a pat on the back. "Nabbed myself a good companion this time!"
"…I should not have trusted you…" Jude sighed and stepped into the TARDIS.
END
What happens to Jude and the Doctor next time? As though you can't guess…but assuming you don't feel like guessing, you could wait for the next chapter…which could take equally as long to finish…but if you like this series (and I hope you do), then you should wait for it. Trust me, it's going to get much better from here…I still can't believe I started this at 12 years old…and I only finished it now…by the gods I'm lazy.
Now it's time for a little bit of a back story on this project…this is something I started back when I didn't even know about the 11th Doctor (not knowing about Matt Smith was probably one of the worst things that ever happened to me). Originally, I planned that this adventure would be focused on adventuring with the 10th Doctor (because David Tennant could turn me gay and back if he felt like it (he's dreamy~)), but this changed after I found out about the 11th Doctor, and when I went back and watched all the old Doctor Who episodes; I decided I wanted a new Doctor. A very different Doctor. And the Doctor being a woman is about as different as you can get. I would've made her insane, but the Doctor's pretty crazy as is. In any case, it has taken me ages to finish this first chapter, and thankfully, I already have some old works laying around for the other chapters.