Moonlight songfic
NOTE: I have suffered depression myself and still do due to an autoimmune disorder and aspergers. I am not trying to romanticize recovery or mental illness.
TW: depression, suicide, cursing.
Sirius sees the things that other people miss. The fake smiles, the sad eyes, everything. Remus isn't okay, and Sirius knows it.
It was a surprisingly warm day when Sirius first noticed, while sitting by the lake. Remus was skipping rocks, a sad look on his face. But it was hidden, an obvious self-hatred hiding just beneath the surface, slowly eating away at the boy.
Remus had opened up to Sirius about his feelings before, how he feels lesser than everyone else, and although he tried to fight those thoughts, they usually win. But that was all Sirius knew. He had never learnt of the depth of it, the seriousness that branched from the hatred of what he was to his very soul, to everything inside himself.
Slowly, Sirius noticed. He noticed what James and Peter couldn't see.
He cornered Remus after potions one evening, pushing him into an unused classroom.
"What's wrong?" He demanded. Remus looked scared, but answered anyway; "Nothing, I don't know what you mean." Sirius rolled his eyes. "You know full well what I mean." Remus gave Sirius what looked like an honestly confused look. "Why are you so sad all the time? Why do you skip meals?" Remus gave him a look. "You know why."
Sirius rolled his eyes again. "It obviously branches beyond that, Moony. Now tell me what the f*ck is wrong or else!" Remus obviously wasn't scared by his threat, and sighed. "Fine. I have clinical depression. It means my brain doesn't produce enough of a certain hormone. I hate every inch of myself, but that's okay. I'm managing it."
Sirius wasn't shocked or surprised, simply sad for Remus. He pulled the boy into a hug, Remus snuggling into his chest and sighing. "I'll be fine, Sirius. I'll be fine." Sirius nodded and said, "You know I will always be here for you? I will never leave you, you know that?" Remus simply nodded.
ONE YEAR LATER
Sirius heard footsteps down the stairwell. He shook it off as James going to the loo, or sneaking out or something. Wait a minute. Sirius wanted to sneak out as well. He quietly snuck out of bed and down the corridors, following the small figure. As he walked past a window, he realised that it wasn't James: The moonlight revealed that it was, in fact, Remus.
Sirius followed Remus through hundreds of corridors until they got to the astronomy tower. Confused, Sirius lingered behind the wall where Remus couldn't see him. Sirius watched as Remus stood on the edge of the tower, and took a step forward. Realising what was happening, he ran forward and grabbed Remus' hand just in time.
"No!" Remus cried. "I need to do this." Remus turned around to see Sirius and instantly started sobbing, tears falling down his face, the almost full moon highlighting his tear-stained face. "I love you, Remus." Sirius whispered, grabbing Remus' hand. He slowly pulled Remus back through the corridors.
They got back to the dormitory and Sirius stood by the window. He grabbed Remus' hand and slowly rocked it, before grabbing another. Remus resisted at first, before giving in and swinging with him. "I told you last year that I would always be here for you." Sirius muttered. "I am not ever going to break my promise."
Soon enough they were full on dancing, twirling and spinning in the moonlight. "The light looks so beautiful shining in your eyes." Remus blushed, looking down. Slowly, they pulled together and headed to Sirius' bed, where they slept all night.