Author's Notes: I got the idea for this when I wrote my short Yu-Gi-Oh! one-shot: "This Feeling I Cannot Name". This other idea just popped into my head and I decided to write it. It's nothing great but it was nice to write something short for a change.
The Emotion Without A Name
I watch your performance carefully as you glide through the night sky with skill I have seen no other possess. Your flight is perfect, just like many other things about you. I can understand my feelings as I eye your moves. After all, perfection is my one true obsession.
But maybe, just maybe, I might be obsessed with you more.
I watch you in school, probably even closer than I do at nights. I do not think you are aware of my eyes on you even when you are 'out of uniform'.
Your every day persona is so different from the one you display at night. There is not a slightest flaw in you when you are dressed in stainless white but back at school you are so flawed you are almost rough to the touch.
And I find myself thinking that you are perfect like that. I do not care which one of you it is, I find myself obsessed with you none the less.
As I think about you late at night, long after the heist is over, I have asked myself many times why I am acting the way I am. I wonder why I want to have you close but at the same time I want to hold you back and push you away. I also wonder what this emotion is called and stop myself right before I reach the conclusion.
I do not want to name the feelings I am experiencing. I fear that this feeling would get tainted if I gave it a name, I feel like it would be degraded.
But most of all I think I am afraid that I will not be able to hide it so well once it has a name.
That is why I stay away and simply watch. I am not ready to face this yet and I doubt you would be able to accept it. So, for now, I will do the exact opposite my feelings urge me to. I shall hit you when I wish to kiss you and when I wish to hold you I will push you away.
You hate it when I take things apart and start analyzing them. Well, this is something I am even not planning on analyzing. Maybe this will end up like so many other subjects of my research. Maybe, if I leave it in the bottom of a drawer long enough, once I remember it again it will have ceased to matter to me.
Owari