Illusions

There was only so much that she could do. The pounding of footsteps in the hallway was growing louder, every item on the shelves in her unkempt apartment rattled. It was almost time, it was almost over.

It couldn't come soon enough.

The door burst open. Voices shouted, echoing slightly in her ears, but their words were slurred, unclear, and little more than a bunch of mumbled jargon. They were there. The wood splinters of her flimsy door swung silently, the chain lock still swaying, the metal links hadn't broken when the barrier had been demolished with one precisely aimed hit. All the furniture was covered in layers of dust and grime, light clouds from the dingy floorboards swirled around the boots of the men swarming her current residence.

She could see it all so clearly for a moment, the decay of the place she was forced to call a home, the constant reminder of what her father had done. Unspeakable crimes and nightmares that hit her to her very core; no matter how much she denied it.

There was a whirl of blonde hair in front of her. For a moment she thought it looked much like her own, except that she could see the face of the woman, and knew that there was something there that she no longer had. The anger in the other woman's voice was all too clear, but her words were slurred together, and as she was pulled to her feet she found it impossible to resist their actions. It required a strength that just wasn't there any longer.

But even through the thick haze it would have been impossible to miss him. Those deep brown eyes, whirling with far too many emotions, had been the eyes that had haunted her for so very long. She had only met those eyes with her own three times now, and yet they had been burned into her memory so deeply that she knew it was an image that would never leave her.

The first time seemed so long ago. Those eyes had been brimming with unshed tears, and at the time she hadn't had the heart to let him really know the cruelty of the world that was stacked against him. She hadn't spoken out against what he said about her father, the man that had caused this all to actually happen. Honestly, she had so desperately wanted his words to be true.

He thought the monster had actually loved her. Loved her enough to kill himself and nearly destroy an innocent man's life. She knew it helped him in some seemingly perverse way. As if the hell he had gone through was suddenly less of a burden because it had been caused by love.

He had given her such a terribly wonderful gift. He had given her a delusion that she had openly accepted and relished. And he had fallen into the same trap that she had. They had both been convinced that lies were true, that falsified facts had allowed them both to try and start their lives over.

His eyes weren't shimmering with tears now. There was a hardness there that she hoped would pass on. Except she knew that wasn't about to happen; at least not until she got the chance to make things right.

Killing the monster that had helped bring about so much suffering hadn't been the release she had longed for. Living with the knowledge of what her father had done was beyond unbearable, and soon enough that too would be solved. But there was one thing she had to do first.

Even though it meant he'd probably hate her for the rest of his life. Even though it meant that he'd suffer even more. There wasn't any other choice. He wasn't a fool, and someday, most likely soon enough, he'd know the truth. The delusion she had helped him turn into reality wouldn't last forever.

But as the words came out, they didn't sound right to her ears. They were cruel, and she could see the pain in those eyes. She could feel a deep hatred against him already, all because she could still see that glimmer of life, maybe even a bit of hope amongst all the despair held within the dark orbs. She didn't say much more, but was surprised to find that even she hadn't been able to shatter the illusions surrounding this chain of events entirely.

And finally they started to take effect. Everything started to blur, and she could feel her lose complete control over her muscles. It felt as if it had taken a lifetime to happen, and even as she started to fall backwards the eyes never went away. Just before everything went black those eyes, his eyes were still there.

They always would be. His soft face, the hair, the half hearted smile, the imagined view of him bearing a wide smile that could melt anyone's heart. It was all there, permanently etched into her mind; the only thing she'd really be taking with her.

Now all she had was the fading hope that he'd be able to keep going, that he'd have the strength to face life, and be the man he was supposed to be. And the hope that the truth would help to set him on the path that, while so much harder, was the right one. The one that would give him a chance to truly heal the lingering pain and deep sorrow that still afflicted him.

After all, some people deserved happiness, and though it was too late for her, she couldn't think of anyone that deserved it more than he did.

The End

Notes: I was just reading a story about this episode, and this is what came out of it. Everyone seems to have taken the same view of Kelly Gordon, so I figured I'd try and cast a bit of a different light on the situation. Hope all of you enjoy it. Also, it may be a while before I post an update for 'Out of Harm's Way'. My idea for an episode fell through, and I'm not entirely sure how I want to continue on with it. Plus I'm working on a serious monster story right now, but hopefully I'll get everything back on track before too long.