There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Rachel Berry. That name had been stuck in Quinn's head the whole damn day, no matter how hard she tried to get it out. She loved Finn, she was with Finn. So why couldn't she get this girls face out of her mind? What are you Quinn, gay? Pull yourself together! She told herself, trying to get Finn's head in her mind instead of Rachel's. Stupid swot. Quinn picked up her phone, even though Rachel's face remained in the back of her head.
DO U WANT TO COME OVER?
She hit "send". A night of almost love with Finn would take her mind off Rachel, surely? She shook her head, attempting to rid it of all things Rachel. She'd never really spoken to her, never really thought her cool enough. She'd always noticed the way she walked, so confidently, always with a spring in her step. And her geeky yet adorable clothes, which she always styled perfectly with her hair. God, she was perfect. Quinn whacked her head, imagining Rachel's face popping out and running away forever. But yet it didn't. It stayed there, threatening to make an appearance every time she even tried to think of something else. Her phone vibrated and light up, and Quinn reluctantly picked it up. You love Finn, she told herself. But yet her heart wouldn't believe it.
SURE, B OVER IN HALF AN HOUR.
Half an hour of Rachel's face haunting her every thought. Half an hour of thinking of nothing but Rachel. Quinn rolled over to her side, dropping the phone on the covers. Rachel was the school swot, always on time, always getting her homework in on time and always without a boyfriend. And yet she was all Quinn could think about. Someone who was the complete opposite of her. She'd noticed the way that Rachel wrote her signature, the way she always put a gold star next to it. Thinking of it, Quinn had noticed a lot about Rachel. She had been watching her without even knowing it. I can't be gay, Quinn thought, If I'm gay, my parents will hate me. Everyone will judge me. I can't deal with that. But yet no matter how much she tried to convince herself it wasn't true, Rachel Berry always floated into her mind.
"Quinn honey?" Judy banged on the door, but yet Quinn didn't reply. She buried her face in her pillow, pleading for Finn to come and make it all go away. She couldn't think of Rachel whilst with Finn, could she? Judy walked into Quinn's room, without an invitation. Quinn pulled her face out of her pillow, sitting up to face Judy.
"Yes?" Quinn asked, in a rather snarky tone.
"You've been up here for hours, what's wrong?" Judy asked, concerned for her daughter. She hadn't seen her come downstairs since dinner.
"Nothing, mum. Finn's coming over in a while." She explained, almost emotionless. Even talking with her mother, Rachel's face still haunted her. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she get this girl out of her mind? Judy noticed something was wrong, and sat on Quinn's bed. Whilst Quinn hated when Judy intruded in her business, she couldn't disagree with the fact she needed someone to talk to get her mind off Rachel. She kept replaying the moment when Rachel's eyes locked on hers, and she swore she could feel something in the air.
"Are you sure you're OK? You don't seem it." Quinn hated the fact that her mother was so good at figuring her out, because it meant she couldn't be upset without her asking what's wrong. When she heard the doorbell, she leaped out of her bed quicker than an Olympic sprinter. She rushed down the stairs, never so happy to see Finn in her life. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, because she was so happy to see him. Or was it because she needed something to get her eyes of the brown eyed beauty? Quinn knew it was the latter, but tried to convince herself otherwise.
"Someone's happy to see me." Finn smiled, still standing in the cold.
"Come in, you idiot." She said playfully, shutting the door behind him. She grabbed his shoulders and whispered in his ears.
"Wanna go upstairs?" She asked, knowing the answer would be yes. Finn nodded and took her hand in his, walking up the stairs. Quinn opened up the door, almost dragging Finn into her room. Her mind was still stuck on Rachel, and nothing seemed to be working. She dragged her clothes off, pulling Finn's off too. Her bra and knickers were still intact, along with Finn's boxers. She pushed him onto the bed, starting to kiss his forehead, then leading down to his lips, kissing him harder, and harder. But yet the image of Rachel still stuck in her head, no matter how hard she kissed Finn. She grabbed her bra and pulled it off, shocking Finn. Her breasts were now firmly on his body, rubbing against it.
It went against everything in Quinn's religion, but she didn't care. She kissed Finn once more, and yet Rachel's happy, smiling Rachel stayed in her mind. She wanted to scream and cry. Why couldn't she get this stupid swot out of her head? She smiled, even though inside she ached for Rachel.
"Touch my breasts." She asked Finn, almost pleading. Finn sat up, confusion in his eyes. And all Quinn could think when she was looking at him was Rachel has much nicer eyes. She wondered what it would feel like to kiss Rachel, to hold her. Stupid, stupid Rachel Berry. She turned her mind back to Finn, who was still sat up.
"Are you sure?" He asked. Quinn sighed and tilted her head.
"Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have asked you to. Do it." She told Finn, her breasts till on full display. Finn couldn't stop looking at them, it was one moment he had been waiting what felt like forever. Yet something about Quinn felt distant, like she wanted to be with him, but her heart wasn't in it. Finn shook his fears away and laid back down, Quinn sliding on top of him. He grabbed her breasts, feeling every single part of them. Quinn almost laughed at Finn. She couldn't help but imagine what Rachel would be like, exploring her breasts. She would have to push this one level further to get her out of her mind, it seemed.
"Experiment, Finn. You know you want to." Quinn teased, holding her head back and swishing her hair. If Finn thought he couldn't be more attracted to her, he thought wrong. He started to push her breasts against his chest, moving his tongue over them. They even tasted good. Quinn grabbed his shoulders, her breasts now in his face. But yet all she could think of was smiley Berry, how she had looked when Quinn had insulted her. The way she looked when the slushie landed in her face. Quinn thought what it would be like to brush the slushie out of her hair, to touch those beautiful, soft strands of hair.
Quinn sat up and crossed her legs over Finn, stepping off the bed. Finn looked at her as she stood up, her blond hair eloquently falling over her shoulder. Why had she stopped? Finn felt his fears were right, that she was becoming distant. Quinn looked over to him, and breathed a hefty sigh.
"Right, this isn't working. Can you go, please, Finn?" Quinn asked, frustration building up inside her. Why couldn't she get Rachel Berry out of her head?
"Did I do something wrong?" Finn asked, standing up to put his hand over Quinn's shoulder. She shook him off, her arms covering her breasts.
"It's not you, it's just I've realized something." Quinn said, her eyes not meeting Finn's.
"Well, what is it then? Are you breaking up with me?" Finn asked, worried. Quinn shook her head and bit her lip. She didn't know. Did she want to break up with Finn? Oh god, did she want to be with Rachel?
"Just go, Finn."
"What did I do?"
"I said go. Please." Quinn pleaded, fed up of battling with her own subconscious. Finn nodded, gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, and opened the bedroom door.
"I'll see myself out." He said, and Quinn nodded. She pointed to his clothes, and watched as he dragged them on. She turned her eyes off him, and pulled a top over her head and grabbed some trousers to put on. She couldn't help wishing Rachel was in her room instead of Finn, wishing that they were close together rather than her and Finn. She smiled at Finn, but yet inside she was breaking, because she wanted Rachel. No one but Rachel. And she was so unreachable it hurt. Quinn knew she would have to fight the feelings and continue to be with Finn, but yet inside all she could think of was Rachel's stunning face. She gave Finn a quick kiss then watched as he walked out of the door.
She climbed into her bed, dragging her covers over her face. You're gay, Quinn Fabray. Was all she could think, and that night, she didn't get much sleep to say the least. Because Rachel Berry stayed in her mind, and clawed its way into her dream.